This morning I went monochromatic & wore my black pea coat to work. Pocket linings long torn, the coat was filled with tickets from an impromptu skee ball date at Pojo's, Bonefish Grill coupons, & a sheet of paper with a simple directive:shed childskin. I wrote this as a note to myself at a Chinese New Year yoga workshop on the Year of the Feminine Water Snake. I hardly remember what Chinese astrologers predicted this year to hold, but I know that it has something to do with molting-- & molt I did. As I fed the rabbit in the rain, I thought of all the ways I had shed previous self-conceptions this year. I started to perform adulthood in a way that didn't feel like pretending. In order to do this, I had to let go of ideas that I had cherished that no longer served me. I've caved and shopped at Target. I use my writing skills for marketing purposes & enjoy the process. I was inspired by love. I was inspired by a will to survive, ultimately a creative act-- My horoscope predicts that I'm entering a period of waning inspiration. Like Octavio Paz, I must enter a period of perpetual revision. This complements my recent realization that I am happy with where my life is right now-- I don't have to strive for the "next thing" (or the "next inspiration," if you want me to spell it out for you.) I want to be a leader at my job, but I need to refine my leadership & SEO skills. I want to spend the rest of romantic, sappy time with Patrick in a house of our choosing, but first we need to refine the art of living together-- of doing the dishes, taking out the trash, & saving money. We need to savor each other as we are now. I've always enjoyed revision because it allows me to concentrate on how the piece appears & sounds-- whether the surface works in service of the feelings &/or ideas it attempts to portray. I'm excited to look at my adultskin in its substance & detail, down to whatever symbols have slipped into its ripped lining.
