i feel like a lot of people aren't ready to have a disabled partner. not even if you really really really like us, or if you think we're hot, or even if you're disabled yourself.
some of us are never going to improve, and a lot of us will get worse. you have to accept that before getting into a relationship with us because if you don't it's so easy to put us in the position of performing normalcy to not make you sad to be around us.
some of us may need you to help with the things we either have difficulty doing without injury, or cannot do at all. some of us won't remember things, or get confused easily, or have trouble hearing you. unfortunately we can't just get over our disabilities when you're having a hard day, or you're mad at us. and it would be nice if we lived in a world where all disabled people who need carers could have them to make dating (and more importantly, life) easier but very few of us have the ability to get that care.
we're also our own people, and we deserve to have boundaries, desires, and needs. a lot of able bodied people do not see us as fully realized humans with our own internal and external worlds, and you carry that into your relationships with us. this results in either you ignoring our wants out of life because we should be overjoyed we have a life with you at all, or ignoring our boundaries because we really don't know ourselves as well as someone with an outside perspective does.
and to follow the obvious segway; sex. sex can be incredibly complicated when you're disabled. either it being difficult to physically manuever without help. it can be incredibly painful if done incorrectly, or for some incredibly painful no matter what. and for a lot of us, we've faced sexual assault because our assaulters know it's hard for us to fight back, or hard for us to be believed after it happens. some of us can't have sex at all, or don't want to.
also a lot of us cost more money to survive than you do. from specific diets, to medical appointments over and over and over again, to expensive medication and replacable disability devices. hell, a good chunk of us cannot have jobs! or in a lot of places jobs will hire us and pay us a lower minimum wage because society sees us as worth less than you. and we're often under enough stress keeping out heads above water without you also expecting us to be as financially able to do things as you are. and plenty of us are kept trapped in relationships we can't leave because of our limited funds.
please, before you date us actually do even the smallest amount of studying about disability rights, disabled people's lives, and bodily autonomy in general. think of the intersections we exist at as well, disabled people can be black, gay, trans, poor, and any other marginalized group you can think of.
i can recall so many stories of disabled people abused mentally, physically, sexually and financially by people who don't think they're even doing that to us. people who really really really love us, or think we're hot, or are also disabled themselves.
for so many of us our relationships feel like ticking time bombs. we deserve better.
please be better to us.
