,, warning, a rant post,,, mentions of s*x work and p*rn in our society below.
A girl at my work asked me why I wasn’t agreeing with her as she and another workmate of ours discussed modern feminism. I was listening, to be polite, as there was nothing else much to do and no customers, and not saying anything. I’m usually quiet at work, but she seemed to take offence to my silence, as if I should be interjecting into the conversation to express how much I agreed with her.
I told her that I don’t believe modern feminism is always a good thing, and before I could even explain myself, she gave me a horrid look and said “right, because it’s easier to do nothing and get all that male approval, isn’t it?”
It was mean and I blinked at her, affronted and confused. Usually people let me explain when this topic comes up and I voice my opinions, if I have to, as I like to not cause conflict. Normally, I explain how I feel, very politely, about issues that feminism has brought up for women like the normalisation of abortion, contraceptives and dangerous hormone-changing pills, not marrying or even trying to find love, ‘sex work’ being seen as powerful etc etc.
I usually use my example of “girlboss” culture to help people understand how I’m not trying to be hostile or anything, but this workmate didn’t even let me and walked off to go talk to the manager who we’re all really good friends with. The other workmate I was with looked confused too and she joked about the awkwardness of what had happened, and I brushed it off but on the train home I was thinking about it again.
I was thinking about how often wives, mothers, homemakers and nuns/sisters/friars etc. are looked down on, often by feminists because they aren’t some business woman who only wears tight office-chic blazers and gets drunk every weekend and posts bikini pics. I thought about the young girls who dream of homemaking and wifehood, and the women who choose it over a career, and who are sort of viewed as pathetic or weak or ‘old fashioned.’
I’ve been told firsthand that my dream of being a mother isn’t good enough and how I “need to decide on a real career path,” or “something other than that, at least.” I’ve been made to feel small or stupid or that I’m offending all the women across all the generations who worked hard for our rights.
And this hurts, because I love women. I look up to who I consider to be the best feminine influence in all of human history, Mother Mary, daily. And I felt confused as I thought, because isn’t it all about choice?
Why is my choice less valuable than hers? Why is my choice to abstain until marriage, not drink coffee or try this pill or that drug or this drink something that I should be embarrassed about? Why is my modest mufti day outfit at school earning me stares and causing snide remarks? Why are we bringing up girls to believe that being a p**n star something empowering, something to do to “make a quick buck.”
Why are we letting young and influential girls believe that their worth comes only from their body, their aptness at reeling in boys, the size of their boobs, the way they dress and how many drinks it takes them before they’re throwing up at a house party outside on the lawn?
Why are we letting men, husbands, boyfriends believe that their wife/girlfriend/fiancé’s body is something that they can both benefit off if they just film that one video, or take that one photo? Why is it okay for a man to watch p*rn while his wife sleeps next to him?
Why is “she has an OF,” an insult, or something that takes away from her worth? Despite the fact she doesn’t feel beautiful unless a man is complimenting her body? How is this her fault? What could she have possibly done? She’s been taught that her body is all that guys care about. She believes that if she doesn’t do this act or send that photo she is wasting his time, she’s not worth his time.
It makes me sad. I hear younger girls talk in the bathroom at work while I’m in their cleaning or whatever about how this boy sexted them this, or how this other boy’s invited her over to his house on this time and how she’s been watching tutorials on how to … well, you know.
It makes me feel sick. These girls don’t know the danger they’re in. They’re being raised in an online world where it’s trendy to wear tiny shirts and post photos of your butt.
Most of the girls I overhear talk of things like this look 14-15.
They’re not to blame. It’s the world we let them indulge in. It’s a world where they’ve seen and heard and tried so much before they’re even able to legally get behind the wheel of a car and drive. Before they’ve even taken a proper exam at school.
When our frontal lobes detach, we become so ignorant to danger. Teenagers drive fast, do drugs, dance on the railings of bridges above highways and believe they’re invincible. It’s natural, sure, to an extent. But this is the time when so much can go wrong. Innocence cannot be returned.
I hate to think of how many girls will realise just how groomed and shaped they were by this toxic culture that surrounds us as a society later on and wish they hadn’t done this or that.
I want to protect these girls. I want to comfort them and keep them from these horrible, evil ideologies and that fuel harmful industries and create dirty, satantic fetishes in which people profit and people enjoy.
I want the girls who only dream of marriage and having kids to be safe and protected. I want girls who think it’s cool to smoke cigarettes and steal their parent’s booze to be safe and protected. I want the girls who dream of being billionaires and dating 40 men to be safe and protected.
Young girls are so influential and I wish there were better role models to show them that there is life and beauty and comfort and promise in the life that is ‘old fashioned’ and ‘anti-feminism.’
There is new life in Christ, always, of course. But I really wish the evil didn’t get there first.
I want to raise my own daughters in a world where it’s not okay to watch p*rn and use social media and consider sex work “empowering.”
I want girls and women to see that their worth does not come from how they look; but from within. From their heart, from their charity, from their kindness, from their humility, from their love of helping others, from the words they choose each day.
Of course this means we must make changes now, and step by step, starting with ourselves and our behaviour and headspace and habits. Changing for good can change others for good, inspire good, produce good, spread good.
Our daughters are relying on us.
Okay rant over, God bless all who read this. I hope you’re okay.
(i wrote this awhile ago and just let it sit in the drafts. sorry it isn’t structured well. i was getting v emotional when i was writing this oop lol. i’m not here to have arguments, i hate arguing and it’s even worse online w literal strangers. i just am so sick of all this evil and damage being disguised as “pro women” and “feminism” and to speak out against it is to sound like a woman-hater, which is the last thing i am. the last thing a girl my age could ever be smh).
