ㅤSchrodinger told us that there’s a fifty percent chance that the cat in his box is either dead or alive up until that lid is opened.
ㅤSchrodinger — no matter how absurd it must’ve seemed to the eyes of the people — limited his imaginations not to the bounds of reality but a reality he deems too foreign to be accepted globally.
ㅤSo what truly limits us — people — in imagining things beyond our scope when one of our own made his a scientific breakthrough? Even when we’re called delusional or even optimistic, we are merely asking a simple question:
ㅤ“What if it was like this; what if it was like that?”
ㅤInsecurities linger in when a hopeful imagination looks too far beyond our reach. We devalue ourselves, trust less of what we’re capable of doing when things align and bottle ourselves.
ㅤAnd yet, we still wake up — wake up to the reality that sometimes lets it happen, allow it to happen, show it happen in real time. For as long as we gather and build ourselves up to strive for that one thing, nothing is impossible.
ㅤThe world’s one hell of a comedian. One point you know you’re in hell — then the next you’re in unimaginable bliss. I smiled to myself as I let my eyes drift open.
ㅤThe waves crashing echoing in my ears, the heat of the sun gently coating my skin, the cheers of people bellowing to the side.
ㅤI smiled. They laughed like it was their last. They cheered and cheered as if their team won the finals.
ㅤI smiled once again. I recognized these people — all too well. That one in blue got me through my first heartbreak. The one in dark green fisted my gut after I beat him in the punching machine. Or maybe even that one in burgundy that still owes me five bucks.
ㅤGawon, a woman of feline appearance, my Schrodinger’s cat — zero percent against me; a hundred percent present in my life.
Her eyes, the very eyes that she used to capture my feelings. As the graceful mover came closer, I was staring at her — silence clouded my mind and I was sucked into an internal tunnel where I was transported. I move my hands, wiggle my feet, my body responding to each movement that I want then…
The first scene was me holding the flimsy lightstick that I borrowed from my friend, funny that I don’t know the group so well but went to a concert with the little knowledge that I have just to discover Kpop. As the people around me were buzzing, literally their excitement was oozing, I couldn’t help but to wonder, why? Those artists probably didn’t know their fans’ name, life, or even yet, their existence.
Then the lights went off — then those girls appeared with a bang. The stage presence they flaunted was exceptional, people around me were in awe, some jumping like they’re in a rave, some weeping while singing with all of their hearts. The energy was through the roof and then the five girls separated to their desired sides, as a chance to interact with their fans.
As a person who got VIP seating, I was seated near the stage and they’re so close. So close that I saw her, the member who decided to go wave at our section. The tall one, Gawon.
The local coffee shop was my staple. Great coffees, delicious pastries, and better yet, prices are generous. With my mocha drink and sweet bread, I thought that nothing would surpass the contentment until someone went to me, with a voice husky but soft.
“Hey, is this seat taken?” The girl asked as one thing that I didn’t notice was how full the cafe was.
“Please, I’m by myself,” I responded and she sat in front of me, setting her bag at the little table beside her — she looked familiar… and she looked at me with a smile. Gawon.
Fuck that smile, why did my heart suddenly beat? What is this?
“Congratulations on the successful concert,” I muttered without my dumb mind thinking. Gosh, she might think that I’m a creep. Great job (YN)
“Thank you, I saw you,” She saw me… she fucking saw me… what? How did she remember me? I looked at her with curiosity and she was just smiling at me softly — with her honey skin, make up was just a touch and presented to me was her natural beauty.
“I saw you holding TWICE’s sunbaenims lightstick, not ours,” Gawon finished with a chuckle while embarrassment entered my mind. I thought my friend gave me the right lightstick for the group… I’m so gonna kill him.
“I’m so sorry… that’s why it’s different from the others!” I facepalmed while Gawon just laughed with that smooth, melodic laugh. Like honey, her voice was so sweet light… and addicting?
“So, what do you think of having strings attached to you even though it doesn’t matter?” Gawon asked from her book as I sipped my drink in peace, her eyes lingering at me with calmness and curiosity in the topic.
“Well… a string always leads to something. May not be in the future but certainly in the past,” I shrugged, looking at her to see if she was satisfied with my answer. “Look, a string doesn’t mean you’re only connected to a person, it also shows your improvement or bond with someone,”
“But the person doesn’t matter anymore, what’s the string for?” Having a curiosity of a cat, Gawon looked at me with her big doe eyes that mirrors confusion, interest, even more so, intrigue. As her gaze locks on me — I was lured in this invisible labyrinth… a place where instead endless walls are present, all I see is her, her smile, the mole on her nose, her eyes, the smile, her — Gawon.
“Yo (YN), you like me that much?” I was pulled out in my trance, making me shake my head and look at her damn beauty again. “Assuming much?” I downplayed her suspicion but in reality, my heart is fluttering like it's new to me. Never have I ever felt this but… I would like for it to happen again.
“Wake up you snoreasss, let me sleep you idiot!” Gawon flimsy threw a pillow towards me but it immediately met the floor. The groggy morning monster was in full effect as the flailing of her long arms continued to hit my sides with its 100 speed and 0 power. Don’t be fooled by Gawon though, she can be the most ethereal person in the whole world until you annoy her and ohhhh boy — “Don’t talk to me” She quietly said, with a firm resolve and then, silence.
The lack of sound was eerily tensing that even a drop of a hairpin would be heard and then, I jolted. I woke up and the first thing I saw was her back and in my mind I was like
“Oh shit. I’m fucked,” My clouded mind was alerted and all fatigue was sucked out of me.
“Gawon~ good morning,” I cooed in order to save myself in the upcoming silent treatment that will happen. The sweetest tone came out of me even though I find it cringe as well but again, anything to alleviate the punishing silence she’s planning.
At this point of our lives, the common interests of us reading books nurtures into something more lovely. Though with the difficulties her job possesses, we mutually agreed to take our friendship into another level — a level that I’m not expecting to be fair.
“Eggs and bacon. Make my go to coffee and let’s talk,” Gawon’s body flipped like a dolphin just to face me. Though her disheveled hair, drool stains, and husky voice are evident, the mischievous eyes she has shows something grim inside her mind.
I stumped the floor of their practice room with Sooin basically scribbling notes and blackmails she will use against me in the future while my miserable body kissing the cold hardwood was left alone neglected by my girlfriend and one of her members. “Not bad babe, considering the demanding choreography we have, you did well!” Gawon cheered and praised me despite my current state.
“There’s a reason… why… I’m doing… accounting…” I speak like a dog who ran a 10km nonstop full-sprint , panting heavily as I gasp every inch of oxygen available in the room. Though desperation was in my mind, the idols looked at me in mockery as they stifled a laugh at my puddled body.
“Get up whiny puppy,” Gawon pulled my arms up with no resolve as I’m just jelly at this moment.
She’s there… in front of me, wearing the long white dress that we long to see her wearing. Gawon was so close that it made me want to just reach out to her — crush her in the biggest and fattest hug that I can give her as my emotions go haywire from sheer joy and excitement.
Without a doubt, I reached my hands to her as she looked at me with her eyes with its brown hues that are so soft, warm, and — my home. Yes, that’s it. I’m home when I’m with her.
The girl went beside me as I helped her with the silky dress she handpicked for our special day. The unexplainable beauty, personality, and qualities she already has factors in the kind of woman she will be. Many people may have known her as MEOVV’S Gawon but I got a rare card to know her as the real Lee Gawon, the real her — the woman who will share the name with me.
As we wait for us to be one, I can’t help but to chuckle a bit and look at Gawon who was now looking at me weirdly with that iconic disgust face she uses on me almost every week . “I remember that you were shaking before this,” I whispered to her and she responded quite rapidly “Because of Ella and her brainrots, maybe shenanigans she will do after the ceremony;” Gawon clicked her tongue at the idea, making me stifle more.
“As we witness the celebration of the unification of the couple in front of us today, may I invite you all to watch them share the love and joy that unites them…” The minister pronounces the opening words of the ceremony and my hands crept on top of hers — holding hers as she intertwined with mine — she took a peek at me with a subtle smile, and then held my hand tighter, leaning closer to me as she whispers;
“I’m ready…. Let’s open another chapter of you and me,”
