I need a minific of the reader picking up intoxicated dazai from a bar
ฬho Are ץou?
⌯⌲ oh gosh could you actually imagine? no need, i got you.
The text came through late, you were already in your pajamas, already cozy in bed, and your eyes lazily slid across the bubble:
Come. gett meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!1!!!1
Thank goodness for autocorrect in this day and age or that probably would have been unreadable. Also probably took him ten whole minutes to type out.
You are standing at the bar entrance, seeing him slumped over one of his friends, hearing him drunkenly mumbling on and on about only he knows what. You sigh, walking up and nodding toward his friend. “Thanks for watching him for me.”
“Good luck,” he mutters, shrugging Dazai’s limp body to help stand him up straighter, and he covers his mouth while he giggles, still leaning on the other’s shoulder for support. “I dunno how many shots he’s had but it was on top of like six different cocktails. I’m surprised he’s alive.” You fight an eye roll, knowing he is about to make the journey home miserable.
“I got it from here, thanks again,” you start reaching out toward Dazai, gently coaxing him to go with you, when he suddenly latches himself to his friend’s side and gasps like he saw something putrid. His brows are downturned, eyes wide with questioning, and he is looking at you as if you have all the audacity in the world.
“Don’t you dare touch me!” He almost yells, causing a few wandering, late-night dreary eyes to glance in your direction. You and the friend share a confused stare, your eyebrow arching as you look back to Dazai, who is still clinging to the other person and trying to get away from you. “I don’t know you!”
“Hey, easy, we are in public!” His friend hisses, attempting to shove him away into your awaiting hands. “You do know them! Quit bein’ a friggin’ weirdo.” You sigh, heavily, arms dropping as you hold back a yawn. You are exhausted and nowhere in the mood for him dicking around.
“Osamu—”
“You can’t call me that!” His voice is still raised, speech only a little bit slurred, and he circles around to hide behind his friend’s back, pouting at you from over his shoulder. “Only my beloved partner can call me that.” The wrinkle between his brow deepens while his nose scrunches up. His friend has decided to give up on mediating the situation, head lulled to the side while he stares off in the distance and folds his arms.
“Okay, that’s enough for tonight,” you speak softly, stepping around the guy, but Dazai rushes around to lean on his opposite shoulder now.
“I said don’t touch! I. Am. Married!” He shoos you away, like swatting at a fly, and that comment makes both of you snap your necks in his direction. Your jaw drops at his statement, and his friend is bewildered.
“Who the hell are you married to?!” You stomp your foot, falling for his antics, and aggressively place your fists on your hips.
“Are you not listening?” He taps his ear, continuing to look at you like the stranger his beyond drunken mind thinks you are. “My beloved partner! I texted them to get me, and now you are trying to hit on me! And abduct me! And take me away!” He hisses out a whisper at the last sentence, shielding himself once more with his friend’s body, shooing at you again. “Go, be gone. I’m spoken for.” He then sticks his tongue out.
“When’d you two get hitched?” His friend addresses you, tossing a thumb in Dazai’s direction, and your features are still scrunched up from irritation and this blatant lie that he’s spewing about being married. Where the hell’s my ring then, idiot?!
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he ran off to the court house with my forged signature at this point,” you huff, stomping over to close the distance, not bothering to listen to or entertain Dazai’s continued protests about how he doesn’t know you.
“Help, I’m being kidnapped! My partner’s gonna kill you when they see you running away with me!” He begins to make a break for it before his friend grabs him by the shirt collar and thrusts him into your arms.
“Gotcha!” You hug Dazai tight, him wriggling around, kicking his feet, and slumping over on your shoulder.
“Lemme go!”
“Nope, you’re coming home with me,” you smile, triumphant, and place a big, wet kiss on his cheek. “Mmmmmmmm-mwah!” You emphasize once you break away from him, and he’s just a whining mess now.
“Tainted. Soiled. They’ll never want me again,” he mumbles, arms draping over your shoulders, head leaning against your temple. You toss a wave to his friend, finally bidding him goodbye so he could get home, and you readjust your needy and intoxicated boyfriend so he can be dragged along like a backpack. He keeps mumbling about how he’s a ‘terrible cheater’, “letting” you take him away from his newly-wedded partner, and the irritation is gone as a small fit of laughter erupts from you.
“Osa-baby,” you gently soothe, rubbing your thumb on his limp wrist. “I am your partner. And we aren’t married, at least not right now apparently. You are my boyfriend.”
“Prove it,” he grumbles into your neck, not doing much to assist in getting you both home.
“You have a mole on your tummy, bottom-left of your belly button,” you spout immediately. He sighs, trying now to grant you a hug.
“Lucky guess. Too many people know that.” You shake your head, nudging him up more so he doesn’t slip from your grasp.
“Yes, I know, you utter manwhore.” He suddenly gasps, standing upright — albeit wobbly — to his feet, a beam on his face and sparkle in those blown-out eyes as he circles around in front of you.
“You came to rescue me!” He cheers, jumping up into your arms, enough sense to protect your head on the way down to the concrete, ignoring your yelp and pleas for release, planting kiss after kiss after alcohol sticky kiss all over your face.
I’m calling off tomorrow.
i literally love this idiot & he’s not even REAL. (╥ᴗ╥)
TW: Drunkness, and mentioned argument, no detail is gone into.
The ticking minute hand on the clock only furthered Chuuya’s agitation, and his worry.
Dazai had been gone all day because of a stupid fight, a fight Dazai himself was responsible for!
Now he was throwing a fit, and ignoring Chuuya’s calls.
A quick glance at the clock told him it was three in the morning.
Where was he?
Chuuya tried calling again, but there was no answer, just the ringing of the phone echoing throw the silent apartment.
He didn’t know what to do, if he left; Dazai might come back while he was gone, and if he stayed Dazai might die somewhere, it was driving him crazy.
Staying home turned out to be the right choice though, because after another thirty minutes, he saw a car pull into the driveway; Dazai’s car, it was a miracle he hadn’t wrecked it.
Chuuya stood up and crossed his arms, unable to hide his anger, he clenched his jaw and made his way to the front door.
He could hear Dazai struggling to open the door, and could instantly tell why when the smell of cheap alcohol hit his senses, causing him to scrunch up his nose.
“Really? You had me worried sick because you felt like getting wasted?” the ginger snapped, but upon not getting a reply from the brunette he sighed and softened.
“You’re really drunk, huh? Let’s get you to bed.” He made his way over to his husband, swinging Dazai’s arm over his shoulder, and his own around Dazai’s waist and led him to their bedroom.
The taller man leaned heavily against him, barely able to walk at all, how had he managed to get home in one piece?
Chuuya set him gently on the bed, crouching down to remove his shoes, when he got up Dazai was staring at him, and mumbled a, “sorry.”
The brunette could be apologizing for a million different things, but Chuuya decided to assume it was for picking a fight this morning, and replied, “we’ll talk about it in the morning.”
He helped him lie back, and before Chuuya could even think about going and changing, Dazai had pulled him into the bed.
Chuuya was going to object, but noting the slight tremors in his husband’s body, he decided sleeping in his clothes would be okay just for tonight.
He carefully maneuvered to turn out the light, before getting more comfortable, his arms coming around the other man, gently stroking his back and hair.
“Don’t leave,” Dazai mumbled, nuzzling into his neck.
“I won’t,” Chuuya promised softly, knowing he was likely in another world, a world his mind had made.
He pressed a gentle kiss to the brunettes forehead before closing his eyes.
⊹ GN reader
Reader is a coworker at the ADA and a friend of Dazai
Drunk Dazai
Angst with a little fluff at the end
Friends to lovers <3
The night was cold, it was quite late yet the lights of the city streets shined brightly...
Although it was all probably hazy for the brunette as you were helping him out of a bar... 'Lupin bar' something he mentioned once or twice before in the passing quite vaguely, a place he drinks his sorrows away, something must've been on his mind if he's stumbling so bad like this, calling you in a drunken haze earlier and now clinging onto you so desperately... God he reeks of alcohol and smoke...
You sighed making a mental note to ask him later about what was bothering him so much he almost drunk himself to an early grave... although he wouldn't probably mind if he did...
You support him as he drunkenly strings together a few incoherent words which you do not pay much attention to, brushing it away as you help him into a cab, you called just in case...
You sit there sitting next to him in the back seat, he was leaning on you, the tall brunette's face on your shoulder. You can feel his breath on your skin, you worried about him, it was concerning how often he gets drunk and it's you or Chuuya he calls first to drag him off from his own mess, God this mess of a man! Not only does he bother you at work now getting into messes after work leaving you to clean up after him... You can't help but care and adore this man falling for his stupid charms that somehow makes you blush and your heartbeat to raise, even if that man was a suicidal bastard...
He was smart, you had to admit it... he must've already knew how he made you feel, the countless butterflies fluttering in your stomach each time his smiled at you or his honeyed voice calls out your name in that mischievous tone-
Alright alright, that's enough for now...
You payed for the cab, that you swear you'll get back from Dazai later only for him to escape from that question like always... He probably planned this, that prick...
You grumble as you help him once again out of that cab, a little flustered at how clingy and close he gets when he's drunk... His hands either on your shoulders or waist, face in your shoulder, those messy yet soft looking locks of hair brushing against your ear, his rumbling voice that sends tingles down your spine each time he speaks or rather mumbles directly into your ear...
"come on, dumbass... Don't fall asleep on me now, I can't carry you all the way to your appartment..."
You grumbled in an annoyed tone as you two shuffled your way up the stairs, making sure he doesn't trip while on the way to his little appartment... You've been here countless times, just from dropping him off everytime he's gotten drunk so far and once to check up on him when he was sick and took a sick leave from work which was quite unlikely of him, so obviously you came to just check up on him of course but ended up staying to make him some soup and making him take medicine... After which you got sick as well...
You opened the door to his house with a spare key you had for in case of "emergencies" his countless failed suicide attempts that he called you to save him from whatever contraption he set up, thank God now Atsushi was there to deal with him, that saves you the bus fee...
You enter only to the stench of trash yet to take out, unwashed dishes in the sink and a pretty messy table...
You groan at the sight, no wonder he felt so down... the place he spends the most of his time other than the agency is in such a disorder and such a gloomy suffocating atmosphere...
"you can't bother to take care of yourself, can't you?"
You looked at him with a displeased expression yet... it was drenched in worry and concern as you plopped him down in the couch, the only relatively clean area in that appartment, getting him a glass of water to drink...
He looked at you with a hazy smile, you can see the unhappiness threatening to break out from the facade he put up always... The alcohol weakening his senses
"you always put up with me, no matter what I do..."
that was a different view from the drunken man from before... This man before you now is a man who saw no worth of himself... A lonely man that is...
"I put up with you because I want to... it's what friends are for, idiot... to support eachother when it is needed"
A quick hint of something flashed in his eyes at 'friends'... friends... is that something you two will always be?... A simple Friendship, you're both happy with this relationship... Yet... He can't help but want more... Human nature at its best...
He was familiar to such a feeling... wanting more yet it's always unreachable, ruining everything built so far...
You noticed it and decided to add
"you shouldn't act to careless all the time... some of us want you alive than dead..."
You mumbled the last part, you just couldn't help it... that's just how you felt, you didn't want him to hurt himself ever so often, you cared for him deeply, it's impossible not to love this man...
".... Thank you..."
He said quietly, sort of mumbled. Clearly not used to saying that... You froze to hear from him, but you can tell he ment it. Your face softened at it...
"oh... well... Now I should get back, it's getting very late...."
You were about to leave when he reached out and held your hand
"please...stay...."
You sighed again, the look on his face... His eyes looked vulnerable... He probably didn't want to be left alone with his thoughts... Especially at this time...
"fine... but I'll only stay till you fall asleep..."
Taking care of eachother is what friends do... right!... right?
He pulled her into the couch with him, your heart beating like crazy, a red hue dusting your cheeks again as he layed there on you basically, holding onto you desperately, as if you'd disappear into thin air or it was some kind of dream, his face burried in the junction of your chest and neck...
It doesn't hurt to indulge in a little right?... He's just drunk... and it doesn't hurt to stay here for a little while longer... He seems to be so peaceful in your arms, it'll take an eternity to move away now... You played with his hair, soaked in eachother's company till you both fell asleep in a quiet kind of comfort burried in both of your's presence, a kind of peace only found in eachother....
"What if we ruin it all, and we love like fools?"
⊹ . °. •
hehe~ finally over! How you enjoyed<3
It's certainly longer than my other two fics 😅
Sorry if there were spelling errors! My keyboard broke inbetween writing this and at times deleting entire paragraphs
Inspired by this song
Fools by Lauren Aquilina
Currently my favourite song, it's a must listen!! And also King by Lauren Aquilina!
A concerned Chuuya finds a drunk Dazai in the bath (Chuuya's POV) - Part 2/2
tw: drinking
tags: hurt/comfort, soukoku's version of fluff, drunk Dazai
Part 1 / Part 2
Dazai's brow furrowed. "Chuuya-"
"You're drunk," Chuuya interrupted, pulling away. He snatched the glass out of Dazai's hand. "I'm cutting you off."
He could feel Dazai staring at him as he downed the rest of the whiskey in the glass and set it on the floor.
He coughed at the taste. "Fucking hate whiskey."
The room went quiet again, and Chuuya closed his eyes as he let his head fall back against the wall.
I don't deserve you.
Who the fuck does Dazai think he is saying shit like that? What game was he trying to play?
Why was Chuuya even here?
He took a deep breath before sitting forward, pushing himself up onto his feet.
"Where are you going?" Dazai said with a broken voice.
Chuuya avoided his gaze. "Home," he said. "I'm fucking tired."
As he reached down to grab his boots, Dazai's hand shot out from the tub, water splashing over the side as he grabbed his wrist.
"Chuuya," he said, as if that were enough.
Chuuya's head was starting to hurt.
"Dazai," Chuuya said back.
A warning.
As if that would stop Dazai.
They stayed like that for a few seconds as Chuuya waited for Dazai's response.
"Don't go," he uttered, so quietly that Chuuya still wasn't entirely sure that's what he said.
And deep down, Chuuya knew. He knew that if he left right now, he'd end up regretting it. Knew that anymore sleep was out of the question tonight. Knew that he was so far gone at this point that pretending not to care was becoming exhausting.
Knew that he had to stay.
Slowly, he sat back down, and Dazai released his grip.
The weight of the silence was heavy as they sat there, side by side, like they were fifteen again.
Like they were partners again.
Chuuya picked at the label on the whiskey bottle. "I think Oda was full of shit," he said. He could hear Dazai's breath catch. "I think you should do what you're good at, regardless of sides."
It's not like either of them really had any morals.
Dazai hummed at that, and Chuuya finally, finally looked at him.
He was still looking at Chuuya.
"Is that your way of saying that you miss me?" he said.
Chuuya's cheeks went hot. "How the hell did you get that out of what I just said?"
Dazai smiled softly. "I miss you too, Chuuya."
And something snapped inside of Chuuya just then.
He turned, grabbing the sides of Dazai's face, leaning forward, pressing their lips together. His gloved hands tugged at Dazai's wet hair as he kissed him, again and again, until Dazai eventually started kissing him back, until Dazai moaned into Chuuya's mouth and Chuuya could have died right then and there.
They kissed like that for a while, all tongues and teeth, all heat and force, until eventually Chuuya had to come up for air and the taste of whiskey in their mouths was becoming too much.
The front of his shirt was wet as he pulled away, leaning his forehead against Dazai's as they caught their breath.
Summary: Drunk/Tickle fic. A tipsy Dazai ruins Chuuyas evening of high-quality dining, leading to both of them being hopelessly drunk in a park somewhere. Dazai insists on cheering Chuuya up after spoiling his meal.
Ler Dazai, Lee Chuuya.
Tw: Alcohol use, long fic
I swear I didn't mean for this to turn into an entire bleddy episode 😭 I just love them so much, I can't help going off when I write about them! Plz don't flop I beg 😭😭😭
-----------{ ☆°•○•°☆ }------------
"Chuuuuyaaaa! Come down pwease! I-I swears I di'n mean to make you mad." A half-undressed Dazai slurred, looking up into a tree, his chin pressed against the bark as he made grabby hands up at the angry cat-like ginger who was currently held up in the branches.
"No! You uncultured bean-pole!" He hiccuped in response, clinging to the almost empty bottle of expensive Château d'Yquem, sniffling dramatically. "This was'sposed to be my evening! My time for sophisititated dining, and you, youuuu ruined it!" The short man fussed, taking another swig of his beverage, his legs dangling either side of the large branch he was perched upon.
~Flashback~
"Your Kobe beef main course, sir." Chuuya was presented with a fine four-thousand, five hundred yen meal in his fancy booth. He'd been waiting for this night for months. No work. No worries. Just him and a full-course meal of fine dining. He gave a nod to the server, gleefully looking at his meal, relishing how the meat still sizzled slightly as he poked his fork into it-
BANG!
"Chuuya! Heeeeey! Chuuuya!" His meal was interrupted by the sound of someone banging on the window outside. The voice far too familiar for comfort. Dazai. "Ignore him, Chuuya... He'll leave soon enough." The ginger sighed to himself, not daring to look up from his plate as he started to eat.
"Oiiii! Chuuya! Heeey!" The man outside continued to drum on the window, waving and jumping, just trying to get his attention. "CHUUUUUUUYA!"
"GOD DAMN IT!" Chuuya snapped, standing from his seat and glaring at the fool outside. "Get out of here you damn imbecile!" He growled trying to shoo the stray away. Dazai just grinned back, pressing his face against the window, steaming up the outside. He was clearly befuddled, no doubt he'd been sipping cheap whisky all day.
"I gonna kill him-" Chuuya grumbled, holding his head in his hands, looking up as he was approached by the staff. "Sir, I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to leave. You and your friend are causing a disturbance."
"Haaah?! Me?! He just showed up, I'm not even with him!" He debated with a growl, Dazai still calling him outside, making the couple sitting by the window very uncomfortable as he drew a heart in the fogged-up glass.
Moments later, Chuuya was sent from the restaurant, bottle of wine in hand as he turned to hurl insults at the staff. "You absolute morons! I paid good money to eat here! That man isn't even a friend, he's just-! DAMN IT DAZAI!" He advanced on the taller man, roughly snatching the front of his coat, yanking him down to his level.
"See what you did?!" Dazai grinned, his cheeks warm and red as he placed a finger on Chuuyas nose, almost poking him in the eye. "Ihihi got my buddy, Chuuya to come 'n' join me." He giggled. Chuuya cringed at the smell that came from Daza's lips, shoving him away. Doubtlessly cheap whisky. "I'm not joining you! I'm going home. I'll not have you ruin the rest of my evening." He waved Dazai off, taking a swig of his wine. He left the cork in the restaurant, so didn't want it to get tempered.
"Naww don't be such a widdle pissy baby." Dazai chimed, following him down the street, tripping on the uneven stone slabs. "C'mon, pwease jus' come hang out with me?" He whimpered, grabbing hold of the tail of Chuuyas coat and using it as a tether to keep them close.
"My god you're the worst." Another swig of wine. And another for good measure. "Look, Dazai, you're pissed, and I don't have the patience to deal with you right now. Got it?"
"Soooo, drink up~" Dazai chuckled, tilting the wine bottle towards his friend's face with a wobbly hand, hiccuping again. "We both know tha- hic that you love ya goop juice~"
"Who the hell let you in public whilst you're this toddled?" Chuuya deadpanned, taking a drink anyway. "Now. Go home. I'm not making sure you get there safe after the stunt you pulled last time. Leaving me in the field like that. What kind of asshole-" He took a deep breath, yanking his coat from Dazais hands and kept walking.
For some reason, Chuuya never made it home. Instead, he spent the next half an hour wandering the town, trying to get Dazai off his tail. He probably just wanted to go sit somewhere quietly without the brunette bothering him, maybe find another restaurant or bar too relax in. This plan did not happen.
"Hey, hey, Chuuya, you-? Hic Chuuya? H-ave I ever told yous how much I like ya hat? 'S a real cool hat." Dazai's condition had only gotten worse. So had Chuuyas. Constantly sipping away to try distract himself from Dazai's constant rambling.
"Dazai! Y'know what? You-"
"What?"
"Shuddup! You, you are as hic tall as you are sssstupid!" Chuuya slurred, pressing a finger to Dazais chest, leaning right into him for a moment as he lost his balance. "Stupid!" He repeated in a high-pitched tone, pushing himself away. The brunette teared up, sniffling at the atrocious insult.
"I'm not stupid! You're jus' small!"
"Small?"
"Yeh! Small! Small and mean! Like hic like a angry litte, little person!" Chuuya glared up at the four tall men standing in front of him, trying to pick which one to slap, which wasn't easy since they just kept dancing around. "I- hic I'll show you small! You and your friends!" At some point, the two had wandered into a little field with a small play park in the centre, Chuuya squinted, spotting a nice tree, fit for showing Dazai just how wrong he is!
The gravity-defying gang member stumbled his way over to the tree, scrambling up the trunk with his wine tucked under his arm. He straddled a large branch, sneering down at Dazai. "HAH! See? Who's small now? D-azai?" He pointed to the taller man as he stared up from the base of the tree.
"Tha's not fair! M' comin' up!" He shrugged his coat off, fighting to free himself from the tricky sleeves as he let the garment drop onto the grass.
"No! Tsssss-! You stay down hic there! Where stupid little people belong!" Chuuya swiped a clawed hand at Dazai as he tried to scale the tree. To no avail, he was too wasted to even get both feet off the ground.
"But Chuuy-AH!" His ankle slipped from the tree trunk and he landed on his backside in the grass, a shoe flying off, landing somewhere nearby.
And here they were. Two drunken idiots. One hiding from the other in a tree. In a park. In the middle of the night.
~~~
"Youuu ruined it!" Chuuya glared, finishing his wine. Dazai hugged the tree his friend was hiding in, his little alcohol-stricken brain trying to figure something out. A scheme, a plan, to get his buddie down from the tree.
It wasn't a very tall tree. As Dazai soon figured out. Chuuyas dangling feet were just within reach. He grinned, creeping underneath the rambling drunk on the branch.
"And- And you're just always there to ruin my fun! Bean-pole, stupid- Ah?" Chuuya stammered, feeling something grip his ankle. He leaned over, seeing Dazai latched onto his leg, casually pulling his shoe off. "Oi! Get offa me! Damn hobo, these shoes are hic more expensive than your whole, entire life!" He kicked and swiped at Dazai, unaware of the danger he was in.
"Heeeey, Chuuya~ You reeeally don't hic wanna come down?" Dazai chimed, tracing a single finger up and down Chuuyas socked sole.
"Gh-!?" Chuuya tensed up, dropping the wine bottle he had been cradling in favour of hugging the tree branch instead. "Stop that! Dahazai! I-I'm not coming dAHAHA!" He squealed as Dazai clawed ruthlessly at the trapped foot.
"Chuuuyaaaaa~ Still tickly as ever I sehehee~" Dazai giggled, watching as Chuuya leaned over, trying to swat his hand away.
"I sahahaid st-WOAH!" The ginger lost his balance, leaning too far off the branch and tumbling down on top of Dazai, landing against his chest with a thud. Luckily they were both too drunk to feel any pain, the next morning would be a different story.
"Ugh... Damn it Dazai!" Chuuya huffed, clumsily trying to climb off his flattened friend, somehow managing to end up on his back instead, still on top of Dazai. "Tha's it. I'm going... Hic going home."
"Nope!" Dazai suddenly wrapped his arms around Chuuyas waist, holding him close as he nuzzled behind his friend's ear, grinning as he heard him giggle. "You's not going anywhere till I say so." He chuckled.
"Nooo! Dahazai! I swear if, if you don't lemme go I will hic make you, really, very unhappy."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah! I'll k-kyahaha!" The smaller man's threats fell silent as he felt a set of eight nimble and experienced fingers start to wriggle into his sides. "Stahap! Dazahai! Shihit!" He beat at Dazai's arms, his legs flailing helplessly. Dazai had that coala grip on him. Banished to tickle prison.
"Coochie, coochie, coooo~ Nahahawww, you're so wriggly~" The tormentor grinned, genuinely happy to be in this situation. Lying on the grass in the moonlight, hugging his best friend, having to put in minimum effort to make him smile.
"Dazai!" Chuuya's cheeks flushed red as his shirt and waistcoat rode up, he hastily tried to pull them back down before Dazai noticed. As if. With Chuuya still trapped, Dazai shot his hands up under the friend's shirt, squeezing and shaking into his bony little ribs.
"Nahaha! Ahaha! Dahahazai!" His feet pressed into the grass as he tried to buck himself free, grabbing hold of Dazai's wrists as his nose scrunched with laughter. His ribs were always a bad spot. And of course, his teen-hood friend knew this.
"I can do this aaaaallll night~" He jeered before sneezing as Chuuyas messed hair tickled his nose. The larger man sat up, still holding his giggly friend to his chest as he rubbed his nose with a free hand. "Heh, s'cuse me." He hiccuped.
Chuuya caught his breath before trying to wriggle free again. "Aight! You've had your fun now hic lemme go. Wah!" He yelped as Dazai flipped their positions, manoeuvring the tiny drunken male with ease. Laying him on the grass and sitting on his waist.
"Indeed I have, my small frien-"
"You're small!"
"Smaaaall, tiny, friend. But have you had your fun?" He laughed at Chuuyas confused, giddy expression before going to town on his sides again, spidering up and down his tiny waist with his professional tickling fingers.
Chuuya threw his head back as he howled with laughter, his hat finally falling from his head, and rolling across the grass before Dazai snatched it up, putting it upon his own head, lop-sided.
"Stahap! Get ohohoff! NAHAHA!"
"How'd- hic How'd ya think I look? Pretty stylish, huh?" Dazai giggled.
"Stupid! You look st-AHAHAAA" He kicked his legs as Dazai shifted up to his ribs again. His hair getting tangled and wild. The alcohol seemed to make all his strength disappear and soon all he could do was lay there and take it, a brave hand occasionally trying to grapple Dazai's, failing each time.
Dazai laughed with him, his cheeks just as red and warm as Chuuyas, almost as out of breath too with the effort of willing his tipsy body to keep tickling.
"Plehease! Okahay! M'gonna peheheee! I'm gonna pihiss myself! Dahazai!" Teary eyed and with a small amount of dribble falling from his lip, Chuuya was finally released. Dazai just sitting beside him on the grass with a huff as he poked Chuuyas nose.
"Ya dead?"
"Hah... Hah... Noho... Buhut... Aha... You're gonna be-" He stumbled to his feet, everything spinning around him as he tried to keep his balance. "Gimme... Hah... My hat..."
"What hat?" Damn Dazai. Too drunk to actually remember he was wearing it.
"My hat! S'on ya noggin! Look!" He pointed inaccurately, his aim all over the shop.
Dazai tilted his head upwards, trying to look at his head. Leaning too far and flopping onto his back, the hat tumbling onto the grass.
"Oh! That hat." He giggled, looking at it upside-down as Chuuya grabbed it, almost falling on his face as he bent over. "Right. I-I have jus' about had enough hic of your silly-ness, Dazai, so g'night-" With his hat on backwards, Chuuya wobbled his way towards the playground, tripping several times on the way.
"Lemme come too!" A groggy Dazai called, giggling to himself as he tried to stand up. It wasn't easy, but he just about managed to make it to the playground.
"No! I'm sleepin' here. You, you go somewhere else!" Chuuya waved him away as he crawled into what he thought looked like a comfy place to crash. Inside one of those yellow plastic tunnels, the kids run through. He slumped down on his front, barely able to stay awake at this point.
"Oi... Scooch over." Dazai cooed, crawling in beside him. It was a tight fit, but it was snug. "Aaaah... Go awayyy." Chuuya whined, batting at Dazais face with a limp wrist.
"Shhh, m'tryna sleep..." Dazai responded, already halfway there. Chuuya didn't have the energy or knowledge to protest anymore and the two were soon passed out inside this temporary shelter, snoring happily.
~~~~
"Good thing we decided to track his phone... Makes my job much easier." An irritated Atsushi sighed, following a tracker that was supposed to lead him to Dazai. The members at the agency were only worried because it was Dazai's turn to pay for their meals today. So they sent the weartiger to hunt him down.
"Let's see... The play park? Oh god, is he stuck in the slide again?" The white haired boy thought out loud, heading the short distance through the field towards where the tracker was pointed.
"Wait... Is this?" He paused, finding Dazai's coat and stray shoe on the ground.
"The hell has he been up to? Dazai! Oi! Dazaiii!" He called, bundling up the coat as he continued walking.
"Da-!" He stopped in his tracks, spotting a familiar face across the way. Akutagawa. Their eyes met immediately, both freezing on the spot.
"What are you doing here?" Atsushi called, eyeing him carefully.
"I'm not here to fight you, weartiger. Not now anyway." The back-clad male called, he too was carrying a single shoe. "I'm just looking for someone. You'd be wise to stay out of my way." He threatened, his shadow-like power surging slightly.
"Really? Me too! I-I'm just looking for Dazai! Truce? Yeah?" The weartiger smiled hopefully.
Akutagawa sighed, his power receding. "Fine. Truce."
With that out of the way, the two started searching for their higher-ups. Until Atsushi came across an unbelievable sight.
"Uh... Hey, Akutagawa." He waved the gang member over, pointing into part of the playground.
"What is it? Aren't you a little old to be wanting to play in-" He stopped mid-sentence, his brain completely flat-lining at the sight. There, curled up together inside the yellow pipe were Dazai and Chuuya. Dazai was sprawled on his back with Chuuya clinging to his side, a small dark patch of drool had accumulated on Dazai's chest where the redhead slept.
Both snoring away, open-mouthed, blissfully unaware of the situation they were in.
Atsushi and Akutagawa gave each other a look before nodding and taking a photo in unison. "Never speak of this to anyone else." Akutagawa said quietly. Atsushi nodded.
Atsushi‘s and Dazai‘s first meeting, but the latter is drunk af
🔸 Bungou Stray Dogs Masterlist
🔸 Blog Summary
Summary: That day when I was browsing through YouTube I found this blessing of an AMV. Someone in the comments pointed out how funny it is that the lyrics were taken literally. The line “Pink flamingos in the pool” in the scene before Dazai‘s and Atsushi‘s first meeting has got me thinking how it‘d have turned out if Dazai was hella drunk in this scene. So here‘s what I came up with.
A/N: Although the idea for this crackfic is hilarious imo, I for some reason lost my motivation for it mid-writing so I‘m not super satisfied with the second half of it, but I at the same time wanted to finish it so I can start with something else. Apologies for that.
Btw to those who read it on 25th Dec: Merry Christmas y’all🎄Hope you stay healthy and happy and don‘t get random stomach cramps (like me yesterday)
Featured characters: Dazai, Atsushi, Kunikida
Warnings: a whole load of crack, mentions of alcohol abuse, minor cursing, mentions of/referenced suicide (cause Dazai), DazaixAtsushi if u squint (wasn‘t my intention, but I‘m tagging it just in case lol)
"One bowl of chazuke..."
was what he was dreaming about.
To relive the luxury of a warm, selfmade meal, to satisfy his body's craving for nutriens.
Now, without a place he can call home, Atsushi's hunger has been eating away at him for a long time.
However, even with the traumatic memories of his childhood haunting him, he had no choice but to fight for survival which was easier said than done.
He was determined to rob the next person who would walk along the streets, but the third person he encountered was an interesting individual at best.
The young boy already heard a voice from afar shortly after another failed robbery attempt, it was screaming, rather shrilly actually.
Being startled by the noise, Atsushi turned towards its source, only to find a man in the distance who looks to be floating down the river on something pink. The closer he got, the louder his yelling became, the more apparent became the shape of the flamingo floatie and the randomly assembled costume he wore, the more clear it became to Atsushi that the man was absolutely out of his mind.
"I'M ON MY WAY TO THE AFTERLIFE!!", was the only coherent sentence the brunette was screaming out, along with some hiccups and mumbling that Atsushi had much trouble with understanding.
With a lot of hesitation, the white haired boy eventually decided to jump after him, putting his life at risk, not only because of his not-so-well physical state, but also because the floatie man was thrashing about once his saviour was able to get ahold of him.
After the tiring task was over, the next one was already apparent the moment the brunette called Dazai entered the scene.
Now with the closer proximity, Atsushi was able to sense the overwhelming smell of alcohol all over Dazai despite having spent who knows how much time in the river.
Still beat from the exhaustion, he wasn't able to react quickly enough to dodge Dazai's tackle attack. "Am I fi- finally dead? Are you the angel to take me to the afterlife?!“.
The young orphan has gone through a lot of messy scenarios, however a drunk adult clinging to him who claims to be dead was never on that list (and certainly never needed to be).
“Ehm sir?? Wh- I’m not an angel, are you okay?”
“OOOOH I wonder what types of liquor there are on the other side~, I can’t wait to try the sake over the-“
“THERE YOU ARE, BLOCKHEAD!”
Dazai’s flurry of words was interrupted by a loud voice calling from the other side of the bridge where a tall blonde was shouting to his colleague, visibly irritated.
“Ahh Kunikida-kun, decided to *hic* join too? Aww you didn’t want me to feel all lonely here~”
“I DID NOT-“
Atsushi had no idea how long their argument has been going, probably not that long, his growling stomach has directed Dazai’s atention back to him faster than he wanted to.
“Aah seems like the angel is hungry? Kunikida-kun, will you take care of that problem?”
“WHO AM I, YOUR BABYSITTER?! THERE’S NO PLACE IN MY SCHEDULE FOR THAT THANKS TO YOU!”
At the end of the day, Atsushi was left with a hungover Dazai, an angry Kunikida, but also a full stomach, and a whole lot of other shit, starting with today’s night, full moon.
Alright, we have Chuuya, the silly drunk. Atsushi is the emotional drunk. Aku is the tired drunk. Which means Dazai is the sexual drunk.
Dazai is the worst when he’s drunk honestly
It doesn’t happen much. And that’s for a reason. If he has ever, once in his life, found someone even mildly attractive, he’s after that booty.
It got really bad because while he usually goes to Chuuya, one night he started hitting on Kunikida, who was horrified.
If he’s smashed, you will likely find him with his arms around some horrified customer, pressing sloppy kisses to their mouth and begging them to take him home
If he’s buzzed, he starts dropping horrible pickup lines and sending little winks at people who catch his eyes.
When he’s just plain old drunk, that’s when he gets handsy.
He saunters up to, say, our poor baby Tachihara, and starts chatting him up, and mumbles something about how nice his hair looks before he puts a hand on his thigh and gets a little too close for comfort.
Poor Tachihara.
If he manages to find somebody open to his advances, he’ll vomit and pass out before they can do anything.
He’s super weak when he’s drunk. A tap on the head will knock him out.
He never does anything if someone’s unwilling. He has enough sense to be a decent human being when it comes to sex.
One time he started stripping. They still have pictures. This is why he usually sticks to two or three glasses of whiskey. Getting buzzed isn’t too bad, but he will never live down the tighty-whitey incident.
