Sep 3, 2023
There's a gazillion things I want to draw and write and the outcome is, I haven't worked on any of those the whole weekend :'3
I know I have to start SOMEWHERE but... ksjakjdkaslfjlaäf :'3
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There's a gazillion things I want to draw and write and the outcome is, I haven't worked on any of those the whole weekend :'3
I know I have to start SOMEWHERE but... ksjakjdkaslfjlaäf :'3
The one thing abt ADHD and my creativity I will curse till the day I die is how much my brain is running. Like yeah it’s cool to have ideas flowing but sometimes its so much to handle that I just get so exhausted....
theres my rant
Honestly if I get one more idea for a YouTube video, my head might explode. I haven't even filmed a single one or created a channel. Like wtf brain, fucking chill.
A creative block due to a creative overload: a rant
I want to make videos, write a blog, start a podcast, make beautiful strange paintings and drawings, take unique creative photographs, do burlesque, dance, make music, sew outfits, refurbish furniture, explore abandoned ghost towns and haunted houses...
I want to do it all... and I want it while I’m young. Yet I find it so hard to move forward, even slowly. I should narrow it down and focus on one thing.... or least that’s what I’ve been told. But my soul wants to express itself in all ways. My ideas keep piling on top of each other, and I become overwhelmed and just stop all together. The only thing holding me back is me, and that’s clearer than ever. I have more time and resources than before, which were my main excuses as to why I can’t do/have the things I want. Which means this block runs deeper. Deep in my shadows.
It’s like a creative block due to a creative overload and unaddressed fears of being seen and unworthy. It’s safer to stay small and unseen. At what point does the pain of one outweigh the pain of the other? At what point do I say fuck it I can’t take living another day like this?
Maybe my test is learning to surrender and really take a look at my expectations. I need to learn to go with the flow, especially during challenging moments.
God damn it thinking of different AUs ended with me having another story idea and another stale mate between all the things I want to do.
I mean do I iron out the idea of one lone demigod attempting to change a brutal game where he's seen as nothing more than a good luck charm or do I plan out and figure out why in the world centuars are being kept and used as class status symbols and what that all has to do with a wild zorse-tuar who's being kept in a small stall because he bucked his owner off after getting spooked?
Or do I actually focus on SWTOR stuff and write all of those wonderful stories about everyone else or finish the other stories that are in the drafts? OR do I hook up my tablet and draw my OCs in their own wacky ways?
I'm beginning to think trying to learn three new instruments (Guitar, Bass, Banjo), while trying to work out three fanfiction plots, (Doctor/Rose, Eleven/Rose, and Johnlock), while trying to balance a 40 hour work week, two college classes, financial bullshit, and two kids MIGHT have been a bit too ambitious an undertaking.
I just want to do ALL THE THINGS!
i really wish i had my journal with me