#busy mind

[beccawise7]

3 A.M. Thoughts. 💜🖤

They say, never change a good heart,

but I wonder—

have they ever felt it crack beneath the weight of misplaced trust?

Have they watched love turn to splinters

in the quiet after betrayal?

Even the softest heart can grow weary

of bleeding for those who never knew its worth.

And sometimes, the kindest souls

learn to hold themselves a little closer,

and give a little less away.

~beccawise7💜🖤

[ginger-by-the-sea]

Nugget@instagram

[spiritualseeker777]

[cloudynoxx]

"glitter is so messy" so is panting, so is baking, so hair dye, so is planting flowers, so is my mind. but still, i make art and pastries and love my purple hair. i care for gardens, in my yard and in my heart and i think all my long thoughts, and i shine and sparkle through the mess because it, too, is beautiful.

[mem6310]

Sleepy eyes, heavy heart with busy mind.

[lorazepam-pudding]

[donutsloth]

The Collection of Sensations & Information

I would say it is a common experience for autistics to want answers to burning questions. Except for us burning questions are more vast than for neurotypical people. We are little hoarders of information that we find interesting. It's no wonder since from birth we are taking in every little detail of the world that surrounds us, sans some or all of the filters that are in place for typical children.

Growing up you find that the difference between knowing something and not knowing can make a huge shift in your world. Much of this knowledge looks to be automatic or easily obtained by neurotypical people. With their useful sensory filters they are able to excel much easier through life. What they lack is an ability to take on and sort through the large load of information autistics do. Which I feel would dull pleasurable life experiences.

For example lets say you are in a forested area on a cool summer day. You stop to listen to the tap tap tap of the woodpecker and find it quickly because your hearing is heightened. You spot the splash of red on the bird's head quickly because of your keen eyes and excellent attention to detail. While looking up you appreciate the movement of the tree leaves as they flutter in the breeze creating a unique pattern. Through that breeze you smell the lilacs hidden down the path. That same smell reminds you of perfume you spritzed in your grandmother's bathroom as a child. All the while the sun is high in the sky. The light almost sparkles as it shines through the dancing leaves. You can feel the breeze but it is a temperature you can only equate with lukewarm water and comfort.

The whole experience sounds like poetry or maybe feels like a Ghibli movie. These are just my observations. Another autistic person might describe that forest a totally different way depending on what their experience is. What I wonder is how neurotypicals feel in the same experience? Every time I go out into the forest regardless of the season, it feels magical. You might even call it a sensory feast. I think that neurotypicals can see and enjoy these same things but you have to point out the details to them. It's like their filters don't give them the full symphony, only the quartet.

Though sensory sensitivity is a burden, it can also create a unique and enjoyable experience. Which is different for each autistic person. Also with a lack of information filtering, some autistic experiences could possibly mimic what neurotypicals seek with illicit substances. Which in turn the question, "are you on drugs?", now makes a bit of sense even though we were in a sober state at the time.

These unique experiences autistics have with hyper and hypo sensitivity are beyond the neurotypical brain. They may be able to relate in some common human experience but unless it is directly pointed out they are naive. Floating through life not fully experiencing and processing the world I think has created an insatiable hunger in neurotypicals. One that has caused a myriad of complications and destruction in the world such as global warming and poverty. How can one truly appreciate and value the world if you are only experiencing it in 2D? It's like unless something is considered culturally sacred, it is there for the taking, meaning land, trees, and water. Unless people are contributing to society or have some other conventional value, then they are just taking up space.

This is the world neurotypicals keep pushing and conventional society says is the standard. But when you experience the world beyond the conventional sense, neurotypicals truly look stunted and disabled.