A/N: This was written for @thing-you-do-with-that-thing SPN Hiatus Writing Challenge Week 3 with the prompt, “Could you be any louder?” Humor and fluff.
Also on AO3
“Hi. This is Agent Platt. And I’m Agent Greer. We’d like to ask you a few questions if we can?” Dean asked confidently, flashing the Sheriff his fake FBI badge.
The Sheriff looked shocked but happy you guys were here. “Sure. They called you guys in for a case like this? Um...well we’re thinking some kind of animal attack. Get this, the hearts were ripped out and witnesses say they saw some sort of thing… creature.... something that peeled their skin off. Skin. And if that’s not weird enough, they claim the eyes were silver. I thought Miss Cunningham was bat shit crazy personally. Maybe drugs or booze or something? I don’t know. Weird thing is that forensics found skin, like a piece of skin, left. How disgusting and freaky is that?”
You looked up from his desk and saw a poster with a UFO and the quote, “The truth is out there.” Seeing a way to gain his trust, you jumped in, “That’s why they called us.”
“Oh man, like the X-Files. Shit. I knew that was real. Oh my god, are aliens real? How many of those episodes are real? How many monsters?”
Dean suppressed an angry growl and an eye roll. He worked to keep the frustration out of his tone. “We’d love to fill you in but agency policy is strict on not disclosing what we do or find. They could have our hides for just telling you X-Files exists. Can’t reveal all the creepy shit that goes on. Got a job to do to keep everyone safe.”
The Sheriff’s smile faded a little but he nodded in understanding. “Of course, let me take you guys back.” The Sheriff got up and slowly led you both to the back so you could all talk more. Hopefully, he'd share his folder with you guys so you can get all the specifics.
“Really?” Dean whisper yelled.
You rolled your eyes. “What? We bonded. He was suspicious from the beginning why Feds suddenly showed up. Now he has a reason he can understand.”
And just at that moment you let one rip that was so loud everyone at the station turned around to look at you. It sounded like a duck crawled up your ass and was struggling to come out. And it wasn’t a short one either, it went on eventually dying out with a little gurgling sound at the end. You froze not knowing what to do. You were frozen between shock and a huge laugh which was inappropriate given your FBI credibility.
“Could that be any louder?” Dean whispered and he stopped walked and slowly turned to face you. You nervously smiled at him. The Sheriff just cleared his throat, thinking it improper to say anything.
Your cheeks were flushed with embarrassment. You could feel another one on its way out. “Excuse me gentleman. My lunch doesn’t seem to be agreeing with me. I’ll follow up on that lead from this morning. Meet you in a hour?”
Dean looked confused. There was no lead in the morning. You guys just got here. Dean could be such an idiot at times. Sam would get it. God, did you wish Sam came with you instead of researching back at the motel. There was no way you were telling Dean there were more farts on their way. Save yourself, they might smell. No way in hell were those words coming out of your mouth, so you just waited awkwardly, hoping he would put it together. You cocked your eyebrow at him and pointed towards the door. He looked more confused.
Sighing you added, “It shouldn’t be long. I’ll take the car and see you in a bit.” Before Dean could answer you were making your way out of the door and into the Impala. The second you closed the door, you let out another very loud fart that hurt getting out. A woman with a stroller gave you a dirty look.
Come on, what was with fart shaming?! Farts happen. Was there no where a fake Fed could fart in peace? Your stomach was growling. Dean had to come back soon. Next stop: bathroom city. You didn't think Dean would appreciate you redecorating the Impala with diarrhea so he better get his hot ass over here.
He came out a few minutes later and saw you squiggling in your seat.
“What the fuck was that, Y/N?” Dean asked in a mixture of anger and confusion.
You raised your eyebrows at him. “The fart or the -.” You were cut off by your own fart, this one just as loud as the first and it sounded like a long quack. Dean looked over at you slightly concerned and then it hit the both of you at the same time. Dean couldn’t open the windows fast enough. He was coughing for air. You were gagging and begging for mercy. You were fanning yourself to try and get the stench out of the car.
“This is what happens when you say, ‘hey let's try that shitty hole in the wall restaurant. So what if it got a B rating?’”
“Wow, blaming this on me? Your body is toxic. Clearly.”
“Yes it is, thanks to that greasy burger. I think the burger was all grease and no actual meat. Your burger addiction is killing my stomach. We need to get home. My farts are just the harbingers. My stomach is annoyed, there will be more.”
Dean swallowed not missing a beat as he tore down the street racing to the motel. “You know this was not how I saw the hunt going.”
“You don't say? Me neither.”
He gave you bitch face before taking a deep breath and steeling himself for what he had to say. He was finally going to confess his feelings. “We’ve been hunting for a long time and I wanted to get you a drink cause I’m falling for you hard. Have been for a while. I love our close friendship but I want more. I got you your own room for a reason Y/N. I thought we might want our privacy from Sam if everything went well at the bar.”
“And you tell me this now, Winchester? Ugh, really Dean? And hey that’s presumptuous.”
“Should I have kept quiet? I think I’ve kept quiet too long. I was scared you wouldn’t feel the same way, And have you met me, I’m awesome. I’ll rock your world sweetheart.”
Your smirked at that. “For a confident ladies man you sure are a scaredy-cat. I felt the same way about you the entire time. Why didn't we say this earlier?”
“We’re idiots.”
“That we are. When I’m better we’re making up for lost time. And no B-rated restaurants Dean even in their rated "Best Burger" in whatever podunk town we’re in. Pinky swear.”
