📖 for my muse to find a diary entry yours
It’s been hard for me to concentrate lately. I hope that in writing down some of my thoughts, I can let them go.
Yes, I can focus through all hell breaking loose in the company, through 48 hours straight of working with no sleep... and yet become distracted because of one woman.
I don’t know how not to sound ridiculous and cliche, here. Literally every person on the planet says that someone they have feelings for is kind, smart, funny, and attractive... unless one or both parties is an asshole. That’s probably true of most people on any planet, for that matter.
But it’s not because of something so generic. Okay, so the fact that she showed up at my door with her hair down and biceps on full display in a tank top probably had something to do with it getting started. And that she’s so tall, and
It’s really in the details. The way conversation flows between us, the way we can talk about intellectual subjects on a level that I only rarely find with people -- and I learn from her, too. There are times where she looks at me in a certain way and I feel understood. She’s been so kind to me right from our first meeting that it sometimes feels overwhelming. I hope I don’t one of these days start crying in front of her because of it. I’ve almost done that.
There’s a lot about her that I don’t know, but what I do know is that, if she wants to tell me, I want to know everything. I won’t push, though. I have a feeling things haven’t always been easy for her, and I would never want to make her feel uncomfortable.
Still, I hope that one day we’ll be able to know each other quite intimately well.
I don’t intend to tell her my feelings, though. I’m fairly positive she could date any woman, man, or other person at all that she wanted. I’m fairly positive anybody attracted to women would, like me, practically faint the first time she really smiles at them. It’s hard to imagine that she would choose me.
But Diana the woman is an amazing and I’m so happy just to be her friend. It never needs to go further than that, and I don’t expect it to. Perhaps I just need to give these feelings some time to sit and fade away.