At a Glance
Josh Russo/Carson Hayes, 1.7k words, Rated T Fic for @911whatisyourpride's Week 1: Firsts Read on Ao3 HERE or below:
It's annoying that Carson looked so good even mussed up, sweaty, and sooty. Josh is sure he in turn looks like a drowned rat. Maybe a singed rat. A rat having a bad day who needs a good long hour in the bath tub and several products before attempting any sort of flirting going on here.
But he doesn't have any of that right now. What he does have is Carson's hand gripped tightly in his and the life affirming rush of narrowly escaping catastrophe together that's pushing Josh to do something stupid about it. Like ask Carson to run away with him.
The paramedic currently eying their joined hands as the gurney reaches the back of the ambulance thankfully nips that thought in the bud before it can get past Josh's lips, which he's grateful for even if it does look like she's now trying to decide how to gently disentangle the pair of them. Josh isn't sure he's ready to let go just yet.
"Is he stable enough for a quick second?" He asked her, eyes as wide and pathetic as he can get them (he learned from the best after all, one doesn't hang with Maddie Buckley every day and not pick up a few tricks).
"He'll hold for a minute or two," she said cautiously, stepping up into the ambulance, enough to give them the facsimile of privacy with a quick nod while stilling keeping an eye on Carson's vitals. Josh resisted the urge to press his own fingers to the pulse at Carson's wrist. He's not sure what base that would be, but he doesn't think they're quite at listening to each other's heart beats levels. Heck, they're not even past the awkward flirting stage, if you could call their conversations earlier today that. Josh wouldn't mind changing that though.
"Oh uh, if you don't mind," Josh said belatedly, glancing back down to where Carson's essentially being held captive. Another fantasy Josh wishes he could indulge in under much less dire circumstances. He'll put a pin in it. Get a grip, Russo.
"Please, I kinda thought I was a goner down there. I don't know how those guys found me-"
"Oh, I told them." Josh doesn't balk, but it's a close thing, tries to cover the admission at the wondrous look it stirred in Carson's eyes. This was not the smooth flirting Josh had in mind when he walked over here. "Uh, mind like a steel trap, I know where everyone is in my house." Josh awkwardly taps on the side of his head and Carson smiles, slow and tired and beatific in a way Josh has only seen in the movies.
"You remembered me?"
"How could I forget?" Josh said it without thinking, only catches himself because of the way Carson's eyes soften, wonders briefly if Carson hit his head and he can blame the stupid things currently coming out of Josh's mouth on a head injury. "I mean, you're quite memorable," Josh added. Apparently he's given up on any hope of coming across cool and suave. Let's be honest, Josh probably lost that hope the second he clapped eyes on Carson in the server room. Sincere and dorky thy name is Josh Russo.
"Well, thanks. I'd never really fancied the idea of dying in a basement," Carson said. Josh is struck by the fact that they're still holding hands. Tries not to think too hard about how gross and sweaty it must feel for Carson. Josh probably lost feeling in his hands the second everyone realized Dispatch was on fire and all the blood rushed to the pit of his stomach in a flood of anxiety induced adrenaline. He twitched his fingers just to be sure. It makes Carson smile.
Josh is such a goner.
Thankfully, Carson chimes in again before Josh manages to spout off any alarming statistics about the number of 9-1-1 calls he's fielded from people in basements. "Hey, you're not hurt right? Did someone check you over?" He punctuates the question with a gentle brush of his thumb over Josh's cheekbone. In his mind's eye, Josh sees Carson's hand raise and move towards him in slow motion, helpless to the press of skin on skin and the way his eyelids flutter.
Even nearly incapacitated, Carson is winning more boyfriend points than any of his past trysts combined. Which is probably telling in more ways than one. Especially since Josh called them trysts. What is he, a 70 year old grandma? Honestly, he wishes. This is what he gets for watching nothing but Golden Girls through his whole childhood.
And he thought of Carson as boyfriend material. Can't help but think Carson might be having similar thoughts. Is that love in your eyes or is it just the possible head trauma? Josh might need to have his head checked too as he returns the motion, brushing a thumb over Carson's cheekbone, feels the catch and drag of stubble on the pad of his thumb. His heart is in his throat and Josh has never felt more alive, skin buzzing. If this is a concussion well, bring on the brain damage.
His palm was still on Carson's cheek, gentle, gentle, like he's some fragile thing, and Josh swallows. Swallows down the fear and the doubt as he leaned forward. Pressed his lips feather-light to Carson's temple, feels the brush of that gorgeous mane of hair tickle his cheek as he pulled back. Tries not to focus too much on the taste of sweat lingering on his lips. Or whether he now had soot smeared all over his face.
Carson looked like someone just knocked his lights out. Or maybe like he got electrocuted and had his leg broken; a level of shocked devastation on his face that has Josh ready to bolt. Is there a subtle way to untangle their hands so Josh can make a quick escape? God why are they still holding hands? Why did he kiss him?
"Wait, wait," Carson fumbled to grab for Josh, hand landing on top of their still joined fingers where Josh has in fact failed to pull away, stilling them instantly. "Sorry, I wasn't ready. I think the drugs are kicking in," Carson's smile was still gorgeous, lop-sided as he stared hopefully up at him. At Josh of all people. Josh doesn't get it. "Can I get a do-over?"
"You want a do-over? Of me kissing the side of your face?" Josh tries to to keep his incredulity to appropriate limits but it's a close thing. Carson nodded. Josh's own answering smile fought its way onto his face, helpless in Carson's presence to be anything other than completely and utterly smitten it seems.
"I thought maybe your aim was off," Carson offered slowly, giving their joint hands a little tug.
"Oh, sure, yeah. Let's go with that."
As far as first kisses go, it's not what Josh would have envisioned when trying to dream up his ideal. Carson still smelled like burnt hair and something lingering and metallic Josh tried not to think about too much. Josh himself was fending off the adrenaline crash induced trembling that's threatening to take over his whole body by the skin of his teeth. But it's still perfect. A dry brush of lips that pressed into something more insistent as Josh brought his hands up to cup Carson's face. A promise of something more, later. Room for improvement that Josh is suddenly certain he'll have a chance to explore.
He pulled away, lips and skin buzzing. He wondered briefly if you can get a contact high from morphine. Maybe he should try kissing Carson again just to see. Maybe it's just him. Magic lips or something. Josh needed someone to hose him off, he needs to calm down over here. This is what people mean when they use the word 'giddy'. Josh isn't sure he's experienced before as he took a shuddering breath. Carson is hurt and injured and beautiful and Josh wanted nothing more than to take him and fret and fawn over him forever.
Maybe he should at least start with asking him to get dinner. Lunch maybe, he amends after a quick look at where Carson's face is drawn at the edges. Breakfast. He could bring him breakfast at the hospital tomorrow. He should ask, before he looses his nerves. If this all blew up in his face he can always pretend Carson hallucinated it on the morphine anyway. Most of the firefighters here owe him a favor, he could get them to corroborate.
Carson was still looking at him like that. Like Josh is worth looking at. Josh's mouth opened before he can think better of it-
"This really isn't the best time to be asking you this, considering-"
"That I'm not wearing pants."
"-That you're high on morphine- Wait I'm sorry what happened to your pants?" Josh spluttered, brain short circuiting as his eyes involuntarily jumped to Carson's lap and back like he'd been caught peeping, heat rising on his cheeks.
"The two firefighter guys you sent. They cut open my pants."
"Oh. Well I didn't tell them to do that. For the record," Josh said, training his gaze intently on Carson's face. His stupid handsome face. If there was anyone up there looking out for Josh at all, hopefully Carson would not remember this part of the conversation tomorrow. Or ever.
"What did you want to ask?" Carson asked softly, looking like a vision even on a gurney with bedhead, hair fanned out on the starched sheet under him, eyes soft as he gazed- straight up gazed, Josh doesn't think he's had anyone gaze at him in his life. Not like this. Beautiful brown eyes that Josh could literally get lost in isn't that a hoot-
"Wh-what? Oh, it doesn't matter," Josh said quickly, voice softening as Carson once again linked their fingers together.
"Maybe you could tell me tomorrow," Carson offered, smiling the knowing smile of someone drugged to the gills and being loaded into an ambulance.
"Yeah. Yeah. Tomorrow sounds good," Josh said, giving Carson's hand an extra squeeze. And maybe the day after that too. And after that-
