Don't Take My Sunshine Away (Pt 2)
{Pt 1}
Summary: When Patton leaves Janus all alone, Janus decides to keep his secret from everyone else. But how long until the others realize that Patton is actually a dark side?
Ship: Moceit (Patton x Janus)
Warnings: Abandonment, grieving, mental breakdowns, swearing, screaming, bad thoughts, fighting (not physical), breaking down doors. Tell me if I need to add anything else!
{Masterlist}
Janus knocked on the green door. "Remus? I'm coming in."
Janus opened the door, not waiting for an answer.
Remus was sitting on his bed, inspecting a small picture frame, one that Patton had made for Janus when they were still friends.
Janus had taken the photo out years ago, ripping it to pieces in anger.
He should've kept that photo.
"Remus?" Janus asked cautiously, closing the door behind him.
"So," Remus started. "Patton is the one you've been hiding."
Janus sighed, before making his way over to sit on the unusually clean bed next to Remus.
"How'd you know that I was hiding someone?"
Remus continued to fidget with the frame. "I used context clues. You weren't very good at suggesting that there wasn't another one who..."
"Left." Janus finished. "Another one who left."
Remus gulped. "Yeah."
It was silent for a few more moments before Remus got impatient.
"Did it hurt? Having two people you care about leave in the same way?" He asked, now leaning up to stare at the ceiling.
Janus flopped backwards. "The first time it did." He said with a hurt voice. "I was screaming and crying and angry. But with Virgil I was...numb. I didn't know how to deal with it happening again, so I just...shut down."
Janus made another sigh as tears rolled down his face. "I'm sorry. I should've been there for you when he left. I knew how it felt, I should've been helping you instead of hiding away."
Remus flopped down next to him. "No. Neither of us were coping well then, it wouldn't matter if you wanted to help or not, I would've just ignored you and yelled at you anyway."
"I still should've been better."
Remus huffed. "We all should've been better. Virgil and Patton shouldn't have left, me and Roman shouldn't of split, Logan shouldn't have been so strict about what was good for Thomas," Remus waved his hands in the air. "We're all f**ked."
Janus huffed a little laugh. "I guess you're right."
They sat in silence for a few minutes, reveling in the lack of tension; everything was out in the open now.
Remus spoke up again. "You're in love with him." He said as if it was a well-known fact.
Janus immediately froze. "No, I'm not."
"Says the embodiment of Deceit." Remus refuted.
Janus scoffed. "Why would I be in love with him? He ruined my life."
Remus sat up to look at him. "Uh, yeah! Ruined it because he left you! And it got ruined because you're in love with him! And it hurt because he was your first and only love!"
Janus sighed. "Remus-"
"You have to tell him!" Remus interrupted.
"Why?! So he can leave me all over again?!" Janus shot back. "No! I'm not letting that happen!"
Remus slumped in defeat.
Janus already knew he was in love with Patton. He had years to think about why it hurt so much, so it wasn't much of a surprise that he figured it out. But he wasn't about to ruin everything over some silly feelings left over from years ago.
He sighed. "You're not right. I don't love him." He obviously lied. "But I can't afford to lose him. Not again."
Remus perked up at that. "So no locking you both in a closet 'till you two f-"
"Yes, I totally want that." Janus answered sarcastically.
Remus cackled and Janus smiled at it.
"Well," Janus stood, brushing himself off (you never know what could be in Remus' room). "I should check on him."
Remus lost his maniacal grin, instead it turned to a soft smile. "You love him." He teased.
Janus smiled as he exited the room. "No, I don't."
---
Janus entered his own room, glancing around.
He spotted Patton near his bookshelf, fiddling with something in his hand.
"What do you have there?" He asked.
Patton turned to look at him, then raised up the object in his hand to show Janus.
It was a bracelet. A bracelet with yellow and black strings that are kind of falling apart, and little silver and gold charms. A bracelet that Patton made for Janus years ago.
"Why do you still have this?" Patton asked in a tiny voice. He had an indecipherable emotion on his face.
"I...I don't know. I just kept everything." Janus lied. He did know why he kept them, but he sure as hell wasn't going to tell Patton.
Patton looked back down at the worn bracelet in his hands.
Janus sighed and sat on the bed. "Did you sleep last night?" He asked.
Patton kept twisting the bracelet in his fingers. "...yes?" He answered.
Janus raised an eyebrow and Patton sighed.
"I couldn't." He admitted quietly. "Too many thoughts.
Janus patted the spot next to him on the bed, and Patton slowly made his way onto it.
"Really scary thoughts." Patton whispered.
Janus layed his hand between them; an offering.
Patton immediately took it in his own and leaned his head on Janus' shoulder.
Janus quickly used one of his extra arms to wrap around Patton's shoulders, rubbing small circles into it.
Patton melted, taking in shaking breaths.
"It's okay now," Janus whispered. "You're not alone anymore."
Patton shook with a small sob, and Janus kept holding him, continuing to whisper comforting sayings in his ear.
Eventually, Janus tucked Patton into his bed, since he fell asleep fairly quickly.
"Sweet dreams." He whispered quietly as he turned off the light.
---
Logan hadn't seen Patton in days.
Well, it shouldn't be concerning, really. Everyone had been avoiding him for days. But eventually, Patton started skipping making their breakfast, which he did everyday, even if he would eat alone, and he hadn't been knocking on Logan's door lately.
So, Logan started, uncharacteristically, worrying.
He made his way to Patton's bright, sky blue, door. He knocked sharply, one, two, three.
...No answer.
Logan knocked again, a little faster.
No answer.
"Patton?" Logan called. "Are you in there?"
Once again, no response.
"If you don't answer, I'm coming in." He warned.
Silence.
"...Okay, I'm coming in." Logan said, slowly opening the door.
The room was empty - well, as empty as Patton's realm of nostalgia could be - but there wasn't anyone in it.
Well, that was odd. If Patton wasn't in his room, where was he?
Logan quickly moved to search every inch of the light's mindpalace, looking for any sign that Patton might have been there.
But he was nowhere.
Logan eventually convinced himself to ask Roman and Virgil, very reluctantly, to help him find Patton.
Logan went to Virgil's room first, seeing as it would be easier to convince Roman if Virgil was on his side.
He approached the dark purple door, and knocked in his signature pattern.
"Not in the mood." Logan heard a muffled voice say.
"Virgil, I require your assistance, so if you could come out of your living area and help, that would be appreciated." Logan spoke in a faster voice than he usually would. It was probably from the repressed panic.
He heard some shuffling behind the door, then it opened to reveal a disheveled Virgil. His hoodie was crumpled, his eyeshadow was smeared, and he looked like he had just woken up.
"What do you need me for?" Virgil asked in an annoyed tone.
"I've made a concerning observation: Patton has been missing for the past couple of days, I've searched through almost the entire mindpalace, including his room, and I still am unable to locate him. Thomas is still acting normally - well, as normally as he can when he's having these emotional conflicts - so I doubt that Patton has 'ducked out', but since I am unable to find him, I am fearing the worst-"
"Logan, slow down!" Virgil exclaimed, and Logan had realized that he was rambling rather quickly.
"Ah- Apologies, Virgil. I fear I am quite 'shaken up' because of this."
Virgil sighed. "It's okay, you were just spiraling. Are you absolutely sure that Patton is missing?"
Logan adjusted his tie. "Yes, I haven't found him anywhere."
Virgil swore under his breath and ran a hand through his hair. "'Kay, what do we do?"
"I suggest convincing Roman to help, considering it would be easier to locate Patton if all three of us were looking for him."
Virgil sighed. "Alright. Yeah, let's do that." He agreed.
They made their way across the hall to Roman's extravagant room, and knocked on the deep red door.
"I'm not hungry!" A voice immediately responded from the other side of the door.
"It's us, Roman." Logan replied.
There was some various noises of papers flying and chairs scraping on a floor before Roman opened the door.
Roman looked like his normal, princely self, but neither Virgil or Logan were believing it.
"Hey! What's goin' on?" He asked.
"Uh- something's wrong." Virgil said simply before staring at the ground, playing with his hoodie strings.
Roman's smile fell. "Isn't everything already wrong?"
"Well, you may be right, but we have more...unsettling news."
Roman gestured for Logan to go on.
Logan cleared his throat. "Patton is- well he's missing, and we don't know where he is."
"...oh." Roman replied. "That's...not good."
"Yeah...we need to find him." Virgil stated.
"Which is precisely why we came to get you, Roman. Will you help us find him?"
Roman thought for a second. "...Was I the only one ignoring him?" He asked quietly.
Logan and Virgil both made various expressions of sadness and guilt.
"Was I?" Roman repeated.
"No." Virgil answered. "I didn't open the door when he came by, either."
"I did the same." Logan said quietly.
"Oh. So we're all at fault, then."
"It seems that way."
Virgil made a wounded noise. "Are you guys serious?! Are you suggesting he ran away? He didn't run away! He wouldn't run away!"
"Then where is he Virgil?!" Roman exclaimed. "He ran away from us because we were terrible to him! What other explanation is there?!"
Virgil sputtered, before his eyes went wide. "What if they took him?"
Logan furrowed his brows. "What if who took him?"
Roman's eyes also went wide. "You don't think the dark sides would kidnap him, do you?"
"I-I wouldn't put it past them..." Virgil answered.
Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. "I understand that Janus and Remus can be...extreme, but kidnapping? That seems unlikely."
"But did you check the dark side?"
Logan didn't have a comeback.
"We have to go to the dark sides," Roman decided. "We need to get him back."
Virgil nodded, and Logan sighed.
"I'm afraid I have to agree," Logan started. "But, I don't want to resort to violence too quickly." He glared at the two of them. "We need to negotiate first, alright?"
Roman and Virgil slumped. "Alright, that's fair."
"Satisfactory. Shall we get going, then?"
---
Patton had been with Janus and Remus for a couple of days now.
It was...a lot better than it was when he was a kid.
No one shoved him into walls, or stole his food. No one put curses on him as 'pranks', and no one talked to him like he didn't know anything. And Janus and Remus were actually being really nice considering what Patton had done.
It was refreshing to not have people avoid him in common areas as well. With no weird stares or awkward interactions. He just felt overall better than he had in a long time.
But, with every happy moment, came a new bad thought. At least, that's how Patton thought the saying went, he didn't know for sure.
Sure, Patton was feeling great, but new and old thoughts kept occupying his head.
Did he really deserve all of this? Was it selfish of him to come back here after he messed everything up? Was he ruining everything by running off again?
Patton wished these stupid thoughts didn't plague him all the time, he would be a lot more productive if they didn't.
He knew he should probably talk to Janus, or even Remus about this, but he didn't want them to think that he didn't appreciate what they've done for him!
The other part of Patton's brain knew that that was stupid, he knew that not talking about his dreaded feelings was a really flawed plan, but that didn't stop the other side of his brain from thinking that.
"You've got something on your mind." Janus had stated, still focused on cracking an egg into the cookie dough batter.
"What? No, I'm fine." Patton knew it was a weak lie as soon as it came out of his mouth.
"I didn't say you weren't." Janus countered, a small smirk on his face.
Well dang, he's got Patton there.
Patton just continued setting up the parchment paper on the tray, avoiding Janus' eye contact as much as possible.
"Would you like to not talk about it?" Janus asked, now looking at Patton's face.
Patton sighed. "Do I have to?" He asked, looking at Janus with pleading eyes.
Janus chuckled softly at Patton's face. "Only if you want to, Sunlight, but I think you would feel better if you did."
Patton's heart fluttered at the familiar pet name, but sunk at the thought of talking about his bad thoughts.
He sighed. "You're probably right...I just feel-"
*BANG*
The front door suddenly slammed open, revealing Roman, Logan, and Virgil on the other side.
Roman's angry eyes landed on Patton and Janus simply baking some cookies.
Roman dramatically pointed to Janus. "Fiend! Unhand our Froggy Father Figure!" He shouted.
Janus immediately put his hands up to show his 'surrender', but his face was only of annoyance.
Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. "What did I say about violence?"
"Patton! Are you okay?!" Virgil quickly asked.
"I-I'm fine? What are you guys doing here?"
Logan, Roman, and Virgil all looked at each other, then back to Patton.
"...To save you?" Roman answered.
"Wha- save me from what?" Patton asked, confusion seeping into his expression.
"From the dark sides?" Virgil stated as if it were a question.
"Ah yes, because we are definitely violent and angry enough to kidnap someone." Janus said sarcastically.
"Alright, well, since Patton seems fine, I think it's safe to assume that he isn't actually kidnapped?" Logan said, glaring at the other two.
"But, if you weren't kidnapped, why are you here?" Virgil asked.
"Cause y'all are a bunch of a**holes!" Remus exclaimed, suddenly entering the kitchen area with a wicked (but faked) smile.
"Remus-" Patton started.
"What? You guys ignore Patton for weeks and just expect him not to get offended? You guys are more terrible than I am!"
The three of the 'light sides' looked at each other again.
"Patton?" Virgil asked. "Did you really...run away?"
Patton didn't know what to say. What was he supposed to say? He didn't want to hurt their feelings! Should he lie? No, Janus and Remus would only tell everyone the truth. Would they be hurt?
Who was he kidding, of course they'd be hurt! He left them! He was avoiding them just like-
Just like they were avoiding him.
...Forget it. Forget feeling unworthy, forget feeling selfish, forget about ruining everything! Everything's already ruined! He might as well get angry, cause he sure as heck deserves it!
"Yeah." He choked out. "Yeah, because everyone was avoiding me, and I was alone with my thoughts for too long, and everyone was mad at me when they wouldn't even let me explain!" He yelled as tears rolled down his face.
That happened when he got mad or upset. He cried. He didn't want to cry, but he cried with any strong emotion he had: happiness, sadness, fear. Anger was no exception.
"No one wanted to be around me 'cause of my stupid choices, but no one ever helped me make a decision! E-Everyone just told me to choose something and didn't help me!" He started sobbing. "No one- n-no one-"
He gasped for air. Everyone was looking at him, he didn't want them to look at him anymore, he just wanted to sink into his room and cry into his pillow like he always did when things got hard. God, why did they keep staring at him?! Did he do something wrong? Did he mess up again? Will someone please tell him if he messed up again-?!
Someone was saying something to him, but he couldn't hear it, he couldn't hear anything, only his own heartbeat, which was going fast, probably faster than it should have been, but he couldn't worry about that right now, he should worry about why he can't breathe-
"Patton, breathe!" A deep and loud voice cut in, basically forcing Patton to listen and take air into his lungs.
Patton shakily took in a few breaths, noticing that he was sitting on the floor with everyone around him.
Virgil was directly in front of him, holding his hands and tapping to a specific rhythm that Patton recognized as the rhythm he used when Virgil had panic attacks.
Behind Virgil was Roman and Logan, both looking at him with worried expressions.
On his sides were Janus and Remus, both putting a hand on each if Patton's shoulders.
Great, he embarrassed himself by crying in front of them while he was supposed to be yelling at them.
"Patton," Janus called from his side. "Are you okay?"
Patton almost laughed because, no, he was obviously not okay.
He didn't laugh though, instead choosing just to nod.
"Do you need anything?" Logan asked. "Water, perhaps?"
Unfortunately for Logan, Patton was still angry.
"An explanation, an apology, something."
Everyone was silent for a moment.
"I..." Logan started. "I was just upset that I was being ignored, so I ignored everyone else..." He admitted quietly. "I realize now that doing that only doubled the amount of emotional pain...I'm sorry."
"I was in the imagination, trying to...be a better hero." Roman added, staring at the ground. "I was trying to become worthy of being around you."
Before Patton could say anything, Virgil spoke up as well.
"I was just angry." Virgil furrowed his brows. "I don't even know if I have a reason, I was- am, just angry. Angry at you, angry at Janus and Remus, angry at myself. I don't know why, and I don't want to be angry anymore. I'm so sorry, Pat."
Patton almost broke down crying again, and he probably would've if not for the fact that he cried all of his tears already.
Some other emotion bubbled inside him, and before he could stop it, it spilled out.
"I lied to all of you." He stated simply, and suddenly all eyes were on him again.
Janus squeezed his shoulder. "Patton, you don't have to tell them now, you can wait."
"No, they deserve to know." Patton defended. He took in a breath before continuing. "I lied for years about...everything. I'm not- not a-" He gulped. "I'm a dark side."
Silence. Complete silence for almost a minute. Patton was about ready to sink out before someone finally spoke.
"Oh." Virgil said. "Oh- oh, you're mystery side."
"What?" Roman asked, either ignoring or not processing Patton's confession. "What's 'mystery side'?"
"Me and Remus thought there was another dark side because of Janus' weird behavior, but we thought they were dead..." Virgil looked back to Patton, making him nervous. "But you left like I did, didn't you?"
Patton only nodded weakly.
Logan, who had been lost in thought this whole time, spoke up. "You're not actually Morality." He stated.
Patton gulped. "Y-Yeah. I'm... Well it's not important right now-"
"No." Roman interrupted. "You let me follow every decision you've ever made because I thought you knew every answer, 'cause you were Morality. I want to know who you really are." He demanded. "Please."
"You're right." Patton agreed. "I'm actually...Selflessness." He admitted. "But not like, normal selflessness, I'm more...'extreme'. More... unhealthy."
Everyone looked surprised, but not shocked. It wasn't very surprising, if you thought about it. All Patton did was try to give to others, it would make sense that that was his function.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Logan asked suddenly, breaking the silence. "We wouldn't have been upset with you."
"But...you guys hate dark sides. A lot." Patton said, and everyone visibly cringed at that.
Roman nodded grimly. "He's right, Logan. We haven't exactly given the dark sides a warm welcome."
"You can say that again." Virgil mumbled under his breath.
"Yes, because you were so much better than them, Virgil." Janus refuted.
"Patton, we're so sorry for making you feel like you couldn't trust us." Roman changed, getting on his knees and taking one of Patton's hands gently. "And we're sorry for all we wronged you for." Logan and Virgil made noises of agreement.
Patton looked down at their hands. "I'm sorry too-"
"No, don't be." Logan interrupted. "You shouldn't have to endlessly apologize when we have already forgiven you."
Patton smiled, and it turns out he did have some extra tears after all.
Suddenly he was embraced in a giant group hug, being surrounded by his famILY. He almost sobbed as he realized he hadn't had a group hug in many months.
He didn't ever want to let go.
---
Janus watched as Roman and Logan set up for a movie night, and as Virgil and Patton cuddled on the couch.
It surprised him. Not the movie night, or the cuddling part, but the fact that he and Remus had been invited to join.
"So," Remus said, getting popcorn out if the microwave besides Janus. "Will you ever tell him?"
Janus looked back at the couch to see Patton laugh at something Roman had said. Watching the way his face lit up at the simple interaction. It made Janus smile, knowing that Patton was probably the happiest he's been in months.
"No." Janus obviously lied. "But obviously I will tell him right now. He needs some time to rest."
Remus hummed, pouring the popcorn into a bowl and pouring some Reese's Pieces inside. "When you do I'll be right here. And I know Patton isn't going anywhere, either."
Janus silently thanked Remus before going back to staring at Patton, and watching him get into a cuddle pile with everyone.
Yeah, he loved him. So much. He would do anything to see Patton smile like this everyday.
His Sunshine.
~~~~~
Yea, I hate this part a lot more than the first but sjjdjdj idc at this point I'm just glad I can post it.
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