#colette writes

[perpetuallyeepy]

So if you still want some promts... can you do something where micheal has anxiety(seems like he does coming from someone with anxiety) and him like scared to tell Jeremy cause he's worried he'll think something's wrong with him and won't like him anymore

I AM VERY SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO INCREDIBLY LONG. Also, Jermy and Michael are in like sixth or seventh grade when this happens. 

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Michael breathed in and out. He picked up his backpack and walked over to Jeremy’s house with a purpose. Michael had told Jeremy he had needed to talk to Jeremy about something important. He kept trying to focus on his feet to calm him down. The plan was to tell Jeremy about his anxiety and hope he doesn’t think he’s weird and never wants to talk to him. Logically, he knew that Jeremy cared for him and this most likely wouldn’t change that but what if? He couldn’t keep this from him anymore because it felt like a secret and he didn’t like keeping secrets from Jeremy.

When Michael arrived he knocked on Jeremy’s door with their special knock. Jeremy opened the door. Michael was greeted with a hug and a concerned Jeremy. They walked up to Jeremy’s room in an uncomfortable silence. Jeremy flopped on his bed and Michael sat in the desk chair.

“So Michael, what did you want to talk about?” Jeremy said nervously. Michael closed his eyes and took in a deep breath looking anywhere but Jeremy’s eyes.

“So, I have this thing, and you’ve probably heard the name and stuff and I don’t want you to get the wrong idea and I don’t want you to freak out but, I have general anxiety,” Michael said all in one breath.

“Oh thank god!” Michael’s head whipped up to look at Jeremy.

“What?” Jeremy smiled.

“I thought you were gonna say you had cancer or something, I thought you were dying.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“So is there anything I like to need to do so you’re more comfortable?” Michael was shocked. Jeremy didn’t hate him, or think he was crazy?

“Uh well if I ever have a panic attack um don't’ touch me and I probably won’t be able to communicate so don’t get mad. Wait so you don’t hate me?”

“Hate you? Why would I hate you you’re my best friend I could never hate you!” Jeremy walked over and gave Michael a hug. Michael smiled wide.

“Do you want to go play video games now?”

“Yeah, so I can beat your ass at Mario cart.”

“Michael!” Jeremy scolded him for the swear word. As the boys headed to the basement where the game consoles were, they continued their usual banter. That went much better than Michael expected.

[perpetuallyeepy]

"I don't deserve to be loved" with either sprace or jackcrutchie

Whew. So I decided on Jack/Crutchie and this is a modern AU. Snyder was an abusive foster parent and Crutchie (as in that headcanon post I made.) Has a prosthetic leg which is why his crutch isn’t mentioned.

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I run out of the gym because I can’t take it. That goddamn Delancy. “You know you gotta stop fidgeting with the ball before you throw it, then again you’re just an artsy piece of shit who knows nothing about sports so what should I expect” How was he supposed to know? He couldn’t have. I reach a bathroom, the one where no one goes because everyone thinks it’s haunted. I sink to the ground and put my hands over my ears. They won’t shut up. “No, no, no.” I keep breathing but I feel like I can’t. ‘You’re awful you know, stealing from those people.’ ‘Stop fidgeting Jack you look fucking stupid’ “STOP IT STOP IT” I yell. I can’t make it stop. I start to rock back and forth to try and calm myself. But this isn’t a normal panic attack. ‘Now that I think about it you’re pretty ugly’ ‘Who would ever love you? I certainly don't’ Why-why did he have to bring back all the things Snyder said. I can’t do anything so I just continue to sit while I wait for it to be over. I listen to the voices. I start to think that he was right. “Jack? Oh Jack.” I hear his voice but iI'munable to respond. It’s Crutchie. Crutchie he’s your friend he likes you it’s alright. But what if he just feels sorry for me? What if he secretly hates me? Of course he does I’m awful. I’m pathetic. I’m ugly. “Jack, if you can hear me I need you to breath with me okay?” I try to nod but I fear it doesn’t come across. “In, 1,2,3,4, hold, 1,2,3,4, release, 1,2,3,4.” I try to comply but the voices are loud and I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

It’s been… I don’t know how long. I’m kinda going along with Crutchie’s words. “In, hold and out” I begin to mutter. The voices are still there, spouting their truths but they keep getting more and more quiet. “Hey Jack, if you can speak right now can you tell me what’s wrong or how I can help?” I’m still swaying back and forth and an unstoppable reply comes out of my mouth.“I don’t, I don’t des,deser, deserve to be, t-to be loved.” I gasp and begin sobbing.

“Oh, Jack, oh no , that’s not true.” I keep sobbing

“I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m”

“Jack, if you can, listen to me.” He takes my hand and I squeeze it. His touch helps bring me back.

“You are beautiful and kind and amazing. You never fail to make me laugh; Which is a difficult feat, you should be proud. You give so much. You give to your art, to me to the whole gang, to those kids at the home. You have such an amazing smile.” My breathing slows. The voices are now barely a murmur. I lift my head and wrap my arms around his waist and cry quietly into his shirt. “You’re safe.” He starts to comb through my hair with his fingers. I move away and wipe my eyes.I’m fine now, the voices are gone. “Crutch i’m sorry”“What for? Don’t be sorry there’s nothing to be sorry about.You have helped me through many panic attacks.” He frowns with concern. He cares I breath a sigh of relief. If he didn’t he would have left right?

“I know, I just, my brain and…. yeah.” He begins to shift uncomfortably and he won’t meet my eyes. What did I do?

“Jack I love you.” Oh

“What?” I say with disbelief. “Like in a friends kind of way?” He looks up and blushes. He’s real cute like that.

“Um well, um no. Inamorethatfriendskindofway. But maybe I shouldn’t have brought this up, you just had a panic attack and I was trying to let you know that you were loved and I’m sorry.” I smile. Crutchie loves me! He loves me, and I love him and–Oh. “Hey Crutch?”

“Uh yeah, Jack?” He meets me eyes.

“I love ya too.” He smiles and I think he knows where this is going.

“In a more than friends kind of way?” I nod.

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” I lean forward and put me hands on his shoulders.

“Can I kiss you now.” He blushes again. Can he try to be less adorable .

“Yes!”  Our lips meet and his mouth is warm. I move my hands to his cheeks. He has such soft skin. “Jack?” he mumbles against my lips.

“Mmm yeah” We pull apart.

“As much as I love this. We probably need to get back to gym the period is going to end.

“Oh! Sorry, how long have we been here?”

“About forty minutes.”

“Oh shit.” I stand up and grab his hand to help him up.

“You have nice hands you know that?”

“Sounds like you have a crush.” Crutchie sings and pokes my stomach.

“How could I not, you’re adorable and the literal ray of sunshine in my life.” I wrap my arm around his shoulder as we walk back to the gym.

“You’re such a sap.”

“What can I say? I write poems under only the light of the moon about how amazing you are.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Yeah.” I’m nod joking but he doesn’t need to know that. We’re suddenly faced with the gym door. “Hey, how about we just grab our stuff from the locker room and leave?” I day with a bit of a tremble.

“Yeah okay.” Crutchie smiles but I can still see a lingering amount of concern. So I turn towards him and say; “Hey, I’ll be okay. Let’s just get through this day, alright?”

“Alright.”

[perpetuallyeepy]

I hope you still take prompts for Be More Chill fics, but Michael is getting picked on and Jeremy comes and saves him maybe??

Jeremy walked out of his last class of the day to meet Michael at his locker so they could head to his house and play apocalypse of the damned. He rounded the corner and stopped dead in his tracks. 

“Hey, loser what’s with the long face? Did your boyfriend break up with you?” 

The scene that lay before his eyes was awful. A senior on the football team and a couple of his buddies had Michael backed into a corner, his eyes were wide with fear.

 “And what are these?” another guy yanks at his headphone. The guys chuckled. Jeremy wasn’t the kind to confront people, in fact, it made him terrified. He could feel the adrenaline pulsing through him already as he fumbled around in his backpack for what he was looking for. Jeremy pulled any ounce of courage he had and walked towards Michael. 

“Ahem” The guys turned around with force. ‘It’s like an acting exercise’ he told himself. The guy who appeared to be the leader of the group pulled his face into a smirk and spoke in a haughty tone, “And who are you?” “His boyfriend,” Jeremy said as he pointed with the hand that wasn’t hidden behind his back.

“Oh?” The rest of the group laughed while the guy stepped closer to Jeremy with his arms crossed.

“Yeah, and you’re going to leave. Him. Alone.”

“What are you going to make me? You look like a fucking pole.” Jeremy smiled and pulled the taser he was hiding and pressed it into the guy’s side. The guy dropped to the floor in pain. He looked up to his group of lackeys, who all wore faces of utter shock, and held the taser up with force and purpose. They all regained their sense and ran away. Jeremy turned his attention back to their leader.

“And if you ever mess with my boyfriend again I will put this thing on a higher voltage.” The guy got up and ran off. Jeremy dropped to the floor, having used up all his energy.

“Oh my god I can’t believe I did that oh my god oh my god.” Michael breathed a sigh of relief and then got up and sat next to Jeremy.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Jeremy was breathing a little too heavy for Michael’s taste. He grabbed Jeremy’s hands and pulled him so they were sitting with knees touching.

“Thank you, what you did was brave.” Jeremy looked relieved and breathed in deeper.

“W-w-why were they being like that anyway?”

“I uh accidentally ran into the big one.”

“Oh okay.”

“Where did the taser come from anyway?” Jeremy’s face became the slightest bit saddened.

“It belonged to my mom.” knowing didn’t like to dwell on the subject he let it go.

“Are you good?” Jeremy nodded. And Michael pulled him closer until their lips met. The kiss was short and quick but restored Jeremy’s energy.

“Hey, can we go play video games now?” Michael smiled wide and stood up. He extended his hand towards Jeremy and spoke, “Most definitely.”

[perpetuallyeepy]

The Cardigan

Wow, that’s a dumb title. So today I tried to write some angst, I hope you guys like it.

Summary: Jeremy finds out his mom left

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Jeremy

I get home from school; today has been just awful. I slam the door and stomp to the kitchen when I am stopped by the sight of my dad. He’s sitting at the table clutching a letter with tears streaming down his face. “Dad?” I ask with concern. “Wha- Oh Jeremy.” He sounds so sad and broken and that’s when I see mom’s cardigan, sitting on the table folded neatly with a card saying: To Jeremy. Something inside me drops. I feel realization hit me. “Dad, she’s not coming back is she.” It feels like a part of me has been ripped out. “No son, no she’s not.” He breaks out into another wave of sobs and I can’t take it. I grab the cardigan and run up the stairs. I hold back tears while I pack my bag. As I run out of the door I tell my dad, “I'm going to Michael’s.”

I’m running, I'm running away from my dad, away from the sadness, hoping that it won’t catch up with me. I almost bang on Michael’s door. I knock. The sadness catches up. I feel wet, hot tears stream down my face because I can’t hold it in any longer. “Jeremy!” Michael says excitedly. Then he sees my face. “Jer, hey what’s wrong.” I shove my body into his and wrap my arms around him and start sobbing, big ugly snotty sobs. Michael wraps his arms around me and rubs circle into my back. “Mom Jeremy’s staying over tonight”

“Okay don’t get too loud.”

“Hey bud, we’re gonna move down to the couch in the basement”

“Oh-okay.” I separate from Michael and walk down the stairs. The sobs keep coming and as soon as we reach the couch I wrap my arms back around Michael. We sit there for a bit while I keep crying. Michael has moved to smooth my hair down. After my sobs turn into tears Michael clears his throat “Um, Jeremy you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but why are you crying?” I take a deep breath in.

“She- my mom she’s not coming back.” Once I say it all becomes real, why she left.

“Oh god, it’s all my fault.”

“What no why would you say that.” He pushes me away from his chest so he can get a better look at me.

“B-because she was always saying how sh-sh-she didn’t really want kids a-and mayb-b-by she wouldn’t have left i-if I wasn’t alive.”I break out into another wave of sobs.

“Oh, Jer I'm sure that’s not true. If anything I need you alive please don’t die, I and your dad need you here.”

“Michael, you know I'm always Heere.” I laugh humorlessly. That’s when I remember the cardigan.

“She left me something.”

“Oh?” I pull it out of my bag. I’ve stopped crying but I feel as if the tears would come back at any moment.

“Yep, it was her favorite.” I put it on, and I realize my twelve-year-old body is way too small for the thing.But it's soft and I breathe in her smell. Michael is watching me with concern.

“Wow, dude I know this sucks for you and, I’m um I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful, do you want to play Pac-man or something? “ I pull the sleeves up and try to fill some of what she’s left.

“Sure Michael let’s play Pac-man.”

Michael

Jeremy cried several more times and I don’t really know how to handle it. I just hold him and hope that it’s enough.I just want him happy again but I know that won’t work, his mom left him. I don’t know what I would do without my mom. I’m suddenly filled with anger at her. Why did she leave why did she choose to do this? I doubt anger is what Jeremy needs right now though. I look at the clock and it’s eleven-thirty. “Hey, Jer do you wanna maybe go to sleep?” I say with a yawn. He gives me a look of uncertainty.

“Um yeah could we uh maybe sleep next to each other I’m afraid of uh you know what nevermind, nevermind.” He turns away with his hands crumpled inside the cardigan.

“No, Jeremy that’s fine let's do that okay?” He gives me a weak smile and I know that I will say yes to anything that makes him feel even the least bit better. We set up the sleeping bags. Jeremy lies down, still wearing the cardigan, and instantly falls asleep. I lay on my back and watch his chest rise and fall.

[perpetuallyeepy]

I found this poem I wrote in eighth grade: I am cracked but not broken I don't want to become broken but someday I will be. I know it will come and I will break and crack into a million tiny pieces

[perpetuallyeepy]

140, 141, 142 for the prompts?? maybe wendla/ilse but it doesn't really matter :) ♥️

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I FEEL REALLY BAD ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THIS IS PRETTY SHITTY.

Wendla sat in her girlfriend’s apartment waiting for her to return with snacks so they could begin watching Wendla’s favorite movie series from her childhood: Pippi Longstocking. “Okay, so I got, popcorn, Cheetos, and soda.” Wendla smiled and grabbed a soda from Ilse’s hands.

“There are four movies here, so which one do we watch first?” Ilse said while holding up the boxed set. “The first one is just called Pippi Longstocking.”

“Ah, okay.” The two girls began watching the amazingly cheesy movies while cuddling and shamelessly shoving popcorn into their faces.

About forty minutes into the movie a crash is heard from the kitchen.

“Did you hear that?” Wendla asks while getting up to pause the movie.

“I swear my house is haunted.” Wendla turns to face Ilse and quirks her eyebrow.

“Are you serious?” Ilse nods.

“Yes, of course. Sometimes I hear scratching coming from the walls in the kitchen.” Ilse says with a massive grin on her face.

“Wait, I’m not saying that there are ghosts in your apartment but if so, why are you happy?”

“Because! I have a feeling it’s my grandmother.” A sudden look of vulnerability flashes across Ilse’s face. Wendla grabs Ilse’s hand while giving her a small, innocent kiss on the nose.

“Babe it’s probably just your imagination.”

“Yeah, I know. But what else could it be?”

“Maybe a rat?”

“Yeah .” Ilse nods sadly and hangs her head.

“But hey, maybe your grandmother’s spirit was reincarnated into a rat?” It sounded ridiculous to Wendla but Ilse’s face immediately lit up.

“Really?”

“Yeah really.” Ilse smiles brightly and then turns the movie back on. Both girls resume their cuddling and popcorn face shoving routine.

[perpetuallyeepy]

Can you do Jared/evan w 99

I am so very sorry this took so long. if you forgot the prompt was “I don’t care what they said it doesn’t mean shit.”

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That was a mistake a huge fucking mistake. All of my relatives. Thanksgiving is going to suck. Okay, you know what it was only the family and a couple family friends…..wait, shit, fuck. Evan knows now what will he think. Will he even be my friend anymore? Why did I have to come out to my entire extended family at the fucking fourth of July barbecue?  I hear running footsteps coming from behind me and I turn around and I  see Evan panting and running towards me. I don’t know what to do so I just stay there, sitting on the curb.”Hey, Jared” Evan is standing and twiddling his thumbs. “Hello, Evan.”

“Can I sit?.”

“Uh sure.” what does he want? I’ve already heard it all from almost everyone at that stinking barbecue.

“So umm you’re gay?”

“Yes. I’m a big fucking homosexual and I’m going to hell, and i’m a disgrace, and maybe I just ‘haven’t found the right girl’.Yeah, I just heard it all you don’t need to tell me again.“ He looks a little mad.

“That’s not what I was going to say, not at all what I was going to say. And, Jared you know none of those things are true, right?”

“Yes maybe I do know that what they said isn’t true, but no one at school knows that. If you came here to tell me that you don’t want to be friends with me anymore, I get it you don’t want to be friends with the ‘homo’ so you can just leave already.”

“I don’t care what they said, it doesn’t mean shit! I came out here to tell you that you’re none of those things that those stupid fucking homophobic assholes said, and that you’re still Jared fucking Kleinman and that I support you and that it would be pretty hypocritical if I didn’t support you because I’m bisexual.” His breathing is hard and he looks shocked that all those things came out of his mouth. My heart flutters because maybe I have a chance, but just because he likes guys doesn’t mean he likes me. I’m not sure what to say so, I sit there with my cheeks red.

“I’m sorry I yelled its just that I wanted you to stop saying those things.”

“Umm no I wouldn’t have shut up if you didn’t yell. So I know that for some reason gay people gang up on the bi community and I just wanted you to know that those people are idiots.

“Thank you, and uh Jared.I came to this barbecue with the uh intention of telling you something else but then all of that happened and uh it kind of got lost in all the uh chaos and uh I li– um give me a minute please.” He’s back to looking nervous and scratching at his palms. I’m not sure what to do so I lean forward and press my lips to his. He freezes and I pull back, my face heating up. “Oh, Evan I’m sorry I just umm I.. God dammit. I’ll just leave.”

“No Jared, don’t leave umm can you uh do that again?” Wait does he like me back?

“Uh sure.” I lean forward and kiss him again and this time he responds. He moves his hands to my hips and I put my hands in his hair. And it’s so good I’ve wanted to this for so long and I never thought it would happen. We pull apart and take a breath. “So umm what does this mean?”

“It means that I uh I like you.”

“ I like you too Evan.”