Shit my friends said while drunk
Feel free to edit however you see fit
“Go fuck a dick.”
*throws water bottle in the trash* “Sorry I don’t drink.”
“Rich, poor, same thing.”
“Don’t do that that tickles.” “I know you like it because I’m biologically male.”
“I need to pee again because I didn’t actually pee because I have a shy bladder.”
“I’M SOBER.”
“Stop lying, whore. You didn’t drink.”
“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?”
“I WILL NOT MAJOR IN PHYSICS. I WILL MAJOR IN ALCOHOL”
“How dare you?! This is water!”
“I DONT WANT TO EAT THE CHICKEN TENDER”
“You look like a penguin. .....A fancy peguin though because you have a tux on.”
“YOU NEED TO STEAL HIS CIGARETTES”
“I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, _. YOU'RE SO ARTISTIC.”
“_ is my best friend now.”
*walks up to a stranger* “Hi, I’m _. Before this continues this won’t go anywhere because I’m gay”
“Actually I’m only 23% drunk.”
“You need one lover per country.”
“I am going to remember this. I AM.”
“Can I kiss you?”
“Please drive my car. Don’t worry I’m not insured.”
“Wake up bitch.”
“I AM NOT DRUNK. YOU ARE WRONG.”
“Hi. Can we be friends?”
“I wanna kiss you.”
“I think he’s talking to other guys.” *shows selfie*
“I’m still conscious so I’m not drunk.”
