This injury occured at a terrible time for me. Immediately after graduating, I was mostly getting cut from auditions after round 1. In late August was my first semi-successful audition, where I got into the final round and the choreographer asked me to submit a dance reel to their website because they liked me but I was too tall for this particular job (nothing ever came of it but I am counting it as a success). From August to December I was getting to the final rounds of maybe 1 in 4 auditions. When audition season kicked off in January, I was waiting to hear back from 3 out of 6 auditions - a 50% ‘success’ rate (success in quotes because obviously it’s only fully successful if somebody actually offers you the job).
What I am saying is: I was so ready. I was so strong, so motivated, so confident and content. I had just reached a stage where I went to auditions to give, not to get. I went to dance, not to be employed. I was having positive experiences and getting positive feedback all round that helped me progress and become stronger and more confident. It was my time, and I am not saying this in a [insert cheesy inspirational dance movie] way, I am saying it because, as my very good friend Sarah would say, “I could feel it in my bones”.
I was in the final group of the final round of an audition, loving life and living the routine. The routines had been hard and the competition strong. I had picked up even the most difficult of combinations (fiddly, quick Matt Mattox style coordination stuff taught within the blink of an eye) and this last one was a routine that really suited me (technical, leggy ballet-jazz). It was the very end of the audition, and I landed the very last split leap on a slightly-too-straight hypermobile leg and underneath me my knee buckled in the most sickeningly-twisting-and-bending way imaginable. Audition #7 of the season, I was at my strongest thus far, and with one bad landing I am out of dancing for 1 year.
I spent a full week crying, and I am not being dramatic when I say that I felt I was on the verge of depression. I couldn’t do anything by myself. I had seen my dance physio who gave me crutches and a compression sock and sent me to get an MRI. I was having terrible experiences with the public, most of who could care less about whether somebody needs help. I was spending most of my time by myself in the flat because my flatmates have lives and jobs (bless them). I had never felt so useless in my life. If you are experiencing an injury and feeling like this, trust me, you are not alone.
Now, a brief timeline of doctor’s appointments.
I injured myself on January 30th, went to see the dance physiotherapist on February 2nd, had my MRI on February 3rd and got my diagnosis on the 7th (until then I was hoping it would be a sprain or something less major). All the appointments in England I did through my private international insurance, otherwise I would have had to wait forever to see an actual specialist and get an MRI.
On the 8th I was on my way home from London to Frankfurt.
Now, this is how amazing German healthcare is. I never realised this until I lived in a foreign country:
On the morning of February 9th, my grandma took me to the BGU Frankfurt, an orthopaedic clinic that specialises in injuries sustained in work accidents and one of the two best clinics to go to for injury treatment in the area. They have an orthopaedic walk-in centre (kind of like an A&E where all doctors are orthopaedic surgeons), where you can also go if you don’t want to wait for an appointment with a surgeon for 4 weeks. We spent 2 hours waiting in their waiting room (it takes a while depending on how busy it is and obviously if an emergency comes in, e.g. when I was there an amputation came in which is why it took so long). An orthopaedic surgeon looked at my MRI scan and my knee and then sent me to get an X-Ray in the radiology department in the building (literally 2 min walk away). I waited there for 10 minutes, got my X-Ray and returned to the orthopaedic walk-in centre. 30 minutes later the attending surgeon was looking at my scans and knee and writing out prescriptions for pain-killers, anti-thrombosis injections (which I now have to get every 24h) and a knee brace. He also told me I would have to get referred to the physiotherapist by my GP. We got the knee brace from their orthopaedic equipment centre downstairs and made an appointment for the surgery.
On February 10th, I went to my GP to get a referral, without making an appointment. Luckily it was quiet so he told me to stay so he can take an actual look. I spent 20 minutes in the waiting room, my GP looked at my knee, explained my injury to me properly (which nobody had done yet really at that point) and wrote a referral for physical therapy and lymphatic drainage. I called the rehabilitation centre my mother (who, ironically, has suffered this exact same injury in the past) recommended and got an appointment later that same day as well as 3 times a week for the foreseeable future.
TWO DAYS it took to get a specialist to look at my injury, get more imaging done, make an appointment for the surgery, get a leg brace, get prescriptions for various medications (and pick them up, thanks mum), get a referral for physiotherapy from my GP and have my first appointment with the physiotherapist. None of this cost me a cent, apart from the monthly contribution to the state health insurance. In all seriousness: thank you Germany for your incredible healthcare system.
Now, 2 weeks later, I feel much better about it all. Yes, this is down to my wonderful supportive family and friends, but it is also down to having a clear diagnosis and a clear plan of how to approach rehabilitating this injury. I have read up on this particular injury and have read many articles written by specialists taking different perspectives on how and how long to best leave for the new ligament to attach and the surrounding muscles to reconnect both physically and neurologically - of course being immobile for a certain period of time means losing coordination, balance and neurological connections. But spending time focussing on rehabilitating the injury also means creating a new awareness for how to train your leg, specifically different muscle groups.
In the 2 physical therapy sessions I have had so far, I was given exercises with a Pilates ball and on wobble boards for deep-tissue and assisting muscles as well as flexion and extension exercises for my hamstring and quadriceps. I have cycled on a gym bike for 10 minutes. I am cleared to walk short distances with my brace but without crutches, and I am also cleared to do some basic yoga to maintain joint fluidity and flexibility. Of course after the surgery the rehabilitation process will be at a completely different (much slower) pace. But for now, it is nice to be able to move a bit.
The prehab process is already giving me a rhythm of exercising every morning and massaging/vaccuum cupping every evening - injuries also come with muscles that grip in a desperate attempt to stabilise the affected area, in my case we have a quadriceps and a calf muscle that are working so hard they are trying to merge with my bones. Now I am following in my friend Charlotte’s footsteps, who suffered a back injury 3 years ago and in her rehabilitation process turned to reading, working hard at physical rehabilitation and writing a blog about her experience to help her stay focused and positive. Charlotte, thanks to her injury, is now an injury and Pilates guru as well as a passionate, strong and successful dancer - and I am now a guru in training.
