so i tried to rewatch Onward last night, and i only made it about fifteen minutes in before i had to turn it off.
i adore this movie. i do. i wanted to watch it so bad and i felt terrible turning it off.
but the part where ian is getting breakfast, and the guy in the restaurant recognizes his college hoodie? the one that was his dad’s?
that part hurt.
my dad was the same way. he was big, and bold, and didn’t care what anyone thought of him. he was confident and strong and well known. and people remember him for that.
he also knew everyone, and i do mean everyone, in the area where i grew up. he moved here for college and stayed here until he passed away almost two months ago.
i have one of his hoodies, his college one that’s 20+ years old and isn’t soft anymore because of how much it’s been worn. it’s my favorite hoodie. he gave it to me forever ago when i decided i want to go to the same college he did, where he and my mom met.
people around town recognize me as his kid, and they ask me a lot about my school. and i tell them that even though i haven’t started there yet, my parents went there. my dad went there.
i, unlike ian, got to know my dad for 18 years of my life. i knew what he was like. but i still get excited when someone wants to tell me about him, especially someone who knew him back before i can remember him. people i don’t even know will come up to me because they knew my dad and they see him in me. especially when i wear his old hoodie.
so that’s why i had to turn it off. i couldn’t handle it, seeing ian in the same position i’ve been in. hearing the man talk about Wilden and only being able to see my own dad in his words. it hurt too much.
i love this movie because it accurately portrays what it’s like to lose a parent. it shows ian’s excitement in hearing about his dad even as he’s saddened by the thought of what he never got to experience.
it’s hard for me to watch, but that’s what makes it so important.
