We'll Leave This All Behind
Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader
Word Count: 2.8k
Warnings: mentions blood, kinda angsty (dw; happy ending)
Summary: You were raised the same as Draco you go through the same hell, maybe it wont be so lonely together
A/n: Me: I'm so sick of Harry Potter Me 10secs later: I'm in love with Draco Malfoy again. I got feels and wrote this in 2 hours, totally unplanned. I hope you guys like it! Btw pls request AUs, they are so much fun to write.
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You could feel yourself falling apart, it was agonizingly slow like each day a layer of who you were was stripped away. You never quite realized how alone you really were until you got to Hogwarts. You knew people, but you had no friends. Your parents didn’t love you, they loved your accomplishments. When you got to the warmly lit grand hall and looked around at all the smiling faces it made you realize that not everyone felt like you. It made you realize that some people were actually genuinely happy, not smiling for a camera but smiling because they wanted to. Because they felt like it. Knowing that made you hate them that much more.
Your first year in Hogwarts was spent alone. You sat alone, you ate alone, you studied alone, you were alone. You didn’t know how to change that and you weren’t quite sure if you wanted to. When you were alone you knew what was going on. You knew what was going to happen, there were no surprises, no skeletons in a closet that you didn’t know about. Your own was filled to the ceiling but you weren’t scared of them anymore. You were taught that if you were scared you would die.
You met Draco Malfoy through some ball when you were five years old, you still didn’t smile much, even then. Draco had called you evil and ran from you. You hadn’t been hurt by it, kids did it most of the time. You had made friends with a young girl once but your mother had seen you and locked you in your closet for three days for playing with a muggle. You didn’t try anymore.
Draco was dreadfully scared of you as a child. He had heard his mother and father compare their methods of a discipline to your parents to reassure him of their own kindness. The things he heard were done to you were like nothing he had ever heard of before. They were inhuman.
When he saw you at Hogwarts he had been sure you would be evil and he was horrified, not that he would ever admit it. But by his fourth year, he began to see you as less of a demon and more of an ally. He knew what you were going to do as you got older and he knew he would have to do the same no matter how much he tried to push it to the back of mind.
In fifth-year things got worse for Draco Malfoy. He couldn’t push things away anymore. He was facing them soon and he was scared. So dreadfully scared. That’s when he began to see you as a friend.
Draco approached you one night looking unsure, almost fearful of you despite the inches he held over you. You glanced up at him, your back stiff as a bored, “Draco.”
You never called him by his last name. He wondered if you knew how much he hated it or if you simply didn’t respect him.
“Y/n.” He responded. You blinked owlishly at him the sound of rain on the stained glass windows of the small stairwell seemed to echo around you.
“Do you have something you would like to speak to me about?” You asked, peering straight at him. But that wasn’t right. You were looking through him.
“I don’t know,” Draco answered honestly, his heart thumping from nerves. You were so strange.
You gave a curt nod, “You’re scared.” your voice was suddenly soft, almost a whisper.
Draco wasn’t sure how to respond. He had been wrong you looked not at him, not through him but into him. You could see who he was, he marveled. He supposed it was like looking in a distorted mirror and knowing what looked back didn’t look the same, but it was you.
“Aren’t you?” He asked, the stairway seemed to darken.
“I don’t think so.” You said. “I don’t think I’m scared.”
Draco wasn’t surprised, he wondered if you felt anything but he knew that was silly, of course, you did. You were just better at hiding it.
“You shouldn’t be scared Draco.” You murmured, your eyes had lost the sharpness they held moments before, “You’ll be okay.”
You had then shouldered past him and as the sound of your expensive dress shoes echoed off the stone walls he wondered if he would be.
Draco got into the habit of sitting near you. He insisted on being with you at meals and in classes, he even began to study with you bringing chocolate frogs and expensive candies from America. He was slowly invading your lonely life.
You were studying in your common room late one night. You didn’t sleep much anymore, the darkness made you uncomfortable and nightmares haunted your young mind. Draco was always up with you, he had twin bags under his eyes which matched your own.
“Why are you here with me?” You asked suddenly, eyes leaving the textbook in front of you for the first time in an hour.
Draco looked up at you, “Because I’m terrible at Transfiguration.”
You shook your head and narrowed your eyes slightly, eyes that always softened when they landed on the blonde, “Why are you always here with me?”
The boy bit his lip, “Because you’re real.” He answered after a second too long.
“So are Zabini and Parkinson.” He was the only one you didn’t call by his last name.
Draco dropped his quill into the ink beside him, his eyes locked with yours, and just like yours did months ago in the stairwell he looked into you. “No, they aren’t. They pretend like everything is alright, like we’re normal. They’re fake.” There was a long pause and the fireplace let out a loud crack that sounded like a whip. “You don’t pretend.”
You cocked your head a bit, “I thought you liked pretending.”
“I used to.” He murmured, “But I don’t think I can anymore. I don’t want to be scared and when I pretended everything was okay I got scared when it wasn’t.”
You made no response, you looked almost like a statue - something a greek carved a thousand years ago, a greek who managed to make stone beautiful. But it wasn’t a greek, and they made beautiful into stone, not the other way around.
“Do you feel anything?” Draco wondered aloud, almost joking.
You let out a soft chuckle, “I’m angry Draco.” You smiled, “And sad. And lonely.” you licked your lips and Draco watched that stone around you break, a small crack forming as your eyes went glassy and a heartbreaking smile curved your lips. “But you know all about that.”
And he did.
Things got less lonely for the rest of the year. Draco watched as slowly the statue that you were peeled away, you still didn’t smile much but you talked more. You told him about things he sometimes wished he didn’t hear. He told you about his own misfortunes, about how his father had built a dungeon under his house and how he was getting a tattoo over the summer. You didn’t pity him as he was sure many would have. Instead, you nodded, you understood him, you understood what he was doing and why he was doing it. You were doing the same after all.
Summer was dreadful. You wrote letters to each other but it wasn’t enough. You found yourself needing Draco the way you had never needed anyone before. You had forgotten what it was like to be so utterly alone and you were no longer numb to the feeling.
When you came back to school Dumbledore pulled you both aside, calling the two of you into his office one evening. When you entered the room he wore a grim smile, one so fake you would practically smell its plastic.
“Hello y/n, Draco.” He spoke motioning for you to sit in front of his massive desk on two matching wooden chairs. You did as told folding your robes beneath you as Draco tucked the books he was holding for you on his lap.
“Yes, professor?” You asked, you didn’t smile like he thought you might, you didn’t pretend even now.
“I’m sure you have a sense of why I called you up here.” He responded, his smile dropped and replaced with a much more real frown.
“I could take a guess.” You responded, Draco still didn’t speak.
The headmaster turned his gaze to focus solely on you, his eyes were trying to pick you apart and when he glanced away Draco realized he had failed
“I know you two are in danger.” The man said, “I am not oblivious to what goes on at your homes. And while I am sure I could never fully understand what you’re going through I wish to help.” His voice was soft, “You know as well as I that dark forces are trying to infiltrate this castle at this very moment and I need you both to remember, their greatest weapon is no spell at all but you, children.”
Draco could feel the elderly man’s eyes move to him and he tipped his chin to meet them hoping his gaze was as blank as yours.
You waited a few more moments before speaking, “You’re right professor.” You said and Draco’s eyes widened, “You could never understand what we go through.” Your words were bitter, “And we are their greatest weapon.”
Dumbledore looked defeated as he looked over his half-moon spectacles at you, he seemed to age ten years before your eyes as you sat with your legs folded, gaze unbreaking.
“Do you have anything else to say or could we get back to our common room?” Draco swore the man almost flinched as you stood.
“You are free to go.” He mumbled and Draco stood to follow you, he was glad he hadn’t had to say a word. He wasn’t sure what he might have done.
You broke down that night. Tears poured from your eyes as you struggled to catch your breath. Draco was stunned when you let out the first sob, the common room was empty and it bounced off the silent stone walls. Your statue had finally crumbled to dust. Draco pulled you into him as you fought against his hold for a moment before leaning into his warmth. You stayed there for a while, tears wetting his shirt as you burred your head in his neck. When you pulled away your eyes were rimmed in red and swollen, your cheeks were blotchy and shining in the dim light.
“I need to get out of here Draco.” You whimpered to him, “I can’t kill someone, I can’t go back to my parents, I can’t face them.”
There was a pregnant silence, Draco could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he raised a hand to your cheek tucking a loose string of hair behind your ear and using his thumb to wipe away a stray tear.
“Let’s run away.” He offered, “From all of this, we could go together into the muggle world, maybe to Canada or America.”
You bit your lip so hard your teeth broke the skin, “We can’t.” choked back another cry, “We can’t Draco, I have to go through with this. We have to go through with this.”
“Why?” The Slytherin asked, “Why do we have to? We don’t owe anyone anything.”
Your gaze stiffened, “I do. I made promises I can’t break.”
Draco felt his momentary hope crumble, your gaze softened again, your hands wrapping around his neck as you pulled him towards you until your foreheads were resting against each other.
“I’m sorry Draco.” You whispered, “I’m so sorry.’ Your breath was hot on his face, your deep eyes peering into him through glass panes.
“Don’t be sorry.” He murmured his chin tilting upwards to capture your lips on his own. Your kiss was desperate, hungry. You felt his teeth graze your bottom lip as your bodies were pressed closer together by his grip on your waist. Your hands moved to his hair as you tumbled over, your back pressed into the leather couch, your legs wrapping around him. Draco’s lips wandered up to your cheeks where he left open-mouthed kisses which tasted bitter and salty, they trailed down to your neck where he bit lightly before finding your own again. He sucked your bottom lip between his teeth tasting the blood there before he plunged his tongue into your mouth.
When you finally pulled apart you were panting lightly, “We’ll leave when all this is over.” spoke between breaths. “We’ll leave this all behind.”
You choked back tears as you held your wand to your headmaster’s neck.
“I understand why you are doing this.” The man sighed, he wasn’t even putting up a fight. That made it so much worse.
“No, you don’t!” You sobbed, “You could never understand what it’s like. Never.”
Draco stood a few feet from you. His eyes were glassy, his own wand raised.
“That’s right y/n.” Bellatrix laughed, “This stupid old man could never know what it’s like for you, He could never help you.” She took a few steps toward you, her teeth were barred in a snarl, “Now kill him.”
You felt your throat close up, your eyes so thick with tears you could barely see, “I’m sorry.” You whimpered quietly, “I’m so sorry, I have to, if I don’t kill you he’ll kill me, I’m sorry.”
“Now y/n!” Bellatrix bellowed “Now!”
Your voice was raw and broken as you whipped your wand at the man, “Avada Kedavra!” green flashed through your blurry world and you stumbled backward not wanting to watch as he tumbled off the tower.
Draco snatched you by the shoulders, pulling him into his embrace as his aunt cackled. “It’s gonna be okay y/n/n, everything is going to be okay.” His sentence broke and you could feel his body shake, “We’re gonna leave soon. We’ll leave this all behind.”
You stood hand and hand, your palm had pebbles buried inside a layer of skin, your cheek burned from a cut which you could feel dripping blood off your chin. You stared across the ruins of what used to be your school at your classmates. You felt your mother beside you and your father behind you. Draco squeezed your hand and they disappeared. His whisper echoed in your mind. You would leave this soon. You would leave this all behind.
A shout broke you from your trance, you watched as Harry Potter rolled from Hagrid’s arms and felt Draco drop your hand.
“Potter!” He shouted and he broke out running towards him, you took after him as he threw his wand at the boy and a barrage of spells were shot at you.
“Protego!” You shouted shielding you and Draco as red and green sparks danced around you. Suddenly your arm was snatched and you turned to meet your mother’s gaze but before any words could be spoken she was hit by a blue light and scent hurdling backward. You turned to look at Hermione Granger who had her wand held up. You nodded at the girl in a silent thank you before turning your attention back to the blonde who suddenly tackled you to the ground. Something whizzed by your cheek and you hit the ground with a thump.
Draco pulled you to your feet and you both sprinted for the castle gates. Your legs caught just short of the entrance and you tumbled downwards dropping Draco’s hand only be hulled back up and thrown backward. You heard a shout and turned as a death eater snatched Draco and slammed him onto the ground.
“Avada Kedavra!” You shouted and the man flew backward into a limp pile. You snatched Dracos robes pulling him upwards and into the castle.
You tumbled onto him, gasping for breath as your heart sped in your chest. “Draco?” You asked quietly, shouts seeming so far away now.
His eyes fluttered open, his neck had a wide scratch down the side, his face was covered in soot and dust, rubble had sliced open his pale skin just below his left eye. You sobbed tears stinging your cut and mixing with blood before dripping off your nose and onto his cheek.
“I’m okay.” He mumbled, “I’m okay, please don’t cry.”
You pressed your forehead into his chest still sobbing as you fisted his singed shirt.
“Y/n.” His voice brought you back up to his eyes, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” You whimpered, leaning down to meet his lips. They were chapped and rough, your own were split and all you could taste was blood and salt but that was okay. It was okay because you would be gone. You could leave soon. You could leave this all behind.
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