I did some journaling and came to accept the fact that I was infact was in a emotionally manipulative relationship. It was heartbreaking to realise because im still giving some benefit of the doubt to my ex. There were incidents were i felt like I was being manipulated but i let it go, to hold on to the good, blinded by the love, and made to feel guilty for thinking like that. He knows how i am, what kind of person i am, sensitive, emotionally vulnerable and he took advantage of that. Someone who apologises a lot, and made me feel guilty for most of our disagreements. Put the responsibility on me, questioning of don't you trust me, is this your trust, saying he felt misunderstood, he felt hurt, he felt unheard, making myself question my sanity, almost to the point where all of my triggers were triggered but made sure I couldn't say anything to him about it. He knew my buttons and pressed them accordingly and played me like his personal toy. Isolated from my friends, our mutual friends with stories of stories of how he is a victim of their ignorance and influenced heavily on my own struggles with them then made me cut contact with them, now he's all buddy buddy with them, while I'm struggling to come to terms with all of this. I'm at a position where I can't even say anything out loud because through out the relationship i was made to feel as the toxic one, and he'll just say that to them too, just like how he said for all his exes. How he's a poor victim and his partmers are all toxic.
Even now, he broke up wanting to explore career other people, not to be tied down by labels, by the conditions of a relationship, and still I'll be the love of his life, and that it's my decision if I want to take him unconditionally because ofcourse it's all up to me now, easy for him to manipulate others in the future, that he gave me love but it wasn't enough for me.
