#degenerative

[simianamber]

Fictional art...exists only in the mind of the reader. All work © simianAmber

[docileeffects]

[magnoliamyrrh]

anyway lol its the end of disability pride month and big shoutout to everyone with some sort of progressive or degenerative disorder or disease this shit is so hard both physically and psychologically and tbh idk how we arent all losing it and still going but we are. i hope tomorrow will be easy for you

[aezrel-thoryn]

“I’m fine.” It hasn’t gotten worse.

“I’m fine.” I’m dull, duller, the pain is dull, my body’s dull, my mind is dull, throbbing, reaching, writhing, rebelling but ultimately dull, ineffective, wading through water, failing, falling.

“I’m fine.” I don’t know what “fine” means anymore. The definition is constantly changing, standards lowering to the lowest common denominator, “bearable”, and then lower to “I’m not screaming”, lower still to “ar least I’m alive”, to “it’s still worth it”, to “I have no words for this but I suppose fine will do”.

“I’m fine.” I’m on life support. The pills, the cane, the books and the games, the ideas and the projects, they may as well be machines, beeping away, trying to hold back the tide of mortality, a flimsy shield I hide behind because I couldn’t live without it.

“I’m fine.” It’s still worth it, the ride is still good, the train hasn’t yet reached my stop. It’s no eternal engine, though, and I don’t know how many more rotations my body has left, how many rotations I have left. I love the ride, and I’m terrified of the day I’ll want to step off. The light at the end of the tunnel is just that: the end.

“I’m fine.” I can’t bear to see you mourning me when I look in your eyes.

“I’m fine.” Some days I don’t feel like a person, just a pile of compromised flesh and brittle bone carrying in through sheer animal survival instinct.

“I’m fine.” I love you. I don’t know how to give even the smallest part of this to you. Who could put this on someone they love?

“I’m fine, really.” I haven’t been fine in so long I sometimes circle back around to believing it.

“I’m fine, I promise.” I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t believe. This is the only promise I don’t keep.

“I’m fine.” I’m lying.

[uglyspoon]

It's okay that you can't remember things as well as you used to. It's okay that you're losing out on remembering details but can still see a general shape, it's okay that you can't recall the whole of something but a detail on the edge stands out, and it's okay that you remember remembering more than this.

Forgetting comes for us all, and it isn't fair yours comes so soon or so much. It isn't fair that that it's going to keep getting worse. Take your time to mourn, and to prepare for where you're going. I believe in you, this sucks, but you can do it.

[art-vs-apocalypse]

welcome new followers. here is a list of my degenerative traits that you should know about me.

-i'm unafraid to dislike art that people, and especially AI, create -critical art is usually fUcKiNg boring. super important sometimes but often still boring. -i could not give less of a shit about popular culture. i've seen one marvel film and have not seen X tv show -black swan was the last time i was in a movie theater. some of you were probably in elementary school. -i don't have a netflix, hulu, amazon etc streaming account -i don't have to be anything for anyone. if i don't respect your interests, i won't lie to you about it. -i think astrology is a red-pill -stoicism is bullshit, folks are not stoic. lmao. -i don't care that i'm judgmental, i like me.

[disabilityaware]