#buchanan rabbit

[bucky-rabbit]

I just saw Mr Wayne's butler threaten someone's goon and if I'm not fully mistaken he said something along the lines of "Would you care to find out why the English make excellent spies with killing license" and I'm not one to judge or make baseless accusations....

But this fellow is old enough to have the Bond movies be actually based on him....

Can we be sure that the butler of Wayne family isn't James Bond?

Update: He just judo flipped the goon and it makes me feel slightly intimidated by him, but this also does explain how Bruce Wayne has managed to live this long while having people actively target his life...

[bucky-rabbit]

Can someone please explain to me how and why is Batman capable of functioning while being blasted into face with hallucogenic drugs by the rogues?

Last night, I watched him take Scarecrow's new and highly potent gas head on without flinching only to say "I've seen worse" and beat the shit out of Scarecrow.

Like is Batman an ex heavy-duty narc or something? Why doesn't any of that stuff appear to affect him at all?

Please! I am losing my mind and sleep over this! Why does Batman have a high tolerance against drugs??

[bucky-rabbit]

Overheard today at the café I started working at (because being a sorcerer for hire isn't exactly bringing the bread (I have to decline so many offers because of how unhinged everyone is about their breakups wtf)):

Customer A: I have this friend who already has everything, but his birthday is coming up soon, and I just for the life of me can't figure out what to get.

Customer B: I think that I know who you're talking about, I think that I'll get him a buffet coupon for that one very good restaurant they also have in Metropolis.

Customer A: Not everyone has your metabolism or appetite.

Customer C: His birthday isn't for a while, why are you even thinking about it this early?

Customer A: Because he is a good friend.

Customer D: Give him a coupon that allows him to carry you around bridal style.

Customer A: I hope that you're joking.

Customer D: Hey, it'd make me very happy!

Customer A: You'll be getting a keychain and a restraining order.

Customer D: WHAT! WHY!?

Customer A: You know exactly why.

Customer B: To be fair Arrow, you do give some people the creeps with how obsessive you can be.

Customer D: AM NOT! I just thought that B and I were the bestest of friends.

Customer B: I'm pretty sure that honour goes to that one local cop.

Customer A: Gordon and I have worked together for a long time.

Customer B: SEE? His best friend is the cop.

Customer C: And you are dating his son.

Customer B: WHO TOLD YOU THAT

Customer C: The tabloids of Central City after you two were seen in a compromised position during a mission.

Customer B: I SLIPPED!!

Customer A: Unlikely, you are known to wear the best anti-slip shoes available along with you possessing the fastest speed known to man. However if you are dating Nightwing, I won't be mad, just disappointed.

Customer B: Ouch.

Customer A: This isn't helping me to come up with a good gift for Superman. Having this meet-up is a waste of time.

I looked up and the people talking were BATMAN, FLASH, GREEN ROBIN HOOD AND THE FUCKING THEMYSCRAN WARRIOR PRINCESS WHAT THE FUCK.

Anyway, I suggested that they'd get this Superman flowers since everyone should receive them at least once in their life since they have tons of different meanings and then asked them if they could not hold the line longer with their arguments about Flash's love life and whether or not green Robin Hood is a creep.

I got a 100 USD tip from that.

I still don't know what the fuck any of them were doing in Gotham safe for Batman.

My new headcanon is that Green Robin Hood is Batman's ex and this Superman is his current flame.

[bucky-rabbit]

Hey uhhh

Fellow Gothamites? And more over native Gothamites-

Does Bruce Wayne.... Forget his keys inside his car often?

And does he always resort to yelling "FIRST PERSON TO BREAK INTO MY CAR TO RETRIEVE MY KEYS WITHOUT DAMAGING THE CAR ITSELF GETS 100 BUCKS" only to pay the person based on speed and often a lot higher sum of money than just 100?

I swear that he just paid someone 500 because it took them only couple of seconds.

[bucky-rabbit]

Batman dropped by to ask my opinion on his flower hybridisation plans, and I had to explain to him that what I had meant with my talk about getting this Superman flowers was to get them in a normal way by buying them from a store. He said that buying a bouquet wasn't enough and that he needed to let his "friend" know just how much he means to him by creating an entirely new species of flowers named after the guy's lost home planet.

I have a feeling that Batman doesn't really understand how to work with people or that he doesn't need to obsessively attempt to recreate things lost in time in order for people to like him. Poor guy.

Anyway, Ivy was going to attack the café, but she stopped when she saw that it was my shift and that Batman was there.

They're now talking about flowers, flower meanings, over a cup of coffee (apparently Ivy drinks it to avoid being surrounded by bugs in search of flowers to pollinate because Harley is scared of "the loud ones"), Batman is also trying to explain to Ivy why he doesn't want to add any extra "features" into his new flower breed for Superman other than being easier to take care of than regular ones.

[bucky-rabbit]

Red Robin just walked into my apartment to ask me if anyone has recently attempted to steal my blood, had to ask him to specify if he meant like the one I have delivered to me monthly or the one that flows through my veins.

On hindsight I should've expected it to be the latter.

Anywho, no the weird dude going about claiming to be the reincarnation of count Dracul is not related to me in any shape or form nor is it an actual vampire, or someone under a curse, I double checked, it's just your everyday nutcase who thinks that liking near raw meat makes him edgy and cool and vampire like. If the guy asks to drink your blood, don't fall for it. His teeth are fake and dull and he's just using the whole vampire thing as a way to fulfil his biting kink.

Also no, the vampires on your area aren't milfs or dilfs or any of that stuff looking for love, those ads are lying and they'll just give you a shit ton of viruses and trojans on your devices.

[bucky-rabbit]

GCPD finally found out who's been stealing my blood orders. It was some kid who went to see Zatanna's show and was very determined to become a magic user. She was caught attempting to draw magic circles with the said blood (which is most definitely unusable by now due to rot and coagulation) IN HER SCHOOL.

Apparently she wanted to sacrifice her school teachers, principal and classmates to a demon in exchange for power.

What. The actual. Fuck.

[bucky-rabbit]

Dear vigilantes of Gotham City....

My living room is not a place for you to commune in to argue over tiny details.

I live on Crime Alley and the elderly lady who lives across the street thinks that I'm either dating one of you, or that I am in big trouble with the law. She has also threatened to call the GCPD and I don't think that I can find a new place that's as cheap yet spacious that fast.

As for Red Hood...

Stop criticising my artworks you dick, I literally just started. I know that I'm not some Da'Vinci or van Gogh. Stop it. Get some help.