When Lee Chan turned 13 he had not even cared to figure out what his mark might be after it wasn’t something he could see with the bare eye.
It wasn’t that he didn’t care, he was just a busy guy filled with ideas for the future and things he wanted to explore and see. He was pretty nonchalant that way, what was bound to happen would happen, and whoever his soulmate was, she would be bound to him.
His parents were a little worried when nothing seemed to show up, but he just shrugged and kept dancing with a smile on his lips. He had been happier, a little more perky than before his birthday, but nothing that would raise any flags, if you weren’t really paying attention.
It took him almost a year before he noticed. He was sitting around the dinner table with his parents and his brother when he suddenly felt heat rise to his face, heart beating and a rage filled him.
He had somewhat panicked. Telling them all that he was getting mad, but that it didn’t make any sense, because he did not know why he felt that way. His parents had laughed and hugged him, all while he felt like he could rip apart the world.
He quickly understood that what he had felt wasn’t his own emotions, but yours. It had made him smile. The more he concentrated the more he noticed, and as time went on, the better he got to know you, the easier it was to distinguish where your feelings ended and his own began.
It was complex, especially on the days where you were happy and he was annoyed or the other way around. When he had met his 12 older brothers they had all looked at him with a bit of pity, but he didn’t really mind. He knew you were okay, and as long as you had more happy days than sad, he wasn’t really in a position to complain, even if it would take him a while to find you.
Chan did his best to be as happy and as content as he could. It helped that he did something he absolutely enjoyed, being on that stage was where he belonged. And all he did was hope that he got to rub off on you a little, he hoped he would be able to lift your moods on the days where you felt a little sad or discouraged.
You had always been a happy kid, so when you turned 13 and nothing happened, much like Chan you just shrugged and kept living that sweet life of yours.
When he joined Pledis however a change happened, and that’s where you discovered just what bound the two of you together.
He was more nervous than he had been previously, there was joy as well, but a lot of uncertainty that left you wondering just what he was up to.
Your uncertainty didn’t come before later in life, when it was time to pick just what you wanted to do with your life, and by then he was happy, ecstatic might even be a better word for it. He felt on the top of the world, and you couldn’t help but be jealous of him. He seemed somewhat care free, as if he had everything figured out.
As the two of you grew older, you did your best to track his emotions, hopefully to find some sort of pattern. And although most of those around you claimed it was a task without much purpose, you knew it was all you had to go for in the end.
Whoever he was, he was nervous to the point of nauseating around the time of award season, music not movies, so by instinct alone you had to assume he worked in the industry somehow. And with that tiny bit of information you had decided to do what you did best, which was fashion, more in particular styling.
You hoped that following your dreams would allow him to feel the difference in your mood, especially since your parents hadn’t been that thrilled by your change from law to, what up until then, had only been a somewhat expensive hobby.
You hoped you could make him as proud as he made you. And you couldn’t wait to tell him that he was the reason you had the guts to follow your dreams
Chan had suffered from a severe amount of anxiety and nausea the past few weeks, and luckily it seemed as if it finally came to a stop last night, when the little silk sheet he liked to call your emotions that wrapped around him, had transformed from anxiety to relief and gratitude.
“How are you doing today?” Wonwoo looked at him with a subtle smile all while his eyes held a bit of worry.
Chan smiled brightly. “It seems like it’s all over” he sent his hyung a beaming smile, one that was so contagious that the older man couldn’t help but return it.
“That’s good Dino”
He nodded along, somewhat lost in thought as he looked to the floor. “Yeah it is. Sometimes I can't help but wonder what makes her have such strong emotions” he shrugged, but for no particular reason.
“Imagine how she feels, our lives are chaotic and emotional enough, you know? And we know what causes the anxiety and the nerves and the happiness and sadness. Imagine feeling it all and not knowing the cause of it”
Dino sighed. “Yeah, she doesn’t have it easy being bound to me”
Wonwoo smiled as he shook his head. “No, none of them have it easy with the thirteen of us. But if you look close enough to those who have already found their other halves, it’s not like they’re a walk in the park either”
And as if it had been planned Ruby and Woozi entered the room, currently in what felt like a heated argument. “I’m not saying that it’s bad, I’m just saying that it feels wrong” Ruby said as she walked away from her soulmate, he was right behind her rolling his eyes dramatically.
“You just don’t see the vision yet! If we slow it down too much it won’t end up matching with the lyrics”
“Then change the lyrics!” Ruby yelled back, as she grabbed a water bottle right as Woozi buried his face in his hands, letting out a sound that could only be described as frustration.
As quickly as they had appeared they were gone again.
“I’m sure yours will make your life a living hell in no time” Wonwoo said as he bumped shoulders with Chan. He responded by laughing.
Chan looked for you everywhere he went, he looked at every person in every room that he entered, he looked at every soul he passed on the streets, desperately hoping that some day he would feel that connection, that pull that people often described.
And that day wasn’t any different, so he did not see where he was going as he did his best to scan every face in the crowd, while he walked down the street. That was where he bumped into you.
You had dropped your bag, your iced americano and the few folders you were currently carrying. Almost silently swearing, but he heard you, and every hair on his body stood up as he looked at you. He felt the silk sheet of your emotions, the panic with a hint of embarrassment.
Both feelings that perfectly matched the red stained cheeks on the woman who kneeled down before him to pick up her things.
He smiled behind his mask as he felt his heartbeat quicken, as he felt the gratitude, the all consuming happiness that blossomed in his own chest, and then he felt the love he so instantly felt for you, the need to protect you, to scoop you up and hold you close.
He watched as your breath quickened, how your hand started to shake as you reached out for the folders currently laying spread on the sidewalk, and he smiled as he realized you felt his emotions in real time.
However his own feelings were so overwhelming, he couldn’t feel yours yet. Or maybe they just mirrored his own so perfectly, maybe that was why it felt so all consuming.
He crouched down to meet you, to help you, and that was when you scooped up your things, muttered a small ‘sorry’ before you stood, turned and all but ran from him.
All he could do was look after you, and that was when the nausea and the devastating heartbreak you felt, hit him.
You had never looked at him, you hadn’t felt the pull, and now you thought he felt it towards someone that wasn’t you. Chan wasn’t quite sure if it was your heart or his own that he felt breaking inside of his chest.
As soon as the initial chock had disappeared he chased after you down the street.
Up until that day you had never had a panic attack, but you were pretty sure you were currently having one. It was as if the air itself didn’t bring enough oxygen to your lungs. You had run to the nearest café, so desperate to find somewhere secluded, away from prying eyes.
You had slid your body down a wall in the back. Luckily it didn’t really seem like anyone noticed you, so you had crouched over and buried your head as you finally allowed the tears to roam freely.
You felt his confusion, his own heartbreak. But you managed to push it all away as you for once allowed yourself to wallow in your own self pity. To ignore his emotions and only feel your own.
He had felt love, all consuming love, and it hadn’t been directed at you. You bit down on your tongue in an attempt to stifle the scream that threatened to spill from your lungs.
Then you felt a set of hands on you, almost peeling you from the wall you sat up against. The world around you had gone quiet, and not just because the pumping of your blood was all you could hear, no, the whole café that had been buzzing with life just a few seconds earlier was now completely silent.
You were pulled into an embrace and for once you allowed someone to comfort you as you broke.
“It’s okay, I’m right here” a voice whispered as a hand stroke your hair. You clung to the strangers shirt and it wasn’t before a tear landed on your forehead you realized that whoever this was, they too were crying.
It was a strange enough situation that you managed to pull yourself out of your emotions and finally look at the person comforting you.
Eyes filled with tears met yours. “Hello princess”. The man said the words, as he used his hands to remove your stray hairs from your face.
His eyes were kind, and his smile looked almost nervous. You felt a little panicked, being in another man's arms like this, until you felt the pull towards him. The need for having him even closer, of being near him.
Despite everything inside of you screaming to stay close to him, to breathe him in, you pulled away. It could’ve only been a few minutes since she had felt the love blossom in his chest, and yet here he was, as heartbroken as her, worried, nervous. But still comforting you.
You looked away from him, as you tried to pull away even further, but he only put two fingers beneath your chin and once again forced your eyes to lock with his.
“Don’t you dare let your mind go there. All the feelings you felt from me were feelings towards you. It’s always been you, it will always be you and no one else”
You shook your head in confusion and he let out what could almost be described as a small chuckle. He looked down at his legs that stretched around your body on the floor, currently covered in the coffee you had spilled all over the place not long again.
You let out a gasp. And his smile grew. “There it is,” he said as a single tear escaped his eye.
You flew from where you sat on the floor to his arms that quickly caught you. He didn’t falter, he only pulled you as physically close to him as he could.
The silken sheet that wrapped around the two of you was beaming with a mixture of pride, exhaustion, pure happiness and a love neither of the two of you had ever felt before.
He laughed a little. “Sorry for bumping into you”
“Oh please never apologize for that” You said as you rested a hand on his cheek, he melted into your touch. He was so beautiful, so incredibly put together, hair perfectly in place, styled to absolute perfection.
You cleared your throat, as you tried drying your eyes. “God I’m so sorry, I must look like an absolute mess”
He grabbed your wrists and stopped your fussing as his smile grew. He was absolutely radiant.
“You are utter perfection, princess”
The heat rushed to your face at the nickname, and he laughed. It was so contagious that you too chuckled a little as he pulled you into his chest.
“A car is on it’s way, I’ll make sure to get you cleaned up so you look presentable before work”
He took your hand and pulled you from the floor in a quick and easy motion. His hands found your waist instantly as he pulled you into him.
“Actually I don’t have work today” You said with a small smile.
You had spent the morning giving out resumes as usual, in the hopes of landing an internship somewhere in the city. You had just heard back minutes before the two of you had collided. Hence the victory ice americano.
“Oh yeah? Neither do I” he said as he pulled his jacket off and draped it over your head. You didn’t really question him, but just raised a brow. He had given you a small nod as if to say: Just trust me. So that was exactly what you did.
The streets were filled with noise and the two of you were ushered to the car as voices all around screamed one name: Dino.
When the door to the town car closed behind the two of you, you pulled the jacket from your face, and suddenly you realized exactly who it was that was sitting next to you. You finally realized exactly who your other half was.
“Holy shit” you said in a small voice.
“Sorry about that” He said with an almost embarrassed voice.
“Holy shit!” You almost yelled and he chuckled, but you felt how nervous he was, how the fear crept up on him.
“No - it’s not you, it’s not that there’s a problem with your life, it's just…”
He looked at you with those big eyes, as you felt how he tried to squish the fear and worry down within himself.
You smiled at him, took his hand and took a deep breath. “It’s just… You’re basically my boss”
Confusion colored that silk sheet of his emotions, and then he laughed. So loud, and so genuine that you couldn’t help but laugh along with him.
He had taken you back to his apartment, made sure that your name and photo was given to security, and they were informed that you should always be allowed, even if he wasn’t home. It had been pretty smooth sailing from there.
You had told him how you that morning had landed an internship at Hybe, within his crew. He had felt pride at that, at how you had followed your dreams and had succeeded in them without anything to help you, except your own talent. It reminded him of himself.
The two of you had agreed to keep your bond secret for now, none of you wanted to think that this was nepotism or that you had gotten the job through him. Least of all you since you had used blood, sweat and tears to stand up to your parents to get them to allow your career change.
That night you had spent in his bed, first fully clothed, later in the night with absolutely nothing between you. You felt like home here, in his arms, in the darkness of his room when the curtains were drawn.
“I’ve never felt more at home, nor more safe in my entire life” you said as your head rested on his chest, listening to the heartbeat of your lover beneath that incredibly toned chest of his.
He kissed your forehead. “It’ll be my life's mission to always have you feel like this” and you knew he meant what he said. You could feel it.
The next morning Chan had left the comfort of your now shared bed to go and make breakfast. He had texted Joshua in a panic, begging him for his best breakfast recipes, and he had given them. But as soon as the older man had started asking questions, he hung up the phone.
It definitely didn’t look that pretty, but he hoped you could recognize the effort he had put into it.
It was dark when you woke, the curtains were still drawn and the duvet was still warm. You smiled as you reached out an arm to grab onto your other half. But the other side of the bed was cold, as cold as it was every morning when you rolled over and hoped the dreams you had of him were real.
You curled around yourself. Once again hugging your legs, pulling them into your chest, as you felt the loss of him ripple through you.
You were used to this, you were so used to dream of him, and then waking up to once again being alone. But it had felt so real, you had been so sure it was actually him this time.
You heard the crash of a plate somewhere, but chose to ignore it. It wasn't until the lights turned on around you, that you realized it had in fact happened.
He felt your happiness, and smiled to himself. You were awake, and what perfect timing it was. He plated the last few things and walked towards the door.
Then the sadness, the panic and the loss hit him. For a second or two he had been confused until he remembered those stings of sadness and heartbreak he would sometimes feel in the mornings. He knew them too well, he had the same dreams of you more often than he liked to admit.
He dropped the plate, he didn’t even care if it broke, if all of his hard work had been for nothing. He just ran to you.
He turned on the light and pulled the duvet from your warm naked body, and pulled you to him for the second time in less than 24h.
“Princess it wasn’t a dream. I’m right here” He took your head between his hands and looked at you, nodding with you as he kissed away your tears.
You chuckled as a tear slid down your cheek. He felt your embarrassment, and rolled his eyes.
“You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. You hear me?” he squished your cheeks together and kissed your mouth. You laughed as you pushed him away. He only pulled you with him back onto the mattress.
“I think your breakfast is ruined” He said as you nuzzled into his side. You took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry, I just… I thought it had all been a dream”
He kissed your forehead. “Don’t apologize princess, had the roles been reversed I think I would’ve panicked just the same”
He rolled over you so you were laying flat on your back, him carefully positioned on top of you, to make sure he wouldn’t crush you with his weight.
“Now it’s time for my breakfast” He winked at you before he dived down under the duvet, letting his mouth loose on your body.
He was definitely real.
The days after you met continued much like that first day of yours. The two of you being cooped up in his apartment, getting to know one another and just enjoying each other's mind, body and soul.
When you started at Hybe at first you were a little worried, but luckily for you the two of you were on different floors or other ends of the building most of the time. You got to know the men and women around you, without them being biased towards you.
You had an instant connection with Pink, and it made sense to you when you found out that she was bound to Hoshi, your other half's best friend. Of course the two of you would vibe with one another.
Throughout the last few weeks you had met a few of the guys, and today Seungkwan popped his head into the room that you and Pink were currently occupying. He sent a quick glance your way and you introduced yourself with a smile.
“Practice might run a little late today, so Hoshi sent me to say you could just join us in the practice room when you’re done here”
Pink nodded and thanked him for the information. When the door closed behind him you waited a few seconds before you turned to her.
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
She nodded as she packed a few more things down into the giant suitcase she used to carry all her stuff.
“What’s with the flowers?”
Pink froze and slowly turned towards you.
“What?” she had such a serious look on her face you were scared you had said something wrong.
“Th-the flowers that follow Seungkwan everywhere? I was just wondering if-”
You didn’t even get to finish the sentence before you were pulled by your wrist from the room.
Up two floors and down a hall you had never stepped foot on before. Pink opened the door and Chan’s eyes found yours instantly, he had no doubt felt you panic just seconds before, because he had looked like he was just about to run out the door to find you.
The thirteen of them stood up on a line and looked between you and Pink. “She’s one of yours” she gestured towards you.
The boys looked from one to another, and just as Chan was about to step forward and come clean. Vernon took a step, he then proceeded to pinch his chin, and when you didn’t even flinch he muttered a small. “No not mine”
He did a little pout as he muttered a small sorry to the woman who was just walking around getting pinched randomly.
“What food do you crave?” Mingyu said, and much like the maltese he embodied he crooked his head a little to the side.
“B-breakfast” you said as a blush crept up your neck. You couldn’t help it, you looked for him everywhere you went. And there he stood, all nonchalant, with that damn smirk on his lips.
The room erupted with screams and scolds and envy. But he only stepped towards you as he slipped his arm around your waist and pulled you into him. Kissing your neck tenderly.
“Everyone, meet my princess” he said with pride, and you felt your knees give in beneath you.
“Oh that’s disgusting! I’m NOT calling her that” Hoshi said as he walked towards Pink.
“How did you even find out? We’ve been fucking amazing at hiding it these past few weeks” Chan said as he felt your love wash over him.
“She commented on Kwan's flowers” and the room was then a choir of ‘ahhhhhh’s of understanding.
You furrowed your brows at Chan and he just nodded to Seungkwan who took one of your hands.
“Just walk through them,” he said with a gentle smile and a little nod.
And as you did, dark red chrysanthemums blossomed at your feet. You giggled and Chan was there by your side in a second. Plucking you one before gently pulling you into his arms.
“They’re my favorite” you said as you smelled the flower.
✦ as always; please comment, like, share, reblog all of that. It what's keeps me going and keeps me writing. My asks are always open for feedback or if you just wanna give me a little praise
summary: chan tries to comfort you when you have a bad day.
screenshot count: 10
tags/warnings: sad, hurt/comfort, inconclusive ending
a/n: my first text fic!!! please let me know if you liked it 🥹 sorry to everyone who saw but this fic was soooo painful to format i can't believe i managed to finish it. this fic is a companion piece to my written fic, where it’s a similar premise, but chan and the reader are just friends... kind of.
