Everyone assumes that Jason and Damian are the feral and insane ones of Bruce's boys while Tim and Dick are the normal sane nice ones.
Bruce knows better.
Sure Jason and Damian will threaten to chop off fingers and heads and won't hesitate to see that threat through.
Sure Bruce would prefer less blood stains to be washed off their uniforms but at least it's not theirs. Plus they can act insane and walk in guns blazing, katana ready because they know they can handle it. They are better at it than anyone else.
Bruce doesn't have to worry much about their personal safety, they're not really harming themselves.
But Tim and Dick? They're insane.
There's absolutely batshit (ha) crazy. Have no sense of self preservation and they will walk in guns blazing, grenade ready with weapons they discovered 2 minutes ago.
Dick and Tim can't patrol together. It's forbidden for everyone's sake.
Dick once licked a drug from poison ivy's plants and Tim let him. And then did the same.
Tim wanted to study the effects of Gotham bay water and Dick volunteered. They both ended up hospitalized.
They decided to break into area 51 and were severely disappointed so they left a bunch of fake signals on their radar and a cardboard alien cut out.
They've made villains cry using bad puns and access to their search history.
Dick and Tim were called on a mission and grouped together by the other heroes since Batman wasn't around to stop them.
The mission was a success. Dick learned how to differentiate between hallucinations and real people in a fight, and exactly why alien narcotics are not for the weak, Tim learned all of the heroes secrets, and a new way to break a bone.
These two are menaces. They have nothing protecting them, and despite Bruce's many tries, nothing stopping them.
Situation where Clark has formed a tentative working relationship with Batman, but somewhere in that time, Batman acquired Robin and, naturally, didn't tell him.
Clark finds out about Robin's existence when a ten year old Dick Grayson in full Robin gear breaks into his apartment at two in the morning and shakes him awake because Batman's missing and Alfred's away and Bruce taught him that, in the case of emergency, Superman was one of the only people he could trust. Bruce just didn't think to tell Clark that he was, by all means, his son's emergency contact.
Clark: -wakes up to a small boy that he's never seen or heard of before in a cape and a mask with lenses that reflect light like a cat's perched on the edge of his bed in a pitch black room-
Dick, calmly: Hey, Batman's -- stop screaming -- Batman's missing. I need help.
Characters: Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Wally West, Bruce Wayne
Contents: sex toys, suggestive, implied sexual content, established relationships, dick is implied to be a pervert
based on this request
Dick Grayson
When you get home and find Dick sitting on the couch, your vibrator in his hand, you know it´s over for you.
"Look what I found today." He holds it up like a trophy. "Didn't know you had one." His devilish grin scares you.
"That's none of your business. " You feel your face heat up. "Where did you even find that?"
"I was looking for a shirt," he says, face innocent all of a sudden.
"In my closet? Right." You run your hand over your tiered face. "Were you trying to steal my panties again?"
Now it was his time to get flustered. Pervert.
Jason Todd
"What is this?"
You just stepped through the door to find Jason holding a large silicone dildo in front of your face.
"Hello to you too?"
"Am I not enough for you?" He has a frown sitting between his brows.
"Jay, are you seriously jealous of a fake dick?" You try to snatch it out of his hands, but he just lifts it higher, out of your reach.
Then he grabs your arm and drags you to the bedroom. "Guess we´ll have to find out who does it better."
Tim Drake
Short circuits.
He was going through your underwear drawer because you asked him to pick out a pair od underwear for you.
It was date night and he anticipated the part where he got to see you in his favorite slip. But he did not expect to find a generously sized dildo in between them.
Apparently he stayed kneeling and staring for a hot minute, because you step into the bedroom, dressed only in a towel, asking him what takes him so long.
When you see your boyfriends face red and eyes wide, you kneel down beside him and take his face into your hands.
"Baby, what do you suppose I do when you work all day, hm?" You place a kiss on his forehead and grab the slip yourself. "If we hurry, I can show you how I use it before we have to head out?"
He snaps out of it immediately.
Wally West
While home sick, Wally decides to declutter your apartment.
After unsuccessfully reorganizing the kitchen drawers, he decides the bedroom seems more promising.
He begins on his side of the bed. His bedside drawer is overflowing with tissues, cough drops, and nasal spray.
"Yeah... this all stays," he mutters to himself.
Then he moves on to your nightstand. The first thing he finds is a small vibrator. He blinks at it.
"Huh."
Without giving it another thought, he snaps a picture and sends it to you.
Decluttering
You still need this?
He tosses it onto the bed and continues sorting through the drawer. By the time you get home, he's already forgotten about it.
"Why," you ask, holding up your phone, "did you text me a picture of my vibrator?"
Wally blinks.
"...I genuinely don't know."
Bruce Wayne
Bruce comes home sooner than usual. He hears the shower running and your music muffled behind the bathroom door.
Hes tiered and was planning on going to sleep right away, when he sees unmade sheets through the open bedroom door.
Unusual.
Even after a nap, you always made the bed.
Curiosity gets the better of him.
The blanket is crumpled at the foot of the bed. His pillow still bears the imprint of someone's head. And right in the middle of the mattress, abandoned without a second thought, sits a vibrator.
Bruce blinks once.
He isn't sure whether he should feel offended or not.
In the end, he simply places it on your nightstand and says nothing.
When you step out of the bathroom, he greets you with a kiss like nothing ever happened.
# drabble .ᐟ⸝⸝ crack fic ⸝⸝ established relationship ⸝⸝ dick grayson has a huge ass ⸝⸝ teasing ⸝⸝ sfw ⸝⸝ dc masterlist
the sun was beating down hard on the quiet stretch of beach you’d managed to snag for the day. no villains, no patrols—just a shitload of sand, waves, and your boyfriend—dick—trying to get comfortable in the swim trunks you’d bought him.
they were definitely a size too small. definitely on purpose. the dark blue fabric clung to his hips and thighs, and it did wonders for that ass. all that acrobatic training over the years had paid off in ways you never got tired of gawking at. and he never got tired of showing it off.
dick stood there adjusting the waistband in an attempt to loosen the fit before realizing he wasn’t the problem. dick glanced over at you with a raised eyebrow. “babe. seriously?” he sighed. his voice had that familiar drawl—half amused and half resigned. “these things are cutting off my circulation. you really couldn’t find my actual size?”
you leaned back on your towel, sunglasses low on your nose, and let your eyes wander freely. “they look good on you. really good. perfect fit, if you ask me.”
he snorted, turning a little so you got the full view, then shook his head with a crooked grin. “yeah, i bet. you picked these on purpose, didn’t you? just so you could stare at my ass all afternoon.”
“guilty,” you admitted shamelessly, not even trying to hide that cheeky smile on your lips. you sat up and reached out, running a hand over the tight fabric when he came close enough for you to do so. “can you blame me? it’s right there. looking all… impressive.”
dick laughed under his breath, dropping down onto the towel beside you. sand stuck to his legs as he stretched out with a groan. “you’re trouble, you know that? i thought we were coming out here to relax. not so you could dress me up like i’m part of the scenery.”
he was grinning though, the kind of easy and warm smile he got when he was somewhat—no, scratch that—when he was one hundred percent enjoying the back-and-forth. you gave his ass a light squeeze. “relaxing includes appreciating the view. and this view is excellent. come on, you wear wayyy tighter stuff on patrol. you know, that nightwing suit of yours. really leaves nothing to the imagination.”
“hey, that suit helps me move around. it’s tight for… movement purposes. tighter stuff has utility pockets,” he shot back, nudging your shoulder with his. his tone stayed light and teasing. “these? these are just… tight. makes it harder to move. you know, one wrong move away from a wardrobe malfunction.”
you leaned into him, tracing a finger along the waistband. “worth it. you fill them out way too well to hide under baggy shorts.”
dick exhaled a quiet chuckle and wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you against his side. the sun warmed his skin. “you’re not gonna let me live this down, are you?” he pressed a quick kiss to your temple, voice dropping a bit. “fine. stare all you want. just remember payback’s coming next time we go shopping for you. might just pick out the wrong size on purpose.”
he settled back, content despite the tight swimsuit, one hand resting lazily on your hip. the waves kept rolling in splashes against the shore while you stayed tangled up together under the hot sun.
Do you think Dick ever, in his early days as Robin, scared a criminal that punched him, by using the fact that he still had baby teeth?
Just, imagine the situation:
Dick has a baby tooth that is about to fall, which is normal considering he is still a small child.
He's outside as Robin, in the middle of a fight.
So, a thief, thug, or any helper of a villain, is in a fight with him, the guy is still hesitant to hit a child, even if said child is just beating him up.
Then, out of pure luck, he lands a blow to the boy's jaw.
Dick immediately steps back, more than because of the punch, it is simply to get distance, but then, he feels his baby tooth come loose, and he immediately spits it out, with a little blood, of course.
For less than half a second, Dick considers just throwing it away and moving on, but notices just in time the horrified face of the guy he's fighting.
And Dick just knows he simply can't miss the opportunity.
What does he do? He starts crying.
And the poor guy who was fighting him knows he's extremely screwed when he doesn't even need to turn around to know he's got bat-dad behind him.
i missed my bf, sue me! this is a little thing to get back into his voice you know? anyway i hope you guys like ♡
Dick’s sitting on the sofa, an arm over his eyes as he listens to you get ready in the bedroom. He’s been banned after the last time. You’re going out with your friends, and he knows the second you come out he’s going to want to keep you at home.
Not because he doesn’t trust you, but because he can already hear the clinking of your jewelry and he can smell your perfume, and he knows you look so fucking good.
“Bird boy,” he perks, hanging off the arm of the sofa and facing you. His heart stops, your skin glitters and your hips sway just so as you walk towards him. It makes his head spin a little.
Before you can ask, ‘what do you think?’ Dick is scrambling off the sofa to you.
“Good god,” his hands fall to your hips immediately, grateful for the tiny top you’re wearing because your bare skin is cool and glittery under his palm. “You’re,” Dick trails off, licking his lips as he looks at you up and down.
You giggle, batting his hands away from you when they start climbing to your ribcage. “Stop,” you step back and that makes his state worse, because now he can see your legs and that makes his brain short circuit. Dick scrubs a hand over his face, then drags it down his chest.
“Baby, this is a top three look.” he says, a little breathless as he speaks.
You smile, leaning into him to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Dick.” He sinks his hands into your back pockets, tugging your body flush against his. “You promised you’d behave.” you remind him when he starts nosing your neck.
“This is me behaving, sweetheart.” he presses kisses to your collarbones, sighing when he smells the milky tonka scent of the perfume he got you a few months ago. Dick pulls away and you nearly giggle at how his eyes have gone from crystal blue to near cerulean.
“The girls will be here in ten minutes,” you say as he stands straight again. You reach up and his eyes shut as your nails rake through his inky tresses. “I’ll only be gone for two hours.”
He nods, kissing your lips. Before you can pull away, he reaches into his sweatpants pocket and pulls out his wallet.
“Dick, we spoke,” he rolls his eyes as he slips his card; really Bruce’s card into your purse.
“You spoke, I remember distracting you midway through that argument.” you flush at the memory. “Have fun, let the silly men buy you guys drinks, but get those shoes you wanted the other day.” Dick’s stern about that part and when you shake your head, he holds your chin between two fingers. “Get it, or I’ll get it in every colour they have, pretty girl.”
It’s a threat you know he’ll make good on, so you nod and kiss him again. “I love you, bird boy.”
He swats your bum as you start for your front door. “Love you too, miss thing.”
