#chapter two point five

[warwickroyals]

CHAPTER LII: ONE BAD DAY

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AUTHOR’S NOTE: Aw, I ship them so hard. Finally some good things are happening.

PS - I am so fucking happy that the photo limit has been boosted to 30! No more shitty multiple screenshots per picture, yay!

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[PHYLLIS] You’ve been broodier than usual lately. Bad week?

[PHILLIP] Remember when you joked about me drowning myself in your swimming pool?

Being your authentic self?

[PHILLIP] Trying. For all the good that’s been doing.

[PHILLIP] Also, I relapsed last week.

[PHYLLIS] Oh, Phillip, but you do know relapses are part of the process.

[PHYLLIS] I know. I’m more disappointed than anything else.

[PHILLIP] For the first time in years, I felt as if I had it in the palm of my hand. And I just squandered it; because I was having a bad day. That it. One bad day. Now I’m right back where I started.

[PHYLLIS] You can’t feel too deeply about it, dear, the world isn’t ending. There’s always tomorrow.

[PHILLIP] Not really in the mood for whatever manufactured committee-drafted feel-good bullshit you found off Facebook, Aunty.

[PHYLLIS] Well, I don’t know what you want me to say. If you want a brighter future, obviously it’s going to be in the shadow of your past. Phillip, I know first-hand how our family operates, but you can’t allow yourself to become hopeless. They’ll sink you like an anchor otherwise. I’ve seen you try and I’ve seen you happy, I know who makes you happy.

[PHILLIP] Yeah . . .

[PHYLLIS] I honestly don’t know what you’re still doing here.

[JEAN] I spoke to my mother the other day.

[PHILLIP] Oh, really?

[JEAN] Yes, really. I was all alone in a foreign country after a multi-hour temper tantrum. It seemed like a mom-worthy emergency. I told her the truth about you, too, I thought she would be upset, or at least tell me that I was clearly being taken advantage of. But she didn’t; she just sort of listened until I was all talked out.

[JEAN] I miss her. I really do. It feels like everyone just leaves for no reason. My dad was killed by a drunk driver on the 905. There one day and then gone the next. Don’t even remember him,  but I thought I’d always have my mom. I guess I still do, even if . . . Look, I know I’m selfish. Mom just wants to be where she feels she belongs. Me of all people should be able to relate to that.

[PHILLIP] You’re not selfish, Jean, and I’ve been meaning to apologize. I’ve been treating you horribly. I wanted . . . growing up, my siblings and I learned there was a private side and public side. I wanted to protect you from the public side. I watched the press ruin my mother’s life from the outside in, same story with my ex-wife. I wanted things to be different this time, but I was just isolating you.

[JEAN] Phillip, I get it, like, part of me wants to be all Girl Power I-don’t-need-a-man-to-protect-me, but I don’t know what that type of exposure can do to a person, but I see the evidence in you. You never had anyone to protect you, your entire life.

[PHILLIP] When I was a boy, I was always admitted to the hospital well after midnight. I remember SUVs with blacked-out windows followed by dizzying helicopter rides over the city. My parents were terrified of the public knowing about me. Looking back, I was probably very lonely, but I told myself that the public didn’t need to know. Now, all these years later there is no such thing as private and public lies, my father lies indiscriminately, and I’ve realized that I’ve isolated myself, too. I’ve always been happier when I had someone, you know, there for me.

[PHILLIP] I want to be with you, Jean. I’m happy when I’m with you. I promise, I’ll put you above everything. Always. I like you, I like you a lot.

[JEAN] Yeah . . . and I love you, too.

[warwickroyals]

CHAPTER L: CONFESSIONS, PART 2

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AUTHOR’S NOTE: If I told you this was the last flashback post would you be sad?

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[PHILLIP] I just wanted to apologize to you for how I’ve been treating you recently. I’m sorry for calling you useless and ignoring your calls and being a dick. You haven’t done anything wrong, in fact, you most likely saved my life. So. I’m really sorry, Courtney.

[PHILLIP] I love you. I would do anything for you. Life without you would be hell. I just want to keep you close to me.

[COURTNEY] I love you, too, but I’ve thought a lot about what life would be like with you gone. I’m scared that one day you’ll go too far or do too much. I don’t want this to end with me crying and missing you every day for the rest of my life.

[PHILLIP] I’ll stay clean. For you. For both of us.

[COURTNEY] Do you promise? Like, really promise?

[PHILLIP] Yeah. I mean it. But I want you to still be here when I come back.

[PRESENT-DAY PHILLIP] In retrospect, Courtney was the first person I felt obliged to stay sober for. When I was diagnosed with GAD, my parents fixated on giving me a normal childhood. To them normal meant safe. You know, warm, loving. Courtney made me feel normal. She married me, she gave birth to my children, she put up with me for longer than I thought possible

[PHILLIP] And in return, I couldn’t keep my promise.

[warwickroyals]

CHAPTER XLIX: CONFESSIONS

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AUTHOR’S NOTE: This was meant to be combined with tomorrow's post, but I think it stands better on its own. Contrast Louis being genuine with Phillip, to my earlier post and, yeah, the difference shows.

PS - More on Farrah and her antics later on. She plays a big role in chapter three!

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[IRENE] Oh, honey, your hair.

[PHILLIP] It’s okay, I’ll fix it.

[IRENE] Behave yourself, okay?

[PHILLIP] I will. I promise.

[PHILLIP] Yeah, Dad?

[LOUIS] When your mother was pregnant with you, I was having an affair.

[PHILLIP] I know.

[LOUIS] It had been on and off for years and . . . extremely passionate. I loved her, but she was also my best friend. I had no intention of stopping until . . . until the leak. That’s when things began falling apart. Your mother was eight months pregnant, she was very hurt, but she forgave me. For your sake.

[LOUIS] A few months after you were born, she . . . Farrah, vanished. I was devastated. I tried to find her, never did, and as a result I began to resent you. I couldn’t stand to look at you, I blamed you for my mistakes. I always kept you at arm’s length. The damage that did to you, Phillip, I can’t apologize enough.

[LOUIS] Will you ever be able to forgive me?

[PHILLIP] I’m not sure. I—I’m sorry.

[LOUIS] That’s fine. No matter what, I still love you, son. Okay?

[warwickroyals]

CHAPTER LIII: AFTERWARD

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AUTHOR’S NOTE: It's 3 am as I am writing this. I'll be super sleep-deprived all day, but I don't care. I did it. I actually did it! That's a wrap on Chapter 2.5 and I couldn't be more proud of myself.

Wow, what I wild ride it has been. I probably have a million things that I could say but I don't want this post to be longer than it already is 🥲

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[JEAN] So, how did it go?

[PHILLIP] On the positive side, I managed to form coherent sentences.

[JEAN] Yes, that’s very good.

[PHILLIP] On the negative, I was so nervous that I forgot everything I wanted to say and spent the whole forty-five minutes silently gawking at everyone like an idiot. Probably not the best first impression.

[JEAN] Ah, probably not. Do you think you’ll return for the next session?

[PHILLIP] Yeah, maybe I’ll give it another try. My therapist is an idiot, but for once he’s right. Seeing someone like me going through the same thing . . . it could help a lot of people. And it could help me, you know, relate. A lot of them were really young, Jean. Younger than me when I started; not far off from Arthur’s age.

[JEAN] I think you did make an impression, you were just too nervous to realize it.

[PHILLIP] [SCOFFS] Flattery doesn’t work with me.

[JEAN] I mean it. How many people can say they were at a group therapy session with a royal?

[PHILLIP] Sunderland’s least popular royal, according to Pew. If they’re smart they won’t mention it to friends or family. Now, what do you think? Woodbine is still out of the question ironically, so Rosedale is the next best thing.

[JEAN] Natural light is always a plus. It’s roomy, charming, quiet—[PHILLIP] Not too quiet, I hope?—If I get my way it won’t be quiet for very long.

[PHILLIP] Yeah, don’t push your luck on that front.

[JEAN] In the meantime, you should invite your aunty over first thing. Allow her to fill the halls with music. She looked so sad; her dear-darling nephew is finally moving out like a big boy.

[PHILLIP] For my own sanity, she’s not allowed to sing or even hum anything within a kilometre radius of me.

[JEAN] Oh, you’re so cruel, it’s breaking my heart. I thought you liked her jazz rendition of Bad Romance.

[PHILLIP] Aunt Phyllis is not the best at artistic expression. And neither am I, but, I have an idea. My family will hate it but . . .

[JEAN] Now I’m intrigued because I’m assuming that I’ll love it.

[PHILLIP] My therapist also said that the institution that I was raised in robbed me of my voice. Free expression. Basically, it’s preventing me from reaching self-actualization. I’ve been thinking a lot . . . it’s a stupid idea, so don’t laugh.

[PHILLIP] I’m all ears, tell me everything.

[PHILLIP] Everything? That might take an hour . . . or five.

[JEAN]Like I said, tell me everything.

[warwickroyals]

CHAPTER XLVIII: HARSH TRUTHS

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AUTHOR’S NOTE: I hate writing Louis's scenes! He's so hard to write. Doesn't help that he's basically gaslighting Phillip here

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[LOUIS] While I admire your conviction, my decision is final. The boy needs order and discipline, two

things he’s evidently been lacking for years. Despite whatever it is he might think, I’m doing what’s best for him. He’ll get leave and holidays, I’m not permanently separating him from his child or her. My only regret is not acting sooner.

[LOUIS] You’re still here.

[PHILLIP] We need to talk about James.

 [LOUIS] Why?

[PHILLIP] You know why.

[LOUIS] You may take a seat, Phillip.

[PHILLIP] I’d rather stand.

[PHILLIP] I had the most interesting conversation with Tatiana yesterday.

[LOUIS] I assume this is about why certain members of this family don’t know the true circumstances of James’s passing.

[PHILLIP] Certain members. I’m talking about his own children. And mine too, by the way, which—Thanks for that.

[LOUIS] None of my grandchildren know currently, nor will they ever know. The public narrative has proved sufficient.

[PHILLIP] I don’t care about whatever bullshit narrative you fed the public to protect your ego. I want to know the truth.

[LOUIS] It’s not about my image. You’re upset, I know James’s suicide left a mark on you in particular, but you have to understand: James spent most of his life hiding whatever it was that was tormenting him. He hid it flawlessly from the public, he hid it from his family semi-successfully, and when I realized that he could no longer go on hiding that side of him, he took his own life. I’ve probably taken years and years off my own life wondering why he did what or if it could have been prevented, but I still can’t make sense of it. In some ways, James’s tournament has become my own.

[LOUIS] If I can’t make sense of it, or even cope with this . . . horrible tragedy, what makes you think that a twenty-year-old child will? If Nicholas and Alexander knew the truth, everything they thought their father to be would be destroyed, it would be like killing him all over again. Especially for Nicholas, he wouldn’t know how to process that and remain. . . sane.

[PHILLIP] It’s not our right to hide this from them . . . I don’t know how to even explain this because you’re not going to listen.

[LOUIS] Whether you’re here for it or not, they will find out the truth and hate you for it. I don’t think you’re protecting anyone, you’re just preventing your grandchildren from properly grieving their father.

Do you honestly think their grief would have been easier to process had they known? Don’t be ridiculous, it would give them no comfort to know that their father shot himself in a drunken haze. How do you make sense of that? How can you rationalize—

[PHILLIP] Rationalize? How could you not rationalize any of this!? It’s the logical conclusion to what this family does to you! 

[PHILLIP] Everyone here is either miserable or gone. This family sucks the life out of you until you’re just a shell and then . . . and then it goes on. God help you if you have anything resembling human emotions once you’re in. You’ll be spat on, and laughed at, and profited off of, and harassed, and made to loathe every painful, hellish moment of your life.

[LOUIS] Of course you would find it reasonable, Phillip, you have a bent for self-destruction.

[PHILLIP] Don’t you dare do this shit to me! You’re not going to cast me as an over-emotional crazy this time. I’m trying to get better, I’m inching myself forward, I’m trying to protect the people I care about. I might not be a good person, but at least I’m better than you, I haven’t spent the past fifty years never facing the consequences of my actions.

[LOUIS] Oh, so you’re a reformed man now? Explain to me how gallivanting across the southern coast with a woman almost eleven years your junior is helping you inch forward. You’ve been saying “I’m trying” for your entire life, Phillip. You’re in no position to grandstand—

[IRENE] That’s enough, Louis.

[PHILLIP] Mama, you knew about this, too. You kept this from me.

[IRENE] Darling, you need to understand that we’re doing none of this out of malice. We only want to protect the children. You most of all have suffered terribly after James’s passing. You relapsed. Your marriage fell apart. Honestly, Phillip, what concerns me is your eagerness to have your own nephews join you in that suffering.

[PHILLIP] I get it. I really do, you two are in denial, but this is craziness.

[IRENE] When you were a baby, James was terribly jealous. He cried incessantly; the nannies told me he’d pinch you when they weren’t looking— [PHILLIP] Mom, stop—But the older you got, the sicker you grew with depression and anxiety, the more terrified James grew that something horrible would happen to you. He wanted so badly to protect you, and seeing you in pain hurt him more than he was willing to admit. Phillip, you knew this. Sometimes harsh realities do more harm than good.

[PHILLIP] You resent me. Both of you. You hate the fact that I’m still here and James isn’t.

[IRENE] Of course not. I love all my boys, but right now, you’re holding us back.

[PHILLIP] I’m holding you back by being honest?

[LOUIS] Look around, Phillip. It’s a truth no one wants to hear.

[warwickroyals]

CHAPTER LI: THE RESOLUTION

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AUTHOR’S NOTE: Tying up some of the loose ends with Courtney. I think this is a cute little scene, actually. So much growth from the previous scenes with them together.

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[PHILLIP] We never talked about it. We never sat them down and told them what had happened

[COURTNEY] How were we supposed to do that? We didn’t have access to them.

[PHILLIP] I know. But something about this just feels so, I don’t know, preventable.

[PHILLIP] I shouldn’t even be surprised. I’ve been coping with my father’s lies my entire life, but this . . .it’s too much. I feel eviscerated by this and I can’t even say anything about it.

[COURTNEY] What you said earlier, most suicides are preventable, Phillip. I’m sure your father knows that. Whatever it is weighing down on his conscience shouldn’t also be on you. You’ve suffered enough.

[PHILLIP] You know . . . Sam probably saved my life around this time last year.

[PHILLIP] He probably didn’t know it, but I was at the cliff’s edge. And I just thought of him, all the fucking bullshit he’s had to put up with because of me, and that somehow was enough to stay alive just a little longer. [SIGHS] I’m sorry, Court, I wish . . . you know what I wish. The last time I was here. I’m sorry for that.

[COURTNEY] Honestly, I don’t even know why you’re here. It seems like you’ve finally moved on.

[PHILLIP] Yeah, I’m getting there. I think I’m in love. And not with you, for the first time.

[PHILLIP] But you still helped me create two of the most important things in my life. That will always be enough.

[COURTNEY] Likewise. Take care of yourself, Phillip. You have nothing left to prove to them.

[warwickroyals]

XLV: FRATERNAL "BONDING"

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: You know how out of character it is for Phillip to hug someone? Poor, Alex, though I can't help but feel bad for him. Also Coraline? Natasha? Damn, it's been so long since those characters were even mentioned! I feel like

PS - Nick has a lot of anger towards Phillip that has been seething since he left. Being abandoned by another paternal figure could not be easy for him.

PSS - I have been sitting on a huge spoiler for this entire arc, and I'm about to let it go next chapter. Get ready for tomorrow . . .

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[NICHOLAS] All I’m saying is that it’s very ironic that you rushed all the way over here just to defend

him. I mean, you two are basically the same person if you really think about—

[ALEX] That’s literally just a lie, you’re just making shit up on top of that—

[NICHOLAS] Fuck. Stop talking when I’m talking, he’s just a forty-year-old brunette version of you.

[ALEX] No, I’m not! I mean, no offence, sir, but that’s literally not true.

[NICHOLAS] Stop saying “literally” like that! No shit, it’s not literally true, it’s a metaphor, genius.

[ALEX] See? You see what I mean? I can’t say anything without him just attacking me!

[PHILLIP] I’m not trying to take anyone’s side, Nicholas.

[NICHOLAS] Oh, really? That’s news to me. You’ve had a lot of things to say to me and comparatively little to him.

[ALEX] He doesn’t need to say anything to me!  I already know that I messed up. I’m sorry, what else do you want?

[NICHOLAS] You’re treating this like you flunked math or something. You can’t just “Oh, sorry, my bad” a baby away.

[ALEX] This is all so pointless. Kamryn won’t even talk to me anymore, her dad has her under, like, house arrest.

[NICHOLAS] Her funeral, I guess. Unlike you, Alex, I actually thought she was halfway intelligent.

[PHILLIP] Okay, guys, this is beginning to get unbearable. Both of you need to shut up for—

[ALEX] I can’t believe you. You’re jealous, just admit that—[NICHOLAS] Jealous of what, exactly? Of me, of us. You pretend to be so unbothered but you’re so Goddamn jealous that I have someone I care about. And you have no one.

[PHILLIP] Alex, what did I just say about shutting the fuck up?

[ALEX] Well, somebody needs to tell him. He doesn’t care about Mom or me or anyone but himself. Now he’s salty because he’s all alone. I mean, who else is there? Natasha? The girl would have dove off a cliff just to reach his bed and he somehow still managed to mess that up.

[PHILLIP] Okay, that’s enough. You’re brothers, your father is gone, supporting each other should be your main priority.

[NICHOLAS] Coming from you that statement is a joke. Save me whatever speech you’re about to give about fraternal love. Uncle: where have you been? This is the first time in like six months that we’ve even seen you. You’ve missed two Christmases. Last year you were in a psych ward for over two weeks and Sam only found out about it because one of his friends made a joke about you being at a halfway house. You want to talk about my priorities? What about yours?

[NICHOLAS] You’ve been trying to leave this family from the moment you were born. That’s the issue with you, with both of you. You just do and never think about the consequences. You can always leave if you fuck up too grossly. What about me? I can’t leave, you know, and it’s really funny that you bring up Dad—[ALEX] Man, you need to chill out—He’s not just gone, he’s dead. And unlike you he didn’t even have a choice. He didn’t leave willingly like you.

[PHILLIP] What . . . What exactly do you mean?

You know what I mean. It should have been you. You’re not exactly addicted to life, are you?

You’re a terrible person, Nick. There’s nothing you can say that will provoke me, all you’re doing is proving Alex right. Is that what you want?

[NICHOLAS scoffs]

[PHILLIP] Oh, that it’s funny now? You’re proud of that? You’re a manipulator, you’re cruel, and you take people for granted. You act this way and then wonder why you keep finding yourself alone. Yes, I’ve done the same, terrible things and you can resent me for that, but you’re supposed to be better. Okay? Act better. Do better.

[NICHOLAS] Whatever. I’m out of here. This is pointless.

[ALEX] Maybe he has a point. I mean, he’s wrong, but he’s right at the same time. I know I’ve messed up, I— I feel stuck. I don’t know what to do with myself and . . . it’s been like that for a very long time. And now it’s so much worse.

[ALEX] After Dad died, Nick told me that he would still choose to have our dad for the same amount of time over, like, another dad who would live forever. Because our dad was easily the best dad in the world. Back then I thought I agreed with him, but now I’m not sure. I—I—I can’t do this. Grandfather wants to send me to Scarborough and I really, really don’t know how to tell him no. I’ll be disappointing him all over again. I want to be there, I want to be a good dad, but if I get enlisted, I won’t be able to. Sorry, I’m kind of a mess right now.

[PHILLIP] Alex, you don’t have to apologize for anything, alright? I’ll talk to him, I’ll get him to change his mind.

[TEXT] Thanks for reaching out. Sorry for avoiding you, I didn’t know how to face you even after all this time. Now that we’ve graduated I think it’s best we go our separate ways. I wish things were different but they never will be. I’m sorry Nick, but I only want what’s best for us

[PHILLIP] It’s okay, you’ll be fine. And Nick does not have a point. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

[warwickroyals]

XLIV: ELEMENTS OF TRUTH

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: And we're back home. Can't help but say that Mr. Henry isn't looking all that bad. At least Shelby isn't with him, am I right?

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[HENRY] Not sure they told you but your request for a car was declined. Since it’d be publicly funded. Sorry if redundant, just wanted to let you know. H.

[PHILLIP] Are you joking? How the hell am I supposed to get there? Uber??

[HENRY] Maybe you should. Lesson in humility.

[HENRY] Okay.

[HENRY] Im not funny. Trying to come to terms.

[HENRY] You know what? I’ll just come get you. We’re still at Greenwood you know. Shelby’s mad at me so I might be able to sneak out without her realizing.

[PHILLIP] Uh-oh. Why’s she mad at you?

[HENRY] I said I didn’t want the baby to come out ginger. That’s clearly A JOKE. Right?

[PHILLIP] Sometimes what makes jokes funny is that they have elements of truth

[HENRY] The rain won’t be letting up any time soon. You might be stuck here for a few days.

[PHILLIP] Just my luck. Honestly, Hen, this whole entourage of people you travel with and not a single umbrella between them.

[HENRY] Well, why didn’t you bring one?

[PHILLIP] You think I still own an umbrella?

[HENRY] Right. You must be getting lots of sunshine down south. Good for you.

[PHILLIP] Look, I don’t want to fight with you. I just don’t know what anyone expects me to do to fix this.

[HENRY] I don’t know, but you’re our last resort. Alex has hit a rough patch. Aimless, I think, but everyone else says it’s just laziness. He doesn’t really do much of anything except visit that girl he claims to be in love with. Honestly, he kind of reminds me of you when you were his age. Maybe you can, you know, relate to him.

[HENRY] Plus, you’re a dad and I’m not, not yet. You’re the closest thing they have to the real thing—What’s the matter?

[PHILLIP] I haven’t been much of a father lately. And I was never a very good one.

[HENRY] Is it serious? With you and that girl you’re seeing.

[PHILLIP] What makes you ask that?

[HENRY] For one thing, she doesn’t look like Courtney. And she’s clearly not a fling. It’s been over a year.

[PHILLIP] Maybe we are serious. I’m not really sure. It makes me nervous to even think about that.

[HENRY] Shelby knows her. In fact, she recognized her right away. She was one of the executives at the museum that coordinated her portrait. Apparently, she was very stubborn. Rock-ribbed. . . I can see why you’re . . . attracted to her, but she’ll be eaten alive. I know, and I don’t know what I’m going to do about it because she wants it to be serious.

[HENRY] Honestly, Phillip, I would give you advice but that’s clearly not my forte. Maybe you should just do what you always do: whatever you want. It’s gotten you this far and you’re not dead—[PHILLIP] At least not yet. One more thing, if you go down to Chester consider getting a haircut. You were paped the other day and Mom needed to be picked up off the drawing-room floor.

[PHILLIP] Right. So I can do whatever I want, but only to a point. Heh, got it.