Chengsu #18???? 💕 - @yiling-who
ahhhhh oh my goodness hello lovely!!! i've missed seeing u around! (my fault entirely i havent posted on this blog in TOO LONG)
18: please, just for one night, will you lie down next to me?
Jiang Cheng says it with his eyes closed. With the corners of his mouth forced down, with his throat, his jaw, his whole body tense to breaking point.
As if he thinks she would refuse. (As if he thinks she could ever say yes.)
He doesn't mean it. (He does.) He doesn't, because he can't. Because they both know exactly what this is, and exactly what it will mean to go back to their lives tomorrow.
The problem is that Jiang Cheng is like an open book.
Thinks he's hiding himself oh-so-well, but with one touch of kindness, one hint of someone loving those that he does, and the veneer of anger shatters. There is so much fury in his chest and snaking down his arm that no one would brush him, even distant and feather-light.
Qin Su hasn't ever really considered herself a kind person. Nor is she soft. She is poised, deliberate, built for a life of duty and made to be the partner of a great leader. Good at what she does, her hands are strong for holding her child and for playing with her boisterous nephew; her smile is edged, guarded but fawning for her husband's sake; her heart is untouched, as yet, but by the children that she cares for. (But by another.)
What Qin Su is, is a liar. A denier. With a mask of her own making that she takes off for only her children.
That shatters, just as Jiang Cheng's anger.
It's twilight, in the pavilion on the edge of Lotus Pier. Underneath the roof is a collection of cushions, blankets, set there for stargazing, for river watching, for relaxing.
Neither she nor Jiang Cheng is good at that.
Qin Su stands at the railing, overlooking the water. Drifts her hand down to brush across the lotus leaves, imagining tenderness brushing elsewhere. She listens to Jiang Cheng breaths, shaking and heavy, over the sound of the water gently lapping at the wooden props.
He's not reclining, though he had alluded to it. He sits cross-legged, as if to meditate, but his forehead is far too creased for that to be the case.
She hasn't shown him kindness, not in a way that matters. And he hasn't touched her. (Not in a way that matters.)
"They will be wondering -" she starts, all the while wanting him. to stop her. In the end, she stops herself. The words simply cut out in her throat.
Silence passes, the rustling of leaves, lapping of water. Humming of insects and birds and the late evening air.
It takes minutes. Qin Su hasn't moved, still waiting to be told not to.
"I know you can't," it comes out an angry whisper, Jiang Cheng's features tensed yet more. "I know I shouldn't want-"
He catches his own words. (Qin Su catches herself)
"No," she agrees. "Nor should I."
This side of Lotus Pier is deserted. Hidden away by mazes of walkways, and overgrown foliage. There are six paces between them, a turned back, and a pair of closed eyes. Not impossible obstacles to navigate, the physical ones. Nor the immediate ones, being as they are so hidden. No one would know. (They would know.)
Five paces, no backs turned, but all eyes closed.
Four, and intake of breath. Qin Su’s eyes downcast, but seeing.
Three, and Jiang Cheng’s hands uncurl from their tension. Open up spaces between his fingers, but does nothing with them.
Two, and their exhales are a synchronised sigh of anticipation.
One, she reaches out, and her fingers brush his cheek. His expression soften, and he leans against her hand.
He does not open his eyes, but perhaps that is for the best.