Intimacy, the art of how you love and make love
Loving another without losing ourselves is a central dilemma of intimacy. Our ability to negotiate the dual needs for connection and autonomy stemmed from what we learned as children children and often takes a lifetime of practice. It affects not only how we love but also how we make love. Erotic intimacy holds the double promise of finding oneself and losing oneself. It is an experience of merging and of total self-absorption, of mutuality and selfishness. To be inside another and inside ourselves at the same time is a double stance that borders on the mystical. The momentary oneness we feel with our beloved grows out of our ability to acknowledge or indissoluble separateness. In order to be one, you must first be two.
- Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity
