#desexualisation

[black-ace-culture-is]

Black ace culture is struggling to sqaure your asexuality with the hypersexual/desexual lens that society likes to view you with

Yeah...

[ultramaga]

What comic books fans want. (source) What SJWs want them to see instead.

[asian-male-positivity]

[eeee-lye]

Do people realise that in constantly saying don’t desexualise disabled characters as an argument or warning against ace people creating ace headcanons for disabled characters, they’re actually saying that desexualisation and asexuality are the same?

Do people realise that ace people headcanoning characters as ace--be that person disabled or abled--are not likely to portray this character as desexualised, because ace people desperately want and need agency, identity and authority in their portrayals and headcanons? Something that doesn’t exist in a desexualisation narrative?

Do people realise that this constant slew of warnings is incredibly, unbelievably harmful to disabled aces? In no way is the experience of being asexual that of being desexualised; to conflate the two strips disabled aces doubly of agency, identity and authority. Yet every time we turn around, we see warnings about never linking two of our identities; we are told that being a disabled ace is the same thing as being a desexualised disabled person.

This constant narrative of warning doesn’t support me, a disabled ace. In fact, I suspect that being told that disabled ace headcanons are a form of desexualisation strips me as much of agency as a disabled ace as does the desexualisation of disabled characters as a disabled person!

Neither, in any way, treats me as a person with agency, identity or authority over my own experience and intersecting identities!

Asexual people do not benefit from desexualisation any more than disabled people do. A desexualisation narrative isn’t an ace-positive one. Allosexual abled people write these sorts of narratives, engaging in both ableism and allosexism because they see both being disabled and being asexual as less adult and less human, thereby linking these in coding that strips the character of agency. When you say that ace people shouldn’t headcanon disabled characters, you are placing the fault for the very allosexism that harms us--the way we are seen as less than adult and human--at an ace person’s feet. The narrative of desexualisation isn’t ours, so why do people insist on denying ace people expression when abled allosexual people are the problem?

When people say “don’t headcanon disabled characters as ace unless you’re disabled”, I don’t feel protected. I just see fewer headcanons--and resulting canon narratives--about people like me, in a world where there’s few ace protagonists and few disabled protagonists created as empowering representation.

We are told, over and over, that being a disabled ace is the same thing as being a desexualised disabled person.

How is that supposed to be good activism?

[girl-unashamed]

The thing about “desexualisation”/cotton ceiling discourse is like, trans activists defend it as “we’re not saying you need to have sex you don’t want! you just ought to examine your attractions and maybe you’ll realise you actually do want to have sex with trans people!”

And like... that is the exact opposite of what the vast majority of women ought to be doing? This is really really unhelpful messaging to be directing at women?

So so so many women need to sit down and have a conversation with themselves and a long hard think and realise that they don’t want some of the sex that they’re having. That guy who keeps asking for sex really pitifully and looks like a sad puppy? It’s okay to not want to have sex with him! That guy who you find really unattractive but you feel bad about finding him unattractive because he’s so kind and sweet? It’s okay to not want to have sex with him! That guy who buys you such nice gifts but is twice your age and that makes you uncomfy? It’s okay to not want to have sex with him!

Many many women are going through their lives repeatedly having sex that they don’t want because they feel afraid, or pressured, or bad, or sorry for teh poor menz, or like they’re a prude unless they say yes, or like it’s mean for them to turn people down. Fuck that! Do not have sex unless it makes you happy!

[asian-male-positivity]

It’s fine for people to have a type, and I don’t think absolutely everybody has to be open to being with Asian men, but it’s hard not to see the connection between this attitude and the commonly held belief that Asian men are inherently undesirable.

[asian-male-positivity]

Saw a random comment on Youtube (take that with a grain of salt). Girl goes to Vietnam, claims to have not seen a single attractive Asian Men (rants about "bad teeth" and "ugly hairstyles"). Therefore, (she) draws the conclusion that ALL Asian Men are not worth dating/are hideous. SMH.

“Previous comment was too long. The woman was NOT Asian (surprising, right?). Either way... hurtful comment is hurtful. But then again, Youtube (like any open platform) always has those types of comments.” (Pt.2)

That's disappointing. A developing country like Vietnam is not going to have a lot of modern hairstyles or great dental hygiene; it's the nature of a developing country. That doesn't mean that there aren't attractive people in Vietnam, because obviously there are, it's just that the average person isn't as well-off as the average person in the West. It's unfair to compare the two. 

It's also disappointing how common comments like these are about Asian men from all groups, even from our own community. So common that I would describe it as a culture. Hopefully, improvements in Asian representation, and growth in pro-Asian and socially conscious attitudes will have a positive impact.

Challenging racism is important but Asian men do have to accept that this is simply a part of our life. It's unavoidable and likely will not change significantly in our lifetime. When you do have the energy/safety to do so, then challenge racism (without resorting to racism yourself), but then you kind of have to develop that thick skin. Weather it and don't let it get you down. Also develop your own self worth. Allowing those toxic thoughts/people to mess with your head is giving them exactly what they want. 

Another way to deal, is to form your own tribe. We don't have the luxury of consistent support from any group, not even from our own community, so rely instead on individuals (of any race). Individuals who are decent people, who aren't racist, and who will support, empower and defend you. Seek these individuals out and add them to your circle, while rejecting/ejecting the toxic ones.

It's not always easy and I'm frequently challenged by it myself but these are some things I do to stay sane and happy. Good luck.

[2002-honda-crv]

Let me make this clear: I am a feminist

Although, I think the desexualisation of the female body is planned too far. It is understood that breasts shouldn't be considered sexual organs, but that doesn't mean you should live your life bare-chested. Just with abortions or gay marriage, you should strive to have it, so that you can if you want to. I accept women wanting to go to the beach or pool bare chested, as guys do; or taking off a shirt on a hot day, as guys do. But taking off your shirt when there's no real reason to except to take advantage of a law and be a hyper-feminist isn't what I want to see. I want to see people equal. What I'm saying is I don't want to see half naked people walking down the fucking street. Just stop, I understand you want freedoms but clothes exist for a reason. Thank you.