#demonized rambles

[demonized-infodumps]

I often say that I’m happy being so mentally ill, and I really am. I don’t know what I would have done as a neurotypical. I hold suspicion that I have many stigmatised disorders (SzPD, AvPD, Conduct disorder, Narcissism, schizophrenia, did) and I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. I love the scare factor, I’d love to be called a monster and sick or disgusting, I’d love the fear. I know having disorders such as these in my records if I’m right about having them would probably have devastating consequences for my livelihood and life, but I am willing to risk it.

[Would you like us to add SzPD, AvPD and Conduct Disorder to our tags?]

[demonized-infodumps]

(Tag this as both autism and DID) I love how no matter what, I'm either infantilized or satanized. /very negative Either I'm some innocent bean because the autism apparently makes me have a "childlike enthusiasm" (which is just a gross ass phrase imo), or I'm some demonic entity who needs to be locked up because the DID makes me "dangerous and out of control and scary." Oh, and sometimes when they overlap, like for executive functioning and remembering things, I'm exclusively made out to be some sort of species of lazy inconsiderate demon. Like I'm fucking sorry I have an unchangible difference in my brain, and a trauma disorder caused by years of bullshit caused by the very people who think I'm lazy, childish, and dangerous for those two disorders.

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[demonized-infodumps]

Anon about the mobility aid!

Yep! Physically disabled and having so much more support than I thought we would!

The cane helps so much more than I’d ever imagined, I even had someone help me learn how to use it properly so I wasn’t stuck alone with it.

I’ve had people tell me that they’re jealous and that I look cool. People like the design (looks like dragon scales).

I still have a bit of fear with public but I’m doing my best tomorrow for medication and getting my prescription checked.

(I’ve also been told by the people I live with that if someone says something, they’re going to chase them off.

Only downside is some people calling me Dr. House but then back it up with “oh my gosh! You’re like my favorite character! Can I help with anything? Do you need to sit down for a minute” especially if they see me wincing and it’s just the little things [I don’t mind the references and the more funny comments cuz it does put a smile on my face]. And the kids that have little joys makes my day, too. And my cats track it so extended attention grabber.)

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[demonized-infodumps]

oh this is ther PERFECT place to talk about our rad:)

we have reactive attachment disorder. a "rare" and extremely conplicated trauma based anxiety disorder where a child does not form a healthy relationship with their parent due to neglect or trauma.

i. fucking. hate. how i am PROFESSIONALLY RECOGNIZED, and NO ONE FUCKING ACCOMODATES FOR ME. no one has EMPATHY, no one UNDERSTANDS, they just get fucking PISSED OFF AT ME because I CANT DO WHAT THEY WANT ME TO.

my therapist constantly asks me how im feeling or what this and that makes me feel. and i cant fucking respond. because literally a huge part of RAD is that i cannot understand my own and others emotions.

the things people expect me to be? they expect me to be normal, they expect me not to be mean. but i am. i push other people away because people with RAD struggle to form and keep relationships, i hiss and snap and i always have and no one thought that that was strange. they expect me to be normal, and that i CHOOSE to struggle in social situations to such a high degree

this was a ramble im not bothering to reread so it may just make no sense

[We do not have RAD as a tag on our blog, would you like us to add it?]