Summary: Your life had been disrupted when you found out you were the queen to be of Genovia but you found comfort in your friendship with Nicholas devereaux although, he can’t stand seeing you with other suitors. (Bad summary sorry! Reader is a bit like Mia in personality but it’s friends to lovers trope!!) [3.1k words]
Masterlist
I’m actually so proud of this thank you for the encouragement to post it!
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The moment you stepped into the marble halls of the Genovian palace, you felt entirely out of place. It wasn’t just the towering ceilings or the glittering chandeliers that made you feel small, it was the weight of what you were here to become: the next queen of Genovia. A far cry from your college life, where your biggest concern had been making it to your 8 a.m. lecture on time. Now? You had to worry about ruling a country.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi, your grandmother, had swept you into this life with an elegance and efficiency that left no room for protest. She introduced you to a whirlwind of etiquette lessons, political tutoring, and public appearances. Your every move was monitored, critiqued, polished. But none of it could prepare you for Nicholas Devereaux. He’d first appeared during your second week in Genovia, lounging casually on a garden bench as you attempted, and failed, your first fencing lesson. “You’re holding the foil wrong” he had called out, smirking as you glared at him. “And you are…?”
“Nicholas Devereaux” he said, pushing off from the bench and strolling over. He gave you a mock bow. “Distant royal in line, occasional troublemaker, and, apparently, your new fencing instructor”. You had scowled, but his charm had been undeniable. Over time, his presence became a constant in your life. He had a knack for showing up when you least expected him, teasing you out of your stress with his quick wit and easygoing demeanor. At first, you wrote him off as nothing more than a flirt, a frustratingly good-looking one at that. But slowly, he became something more.
Your friendship with Nicholas grew in stolen moments. Late-night chess games in the palace library, sneaking pastries from the kitchen, and exploring the city under the cover of darkness became your favorite escapes. One evening, after a particularly grueling day of lessons, you had flopped onto a couch in the sitting room, groaning loudly.
“Rough day, Your Highness?” Nicholas drawled, lounging on the armrest like a cat who owned the place. “I hate this” you muttered. “I’ll never get it right. How am I supposed to rule a country when I can’t even balance a tiara on my head without tripping?”. “You’re too hard on yourself” he said, surprising you with his sincerity. “No one’s born knowing how to do this. Except maybe your grandmother, but I suspect she’s part cyborg”. You laughed despite yourself, and he grinned. “See? That’s better. Less brooding, more laughing”. “Thanks, Nicholas” you said softly. “Anytime” he replied, his voice warm.
Over the months, your bond deepened. Nicholas became the person you confided in, the one who saw you not as a queen-in-training, but as yourself. He teased you mercilessly, but he was also the first to defend you when you faltered. And somewhere along the way, your feelings began to change. It was in the quiet moments that you noticed it, the way his eyes lingered on you a little too long, the way your heart skipped when he laughed, the way your day didn’t feel complete until you saw him. But you couldn’t let yourself fall for him. He was your friend, your anchor, and risking that felt unthinkable. You had to push your feelings to the back of your mind for the sake of your friendship and your royal duties.
The gardens at the Genovian palace were your sanctuary. Even after months of royal training, public appearances, and endless lessons on everything from proper curtsies to international diplomacy, the gardens remained the only place where you felt like yourself. You weren’t alone tonight, though. You rarely were these days. Nicholas Devereaux strolled into view, his easy, unhurried gait somehow both comforting and maddening. His dark suit was perfectly tailored, as always, but the crooked grin he wore was all mischief.
“Should I be offended you didn’t invite me to this secret garden retreat?” he asked, stopping a few paces away from the bench where you sat. “Should I be offended that you never seem to respect my privacy?” you shot back, not looking up from your book. He laughed softly and sat down beside you. Too close. He always did that, settled just close enough for you to feel the warmth of his presence but far enough to keep things ambiguous.
“What’s tonight’s choice?” he asked, tilting his head to glance at the cover of your book. “Ah. A romance. Star-crossed lovers, unspoken longing… That’s your favorite kind, isn’t it?” You rolled your eyes but couldn’t stop the corner of your mouth from twitching upward. “And I suppose you prefer adventure stories. Rogues, treasure maps, and far-off lands?”. “Guilty” he said, flashing that infuriating smile. “Though I think star-crossed lovers have their charm.” For a moment, you met his gaze, and the teasing smile on his face softened. There was something in his eyes you couldn’t quite name, something warm and unspoken. You looked away quickly, your heart giving an unwelcome lurch. “I suppose even you have a romantic streak buried somewhere” you said, your voice light. “You’d be surprised” he murmured.
There it was again, that shift in his tone, that undercurrent of something more. You told yourself not to read into it, not to let your imagination get the better of you. But it was becoming harder and harder to ignore the way your heart raced whenever he was near, or the way you found yourself searching for him in a crowded room. “Care to join me for a walk?” he asked, standing and offering you his hand. You hesitated. These little moments with Nicholas were becoming dangerous. The more time you spent with him, the harder it was to remind yourself of the boundaries you were supposed to keep. But when he looked at you like that, his hand outstretched and his smile just a little too sincere, you couldn’t say no.
“Fine” you said, taking his hand. His fingers closed around yours, warm and steady, and your breath hitched just slightly. You hadn’t asked to be queen. For the first eighteen years of your life, you were just a regular girl trying to make it through school. Then, seemingly overnight, you were plucked from obscurity and thrust into a world of tiaras, etiquette lessons, and constant scrutiny. Your grandmother, Queen Clarisse, was patient but firm. She had high expectations for you, and she made it clear from the beginning that your personal desires would always come second to your duty. Nicholas Devereaux had been there from the start.
You weren’t sure why. He wasn’t your advisor or your instructor, and he certainly didn’t have any official role in your training. But he always seemed to be around, offering a sarcastic quip when you were frustrated, or a genuine smile when you felt like giving up.
At first, you thought he was just another smug aristocrat. But over time, you began to see the kindness behind his teasing, the way he listened when you talked about your fears, the way he always seemed to know exactly what you needed. The first time you realized you might be in trouble was at a charity gala six months into your royal training. You’d spent hours preparing, trying to memorize the names and titles of all the important guests, practicing your smile in the mirror until your cheeks ached. By the time you arrived at the event, you felt like an imposter in your own skin. You felt conscious of the way you stood and every movement you made. You tried to hide within the crowd and that’s where Nicholas found you. Lingering near the buffet table, nervously clutching a glass of champagne.
It was first time you had seen Nicholas in formalwear, it nearly took your breath away. He looked devastatingly handsome in his suit, his hair neatly styled, though his signature roguish grin was still firmly in place.
“Careful” he teased when he caught you staring. “You’ll give me an inflated ego”. “As if it could get any bigger” you shot back, but your cheeks burned. “Plotting your escape?” he asked, leaning casually against the table. “Trying to survive” you muttered. He raised an eyebrow. “You’re doing fine. Better than fine, actually. Half the room is staring at you”. “That’s not as reassuring as you think it is” you said dryly. Nicholas smirked, but his expression softened as he studied you. “You’re overthinking it. Just… be yourself”. “Easier said than done”. “Here” he said, holding out his hand. “Dance with me”.
You blinked at him. “What?”. “Dance with me” he repeated, his tone light but his eyes steady. “You’ll feel better. I promise”. Before you could argue, he took your hand and led you onto the dance floor. The music was slow, the kind of waltz you’d been practicing for weeks. Nicholas placed one hand on your waist, the other still holding yours, and began to guide you in smooth, easy steps. “You’ve been practicing” he said, a hint of surprise in his voice. “Of course I have” you replied. “I don’t want to embarrass myself”. “You could fall flat on your face, and we’d still love you” he said.
You rolled your eyes. “That’s not helpful”. You didn’t catch the meaning of his words or the slight glimmer in his eyes when he spoke those words. He didn’t take it to heart and instead carried on with his usual teasing. He grinned. “Maybe not. But it’s true”.
As the dance continued, you felt yourself relaxing, the tension in your shoulders easing as you focused on the rhythm of the music and the warmth of his hand on your back. “You’re a better teacher than the royal choreographer” you said, surprising yourself with how soft your voice sounded. “I’ll take that as a compliment” he said, his smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
For a moment, you forgot about the crowded room, the dozens of eyes watching your every move. All you could think about was the way Nicholas was looking at you, like you were the only person in the world. The song drew to an end and you bowed to each other while holding eye contact that made both of your cheeks grow warm. You were about to speak when your moment with him was cut short when another suitor approached, bowing deeply.
“May I have this dance, Your Highness?” You glanced at Nicholas, but his expression had turned unreadable. With a sigh, you let the suitor lead you back onto the floor. As you danced, you caught sight of Nicholas leaving the ballroom, his jaw tight. You wanted to go after him but your grandmothers words rang in your ears, you had to put your royal duties first. So you turned back to the suitor who you couldn’t remember the name of and tried to school your face.
The weeks that followed were a blur of lessons, events, and late-night conversations with Nicholas. The night of the ball long forgotten. He became your anchor, the one person who made you feel like you could do this. But with every passing day, it became harder to ignore the way your feelings for him were changing. He was still your friend, still the same sarcastic, infuriating Nicholas you’d known from the start. But now, when he smiled at you, your heart skipped a beat. When he teased you, you found yourself smiling for hours afterward. And when he wasn’t there, you missed him more than you cared to admit.
The breaking point came during another ball. This time, you were dancing with a French count. A charming, handsome man who had been very vocal about his admiration for you. Nicholas was watching from the sidelines, his expression unreadable once again. “You’re quite the dancer” the count said, bring your attention back to him. His hand lingering on yours a little too long for your liking, you couldn’t help but think about how Nicholas’s hand would feel in yours. “Thank you” you replied, though your heart wasn’t in it. When the dance ended, you excused yourself and made your way to the balcony, needing a moment to breathe. Nicholas was already there, leaning against the railing.
“You’re avoiding your admirers” he said without looking at you. “Just needed some air” you replied, standing beside him. For a moment, neither of you spoke. The night was quiet, the sounds of the party muffled by the thick glass doors. “You looked… happy” Nicholas said finally, his voice low. You frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“Out there” he said, gesturing toward the ballroom. “Dancing with him”. You stared at him, trying to decipher the emotion in his voice. Was that jealousy?
“It’s my duty” you said carefully. “I have to-”. “To what?” he interrupted, turning to face you. “Marry someone you don’t care about? Pretend you’re happy when you’re not?”.“What are you saying?” you asked, your heart pounding. “I’m saying I can’t stand it” he said, his voice rising. “I can’t stand watching you with them. It drives me mad”. You stared at him, stunned. “Why do you care?” He ran a hand through his hair, his frustration evident. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to stand there and pretend I don’t-” He stopped himself, shaking his head.
“Pretend you don’t what?” you pressed, stepping closer. “Care about you” he said finally, his voice breaking. “More than I should. More than I have any right to”. The world seemed to tilt on its axis. “You… care about me?” “Of course I do” he said, his tone raw. “How could I not? You’re brilliant, and kind, and so completely out of my league it’s ridiculous”. You stared at him, your heart in your throat. “Why.. why didn’t you tell me?”. “Because you’re going to be queen” he said bitterly. “And I’m just me. I didn’t want to ruin what we have”. Tears pricked your eyes as you stepped even closer, your voice trembling. “Nicholas, you’re not ‘just you.’ You’re my best friend. My favorite person. And I… I’ve been falling for you too”.
His eyes widened, hope flickering across his face. “You mean that?” You nodded, a tear slipping down your cheek. “I mean it”. And then his lips were on yours, soft and hesitant at first, as though he couldn’t quite believe this was real. But when you kissed him back, he deepened the kiss, pulling you against him as the world faded away.
The days that followed were a blur of stolen moments and whispered promises. You and Nicholas agreed to keep your relationship private for now, knowing that the press would have a field day if they found out. But hiding your feelings wasn’t easy, especially when every glance, every touch, every shared smile felt like a secret too big to contain. Queen Clarisse, ever perceptive, confronted you one afternoon in the palace gardens.
“You and Nicholas seem… close” she said, her tone carefully neutral. You hesitated. “He makes me happy, Grandmother”. Clarisse sighed, her expression softening. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. But the path you’ve chosen won’t be easy”. “I know” you said, determination in your voice. “But he’s worth it”.
The last few weeks had been everything. You and Nicholas were as close as ever and you could only hope to have a good reaction when you finally made your relationship public but that wasn’t the cause of the knot in your stomach at the moment. No, somethings much more frightening was on the verge of happening. Tomorrow was your coronation. Something that had been weeks, months even years in the making all came down to tomorrow. You couldn’t make a fool of yourself but you being you that was going to be difficult. Multitudes of things could go wrong. You could trip and break the crown. You could sneeze and knock the crown to the floor. You could-
Your spiralling thoughts were interrupted by a tap at your window. Then another tap and then another. You opened your curtains to see Nicholas waiting below, grinning up at you with that lovestruck smile he always wore while looking at you. You couldn’t help but smile back, some of the tension already leaving you just at the sight of him. He whispered for you to come down. It was risky leaving the night of your coronation when you knew most people’s attention was on you at the moment but you couldn’t pass up on time spent with Nicholas.
As quietly and carefully as you could you climbed down your window. Nicholas picked you up a step from the ground preventing you from falling like you probably would. You stared at each other giggling before he put you down and took your hand in his leading you to a tree near the lake out of sight. Just you two. And that’s where you spent most of the night, giggling and holding each other. He spoke sweet, reassuring words to you while you were wrapped in his arms. Then he led you back to your window so you could get some sleep before you big day. He gave you one last passionate kiss that conveyed his love and reassurance before he watched you safely climb back to your room.
The last words he said to you before winking and walking away were “see you tomorrow, your majesty” if he wasn’t a whole floor away you could have lightly smacked him. You could hear his small laughter while he walked away. All you could do was shake your head with a smile of your own.
Tomorrow arrived too soon and with all the pomp and circumstance you had come to expect. The cathedral was filled with dignitaries and citizens, their eyes fixed on you as you took your place at the altar. But your gaze kept drifting to Nicholas, who stood near the back of the room, his eyes locked on you. When the crown was placed on your head, the cheers of the crowd filled the air, but all you could think about was the man who had been by your side through it all.
Later, at the coronation ball, Nicholas finally pulled you aside. “Your Majesty” he said teasingly, bowing low. You rolled your eyes, grabbing his hand and pulling him to his feet. “Don’t start” He laughed, his grin softening into something more tender. “I’m proud of you”. “Thank you” you said, your voice filled with emotion. “For everything”.
He kissed you then, right there in the middle of the ballroom, the world fading away as the orchestra played on. And for the first time, you felt like you could truly breathe, because you weren’t facing this journey alone. You had Nicholas. And that was enough.
Disclaimer: I am not the author of these stories, just sharing my favourite James T. Kirk stories. Find the authors' links below. If you want your work removed, message me privately.
✵ 7 Minutes in Turbolift Heaven by imamotherfuckingstar-lord • 18+ • 〔F〕 •
Summary: As a translator on the Enterprise you love your job, you do; unfortunately your Captain can't help but be a pain in the ass. You and Jim walk the fine line between love and hate, always bickering, always getting under each other's skin, and everyone's noticed…
✵ Blankets of Fortitude by kaitymccoy123 • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "…[Jim's] been working very hard for the last few weeks, so you decide to surprise him with a gift (may or may not be a blanket fort)."
✵ Bridge, the by imagines-for-the-fangirls-soul • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: You and Jim celebrate your anniversary on the bridge of the enterprise.
✵ First Sign of Trouble by kaitymccoy123 • 〔F᜶M〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "You both are badasses, and you save lives, though you need a little help to save your own."
✵ Girl Friend, the by thatfanficstuff • 〔A〕 •
Summary: "You [and Jim] did everything together from nearly getting yourselves killed joyriding in a certain car to Starfleet to the Enterprise. You were also there for every girlfriend, every broken heart and every one-night stand. Well, not actually there, that would be awkward. But you did learn from an early age not to befriend any of Jim's women. They either came crying to you when the relationship reached its inevitable end or blamed you for the break up."
✵ I'm Here by writingwithadinosaur • 〔F᜶A〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "You are captured with the others [by] Krall and his men. You are injured badly, but your knight in shining armor comes riding in on a… motorcycle?"
✵ Jukebox Love by ladyideal • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "You finished the last of the negotiations on a foreign planet. Ending the night, Jim promised you a day out to explore the city... Finding an antique store, you found a still working mini jukebox on sale. It didn't take long for Jim to buy it for you, and he realized that all he needed was you by his side."
✵ Like Air by annathewitch • 16+ • 〔A᜶C〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "You're trying to forget about your relationship problems by drowning your sorrows, when a Starfleet Captain appears."
✵ Lonely by grandtheftstarship • 〔A〕 •
Summary: "Jim's constant playing starts to get the best of you."
✵ Losing Sleep Over You by octopodeez • 〔F〕 •
Summary: {…}
✵ Of the Expanse of Outer Space by pendragonfics • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "Laying in bed, [you think] over the times [you] spent with Jim in Starfleet."
d.c. kinda fumbled the second wonder woman movie but i got more chris pine and pedro pascal so who am i to complain 
steve trevor x afab!reader
You tapped your foot impatiently, excitement bubbling in your heart. Today was the day you have been waiting for since the war had began. Steve was being shipped home today.
You grasped your hands together nervously as you saw an automobile approach your house. Practically sprinting off the porch you came to greet them. A few officers stepped out and for a brief moment your heart sank.
"Had he not come home..he said he was okay a week ago. I still have the letter. Please let him be alive".
To your relief you saw his large figure step out of the vehicle. His arm was being held in a sling while his face was covered in bruises and cuts.
"Steve...you came back" was all you could muster before you walked over to him and gave him the biggest and tightest hug you've ever given.
"I'm so glad you came back safe to me"Happiness overwhelmed your soul as you felt him in your arms. This was the moment you had waited so long for.
"Hi Y/n...I don't think you understand how much I missed your hugs. You made all this worth it you know." He murmured,placing a kiss atop your head. He was clearly tired and you were eager to have him lie down and just rest.
He spoke a bit with his officers before following you inside. His large hand wrapped around your significantly smaller one. You helped him with every little thing from walking up the steps to taking his shoes off.
"Y/n it's ok doll...I can do things on my own" He chuckled, attempting to unbutton his shirt only to have his hand swatted away.
"I know my love but you've been through so much and this is the least you deserve. I want to hear all about the time you spent but for now I just want to be in your presence." You replied , fumbling with the last button. Men's clothes were always so hard for you to work with.
Steve just smiled and undid it like it was nothing. "You've been stressed darling..come here". He opens his good arm, indicating he wants to cuddle. With no hesitation you lay on his chest , gently kissing his neck. It felt like home.
"I love you Steve..thank you for protecting us…and coming back for me" you said,tears filling your eyes.
"I love you so much y/n" He started before tears began to fall as well. "I was so scared...I'm just so glad I get to come home to you". His breath became labored.
You just hugged him close until he calmed down. "Let's get some rest...I just want to sleep beside you again”.
Hi, hope your having a great day! So, I would love for you to write this prompt: in a interview reader is asked who is her favorite Chris, she says Pine (he’s actually my celebrity crush!), and later in the week they are meeting each other and he can’t stop teasing her (at the end, he reveals he reciprocate her feelings and asks her on a date)
Hi, hope your having a great day! So, I would love for you to write this prompt: in a interview reader is asked who is her favorite Chris, she says Pine (he’s actually my celebrity crush!), and later in the week they are meeting each other and he can’t stop teasing her (at the end, he reveals he reciprocate her feelings and asks her on a date)
Doing press wasn't always your favorite part of your job but it was a necessary evil.
Today, you were doing a bunch of interviews for a new movie starring you and Chris Pine.
"So, Y/N, you have worked with all of the Hollywood Chris' now. Which one is your favorite?"
You laughed at the question. Everyone was so obsessed with the Chris' and you found it hilarious. They were all really nice guys, silly and dorky in their own specific ways.
"Well, I love and respect them all but there is something about Chris Pine. I think its those eyes. You can get lost in those things if you arent careful."
The interviewer laughs and nods in agreement.
"He is pretty dreamy. Must have been easy to do those love scenes huh?"
She says.
"Isn't he though? Let's just say it wasn't a rough day on set on those days."
You joke with a wink to the camera.
The interview finishes and not long after, you are done for the day, with no more press until the middle of the week.
A few days later, you are brought to a hotel for the next round of interviews.
This time, you have company.
"Hey, Y/N, long time no see."
Chris walks up and gives you a big hug.
"Hey, I didn't know you would be here!"
"Yeah, we are doing this round together."
He says, letting you go.
"Thank goodness, I hate doing them by myself. It'll be nice to have some back up."
Chris gives you a odd smile.
"Are you sure you can handle it? I hear I'm pretty dreamy and if you're not careful, you can get lost in my eyes."
He chuckles as you turn red and look down at your feet.
"You heard about that huh?"
Embarrassment fills your voice as he continues to laugh.
"Sure did."
Just then, you are told the room is ready for you two and you head in.
"After you, I wouldn't want you to get distracted walking behind me."
You sigh.
"Is this how its going to be all day?"
He shrugs.
"Maybe."
Rolling your eyes you sit down next to him and wait for the long string of questions to begin.
Eight hours and what seemed like four dozen interviews later, you are finally done.
"Y/N, wait!"
Chris calls after you.
"What? Want me to look into your eyes to see how long it takes to get lost in them? Or do you want me to walk behind you so I can watch your dreamy ass walk away?"
He had kept the jokes going throughout the day, teasing you a bit between each interview. You were annoyed at first but eventually you found it funny and could finally joke about it.
"No, actually, I was wondering if you would like to grab dinner with me?"
His expression changed as the question came out from joking to serious in an instant.
"Like a date?"
You ask, secretly hoping that was what he meant.
"Yeah, look I know I was teasing you about it but when I heard what you had said about me, it made me happy. I like you Y/N. I really like you."
You watch his face for any sign of a punchline to a joke you weren't getting but instead, only see compete sincerity.
"I like you too, Chris. I would love to have dinner with you."
You finally answer.
Chris smiles, holding out his arm for you to take as the two of you head off for your very first date.
A snowy day inside with your loving husband. >posted 11/30/17
Christmas at the Cabin (moodboard)
Wild Blooms
FDR Foster x reader (This Means War)
When FDR’s florist moves away, he is forced to find another place to get flowers for dinner on Saturday nights at Nana’s. Luckily he's found you. >posted 5/30/18
You Fight Good
Steve Trevor x reader
Your neighbor wants to walk you home when he sees you out, but things don’t go according to plan. >posted 6/11/18
Fandom: Star Trek
Pairings/characters: Jim Kirk x reader (but not really), Leonard McCoy, mention of Spock
Words: 2359
Warnings: Use of medication, use of possible addictive medication, insomnia, nightmares, almost graphic description of a disturbing dream
Note:
A somewhat self-indulgent story that I posted a little while ago, but had panic about after a few hours and then deleted. It felt too personal, too self-indulgent, amongst other things. I planned on giving it some time, and then rewrite it so it was less personal. I did give it time, but I haven't rewritten it, just edited. And now I'm giving it another go, hoping that I don't panic this time around and telling myself so fucking what if it's self-indulgent. And hopefully people enjoy it because I do like this story.
Summary:
Having suffered from insomnia for a long time, Jim is the only thing that manages to calm me enough to function when it gets bad. But Jim is off on a mission...
"You look like something the cat dragged in, Commander."
"Thanks a lot, Doctor." I glared up at Leonard McCoy as he towered over me. Even if I couldn't stand the stuff, I was now on my third cup of coffee of the day. But I was also on my fourth day of barely any sleep, and I was desperate for something to keep me alert.
"Have you had trouble sleeping again?"
I downed the last of the coffee, cringing as the bitter liquid made its way down and sat the cup down on my empty lunch tray. I closed my eyes for a moment and grit my teeth, trying not to snap at the obvious question. "Looks that way."
The doctor sat down at the other side of the table and looked at me with worry, not even phased by my annoyance. "I've seen you getting worse the last few days, Commander. Why haven't you come to see me?"
"What you gave me three days ago made me wake up after four hours with a nightmare from hell. I'm still seeing ghosts in broad daylight."
He pursed his lips. "Please stop by the medbay at 2200 hours. We'll try something else."
I sighed, knowing that there was only one thing that would help, and it was not something our Chief Medical Officer could provide no matter how good he was. But I nodded. "Yes, doc." Then I pulled myself to my feet, grabbed the tray and went to put it back in the replicator for recycling.
For as long as I could remember, I'd had some form of insomnia. It hadn't been a problem when I was younger, I had been more energetic, more durable, not to mention more careless. But as I got older it got worse. Most of the time I managed to keep it under control, but sometimes it took on a life of its own. And when it did that, there was no medication, meditation or treatment that worked better than the captain of the ship, my boyfriend.
There was just something about Jim that calmed my mind like nothing else.
Funnily enough, insomnia was what brought us together. I had been wandering around the ship one night, after several nights of little sleep. Finding myself in the briefing room, I had sat down in the chair reserved for the captain, put my feet up on the table and gazed out at the streaking stars. After a few minutes of silence, the door had slid open and Captain Kirk had walked in. We were already on friendly terms, so I hadn't bothered taking my feet off the table or giving him the chair, even when he made a joke about it being his.
He'd been having trouble sleeping too, claiming his mind was running at warp 5 after an exhausting meeting in that very briefing room earlier in the day. He'd chosen to go back there in the hopes that it would clear his head.
We sat next to each other, him in the First Officer's chair and I kept occupying his, and chatted for a while. All the while we both seemed to gravitate more and more towards each other and I got sleepier at the same time, until I fell asleep with my head on his shoulder. He had gathered me up in his arms and ordered a site to site transport, dropped me off on my bed and pulled a blanket over me, before going back to his quarters, falling asleep as well. After that, our friendship had shifted and things escalated quickly from there.
Now though, he and Spock and several admirals were trying to work out a peace treaty between the Federation and the Klingon Empire. We had dropped them off on a colony near the Neutral Zone and had then gone off to survey a newborn nebula a couple of systems over. We weren't scheduled to go back for them for another two or three days, the trip itself took a whole day. And my body was kind enough to refuse to sleep properly without Jim now, no matter how much in control of the insomnia I was.
I made it through the day somehow, with at least two more disgusting cups of coffee. Thankfully, there was more than enough to do in Engineering that I decided to not leave once my shift was over, it was better to keep working than sitting in my quarters and feeling like I had been in the middle of a warp core breach. As soon as Jim and Spock came back, Starfleet wanted us to check out an uninhabited planet that a passing cargo ship had detected held large deposits of deuterium and our long-range sensors had detected too much atmospheric disturbance for transporting, so we had to adjust the shielding on several shuttlepods. I was barely conscious when I stumbled into the medbay at 2200 hours.
"Not looking any better, I see." Bones appeared out of nowhere and would have scared the daylights out of me if I hadn't been so sluggish.
"Your bedside manners are always so lovely."
He ushered me over to a biobed and pulled a tricorder from one of his pockets.
"There's no need to scan me. We both know what's wrong. Just give me what you think I need and I'll be off." I looked at the tricorder with annoyance.
He didn't answer but started scanning me anyway, so I sat there patiently, closing my tired eyes and listening to the whirring of the device. "It's a wonder they haven't found a cure for this yet, after 200 years of research," he muttered to himself.
I looked up at him and saw him analysing the results. "You've found a cure for some pretty serious viruses on your career, why don't you find the cure for this?" I argued.
"This isn't a virus, sweetheart."
"Still, I'm sure you're brilliant enough to find a solution." Bones always said that flattery would get you nowhere with him, but I found that more often than not, he enjoyed having his ego stroked. He was that good too.
He just huffed and went over to a cabinet. I saw him pull out a vial and fill up a hypospray. "I know you have tried this before and it didn't work so well. But that was a few years ago, it might work better for you now." I nodded and obediently bared my neck to him. One touch of the cold metal to my skin and it was done. "I want you to go straight to bed now. It should work quickly and you have to be in bed when it does."
"Yes, sir."
It did not work. Or, I did sleep through the night, but the dreams had me waking up more exhausted than if I hadn't slept at all. It had been worse than last time, the irrational, weird and disgusting dreams had just come at me, one after the other. I would honestly prefer good old-fashioned nightmares over this. I called Bones as soon as I had showered away the night and he was at my door by the time I had dressed.
"Sit down," he barked, the tricorder out and a deep furrow between his brows. "What happened?"
I told him all about the night, even gave him some snippets of the nasty dreams for emphasis, each one of them still crystal clear and disturbing in my mind. The way he cringed at some of it, told me just how disturbing they had been. It wasn't normal to dream that you're pooping out severed arms, after all. *
"This is very strange," he said after he was done scanning. "Barely any light or deep sleep at all. Dream sleep almost all night. I've heard about a few phenomena that cause a person to not have any dream sleep at all, but not nothing but dream sleep. You're not getting any more of this medication, and I'm making a note in your medical file."
I sighed, trying to think about what I could do to help myself that night. But Bones had suddenly gone very quiet. I looked up at him and there was a deep furrow between his brows, his eyes gazing down at the tricorder, but it looked like he was mentally lightyears away. "What's wrong, doc?"
He didn't react right away, but then he blinked and looked down at me. "There is something we can try, but it can be highly addictive if the dosage is off by even a fraction. Call Scotty and tell him you'll be a bit late. I need to take some blood for analysing."
All through that day, I felt a bit apprehensive about what Bones was planning on giving me later. And I missed Jim so much it ached. This was the worst it had been without him and it was also the longest we had gone without each other since we got together. I missed him because of his absence, of course. But in my sleep-deprived state, it felt a million times worse. It felt like there was a gaping, bleeding hole inside me where he should be. I needed him to calm my mind, to kiss me and tell me it's okay if I can't sleep, that I'll sleep when I'm ready and he would be there with me all the while. I needed him to breathe with me. I needed to feel him. He was able to relax me enough that I could function.
After working well past my shift again and forcing down too many cups of coffee, I forced back tears of exhaustion and desperation and went to the medbay, got the mysterious hypospray and went straight to bed.
Apart from the fact that I woke up every ten to fifteen minutes, this one worked a lot better. In the morning, I felt less like I had been hit with a meteor shower and more like I had just tumbled through a thick atmosphere without a spacesuit. Bones came to check up on me in engineering after lunch and I asked if I could get a higher dosage, hoping that maybe that would finally be what helped me sleep through the night. But he refused, he had given me as much as my body could handle without becoming addicted or suffering other nasty side effects. In defeat, I told him if I couldn't have a higher dosage, I didn't want it at all. Then I started counting the hours until Jim came home, and drank all the coffee I could stomach so I wouldn't feel like a zombie.
I was just starting to doze off. It was probably just an hour or so until my alarm, but I let sleep take me. I would take anything I could get. What felt like just a minute later though, the computer spoke to me.
"The time is 0630 hours. The time is 0630 hours."
"No no no," I moaned in annoyance, screwing my eyes shut to the illumination in the room becoming stronger. But then a pair of lips landed on my cheek.
"Forgot to turn that off," someone said.
I didn't process this right away, but in the back of my head I knew that voice and knew it was important, so I forced myself to open my eyes to the way too bright room. Jim was there next to me and judging by his one barely open eye, he had just woken up too. "Hi..."
My heart was beating wildly in my chest, the room seemed to be spinning a little, my vision getting blurry, but then he smiled with his eyes closed and started to clumsily kiss my cheek and jaw and everything cleared up.
"When did you come home?" I whispered.
Jim didn't answer but kept trying to kiss me, but he was struggling, he too seemed exhausted, not able to aim. "A while. Laid down minutes ago. Tired. Want lips."
I made a happy sound and rolled around to face him. He opened his eyes a fraction, revealing the brilliant blue I loved so much. His lips landed on my nose, then my cheek before finally finding my lips. The gaping aching hole inside me seemed to vanish. I moved closer, pressing my lips and my body to his and everything inside me seemed to settle down, mind was quiet, all tension washed away. When I needed air, I pulled back just enough so I could stare into his eyes and see every little shade of blue in them. "You're home."
"The time is 0635 hours. The time is 0635 hours."
"Home and tired." His breath washed over me when he spoke and I wanted to breathe nothing but him for the rest of my life.
"Ditto. Haven't slept since you left."
"I know, Bones told me. I'm so sorry, Supernova."
"'s okay. Just missed you." My voice broke, and all the frustrations from the past week made a few tears fall. Jim snuck one of his arms around my waist and I moved even closer, burying my face into his neck, breathing in the smell of stars and nebulas and galaxies. "How were the peace talks?" I asked between lazy kisses to the soft skin on the side of his neck.
Jim didn't reply right away. Instead, he kissed my hair, breathing it in for a moment. "Exhausting. I'll tell you all about it later."
"The time is 0640 hours. The time is 0640 hours."
"Have to get up," I mumbled against his skin, but my entire body felt like lead in Jim's arms.
"Computer, turn off the alarm." A gentle beep confirmed it was now turned off. Then Jim pulled back just enough to look into my eyes. "Bones told me to tell you that he has declared you not fit for duty today and that he has ordered bed rest, and if you disobey his orders, he will not hesitate to have you strapped to a biobed with a force field."
I blinked. "But..."
"And your Captain concurs. He recommends you spend the day with him in bed and sleep." He was grinning at me. "He's been flying fancy admirals in a shuttle all night and is in need of some tender loving care from the love of his life."
I knew there were things I had to do in Engineering. It would take time and almost all the Engineering staff to get the shuttlepods ready in time for exploring the deuterium planet. But as I looked into Jim's eyes, I felt exhaustion all the way to my bone marrow, and there was no point arguing with that, or the Captain and the Chief Medical Officer. I teared up with relief and buried my face in Jim's neck again.
Jim settled down on his back and pulled me halfway on top of him. I swallowed down my emotions and rested my head on his shoulder, tangled my legs with his, and laid my arm across his stomach. Peace filled me and I barely had time to mumble love you before I was fast asleep.
Note:
* Yes, I have actually dreamed that as a side effect of taking melatonin.
