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I Hate You, be my Girlfriend Part 1 (Damian Wayne x reader)

Word Count: 1337

Warnings: Mild language, Tim and Damian being mean to each other, bad Barbara characterization

Summary: Dick and Barbara are getting married which leads to the whole batfam wondering if Damian has a girlfriend. He does not, but he can't stand the humiliation and inadequacy he feels. One lie turns to another and he ends up on your doorstep about to ask you, someone he is not fond of, for the hugest favor in his lifetime.

“We’re getting married!”

The sudden news had shocked everyone in the manor, including Damian himself. “You’re…what?”

Dick excitedly raised up Barbara’s arm, showing off the lavish diamond adorning her ring finger. “I proposed to her last night, I didn’t want to risk any of you spilling the beans early so I didn’t want to tell you guys until the day after.”

“Well…” Tim took a big swig of his fourth batch of coffee, “That’s nice.” The ends of Dick’s smile twitched into a subtle frown.

“It’s not that we aren’t happy for you Dick, we really are.” Stephanie moved closer to the now engaged couple. “It’s just…you know…sudden!” She pulled Barbara into her arms, who was quick to reciprocate the gesture. “Do you guys have an idea where you want the wedding to be?”

“No, not officially, but we were thinking somewhere in Bordeaux. It has a lot of sentimental value to Bruce, and Dick wanted to commemorate his family.”

Jason, who had mostly been quiet during the whole ordeal, let out a chuckle. “You deserve so much better Babs, you won’t be able to refund him once you get tired of him, you know.”

The family broke out into enthusiastic chatter and laughter, but the youngest of the siblings could not bring himself to be happy. Damian had known Dick for almost all of his life, and if anything, they had the strongest connection. He was the one who straightened him out, who trusted him when his father hadn’t. Dick had shown him kindness and respect. He was the best older brother he could have asked for, and even acted as a father figure when he needed it most.

Damian knew of his older brother’s numerous relationships; he was attractive and had the charisma to woo any girl in a 10 meter proximity, and yet, marriage never seemed like something in Dick’s wheelhouse. It was never exactly something in most of his family's future, considering their night time jobs and the lack of ability to keep a stable relationship. But now that his dear brother is getting married? It felt like Damian’s world was turning upside his head, like he was losing an integral piece of himself.

Perhaps it was hidden jealousy that made Damian feel such disinterest. As much as he tried to repress his emotions, Damian also desperately wanted to unleash them; to be able to love someone unconditionally without feeling petrified or uncertain…well…he wasn’t sure if it would be a blessing or a curse. It was the main reason that out of all his siblings (other than Cass), he had never been in a serious relationship before. Sure, he’s had a few flings here and there, but nothing that was substantial.

Tim’s out of place burst of laughter brought Damian out of his train of thought. “Demon Brat? Having a girlfriend? That’s almost as likely as me giving up coffee.”

Everyone looked to Damian in expectation, waiting for him to give out a snide remark as he usually did. Instead he gave them a blubbering utterance, his face burning from the further embarrassment. He had no idea how this topic was brought up, but most likely it was from Stephanie, who was foaming at the mouth for him to bring home a girlfriend who she could bond with.

“HA! See! You can call me a failure all you want Damian, but at least I have a boyfriend!”

“Shut up, Tim. Why are you bringing this up anyway? It has never been a problem before.” Damian crossed his arms. Dick made his way to him, a gentle smile on his face. He placed his hand on Damian’s shoulder, like the way he used to when he was younger and about to get a brotherly pep talk.

“You’re 20 now, Damian…I know that you have a hard time opening up to people but it would make me really happy if you could bring a date to our wedding.” Dick gave him a sincere smile, but the underlying disappointment in his voice clawed at Damian’s skin. Everyone else seemed to be utterly disappointed in him as well. Did they all just assume that he was incapable of getting a girlfriend?

Fine. He’ll prove them wrong.

Damian shoved Dick’s arm to the side with a stubborn huff. “TT, all of you are unbearable. If it concerns all of you so much then I may as well tell you that I do, in fact, have a girlfriend.”

Tim let out another burst of laughter while everyone else looked at him skeptically.

“And who might this mystery person be? The painting chick from that manga you’re obsessed with?” Jason said from across the couch.

“No,” Damian seethed. “I have a perfectly normal love life, thank you very much Todd.”

“No offense Damian, but if you have a girlfriend, how come we have never heard you mention her before?” Duke asked.

“That’s assuming that he even has one. I’m betting my money that he’s just faking it.” Tim shrugged, getting up to pour himself another batch of coffee.

This was fine. Damian could handle a little lie such as this. All he had to do was pray to find a date before the wedding and convince his family that they had been together from the start. It should be easy enough. Dick turned back to Damian, surprised that this news was not spilled to him sooner. “Who’s the lucky lady, Dami? Is it someone we know?”

Fuck

In hindsight, he should have known that his family would have asked for a specific name of this mystery girl. Damian was stumped and his face only flushed further. There were not many girls that he was friends with, let alone ones that he could pretend to be in love with.

“His silence speaks more than-”

“I-it’s Y/n, if you must know!” Damian blurted out before Drake could even finish his sentence. He must still be salty from losing against him in that monopoly game they had a week or so ago…

For the first time in the last few stressful minutes, Damian was able to take a sigh of relief as all his family stared at him in silence. Once again, Dick was the first one to break the stillness. “Well, I’m happy for you, Dami. I’ll make sure to officially send invites to the both of you when the time comes.”

“Yeah, whatever.” The feeling he got from proving his siblings right was not enough to get rid of his underlying (stress). He knew that he had majorly fucked up, not only by lying to his family (of which were talented detectives), but by stating that his girlfriend was someone, in reality, he had no interest in. Damian could not understand why no other girl came to mind, why he had to say your name out of everyone else’s. He reasoned to himself that the mention of France skewed his brain into thinking about you, recalling the few times you had mentioned wanting to go there. That didn’t make the situation any better for him though, he would rather die than admit about thinking of you.

Normally Damian was never one to back down out of a fight or a challenge, he was the son of Bruce Wayne and Talia Al Ghul, grandson to Ra’s Al Ghul after all, but going up to you and explaining the whole ordeal was the hardest thing he has ever done. It took him a few months to finally muster up the courage to go up to your door. He was willing to push past his disinterest in you if it meant not looking like an idiot in front of his family.

When he knocked on the door, Damian was surprised with how quickly you opened it. Your eyes widened at his sudden appearance, the half eaten muffin in your hand leaving crumbs on the freshly swept floor. “Damian? What are you doing here, are you okay?”

“I need to ask you a favor…”

I decided to make this a multiple part series, probably going to span about three or four oneshots in total. I figured that it would be easier for me to write and it would allow me to release the story faster for you guys! :D

I'm about to pass out because I'm tired, but I hope everyone has a good day/night!

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(via Bully Says: Comics Oughta Be Fun!)

from "[The Tarantula Strikes]" in Adventure Comics #40 (DC, July 1939), script by Gardner Fox as Larry Dean, pencils and inks by Bert Christman; shown here in a recolored reprint from Justice League of America #94 (DC/National, November 1971)

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Shumbo’s room! Puppet Jared is streaming the 69th episode of The Cartoon Dumpster tonight and so help me if Shumbo doesn’t make an appearance…

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sky dad

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