#depersonalization-derealization

[littlestarkling]

Maladaptive dreaming

I was watching this one video by Kati Morton (katimorton.tumblr.com) about maladaptive daydreaming. I think I do that to some extent. Not to the full extent that she was talking about, but I definitely have a “rich fantasy life”. At one of my previous places of work I came in one morning and the guy that sat across from me greated me with “I can see that conversation going on in your head”. I was argueing so hard in my head that my mouth was half moving and I was making hand gestures. Lol. Was really called out. Thing is I was definitely doing it for a long time before he made me aware of it. I can keep a handle on it now (as in, not act it out as badly). I also have emotional numbness and serious mind fog. I sometimes wonder if I don’t maybe have symptoms of Depersonalization-derealization disorder, but I probably don’t have what I have to a big enough extent and I don’t think I have enough symptoms to really fall in that category properly.

[dale-the-human]

A little different from my usual videos. This is a poem I wrote about my experience with Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder. TW: DISSOCIATION

How it felt to be alive by Dale (the human)

Each day you get better  at believing your disguise and it's harder to remember  how it felt to be alive.

The person in the mirror that you used to know is gone. Stare at the glass and wonder, "Which side am I on?"

You sleep because you're tired, and stay there to escape, and wake with dull new memories of someone else's make.

The arms of friends and family used to feel like home. Now each social moment passes irrevocably alone. 

Accidental acting doesn't cover up the ache. There's more people to fool and conversations to fake.

A vacuum of sensation is the company you find. When all you loved means nothing, you start to lose your mind. 

[marionsafehaven]

Just went through the ICD and (as a note to self) here is what nature blessed me with : Big time:  a silly Restless legs syndrome (Sleep-wake disorder).  Premenstrual dysphoric disorder and some kind of Depersonalization-derealization disorder (especially in moments of anxiety),   Excoriation disorder (since childhood) but I know how to deal with it.  Then, at some moments of my life (like anyone I’d reckon): maaaaybe some recurrent depressive disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder with fair to good insight (related to romantic relationships). As a child I was definitely suffering a lot from Nightmare disorder ( Sleep-wake disorder ) but that changed, maybe that was just something normal for a child?

[belowe-system]

face

[belowe-system]

I hate living with DDD so much. Every day I wake up I’m someone different. I have to retouch boundaries with my friends because before felt like a dream and now I truly don’t know them. I have to look in the mirror and realize I lost time. Every day is different. I live a new life everyday. There’s no continuing. Only starting, and ending- And starting over again.

[actuallydissociative]

I have dpdr, however, I haven't had any sort of traumatic life-altering experience. Is this very uncommon?

No, it’s not very uncommon! A large chunk of the people with DPDR have had little to no trauma in their life. Dissociation as severe as disorders like DID are the ones that cannot be formed without trauma.