I had fallen out of my devotion the way many things had fallen out for me earlier this year, and with the rampant ups and downs of life especially in this wacky ridiculous time I haven't gotten back to it, but today especially- something about the chill in the air and the cool wind on my arm as I let it sit out the window on a drive, the way I walked around my yard barefoot after the sun went down and let my dress swirl in turns brought me back to it, and mostly to Dionysus
And sitting here waiting for my shower water to warm I had a realization that while most other connections I had grew far more subtle - understandably so, with my lack of response and communication- Dionysus never did. Looking back over the past few months I see him in the loss of my cat and my yearning for another little feline friend to have by my side, my loss of desire to drink alcohol and it returning but this time with wines instead of liquor, the way on my good days I've been dancing around to music and sound and walking through the woods and driving and exploring and eating fresh fruit, and on my bad days I've been soft with myself and dealing with the mental illness and madness to the best of my ability, in the new interest in make up- dramatic make up mind you, not run of the mill type- and the questioning of my gender presentation and body and existence
He has been here, hands gently on my shoulders, gently brushing my hair when I weep, smiling with me when I let the sun rest on my face. He's been guiding me as much as he can without my knowledge and I think this is why Dionysus and I fit so well as a deity and devotee- in xtianity where I was raised my god was so far from me, didn't show love in small specific nuanced ways and didn't walk by my side despite me being a singular person and small in the grand scheme of things, but. Dionysus has, since I began my journey with him, and I can only hope I can repay his kindness












