listen, I'm an ass slapper through and through, and I simply refuse to believe Roy Harper's girl wouldn't be the EXACT same. like be fucking serious, he walks around with that big, fat, biteable ass in sweatpants?? be so fucking for real ✋🏻
anyway, here's a chaotic little drabble of a regular evening in the Harper household 😌
Roy bends over for like half a second to grab something off the floor and suddenly he hears feet scuffling behind him.
"MMM YEAH, SHOW ME THAT SLUTTY ASS, HARPER."
*dry humps him like a menace*
"YOU'RE SUCH A WHORE. BENDING OVER LIKE THAT FOR FREE?"
"YUM YUM, CAKES OUT, BAKERY'S OPEN. DEEEELICIOUSSSSS."
He FLINCHES, smacks his head on the edge of the coffee table, and YELLS.
"Don't act like you didn't want it, Harper. You arched for me."
"OH YOU DID, YOU DID A SLUTTY LITTLE WIGGLE."
"I was balancing—YOU FERAL WOMAN."
"MY LITTLE FAT BOTTOMED BABY. I WANNA MAKE YOU A WIFE."
He's red in the face, laughing and flustered, half trying to fend you off while you're dramatically grinding against his sweatpants like a gremlin, still yelling.
"DIDN'T KNOW YOU WAS LIKE THAT, ROY. BUT I'LL TAP THAT BOOTY. I GOT YOU COVERED, BABY."
*he's trying so hard to be serious but he's fucking wheezing*
"I'm gonna throw you in the yard with the dog, I swear to God."
"I AM THE DOG. A DOG FOR THAT ASS. ARF ARF ARF."
"You need a cage, trouble. A muzzle."
"Put a leash on me then. But turn around first."
Eventually he tries to walk away and you just follow him, still humping air behind him like a freak. You're cackling, throwing your head back, screaming about how you're gonna breed that slut Harper real good next time he bends over again 😤
The only time he stops bending over around the house is if Dinah or Jason are visiting, because he knows you have no filter and he REFUSES to be clowned in front of your friends 🏃🏻♀️ (they absolutely know you're a menace and they ADORE you for it. Roy knows you're gonna pull some shit the second his back is turned but he can't even be mad ✋🏻 he bagged a baddie with no self control and a hand magnetized to his ass, and that's on him 😌)
anyway, I hope this made you laugh, besties. I know I laughed my ass off writing it 🤭
also, I promise I'll finish the Dick oneshot ASAP 🥹 I'm working 10 days in a row (five down, five to go) 😖 my brain is soup, my body is dust, my soul left around day three and I'm held together by caffeine and spite but I'm trying, besties!! 😭 send thoughts and prayers, I'm about to get raw dogged by two back to back 12 hour shifts this weekend, yaaay 😃
thank you for your patience while I fight for my life in the capitalist trenches, YOU'RE PRECIOUS AND ILY 🥹🫂