#burned primary

[wisteria-lodge]

I'm not sure if you've answered this already, but do you have any theories about burnt secondaries and the need to apologize?

I know some people burn because they've been taught that their way of doing things is wrong, but it doesn't seem that's always the case when someone apologizes in sorting posts. It makes me curious.

That's a little bit of a joke I have with myself, and it's not a hard and fast rule, but yeah. Excessive apologizing is usually evidence of burning *somewhere* (especially in this case, where it's so low stakes and I promise I would not be responding to your post unless I wanted to and thought it was fun.)

Sometimes excessive apologizing has to do with "I'm so sorry I'm taking up space/I'm sorry I'm taking up your time" with the implication being "I don't matter/I'm not important/what i have to say is not important.” That's evidence more of a burnt primary, I'd say.

But, if the apologizing is more along the lines of "I'm doing this wrong" - "I'm writing too much/not enough/the wrong thing/I’m rambling/I'm annoying" ... then that starts to get more into burnt secondary. "The way I go about doing things is wrong."

[misku-nimfa]

If you’re still doing these: my fantasy version no matter what world I put her in is always a woman who has a backstory that ranges from mildly angsty to in your face angsty who overcomes it and fights monsters or bad guys with a group of friends and allies, usually has a romance, and spends her free time reading and studying. She also never fails to say something like “guys this is such a trope why are you falling for this” and usually makes clever plans by exploiting these tropes. She usually deals with a lot of internal struggles about if she’s good or not and having to deal with emotions and how much she is worth. Thank you for taking the time to look at this!

Burned, working to unburn, Primary. Struggling with whether or not you are "good" rather than struggling over how you are/aren't doing things is a sign that your Primary needs some attention. Luckily you have a happy Bird Secondary here to help you out with that.

[wisteria-lodge]

What if someone has never believed they were good? Like even as kid they thought they weren't a good person and needed to make up for that by being extremely good at other things like school? How would that affect primaries and/or secondaries?

... Sam Winchester, is that you?

But seriously, nobody is born believing that they aren’t good. You have to learn what good is (as a concept) and then decide that (for whatever reason) you don’t measure up. It’s not a healthy situation to be in. I would expect this sort of thinking to result in a really burned primary and just a ton of secondary models (...and those are both things we see with Sam.)

[wisteria-lodge]

What do you think a Burned Lion Primary with a Bird model would look like? Also, do you think someone's Primary AND Secondary could be Burned?

Sure, happens all the time. There are even certain combinations (like Bird Lion) that seem especially vulnerable to double-burning. 

Burned Lions with Bird models are also very common, and tend to look like very stressed out, very tired Birds. 

[misku-nimfa]

Thank you for the analysis. I'm surprised that you said loyalist since I never thought of myself as one though I do feel drawn towards Slytherin and Hufflepuff values and characters. I'd convinced that i'm an idealist because I couldn't possibly be a loyalist since I feel I've never really tried to align myself with a circle or community because when I have tried I've gotten hurt. So its made it hard to trust, but I do really want a pack and LOVE found family in shows.

That could definitely lead to burning, I'm glad you enjoyed the analysis and hope that you get your pack soon

[sevilemar]

How does a primary unburn?

Very slowly. And I'm not even joking.

First step is finding out who or what made you burn, and maybe continues to do so. Second step is to put some distance between whatever it is and yourself; emotional, maybe geographical. Try and get yourself out of survival mode as best you can.

After that, it's a very personal journey, as any kind of healing always is. My general advice: get help when you need it, build a support network if you can, celebrate small victories when you find them, and be kind to yourself whenever possible.

It's a lot of work, and you can't fast forward through it, or bullshit your way out, and it's a lot easier with professional help. If you already know your primary, it might give you some clues to what the goal is; if you don't know your primary, you might find it along the way. Maybe you'll find a model on your journey. If you like it, embrace it, it is part of you.

Wherever your journey takes you, know that we are rooting for you, nonny, always.

[ten-of-imps]

I think.... This year, something burned. It was getting harder and harder to hold on to some things and I dropped them colpetely. Maybe I stopped pretending I cared. I did, but... I didn't at the same time. I cared when it was right in front of me, but I had less and less mental energy to cary the memory of that with me in my day to day life. More so, it stopped making me feel good about myself. That stopped meaning things. Being a good person in this moment meant dropping it and maybe even saying our financial situation matters more now than this, this is real, and this is not. No body cares if I do this, but it will be a bit more harmful for my family to do this.

So I feel guilty? Yeah, a bit. It is mixed up with other feelings, but the other side of the scales are a bit more important than this one.

It's not dropping the thing that is related to the burning, but me not being able to hold on to it more, not having anymore energy to give to this additional thing. Maybe deep down I even feel as a bad person, so holding to this doesn't matter when I haven't figured out that one yet. It wasn't a decision, something just snapped and I was done with it, I couldn't care about it, hold on to it. It was over. It wasn't built on well, so I'll have to do it from scratch again,if I'll ever want to. And deal with the fact that I dropped it too.

[misku-nimfa]

Hi, that anon again. I think snake primary is the best answrt because I can let go if the things I can't change that easily. If you want to change something, you then need to know a lot, being furious and angry is not enough. You need to know how things work and to find a way to move something in the system that doesn't want to be moved, or can't for some reason. And still, people do things, while I'm ok with settling on on what I have, with as little to do as a smile and a kind word. Maybe because that's the easiest.

Link to previous ask here.

Yeah, no hun that's being burned.

Snakes care deeply about their people, willing to move heaven and earth in their name. In contrast you sound like you've lost the motivation to do things. Like nothing would change anyway. Like caring about things you can't change would just be a waste of time. That's burned.

You mention a Bird Secondary Model and I can definitely see flavors of it (feeling like you need to know how and why something works to change it vibes with that). As for Badger Secondary, I can definitely sympathize with Modeling and generally appreciating it, but I don't really get any Badger Secondary traits here. While I am getting a lot of Lion Secondary traits (with the off/on mode being particularly striking). There's nothing wrong with that. Lion Secondaries are the ones who will stay true to themselves no matter what and that's definitely worth admiring.