#dialectical behavioural therapy

[mental-health-advice]

Apart from active listening and trying to validate other people's feelings - what improves communication? I feel like I can be passive aggressive because I have a hard time communicating with people who I feel inferior too - which is almost everyone. I'm too submissive and it bothers me but I can't communicate assertively because when I try it comes out passive aggressive or I will only say half of what I mean because confrontation is stressful for me.

Hey lovely,

Actively listening definitely is a good start, and so is validating other people’s feelings. Communication can be really tricky, so it’s understandable that this is something you struggle with.

Have you heard of DBT? It stands for Dialectical Behavioural Therapy and is a type of therapy that is often recommended for people struggling with personality disorders, BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) in particular. I’m not saying that you have a personality disorder, as I’m not a professional and there is a lot more information needed for a professional to be able to say anything about that, but DBT can be helpful for many other issues as well. In DBT, you learn certain skills that you can use in your day-to-day life. One of those skills has to do with communication and confrontation.

Within DBT, there are four modules:

Core Mindfulness

Distress Tolerance

Emotional Regulation

Interpersonal Effectiveness

Each module has different skills. In the Interpersonal Effectiveness module, belongs the skill DEAR MAN. This skill is all about communication, how to communicate what you need and what’s the problem. I think this skill could be very helpful for you! The letters DEAR MAN are an abbreviation for the following:

Describe your situation

Express why this is an issue

Assert what you need

Reinforce by repeating the situation, feelings, needs and positive consequences to having those needs fulfilled

Mindful of the situation

Appear confident

Negotiate

The first four are the steps you take while communicating, whereas the last three are what you use while communicating those first four steps. So while you are describing the situation, expressing the issue, assessing what you need and reinforcing, you are staying mindful, appearing confident, and eventually you negotiate. For a more in depth explanation as well as an example, you can check out our DBT page.

I personally find confrontation really stressful as well, so I get where you’re coming from! I try to remind myself that it’s something I need to go through in order to stick up for myself. That’s really hard when I feel inferior, but I try to remind myself that it’s the only way I’ll start feeling better and doing better in recovery. I basically describe it to myself as the only option, because technically, it is the only option! It’s not an option to let everyone walk all over me, because then I am gonna go down and spiral and that is not what I want in life. On top of that, I try to remind myself that to the other person, it’s not personally against me. The confrontation isn’t about me personally, it’s more about what I’m saying. And if I am sticking up for myself and they don’t like that, then that says more about them and who they are as a person, than about me! You deserve to have people in your life who value you, not people who want to walk all over you.

I really do understand that this is very hard though. I’d recommend you to visit your GP / local doctor and explain to them briefly what’s been going on. They can arrange a referral to a counsellor or other mental health professional. With this counsellor you can work through these communication issues and work on using the DBT skill I’ve described. I also think it would be worth looking into you feeling inferior to people, because you’re worth more than you think of yourself! You can read more about getting help here. I hope this helped at least a little bit though!

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard. Love Pauline

[nosebleedmutt]

Anyone else have like. NO LUCK on being in dbt therapy? Like, especially if youre borderline or cluster B ?? Please interact with this post. I'm curious to see how many of us have found it completely unhelpful and borderline demeaning.

[this-smile-is-real]

Made this post on my Instagram this morning, thought I’d share it here: This Saturday morning I wanted to do a little ‘about me’ for the followers that don’t know me in person. My name is Hannah, I’m 21 years old and I’m passionate about so many things that I do. I’m studying a Bachelor of Human Services majoring in Counselling at University, and a Certificate III in Education Support at Tafe. I’m a trumpet player and a piano player and teach both privately. I’m an author, having written my first book at 17 and also have been published both in Australia and Hungary in Magazines several times. I’ve previously graduated from two years of Bible College and started a teaching degree. I’m a Christian and love church and cherish that part of my life. I have a small business that I’m slowly getting off the ground so any support is always welcome. I’m an avid coffee drinker, I volunteer at a primary school and I’m on an extensive recovery journey with my mental health. My dream is to continue to write, to be a motivational speaker, to be a Counsellor in different capacities and to travel the world doing what I love. I also want to play trumpet for musicals that tour the country and I want to have so many adventures. The world is full of possibilities and I want to take hold of as many as I can ☺️

[mental-health-advice]

Is it ordinary with BPD to not really care much about your relationships with anyone except your fp? Maybe it's because she's my very best friend, but little things she does that make me feel like shit wouldn't affect me if they were done by anyone else. Also, I've seen on a lot of sites that people with BPD make “frantic efforts to avoid abandonment” but if I feel my fp prefers someone else to me, I'll completely push her away and start hating her. Then decide I'm in love with her 2 days later.

Hi darling,

These are good questions to ask, and I can definitely imagine that you’ve been wondering about this. When struggling with BPD, it’s really common to experience black and white thinking. This can result in what you’re experiencing where you’ll completely push your best friend away and even start hating her (the black thinking) and then a couple days later you’ll be in love with her (the white thinking). When dealing with black and white thinking, small things can affect you more, as something really small can flip your opinion from someone over from white to black (or the other way around)

It’s also possible that when you push her away, this is also some way to avoid abandonment. When you feel like she prefers someone else, you push her away so that she can’t be the one to leave you anymore. So in a way, you’re avoiding the abandonment, although the outcome is similar. Does that make sense? I don’t know for sure if that’s why you push her away at times, but it might be good to look into it.

Something that is good to keep in mind is that there isn’t a textbook version of BPD. To be diagnosed with it, you need to experience at least 5 out of 9 symptoms. Some people will experience 5 symptoms, others will experience 9, or anything in between. This means that there are 256 different combinations of symptoms. So really, everyone’s experience with it is different! Even if your experience might seem to be less common, that doesn’t mean your struggles aren’t valid!

Are you currently receiving any treatment for your BPD lovely? DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) is a therapy that’s been proven to be very helpful for those struggling with BPD! We have a page on the different DBT skills here. Another therapy that can be really helpful is MBT (Mentalisation-Based Treatment). Here you learn to manage your feelings better and to stop them from affecting you as much. I think it can be really good to look into these, if you aren’t already receiving help. If you’re currently seeing a therapist but aren’t enrolled in either of these therapies, it might be an option to discuss with your therapist.

I hope this helped at least a little bit lovely! I wish you all the luck in dealing with all of this. It can get easier!

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.

Keep fighting beautiful ❤

Love Pauline

[mental-health-advice]

i'm so upset. i really want to go to a new therapist because i feel like i've hit a wall with this one, but i need dbt and the only dbt therapists besides this one are either really far away, or expensive. every professional i'm with right now thinks i need dbt, but i'd rather go to regular therapy and so i'm not allowed. my psych nurse and my therapist agree i might have a personality disorder. i'm trying so hard not to get upset with everything. advice on coping? -sunflower

Hi darling,

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with this lovely! First of all, I think it’s good to look into why you’d rather want regular therapy and not DBT if this is what’s recommended? I don’t have personal experience, but I’ve heard a lot of good stories about it! If you want to read up more on it, then you can check out this page. Maybe you can more see it as something to try out? If you’ve tried DBT and you don’t find it helpful, you can always return to regular therapy! But I think there’s a reason your treatment team wants you to try out DBT and I think it can be very beneficial for you.

It can be pretty scary to get diagnosed with a personality disorder, but I want you to know that it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person, or that you as a person are ‘disordered’. It just means that you have some thought pattern and behaviours that aren’t helping you that seem to be quite persistent. This is why it can feel like those patterns and behaviours belong to you or are a part of you, but that isn’t true. I don’t know if you being upset with possibly having a personality disorder has anything to do with this, but I just wanted to address it in case it did. If you want to elaborate more on your upset feelings, feel free to send in another ask!

There are some therapists who reduce the cost of their sessions depending on the financial situation of their client. This might not always be on their website, so I think it’s worth calling around for and asking the therapists that you’ve found that were too expensive for you if they have any arrangements like that. If you can’t find anyone who will lower their costs, then I think there’s a few options. You could consider going to one of the more expensive therapists but see them less often, so that all in all the costs will be less too. Another option would be to go for the therapists that are further away, if they’re less expensive. It’s inconvenient. It takes me between 1,5 hour and 2 hours to get to my therapist too (depending on if I’m at my parents or my student housing), so I know the feeling of having to travel long to get there and how annoying that can be sometimes. But I definitely think it’s better than not seeing someone, and if this is your only option of seeing a therapist, then I think it’s worth it.

You might also want to look into getting a diagnosis, as right now there’s only the vague idea that you might have a personality disorder. Right now it’s all a lot of doubt and with getting a diagnosis it can all become more clear and you can truly adjust to the idea of having that disorder, whereas now it’s only guessing, which makes you not really get used to it. I personally rather know what’s going on than guess about it, but of course it’s also completely okay if you’d prefer the latter.

I hope this was at least a little bit helpful lovely, and I hope you can find a course of treatment that works!

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.

Keep fighting beautiful <3

Love Pauline

[telegraphavekiss]

i hate that today's dbt lesson relates directly to the fucking twilight book i'm currently reading

[solhwellness]

Different Types of Psychotherapies: Exploring Your Options | Solh Wellness

Several psychological therapies provide useful strategies for overcoming life's problems when it comes to improving your mental health. These treatments, often known as talk therapies or psychotherapies, offer a framework for comprehending and controlling your ideas, feelings, and behaviors.

Let's look at the various forms of psychological therapy available:

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

A well-known treatment method called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) aims to recognize and alter unfavorable thought patterns. By recognizing and addressing these ideas, people can manage disorders like anxiety, melancholy, and stress efficiently. Through CBT, you acquire practical abilities to change your negative thinking.

Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) 

DBT combines techniques that encourage mindfulness with cognitive behavioral treatment. Those who struggle with strong emotions, risky behavior, and interpersonal problems benefit the most from it. DBT teaches individuals how to control their feelings, strengthen interpersonal bonds, and encourage self-acceptance.

Psychodynamic Therapy 

This therapy focuses mostly on the unsolved problems and unconscious mechanisms that influence your ideas and behaviour. To uncover ingrained patterns and advance consciousness and personal development, psychodynamic therapy digs into past interactions and experiences.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)   

ACT places a strong focus on accepting one's ideas and feelings as opposed to trying to repress them. It helps people define their values and make a commitment to upholding them. This therapy effectively treats anxiety while enhancing general wellbeing.

Mindfulness-Based Therapies  

Self-awareness and present-moment awareness are encouraged in therapies that place a strong emphasis on mindfulness. These therapies include:

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR):Through the practice of moderate yoga and mindfulness meditation, MBSR aims to reduce stress and promote emotional control.

Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT): Since the MBCT program combines cognitive therapy techniques with mindfulness training, it can benefit people who have recurrent depression.

Humanistic Therapies  

The goals of humanistic therapies are the pursuit of self-actualization, self-growth, and self-discovery. These consist of:

Person-Centred Therapy: In the encouraging, nonjudgmental environment of this treatment, people can examine their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Gestalt Therapy: The value of fully experiencing the present moment is emphasized by gestalt therapy. It promotes self-awareness and accountability.

Family Systems Therapy

Understanding how a person's ties with their family impact their mental health is the aim of family systems therapy. It tries to promote harmony within the family and communication.

Interpersonal Therapy (IPT)  

In IPT, emphasis is placed on interpersonal and communication skills. Both treating depression and resolving interpersonal conflicts can be done using it.

Narrative Therapy  

Examining the narratives we tell about our lives is an essential component of narrative therapy. Retelling and recreating these tales can offer people fresh perspective and a sense of empowerment.

Behavioural Therapy  

Behavioral therapy seeks to alter a behavior by identifying the reinforcers of that behavior. For phobias, OCD, and other conditions, there are two methods of treatment: behavior modification and exposure therapy.

Last but not least, each therapy has its unique technique and benefits. A licensed therapist can help you discuss your options and help you discover the option that best suits your needs. Remember that choosing the ideal approach could need some trial and error because therapy is a collaborative process. By incorporating psychological treatment into your regular routine for maintaining your mental health, you may offer yourself the resources you require to live a more balanced and fulfilling life.

At Solh Wellness, we take great care to fully understand the range of mental health issues and offer treatment that is uniquely tailored to each potential client. Our therapists are skilled at adapting the course of treatment to meet the demands of the patients. In order to assist you practice mindfulness and self-care, we also provide resources and techniques.