synopsis; being friends with gojo satoru isn't easy. it's even harder when you're in love with him and he doesn't love you back. the mixed signals are at an all time peak, and when you finally decide to make a leap of faith, you fall.
A/N: hello guys im back ! this was supposed to be a angst fic but somehow ended up more like a crackfic to me but its all good whatever. inspired by recent events or sum ngl no beta we die like men
w.c. - 2.1k
✦ ⎯⎯ㅤִㅤ୭ ୨♡୧ ৎㅤִ ⎯⎯ ✦
red means stop. orange means maybe or slow down, green means go. everyone knows what the stoplight colors mean, and they have been so ingrained into our daily lives in society, that when you seen these colors you know what they mean.
gojo, has absolutely ruined your perception of those colors. some days it’s all green, you feel great about the level and aspect of your relationship with him, and others it’s the orange color of the crunchy autumn leaves below your feet.
it was autumn, the first time you met gojo satoru. the leaves had all fallen from the trees, and had begun to litter the school grounds, in various states of decomposition. you were sitting on the bench, waiting to be assigned your buddy for the day. eyes turned down towards your feet, you kicked the leaves around, feeling the warmth of elation and exhilaration tight in your chest.
the earthy smell of fall was almost pungent in the air, and the sharp bite of the wind was bringing color to your cheeks, reminded you of your country home. leaning your head back, you stare up at the bare branches of the tree above you, eyes tracing the descent and fall of a singular burnt umber cherry blossom leaf as it falls down in front, landing in your lap.
you pick the leaf up, crumbling its frail exoskeleton between your fingers, rejoicing at the crunch of the brittle oval shape.
your technique alerts you that another person has entered the courtyard, and is nearing you. you don’t look up from the leaf you had begun to rip apart in your hands, throwing it over your side to join the rest of its brethren in the rite of passage, reduced to soil and ground.
a shadow falls over your form, and you look up, the sun blinding your eyes as they struggle to focus on the face looking down at you. It’s a guy, maybe your age, with bright white hair and blinding blue eyes. He grins, teeth shining at you as he speaks.
“you’re the new first year, right?” he asks, “I’m gojo, gojo satoru.”
since then, satoru has been a never ending presence within your life, shining brightly like an annoyingly persistent star, blinding you constantly with his flair and annoyance.
but at some point, the annoyance faded into something else. It was a slow process, not something that randomly exploded like fireworks and synapses in your head.
but soon, you started looking forward to every time you knew you would see him. something fluttering in your chest when he leaned in too close, pulling a leaf out of your hair after he pointed and laughed.
and soon, it was all the time. little hopeful thoughts when he looked at you too long, and when he seemed to remember something small you wanted him to.
you stayed silent, with so much build up of unanswered questions that caused your heart to clench whenever he turned away from you, turning to speak to someone else.
did you look at him funny? did you not laugh in time? what was it?
so many possibilities, so many could've been, would've been, wasn't.
"he cares about you, you know?" shoko says to you, the two of you sitting in a little cafe as you both watch satoru and suguru stand at the counter, ordering your desserts.
"who?" you ask, despite you knowing her answer.
"satoru." she says, giving you an eye like she knows what you're denying.
"he likes the attention." you say, as a distraction as you sip your drink, avoiding eye contact with shoko.
shoko watches you watch him, as if something in the way you observe every single thing he does will give insight to who you are as a person.
she's yet to learn anything, but she refuses to admit it to herself. all she knows about you is that you're soft, and will cave into satoru.
you swore that there was something from him towards you as well. unquestioning stares, where he looked at you like there was nothing else in the room, nothing else that would drag his blazing blues away from you.
but then there would be something that would distract him, and then he’d turn away, laugh, and act like there had never been something in the first place.
so what did it even mean? calls that outlasted the nights, voices blurred, eyes heavy, sleep kept at bay. and other nights, silent calls, just listening to him breathe on the other end as you closed your eyes.
when you’d wake up the next morning, you’d still be on call, and you could hear him shuffling around quietly as not to wake you up.
he remembered conversations you had months ago offhandedly, remembered your stupid specific order of subway sandwiches and liked to shower you with gifts.
the thoughtfulness you received from him was out of character, and something unseen and unprecedented in terms of gojo satoru.
and that’s what made you feel special.
moments like these, where a guy had gotten too close to you within a party, his hands brushing over your hips as you danced.
satoru slammed in, cutting off the other guy's access to you, as if he had been your personal guard dog.
"i don't know why you let him, " he says, "we shouldn't associate ourselves with the likes of him."
the collective pronoun causes a flip in your heart, something that sounds suspiciously like jealousy present in his voice clenches at your heart like it has a personal vendetta against you, like it wants to rip your blood, your heart, your very soul and being out of of your body and watch you bleed out on the floor.
but satoru made you feel special. you thought you were special.
in hindsight, you shouldn’t have. there really shouldn't have been something.
conversations with geto that hushed when you walked by, ending abruptly before you can hear, sometimes a sliver of a name being whispered from a mouth.
and the girls.
too many of them. its not like they were actively doing anything, and you cld never get him to tell you, but you were confused,
you don’t know how he found all of them, but he always swore they were just friends. and soon, he was pulling away further. night-time calls gone unanswered, cerulean blue eyes no longer meeting yours across the classroom.
one time, he called you up in the middle of the night, asking you if you could help him with something. you agreed, and the next thing you knew, he texted you back saying that some other girl had helped him out.
it seemed like every time he just had to mention it was another girl, the gender pronouns emphasized heavily with the pair of observant, shocking eyes.
you hated that about him. or did you love it? humans are doomed to love what will hurt them the most.
“why don’t you just tell him?” shoko asks one day, annoyance written across her face. she’s heard you talk about this yuki girl almost four times within the last hour, where you’ve been crashing out because you saw him hand her his sweater.
stupid december weather, am i right? you can’t deal with this shit.
you'd been coming back from a mission, and you'd seen them sitting together on the bench. he had a smile that was on his face as bright as the sun, and you'd felt a sink in your chest from the jealousy of the source of the smile, wishing you had made him beam like that.
you'd run back to your dorm, a couple of tears pricking at your eyes. shoko had heard you running down the hall, and had comem to check on you.
and honestly, the amount of times you’ve crashed out over the guy you’re not even dating is truly peak clown behaviour. you can't be a clown and have your grades slip, right?
the next thing you know, you’re staring at gojo’s dorm door
you turn to see shoko throw you a thumbs-up, before she disappears out of sight. probably to give you both space.
you sigh, and before you knock, you hear a shuffle, and the door unlocks and opens by itself.
you look up to see satoru staring down at you, eyes tired, and hair a mess.
“hey. what’s up?” he smiles, tired but still happy to see you.
“satoru, i need to tell you something.” the smile drops from his face, and he looks worried.
you stumble over your words, trying to get them out. “it’s not bad, i promise, unless you think it’s bad and then i guess-”
“y/n, calm down. what’s wrong?” gojo asks.
you sigh.
“shit, satoru i like you. like really badly, and im sick of not knowing how you feel because one minute you’re acting like you’re in love with me and the next you’re out with some other girl, amd i know this is me ruining the friendship, but this was ruined as soon as i started liking you.”
you pause, heart hammering in your chest. you feel tears prick at your eyes, and then -
you hear a burst of laughter.
you look up, confusion evident and clear in your eyes.
“what?”
satoru’s laughing. and not some kind of half-assed laugh, but a genuine full bellied laugh where he’s hunched over grabbing at his stomach.
“that’s- that’s hilarious. you’re so funny” he manages to gasp out, tears pricking at his eyes as if he’s the one who just tried to confess his feelings.
you’re silent. genuinely. speechless. what does one even do in this situation?
“shit, did geto put you up to this?” satoru giggles, finally calming down, finger reaching up to wipe a genuine tear away from his eyes.
so you do what any self-respecting, reputation loving girl would do.
you lie.
“yeah. you’re right. how did you know?” you lie, the bold lie causes a heart string to knot in your chest.
“there was no way that you’d like me, not in a million years.” satoru finishes, eyes somewhat blank and…wrong?
“haha. yeah.” you deadpan. the tears are going to rush out now, so you slap your knees and go “well, i’ve got work to do now. thanks for your time! sorry, geto’s so funny that way, isn’t he?” you say, tears pricking at your eyes.
“wait. you were being serious?” satoru interrupts, brows furrowed as he leans against the door frame.
you’re silent, facing away from him like you’ve been caught in your escape route, because in some way, you have. your last shred of dignity, ripped away from you, torn to slivers, and it's almost as if you can see them ribbon and fall to the floor.
you sigh, refusing to turn around to meet his eyes, to meet the reality of your situation. how could you ever think that he had cared for you too? what kind of delusion was this? was everyone else just as blind as you, in all those times that they'd cheered you on, calling fated pair?
the same red string that you had fantasized being wrapped around your finger and connected to satoru was wrapped around your neck now, choking you till your face turned blue.
“shit, y/n. I- I can’t. I’m sorry.” is all satoru says, and you shrug, hoping that he could believe you, with the little words you’ve said. you hope to keep some dignity and nonchalance, but all you can think about right now is how many people have lied to you.
you shrug like you can shrug away the months of pining, the anticipation, the will they or won’t they that everyone had commented on to you, but you can’t.
“just, i need some time. don’t come by for awhile.” you say, before leaving without turning back to look at him.
satoru’s silent, and just as you walk away, you hear a girl’s voice from within his room.
“who was that?” yuki asks, her fingers already curling into the sweater just earlier today he had given her to wear, now returned to his original owner.
the same sweater you wore, on the night he took you to watch the shooting stars and comets as they flashed across the sky, a year ago now, on the third of december.
he still recalls the way he'd stared at you as the light blue had shined on your face.
satoru takes one long hard look out the door, before he shuts it, turning back to her.
synopsis: mark grayson, who removes himself quietly from your life as if he was never in it in the first place. as if he wasn't your best friend for years and years. who shows up to your house for the first time in months, beaten and bruised.
wc: 3.8k
a/n: i finished it, posted it, and then i deleted it by accident. had to rewrite ending and i hate myself rn because i deleted it.
your friendship with mark had started when you'd first moved in, just down the road. you'd been young, still baby faced at 11.
you'd been helping your mom move the boxes out of the moving truck when you heard a small "you need any help?"
it made you jump, seeing how you'd not heard him approaching, and when you turned around to face him, he saw the fear on your face and quickly apologised, "oh my god, i'm so sorry. my mom told me to come help"
you'd told him it wasn't a big deal, and he'd introduced himself to you. you'd done the same.
after that, he'd come over so many times, and soon enough, you'd been inseparable.
you'd joined his school once the summer was over, and you spent lunchtimes with william and mark together, always talking about that comic mark loved, seance dog.
while you didn't like the comics as much as they did, you loved to hear them talk about them, especially the way mark got so animated when arguing with william about it.
you realised at some point at a lunchtime during school that you'd liked him a lot more than a friend. he'd been leaning forward talking to you, and when he'd gotten too close, you'd gotten nervous. your heart thumping, palms sweaty kind of nervous.
and that made you scared. he was your friend, first and foremost, and your feelings for him were pushed down, deep, deep, deep. locked in a little box where your heart would have been, in a bigger box, in a bigger box. which was then locked in large steel chains.
a little bit of an overkill, but you really weren't risking shit.
your friendship was sweet, mark was sweet, and he especially was sweet to you. mark was too sweet, too good to you.
kind, charming and funny, always cracking jokes to you in class, teasing you just enough to get you flustered, but only as a joke, which he would say.
it hurt a little, but as you said before, friendship was more important to you.
problem was, as soon as you hit 16, he'd stopped. stopped talking to you in the halls, stopped talking to you in class, stopped coming over. he'd dodge you in the halls, and pretended not to be home when you'd come over.
william didn't get it either, saying how mark wouldn't tell him why he'd been avoiding you, and goddamn, it hurt.
you'd been hurt, so hurt, and you'd had enough. he stopped responding to your messages, and had just stopped leaving you on read, opting instead to leave you on delivered.
that was the last straw for you. so you stopped trying. stopped looking for him the halls, stopped going over to his house to look for him, stopped messaging him, and stopped sitting with them at lunch.
and as soon as you'd disappeared from their normal table at lunch, mark had gone back to sit with william.
you'd seen it happen first time. sitting next to a guy who'd been begging you to sit with you at lunch for months, you'd zoned out from the boring conversation as soon as he'd started. he was going on about something about being on the football team and being the MIP of the team, but you weren't listening.
your eyes were on mark as he made his way through the hustling and bustling cafeteria, his yellow shirt underneath his blue sweater always standing out.
his sleeves were pushed up his forearms, and you'd been able to see the muscle in them, flexing as he carried his tray with one hand. you hated how it still invoked the butterflies in your stomach, and it pissed the hell out of you.
you dragged your eyes forcefully away from him, trying to pay attention to jacob and whatever he was saying about his football. but no matter what happened, your eyes went right back at mark.
him laughing, talking with william and just acting completely unaffected by your absence.
'fuck him'. you thought to yourself.
and just as easy that mark had come into your life, he disappeared from it.
a year had passed since then, and it was easier than it was before, but still not as easy as your friendship had been.
you still loved him, which pissed you off to no end, despite his completely lack of care for you.
initially you had tried to smile at him in the halls as you'd walked by in different directions, but he always stood straight, ignoring you completely, eyes ahead as you stumbled over your steps.
you told yourself it was for the better, that you didn't want his attention anymore, but that little box in of your heart ached every time you thought that.
william and you still spoke, but you'd found another group of friends, only ever talking to william when mark wasn't around.
and then, there was a new superhero.
invincible, (cue title card) or so he called himself. quite frankly, mark was horrible at hiding his identity.
ducking out of class, only minutes later invincible arriving on a scene. he had the same hair, same build and height, and that same….mark feeling.
but you didn't tell anyone, you didn't say anything to anyone, and god, why did it matter if you knew who he was. he wasn't your mark anymore, you weren't even friends.
you'd watched him as he changed over time, growing taller, broader and stronger.
you couldn't help but notice, and yet again it was something you cursed your stupid little heart box for.
in the halls it was easier to notice, he'd shot up over the summer, especially now that he's got his powers.
it's crazy to think that mark is invincible, especially the guy who was once your mark. well, he's no longer your mark, as you should be able to tell due to the complete and absolute avoidance of you.
still, with absolutely no reasoning whatsoever behind it.
william, even a year later, still urges you to speak to mark. but you refuse, saying that "it was completely unwarranted," And that "you didn't do anything that deserved this kind of treatment." all that could have possibly happened would be that he had enough of you.
he just stopped liking you and that there was absolutely no other reasoning behind it. which lowkey sucked but still, men ain't shit (says you who literally sometimes still cry remembering about how fucking upset you were when he just disappeared out your life.)
william is done. he really is. he's had enough of both you and mark, how mark just refuses to talk to you and how you just fucking won't talk to mark either.
it's not really your fault. you tried, you really did, messaging him, showing up, just anything you used to do together.
debbie, who you still see around occasionally, gives you a sad smile sometimes, like she knows what's happening. but you never ask, because maybe you don't want to know. but you also do, which is a big problem.
you're currently just hanging around at williams, watching TV with him when there's a news alert. 'Breaking, invincible in fight with (generic) villain'
you watch with bated breath, watching mark, or invincible, getting absolutely beaten up, quite frankly, and youre really worried for a moment there that you're gonna be attending a funeral.
but somehow, like normal he always managed to get out of it, but it leaves him bruised and bleeding. you're so irrevocably fucked, you want everything in the world to pause just so you can check if he's okay.
but you have to remind yourself you can't do that anymore, he's not your friend.
you're tired, so unbelievably tired. you're missing your conversations together, you're missing just being near him, being allowed to look at him with more than just stolen glances. you're just tired, and you want it all to go back to normal.
fuck normal, honestly.
you're done. with worrying and you don't want to see the news. knowing mark got out is enough, and you want to go home to cry.
william doesn't get why all of a sudden you're so tired, and you bode both him and rick goodbye as you leave, not really wanting to third wheel anymore.
rick's sweet, he is, but you just want to be home alone now, and not with anyone else.
the trek back home isn't a long one, but you soften the walk with some music. it's dark out, a little earlier than usual.
just as you reach your house, you look up to your room to see the light is on, and the windows open, which is strange because you swear you switched it off just before you headed out and closed your windows.
you can see the light shining down through the large oak tree in your front yard, and the way the light filters through the leaves is gorgeous.
you can see the curtains billowing from the night air, and you furrow your brows.
might have been a slip of the mind, you reckon.
nevertheless, you unlock your front door, setting down your coat on the hangers, dropping your keys onto the mantle, before heading into the kitchen to make yourself some quick noodles.
your parents are out again, on a date night, most likely. they won't be home for awhile.
as you're waiting for the water to boil, you're standing there rather impatiently. you just want to collapse into bed, it's been a tiring day.
your hands itch for your phone, to search up if invincible managed to get away compltely alright. but you won't. you have to remind yourself that you don't care, that you can't care.
next thing you know, you're letting out a sigh of relief, seeing that invincible got away alright, and then you're swearing at yourself for even caring.
but it's hard to switch it off like a switch, you just can't do that.
once your noodles are done, you're halfway up the stairs when you hear a shuffle coming from your room.
you freeze.
you're waiting for the sound to come again, and when it doesn't, you think it's just a trick of your mind, and you keep walking up.
stopping right at your door, something makes you pause but you're not sure what it is or why you're pausing, but you force yourself to move past it. you push open your door.
it takes your eyes a moment to adjust to the rather bright light all of a sudden, coming from the rather dark hallway. once your eyes do adjust, you see it.
mark.
he's sitting on the floor of your room, holding a hand to his stomach, eyes closed as he rests his head on edge of your bed, his jaw sharp, his neck taut.
his mask is off, flung to the side. you can see it in the corner, and it's covered in blood. his or someone else's, you're not sure.
but the absence of a large abundance of blood on his face makes you think it's someone else's.
"what the fuck." you say, more annoyed than anything else.
then you process the blood. it's on your floor, which is stone, so it's not so bad to clean up, but his suit is torn, and he looks like he's in pain.
"what the fuck, mark." You repeat, and only then does he open his eyes, to look at you.
"hey." he says.
a year and a couple months and all you fucking get is a "hey" like it's only been hours since he's seen you last?
"don't 'hey' me." you snap, setting down your quick noodles and your glass of water, before you think again, picking it up and passing the glass of water to him. he takes it with a grateful look, trying to smile at you.
even his teeth are stained with blood. his injuries look a lot worse in person, rather than on TV.
you stare at him for a while, before you walk to your bathroom, grabbing your first aid kit that you'd once run out to buy once when mark had fallen from the tree in your front yard when you were 13, the one you had used to clean up his cuts back then.
it had sat unused for four years, just waiting to be used again, in the corner under your sink. you have to brush the dirt off of it.
then you have to wash your hands, for the fear of infection.
you come back out, pulling out everything you think you might need.
"what the fuck are you doing here, mark." you snap at him again, pissed that he just shows up after 16 months of absolutely nothing, pretending that everything's fine when he's covered in blood, and this is the first time you've seen him up close in a year.
you're taking out your scissors, cutting the cloth around his cuts, trying to stop the fabric from sticking to it. you hate how close this makes you, hate how it makes the box in your chest ache, hate how you want to be closer.
"i wanted to see you." he groans, when you pull a certain strip of fabric away from a particularly deep cut. even his voice has changed. it's deeper, far more self assured, and somehow just more…mark.
"you wanted to see me?" you scoff, setting your scissors down and picking up some antiseptic cream and a piece of gauze. "you haven't spoken to me in 16 months. you've ignored and dodged me at school, you've left me on read for months, and. you just show up, bleeding and beaten in your invincible suit just completely out of the blue?" you can feel your throat close up as you finish speaking, tears pricking at your eyes.
you rub at them with your sleeves, making sure that your hands remain clean. you put just a little too much iodine solution on the gauze, pressing a little bit harder than you need to.
he lets out a hiss of pain, and it doesn't make you feel better, unlike what you were hoping. "fuck you, mark" you say to him again.
he's silent. he's just staring at you, his face unreadable.
you can see how much he's changed since the last time you were this up close.
you avoid his eye contact, knowing that if you made eye contact with him, you wouldn't be able to hold back 16 months of anger and pain back.
"will you just fucking say something?" you demand, bandaging him up with the rolls and rolls of bandages, basically wrapping him up like a mummy.
"mark. please." you beg.
you feel his hand cup your jaw, making you look up at him, his eye contact making you nervy, tears threatening to spill over your lash lines.
he swallows, mouth dry before he says; "i just… couldn't be around you anymore."
that admission makes you crumble, and you automatically assume the worst. but the way he's handling you now, so soft and gently is at odds with his words.
"what..do you mean?" it's your turn to swallow now, and you realise how parched you really are.
he sighs, as your eyes hone in on a cut on his upper eyebrow, and you're picking up the gauze and iodine solution again, shuffling closer.
you're hesitant to dab at his eye, holding out the gauze out for a moment, to see if he's alright with you being this close to him.
he nods, once, but you notice. of course you notice. you can count the amount of tiny tiny scars he has on his face from here.
you can see the one that's just under his brow , the one he got from a branch when he fell down from the tree, the one you'd helped him clean.
you dab slowly, gently. you've slowed down a little, waiting for his response. you're trying to avoid direct eye contact with mark, but you can still feel his eyes zeroed in on you.
"mark, what do you mean." you repeat, demanding answers. you've had enough of this cat and mouse, where he's constantly running from you. you're not letting him go till you're getting your answers.
he sighs, seeming to understand that you aren't letting go.
"you know, i just couldn't control myself. i want you. like desperately. like more than a friend, more than a best friend. i knew it was more than you were willing to give me , so i tried to distance myself. and once i did, it was harder for me to go back to normal, so i couldn't."
wow. okay. erm. not what you were expecting. but still, that was still a completely dick move.
"you want me?" you ask him, shy. you're hopeful, needing him to say it. the chain around the boxes of your heart snaps.
"i don't just want you, I need you. do you know how much it killed me to see you sitting with that tool jacob?? you smiling at whatever he was saying, but still looking at me? do you know how hard it was for me to pretend like i didn't see you in the hallways? like it wasn't suffocating to walk by you and not talk to you?" your outer heart box splinters.
you want to say something, you really do, but you can't get anything in with the way he's rambling
"my heart squeezes every time i look at you, and it killed me to stay so far away from you." he says, looking up at you again. your hand has stilled from where you were dabbing at his cut, and you're breathless. when the admission sinks in, another shell around your heart breaks.
"i fucking love you, and i never said anything because i didn't want to ruin our friendship." he whispers, like it's hard for him to say it. it probably is. the final box that was keeping your feelings locked up and tucked away, just fucking breaks. you're crying, and you're trying not to show him.
"and i know, i ruined it by walking away, but i didn't want to ruin it by telling you i loved you. and i'm sorry, i'm sorry… i just can't stay away anymore. it really took me almost dying to realise how much i've been needing you." he says to you, his hand cupping your jaw again. his other hand reaches up to your cheek, and his thumb brushes away a tear.
his head is no longer resting against your bed edge, and now he's sitting up rather straight. he's moving into your space, he's so close you can feel his breath fanning across your lips. he smells like blood and the minty spider man toothpaste he's been using for years. he likes to pretend he uses adult toothpaste, but he used to always go back to it.
"i'm sorry," he whispers, and you can feel the words on your lips. "i'll do anything it takes to make it up to you."
"it really took you almost fucking dying to apologise, huh?" you say, voice cracking, brittle from tears. you're trying to play it off, make it seem a little funnier to show him that it's okay. well it's not okay, but you get what he means.
he's trying, and he's always been bad with feelings, and you know this. 16 months will take forever for him to make up for, but you just want him back. you want him back in your life. you want to sit with him at lunch again, you want to be close to him again.
he laughs, and even he sounds like he's been crying.
"you're too good to me." he says, and you're glad he knows it, because if it was anyone else, they'd have been dropped like hot potato.
when you rest your forehead against his, his hands move to your waist, and he lifts you so easily onto his lap. you forget he's a superhero now, and it's too easy for him it's unfair.
you swat him lightly on the chest, apologising when you hear him grunt in pain.
"are you going to kiss me?" you ask him, voice hushed, excited, nervous.
he laughs, and pulls you closer before he captures your lips in his.
he tastes just like he smells like; metallic and minty, a taste so addicting you don't want to come up for air. he somehow tastes sweet in your mouth too, and he groans when you bite him lightly on his bottom lip.
his hands are warm and heavy on your hips, and your knees are pressed against the stone floor on each side of his hips.
your hands tangle into his hair, pulling lightly at his roots. when your nails scratch gently at his scalp, he groans into the kiss.
his groan vibrates through him into your mouth, and you smile against his lips.
he's unrelenting, all fierce kisses and licks, as if he's trying to devour you.
he licks slightly at the line between your lips, and you open, pliant and obedient for him, his tongue snaking in to meet yours, dancing together.
he tastes sweet, if you haven't said before.
when you finally have to break away for air, you rest your forehead against his, breathing hard. he presses a chaste kiss to the corner of your lip, and you kiss another to the scar above his eye, underneath his brow, that he got when he tried to climb the tree up your yard into your room, the one he'd fallen down from.
"this alone isn't going to make up for 16 months," You tell him, despite the smile on your face. "you're not magically forgiven."
he leans in again, smiling against your lips as he whispers, "i know."
later, you're both lying on your bed, both of you tired and exhausted, leaning into each other, when he whispers to you, "weren't you surprised that i was invincible?"
"not really." you respond, not opening your eyes. your head is resting on his uninjured shoulder, face tucked into the crook of his neck.
"why not?" he asks. you think about telling him that you recognised him almost immediately, from the curve of his back, the strong line of his jaw, and the light scar underneath his jaw.
but those things had only been memorised by you because you'd spent more timing staring at him then talking to him, so you decided not to tell him that. maybe you'd tell him one day.
instead, you tell him, "i recognised your voice immediately."
he huffs in response.
a/n: goddamn i locked in for this. i had literally posted it and then tried to edit it to check word count but then accidentally deleted it and had to rewrite the entire thing from the kiss scene onwards. i was crying lowk.
anyway. hope you enjoyed!! as always, thank you if you made it all the way down here!!!
as always, likes and reblogs are appreciated, and let me know if you have any comments!! i love reading them.
synopsis ; you're in love with gojo. he doesn't love you back. It takes you awhile to realise this, and you find out in a way you wish you'd never. Tw: ANGST no fluff no comfort
#nofluffwedielikemen
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jjk masterlist
A/N : guys sorry this came out of nowhere and kinda possessed me (did not at all stem from my own lovelife, no not at all, this was just something that came out of nowhere!)
PT 2
1.5k
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being in love with gojo as his friend was pretty insane, a lot of the time.
the first time you ever even said that maybe you loved him, you cringed. it sounded weird, but even when shoko gave you a weird look, you knew that it was to be true.
sometimes, you'd swear that maybe, just maybe, he'd love you back. you'd read too much into stares, and lingering touches.
you'd think too much of how he just always seems to be just around the corner of wherever you'd be, and how he always seemed to be looking at you and only you.
you'd think that because of the smiles his friends throw your way, the fact that getou had spoken to you about him a lot, and how getou always made sure to wave at you when he was with gojo.
how gojo's eyes would seem to light up when he saw you, but maybe that was just his big baby blues, but honestly, anything would have made him look brighter. If you thought about it, maybe it was the sweets you always seemed to have on you, just always specifically for him.
and getou knew, and maybe gojo did too, but the fact that he never changed the way he looked at you meant that he felt the same way too, but he was just afraid to tell you, because that it's quite daunting!
and if he needed it, you'd wait till the end of the world for him. this was so embarrassing, you'd think to yourself, finding yourself talking about him for the umpteenth time that day to your friends, who seemed interest in the conversation enough, but you knew they were just waiting for you to stop!
and maybe if you were more rational, you'd think properly. like, well obviously he was basically around every corner, you'd attended the same school and it was just you four students in the year anyway.
and obviously he stares a lot, he's pretty unpredictable, and tends to just be super affectionate with everyone.
and getou's your close friend, of course you're gonna be getting smiles from him, because he's your friend. getou obviously is gonna just acknowledge you, because yet again you're his friend.
and when you were away from gojo, you could think pretty rationally. "there's no way he likes me" you'd think, and "I gotta stop liking him, this isn't gonna go anywhere." and you were right, but once you saw him again, it was as if you hadn't even considered this at all in the first place, and it was completely gone from your mind.
but all in all, no matter what, there was nothing you could do, because if you'd been reading everything wrong, you'd ruin your relationship, and you could never ever be with him at all, not even as his friend anymore.
this is the conclusion that you came to one friday night, and honestly, it really did hurt, but then the next day, when he was sitting next to you super close and leaving absolutely no personal space to you, and then it was gone all over again.
but when you finally realised, for the first time, that gojo didn't love you at all, was when you'd gone out to the convenience store with gojo, getou and shoko. You'd been standing in the aisle staring at some quick noodles, and gojo's arm had been slung over your shoulder.
you were trying to pretend that you weren't phased at all, but your heart was thumping non-stop in your chest. Shoko had given you a grin and a thumbs up, discreetly to cheer you on and hold yourself together.
it had felt, for a moment, quite domestic and romantic. gojo was tactile, you knew this, but you also knew that he wouldn't do this to shoko, so it gave you some doomed hope. not like the hope was gonna last long anyway.
gojo's standing there, with his arm wrapped around your shoulder, and he sighs.
your attention turns to him from the generic brand quick noodle brand in your hand, and you frown, worried.
"what's wrong?" you ask him, turning your attention back to the quick noodles on the shelf.
"i got no baes." he says, blatantly.
you pause, very confused.
"what do you mean?"
"I mean that I can't get a girlfriend." he says, drooping a little as he even pouts, and you can't help but want to hit him.
you're not prepared for that sucker gut punch that it seems to give you, and you wince a little.
you hear a smack in the vague distance, and you can only assume that it's nobara smacking herself in the face in exasperation at gojo, but you can't really think about that just now.
after awhile, you hear yourself going; "loser." and you walk away.
that's it, that's all you say.
but you try not to think too much about it because that's rather normal behaviour.
you join shoko at the counter, and she slaps you reassuringly on the back, and she says that : "he's an idiot." and you have to agree, even if it's half-arsed, and you're muttering while you're staring off.
it gives you time to think, because, if he did know that you liked him, and he liked you, wouldn't he just do something about it?
in the distance, you hear a small cheer, and you manage to snap out of it.
"what just happened?" you ask shoko as you watch gojo jump up and down like a kid, with getou standing next to him, shaking his head in exasperation.
shoko looks at you with pity evident on her face.
"getou said that he'd hook gojo up with someone." shoko tells you. you can hear the heart beating in your ears, and manage to limit your emotions to a small little frown that only shoko can see.
"i'm sorry" she whispers to you, pulling you in for a hug.
you shrug, not exactly sure what you're supposed to do in this moment.
you're there when gojo first meets yuki. it's been weeks, and you hear about her non-stop.
it's always yuki this, yuki that, and you can never seem to escape it.
gojo always needs to talk to her, and you just can't take it anymore.
and you see her, for the first time, and she's gorgeous. she's sweet, and she's everything you want to be, and in every single way. you want to be the one that gojo is all happy to see, he's chasing her like you would have chased him, like you did chase him. but unlike her, he didn't turn around to see you, as she did for him.
the first time you see them hug, shoko's there, holding your hand. because she knows you love him, even if you won't even want to say it yourself.
but he's happy with her. you tell yourself, the first time you see them kiss. he's happy with her and that's all that matters.
it doesn't matter that he skips hangouts with you to be with her, it doesn't matter that he completely ignores you for her, and it doesn't matter that when you both sparred, and had a clash of powers, both of you were injured and ran to her, only helping her as you laid there bleeding. It doesn't matter.
it doesn't matter that you don't even see him anymore, and that he skipped out on your birthday just because she wanted to see him.
and it really, really doesn't matter, when you 'jokingly' tell him that you used to like him, and he laughs and he says "that's funny." because honestly, that hurts, and you really hate it.
you want to resent getou for getting them together, but you can't because you can't even blame him, because, it's not his fault. nothing would have changed the way he saw you, not with yuki around at least.
and god, you couldn't stop thinking about them. how they would hold hands, how he'd offer his jacket for her if she so much as sneezed at the slightest cold weather, and how she would look at him as if he had hung the moon and the sky and the stars. and you look at her, and you think, god, is that how i look at him? but it's okay for her to do that, because he looks at her the same way.
and sometimes, you lie in bed at night by yourself, and you're overcome with the thought that she might be with him right now in another bed somewhere else, and it makes you sick to your stomach, that it's someone else. But no matter what, nothing will change how things have played out.
and it makes you cry. it really does. you think to yourself that if hanahaki really existed, you would be affected by it, no questions asked, and that thought makes you so upset, because honestly, what did you do to deserve this?
but the fact that he's happy makes it all worth it. at least, that's what you tell yourself.
synopsis ;gojo has made the biggest mistake of his fucking life. he wants you back, but you don't want him, because now, you're with suguru. Tw: ANGST no fluff no comfort
#nofluffwedielikemen, lowkey happy ending for reader, not for gojo
PT 1
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jjk masterlist
A/N : since there were a couple of people asking for a continuation, i thought i'd give it a go. in this one you've ended up with suguru, and gojo is finally understanding what he's missing.
gojo has fucked up. royally. like he's definitely fucked up before, but god, he's never fucked up this bad.
to fully understand what's happened, we need to go back to the beginning of his and yuki's relationship, to where we left off last.
you had been crying in your bed, after yuki and gojo had finally announced that their relationship was serious, and that they were both hopelessly in love with each other.
you had heard a knock at your door in the midst of your sobbing, and you paused, before you let out a small "go away."
the knocking stopped briefly, before suguru announced himself.
the door opened, and he walked through, sitting on the edge of the bed as he looked at you with what you felt like was extreme pity.
not wanting to see what how he was looking at you, you turned your face into the pillow hiding it from his eye of sight.
"hey, hey. it's okay. it's okay." he told you, patting you on the back.
"this is embarrassing." you cried, trying to laugh behind your tears.
"c'mon, look at me." suguru told you, trying to ease you into sitting up and to look at him.
"i've got snacks." he tells you. that does it for you and you slowly sit up, trying to look at him, hiccuping through the tears that are streaming down your face.
he wordlessly passes the bag full of your favourite snacks to you, and you lean into him, letting him hug you.
"i feel so dumb." you tell him, hiding your face in his shirt.
"it's okay, he's the dumb one for missing out." getou tells you, combing his fingers through your hair. from that moment when getou had chosen to come to you to make sure you were alright, that changed everything.
as months passed, you felt yourself slowly feeling the love you had for satoru to slowly melt away, into a kind of reluctant favouritism of a friend.
because, no matter what, satoru would always just be your friend, and nothing else.
and in that time, you felt yourself falling hard and fast for getou.
it was everything about him.
the way how you were always the first person he'd talk to in a group, and how if you all went out together, he'd always be stuck by your side, to make sure that you were okay.
you thought you would never feel as cared for as you were by getou's side, because he knew you, like he really seemed to know you.
he was always just there for you, and spending so much time with him every day really changes the way you see someone.
and again, you felt like you might just actually have a chance.
you'd never heard him talk of any other girls, and so, at some point, you confessed your feelings for him. he'd been so happy at that moment, he'd picked you up and twirled you around, laughing as he pulled you close and kissed you hard on the mouth.
he'd been waiting forever for you, but he just knew that one day, you'd love him too.
and when you finally debut your relationship in your friend group, shoko's so happy for you she swears she's not crying, but you think you see a tear collect in her eyes. yuki's happy and congratulates you, but gojo, he feels something wrong in his chest.
something is so wrong in his chest. he manages to mutter out a half arsed congratulations and he turns his attention back to his phone.
he can’t just quite figure it out, and when yuki tries to pull him closer to her by the loops on his jeans, he realises he doesn’t really want her to touch him, and he’s never really enjoyed it for some reason in the beginning.
he thinks he’s getting sick. there’s something so wrong with him right now. and he really hasn’t told anyone this, but almost as soon as he got with yuki for real, he lost interest.
that sounded bad, sure, but once he actually got with her, she just seemed, too good. they never fought or anything, and there seemed to be no actual passion in their relationship, because everything was just, okay.
and that’s all it was with yuki, just okay.
from that moment on, gojo started noticing things he never noticed before.
how, for every lesson that the two of you had together, he was excited to go to, because he knew that he’d see you, and he’d be excited to talk to you.
and how if you all hung out, he wanted to talk to you the most, and mostly you.
and how he started to notice all the smallest things about you he forgot he’d ever even noticed in the first place, like how your hair fell over your eyes, the way you’d blink up at him when he said something that you were trying not to laugh at, and how you’d lean against a chair, or just the way you sat.
and maybe then, he started resenting a bit of getou. it took him a while to fully comprehend why. he had finally, finally realised that he was in love with you.
and god, gojo knew it was wrong. getou was his best friend, he should have known better. but secretly, gojo wanted you to break up, and realise how in love you were with him.
and there wasn’t a day that went by that gojo wished he had said something other than “that’s funny” when you told him that you used to like him, but his heart had stopped in his chest, and he really didn’t know what else he could have said at that moment.
and when he finally realised this, gojo broke up with yuki.
yuki, he thought, seemed secretly glad that they had broken up, and so he wasn’t too worried about how she was feeling about it.
and everyone asked why they broke up, and he couldn’t just tell him that he was in love with his best friend’s girlfriend, so he just told them that he didn’t love her anymore, and when you asked, he damn well almost blurted out “i’m in love with you.”
and that shit hurt, because there was nothing he could do about it now, and god he knew he really fucked up.
but getou had the girl now, and he still wasn’t yours.
synopsis; he's your best friend's older brother- that's all he is to you. nothing more, nothing less. so why do you feel this way about him? and why are you so interested in the things that he does? he seems to have no interest in you at all. (no curses AU) turns out he's just as whipped as you. yuji being done with u n choso forever
or;
years of gradual buildup to a romantic relationship between your best friend's brother; choso kamo.
guys im so sorry this has been marinating in my drafts for months.
t.w; swearing, some angst? eventual fluff. reader is described as having a period and wears dresses. lmk if i forget anything else
You met Yuji at your day care. you'd been sitting on the grass field in the backyard of sunny smiles daycare, tears welling up in your eyes as you glared angrily at the ground. you didn't want to be here! you wanted to be at home with your mom and dad!
it was your first time being away from your parents for so long, and you'd stormed away from the sunny smiles worker as soon as your parents left.
so that brought you to where you were, sitting under a shady tree all alone, stabbing angrily at the ground with a stick. it's not that anyone was actively avoiding you, as a couple of other kids had approached you but you hissed at them like a feral cat, not particularly enjoying your emergence into society.
it all changed very quickly though, because just when you found a little stick bug, a little boy with bright pink hair and a bright smile came bounding up to you.
“Whatcha lookin at?” he asks, and you look up at him.
“Bug.” you respond shortly, and his smile brightens even further, if that was even possible. (you learn to know that his smile is blinding, and something he doesn’t reserve. He gives them to everyone as if it's as easy as breathing to him.)
That’s how you become best friends with Yuji, over some fascination over a stick bug, in the corner of a playing field.
You end up finding out that he lives on your street, a couple of houses down, with his big brother and his dad.
Throughout the years, you spend countless hours over at the itadori/kamo household, and it becomes a second home to you quite easily, their father being kind and outgoing helps you become seamlessly integrated into their family of 3.
The first time you went over, you were sooo excited the night before, you couldn’t sleep! You’d known yuji for an entire 2 weeks, and could not wait to meet his older brother, and his parents.
The day of, you were so hyperactive, bouncing around while you whined to your mother when she took an entire 10 minutes to get ready to walk you to his house, running ahead of her on the pavement on the way there.
You race up the stairs to his door, pounding your little fists on the door, somewhat rudely and rather impatiently, but you get a pass for being a literal child.
Your mother pulls you by the hand away from the door and scolds you for being impolite and so impatient, but you’re too excited to care.
You can hear the door being unlocked on the other side of the door, and then next thing you know, there’s an angel opening the door and staring down at you with the prettiest purple eyes.
…record scratch.
The boy standing in front of you is not an angel, but he might as well be. Longish black hair thrown up in to two twin ponytails, with deep set eyes and a thousand yard stare, he’s gorgeous. He smiles at you, greeting you formally as if he’s an adult, and not just a 7 year old boy.
Your mom coos, ‘such an adorable little boy,’ and already responsible enough to be answering the door.
“Look at him, y/n. He’s so well behaved. You can learn from him.” your mother says, looking down at you with an affectionate smile.
You can’t even reply, you’re so taken with this boy. This must be choso, Yuuji's older brother by two years.
You look him up and down, and he smiles at you. You decide immediately that you love this boy, and he will be yours. (you’re 5, and he’s 7. He’s not going to be yours anytime soon.)
So obviously you do what any 5 year old would when presented with a cute guy. You grab onto him, and refuse to let go even when your mom is pulling you off him.
“Sorry, I don't know what’s gotten into her.” your mom apologises to the boy, trying to hold in her laughter.
“It’s alright.” choso replies with a smile.
At that time, Yuji seems to hear the commotion at the door, and comes bounding over, yelling your name excitedly.
“Yuuji!” You yell in response, letting go of his brother momentarily to hug him.
“Why didn’t cha tell me bout your brother?” you ask him, before immediately reverting back to choso’s side.
Your mother sighs, before bids you goodbye and heads to work, thinking to herself that the years to come will be interesting indeed.
“Whaddya mean?” yuji asks you, as he pries you off from his brother and pulls you into the house to give you a tour.
“.um, duh….he’s going to be my husband. You will be my brother in law!” you tell yuuji confidently, sure that you will win the heart and the affections of his older brother.
Yuuji stares at you with a concerned and open mouthed look, before he breaks into a smile.
“Will we be related?” he asks cheerfully.
“Yes! You can be my brother in law!” you tell him, already planning out your future, just considering the names of your children.
You forget that choso is behind you, trailing, and he lets out a soft chuckle, before he rubs the top of your head. He’s pretty tall for a 7 year old, but then again, he’s always been the tallest kid in his class.
“I’ll wait.” he tells you and you brighten, smile radiating like a thousand suns.
choso thinks it’s funny, and considers it just another childhood promise that is made by kids that aren’t kept.
But you’re convinced that he’s the one for you, and the one you will love forever. You’re convinced that this is who you’re meant to spend the rest of your life loving, and that he was made for you.
You and Yuji spend the day in the garden, playing with the sandpit they installed, frisking around in the pool, and on the set of the swings, all under the watchful eye of choso.
choso seems to be built for the role of protective older brother, because yuji and you aren’t allowed to be out of his watchful eyes for more than a minute.
He plays with you guys with a level of maturity you’ve never seen in a kid before, but he still is patient as he plays with you in the sandbox. In later years, you’ll look upon moments like these to realise just how serious he’s been, even as a child.
When you and yuuji had an argument over who should get the neon green shovel, he sighs, before telling you that you should take turns, an hour with you and an hour with yuuji. By the time yuuji’s hour is up, you’ve already forgotten about wanting it.
That would never stop him from being sweet and considerate to you, though. Time at the itadori household passes by quickly, and soon, hours have passed and it’s lunch.
You follow behind choso and yuji as they walk into the kitchen, to be greeted by jin, itadori’s father.
You smile at him, introducing yourself a little to him, while he talks to you as he cooks.
Yuji and choso jump onto the seats surrounding the island with some difficulty, but they’re still able to reach. Being 5 years old, you can’t reach, and struggle to clamber on, so choso gets off his chair to help you up to sit on it.
He’s so caring, it’s almost ridiculous.
Hours later, when you leave the itadori’s house only after the promise of many more visits to come, you’re still giddy from the high of the day, kicking your feet as your mom walks you back to your home. You wave to yuuji and choso, who are both staring out the window to see you leave.
Two years after you meet yuji, you’re still spending so much time over at yuji and choso’s house.
it's safe to say that you enjoy their house more than your own, considering how you’re there almost every single waking moment. Your mother worries about intruding, but it’s not something that really crosses a 5 year old’s mind.
Jin laughs anytime your mother frets, and says there’s nothing to be worried about, and he doesn’t mind that you’re there a lot, as “both of the boys seem to love [you]”.
In later years, your mother will often comment on how you seemed to be so taken with choso, and yuuji, but both in different ways.
For yuji’s 8th birthday, he got a small house. Not literally, but one of those children houses that you would find in a walmart, for at most a hundred dollars. It was plasticy and shiny, with red (plastic) bricks, and a purple roof. It was just big enough to fit the three of you at one time, and suprisingly, at the age of 9, choso was still perfectly content to spend time with an 8 year old and a 7 year old.
You remember the day yuuji got that house. You were at sunny smiles daycare, playing on the seesaw set when he came bounding up to you with a big toothy smile.
“Guess wa i got for ma birthday!!'' Yuuji all but demands, looking somewhat smug despite having a massive gap in his teeth, where he’s missing his two front teeth. (all i want for christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth!)
“What?” you ask him, getting excited already. His energy is infectious, which makes you wonder why choso looks so tired all the time. The bags under his eyes are prominent, even though you know his schedule well enough to know that he sleeps about 10 hours, and somehow he still has them.
Genetics, you guess.
“No silly, you need to guess.” yuuji tells you, climbing up onto the opposite end of the seesaw, and you fly upwards.
You let out a giggle, and think for a second, before loudly exclaiming; “hmm, a parrot?”
“Nope! Try again.” yuuji responds.
“A new bike?” you try again, and he shakes his head. His face splits into a large grin, and he shakes his head.
“Wrong!” he exclaims, before sighing and yelling out loud; “a plastic house”
“Noo way! You’re so lucky, i’m so jealous.” you whine, your legs pumping the seesaw up and down as you move.
“You can come over after school, you know?” he tells you. Suddenly getting off the seesaw, which causes you to fall off and hit the floor.
That is what brings you to here, now. Playing in his kitchen when he decides he wants to take you outside to see the little house.
Choso follows behind the two of you quietly, making sure you both don’t injure yourself by tripping or some other funny way.
As yuuji opens the backyard door, you see it.
A plastic house, just big enough to fit three or four kids, with red plastic ‘bricks’ and a purple roof.
The purple is a shade you’ve seen before, and you realise almost immediately that it reminds you of choso’s eyes, so you voice that.
You turn behind just in time to see the pink on his face, and you let out a giggle, while yuuji pretends to be deaf.
That little house becomes a very important figure in the games you would play back in those days .
Like many 7 year olds, you wanted to play house, and as a somewhat bossy 7 year old, you decided that you were gonna be the wife and choso was gonna be the husband.
Yuuji, forever the afterthought, was gonna be your dog.
And that was a game that was played for many years, until choso and yuuji both decided that they were too old to be playing house but that didn’t mean that your friendship had changed in the slightest.
AGE 12 and AGE 14
Just before choso left middle school to go to high school, he was widely well known in your shared middle school as Yuuji's cute older brother, and you agreed, of course, but he was choso. You may have been in love with him the first time you met him, but he was your best friend’s brother!
A massive figure in your life, something you had grown up with. Choso was the one who would patch your knee up if you fell, and sat up with you if you ever had trouble with your homework while yuuji waited by playing video games. All of this meant that choso was someone you worshipped, for the way he treated you and for the person he was.
It was one of your typical mall visits with choso and yuuji on a weekend, where jin had dropped the three of you off at the mall to have some fun and catch a movie.
Yuuji and you had decided to go with some horror movie, and had taken choso to pretend to be over 16 so you could see a slightly age inappropriate movie, since at that age, choso was almost taller than jin, towering over just about everyone you knew, so he was your master plan in catching that movie.
Jin, believing that you just went to hang out at the mall, drove you there. Choso in the front seat, and yuuji and you in the back. You were leaning with your back against the door, with your legs thrown over yuuji’s lap as you scrolled through your phones, sending videos to each other.
Jin stops as he pulls up to the mall, turning back to look at you in the back of the car as he smiles and tells you to be safe and have fun on this trip to the mall, and that he expects a call and update on everything that you do, so he knows when to come pick you up.
As you step out of the car, there’s a large cramp in your stomach which causes you to double over. It’s nothing you’ve ever experienced before, in terms of pain, but it doesn’t last for long, so you play it off.
Yuuji gives you a strange look, but doesn’t say anything, as he knows that if it was serious enough you wouldn’t stop whining about it, so he turns to the front as he eagerly leads the way into the airconed mall.
It’s rather empty, seeing how it’s late afternoon on a Sunday when people would rather be at home spending time with their families.
The cramps are back, and they are slightly worse, making your eye twitch. It mostly goes unnoticed, but you do get a slightly concerned look from choso, who mouths the words; “are you alright?” at you, and you just nod, eyebrows furrowed, wondering what is making you so uncomfortable.
You pay for your popcorn and drinks at the cinema, opting to share two large popcorn buckets between you two, as yuuji always seems to finish the first one before you’ve even managed to get one.
The three of you sit in a row together, with yuuji on your left side, and choso on your right. You’re given the task of holding the popcorn, and the darkness of the theatre does well to mask the flush on your face from being so close to choso.
While the theatre is a bit cold, you feel nice and toasty, not just from the heat on your face, but from having choso’s warm body heat so close to you.
Human earthworm 2 begins to play, and yuuji eagerly dives into the popcorn, watching intently. The cramps suddenly come back again, and something feels really wrong. You try to play it off, but after a while, you completely give up, whispering a hush “i’ll be back.” as you climb over yuuji’s legs while you try to get to the bathroom.
As you walk out of the theatre, you’re stuck with an even larger feeling of dread, the pit of your stomach seems to burn, and you’re afraid of what you’re going to find in the bathroom.
In the privacy of the stall, you realise what’s wrong. Your period. You’ve gotten it for the first time.
The timing could not be worse.
You sigh, thinking about how there might be some pads in the bathroom for any emergencies, and when you check, there isn't.You panic, a bit (not a bit, a lot), and check the clothes you’re wearing. There’s a bit of a blood stain on the bottoms, and you’re about to cry.
Not when you’re out! This is so mortifying, literally the worst thing that could happen to you.
You realise you won’t be able to cover up the stains, as you left your jacket in the cinema hall.
‘Fuck.’ you whisper out and slump down in defeat, not exactly knowing what you should do here.
Time passes really slowly, and a quick glance at the time tells you you’ve been here for over 20 minutes already. At that thought, your cheeks heat up, as you’re afraid what the boys will think you’re doing in here.
You sigh, before realising you have no choice but to ask them to help you, but the idea of texting and mentioning your…predicament is enough to make you tear up a little in embarrassment.
At that moment, you hear a ping from your phone, so you pick it up to check, and what you see makes you stop crying immediately.
Choso; are u ok?? We’re a little worried abt u
y/n; …
Choso; ???
y/n: i need ur help pls
Choso : ofc what do u need?
Ten minutes later, you hear a call of your name from the entrance of the bathroom, and you unlock the door, walking to the entrance of the bathroom to come face to face with choso, who has a new pair of shorts slung over his arm, and a bag of period products for you.
He gives you a worried smile, before he asks if you’re okay.
You nod in response, too embarrassed to actually look at him in the eyes, and you whisper out a rushed thank you before you grab the stuff and use them.
He returns back to the movie, sitting next to a confused yuuji, who asks where he went.
“The bathroom.” he whispers in response, before turning back to the movie. Yuuji looks at him funny but doesn’t say anything, and just turns back to it too.
Later on, when you sit down next to them again, you whisper out another hushed thanks to choso, before wrapping the hoodie around your waist, just in case, and paying attention to the movie.
This incident isn’t ever spoken about again, but you always remember how he was eager to help you, while you know yuuji would have been so freaked out.
School’s let out, and it’s summer time. You know what that means, right? Pool days at the itadori household!
Last summer, jin itadori arranged a surprise for the boys- a pool, and for the last three weeks, you’ve been there almost every day, with yuuji.
You’d play in the water together, or sit by the side of the pool with a cold drink in your hand, reading, playing games (in yuuji’s case) or by napping.
But most of all, you’d talk.
Yuuji and your friendship was centred around there being no secrets, and how you’d trust each other with your life.
So, he basically knew everything about your life, except for one tiny…miniscule and unimportant detail.
The crush you had on his brother.
Somehow you had managed to be less obvious with it than the ones you had had in school for some ungodly reason, but your luck with boys had never been that great, considering that none of those other crushes could even hold a flame to the one you had on choso.
But you couldn’t, because of this.
“Oh, how’s choso doing at uni?” you asked yuuji at the beginning of summer break, with a fake air of uninterest to seem suave (you’re just fooling yourself and yuuji, everyone else knows)
He blinked at you, wondering why you seemed so uninterested. shouldn’t you care? Choso is your friend after all.
“Don’t you talk to him?” he asked, and you shrugged
“A bit, but not a lot.” you responded, pushing up your shades and reclining in the chair. you usually just get messages from him asking how it’s going and if you’re doing alright, but nothing really deep, since he’s so busy with school.
“Oh. Well, he said he’s got a new girlfriend, and his studies are going well.” yuuji responds, splaying out on the pool chair, turning his face up to the blinding sun.
Your heart drops down to your stomach, and it stings much more than it actually should.
“Oh. really?” you ask, trying to keep a steady voice.
“Mhm.” He hums, completely oblivious to the internal strife you are so very obviously facing. “You know, I actually spoke to her over the phone. She’s really sweet. Her name’s yuki.” he continues, eating chips out of the bowl so casually as if he hasn’t just torn out your heart.
You know yuuji means it when he says that choso’s new girlfriend is sweet. Yuuji is an exceptional judge of character, and was always, even from a young age. He may have been oblivious sometimes, but he really did know how to make excellent friends.
An example is the friends you made in freshman year, nobara kugisaki and megumi fushiguro. You were close with both of them, but you hadn’t known them as long as you had known yuuji, so you would always be closer to him than them, but that didn’t mean you didn’t love them.
And because you trust yuuji’s sense of her, you decide that maybe it isn’t worth getting upset over, since he sounds happy with a girl that is sweet. And all in all, you have no right to be getting upset, he’s not yours and he never will be. (haha. Haha. hahahhahahaha.)
You realise you’ve been quiet for too long, and social formalities deem that you respond now, or yuuji will actually start to get suspicious, which is not what you want.
“Oh, that’s great! Do you have any pictures of her?” you ask, before realising you really really shouldn’t have asked, because you don’t want to know.
Luckily, yuuji shakes his head. “Nah. but she will visit in a couple weeks to meet dad.”
Your finger twitches slightly, and you groan internally. Oh well.
So that brings you to the predicament you are currently in. three weeks later after you find out that choso actually has a girlfriend.
It’s about 3 in the afternoon, and as usual, you’re parked next to the pool with Yuuji and megumi, but not with nobara, since she’s away shopping in france (she’s living the life, is she not?)
But the thing that’s actually bothering you, is right in front of you. In its hot, muscly glory.
Choso.
He’s been back from university for over a week now. When he came back, he had greeted you with a big hug, and a ruffle of your hair, telling you that you had grown up a lot since he had last seen you.
Oh, how the turn tables.
He’s changed, too.
Because, when he was in highschool, he had been a tall and skinny guy, but now, he’s not so skinny anymore.
He seems to have put on loads of muscle in the months he’s been away, and it almost changes the way you completely perceive him.
But god, does he look good.
Especially with the way he’s pulling himself out of the water, muscles tensing in his back, straining in his arms.
Thank you for this view. You pray to whatever kind god has presented this view to you.
And then you remember. He’s got a girl.
You practically growl in annoyance, and megumi sends you the weirdest look you’ve ever seen.
He knows too much to live.
You practically drag your eyes away from him, feeling wrong and unfair to be ogling someone else’s boyfriend, even if you have known him for much longer.
As choso walks past you to walk back into their kitchen to grab a drink, he flicks some water at you, which makes you flinch and drop the book you’ve been pretending to read.
Yuuji’s preoccupied with his phone and megumi snickers, which causes you to drag your eyes away from his back (when did you even start looking at it, my god?)
“You know, you’ve been on that page for the last twenty minutes” megumi oh so helpfully supplies, whispering just low enough that yuuji can’t hear. He leans forward towards you with a leer on his face that makes you want to slap it off his face
“I dunno what you’re talking about” you respond, picking up your book again, bringing it up to hide the flush that’s taking over your face from megumi.
You can hear him laughing.
When choso comes back from the kitchen, he’s got two glasses of iced tea in his hands. He walks back past you and you fight to keep your eyes trained on his face. Which allows you to catch the easy going smile he gives you as he passes you a glass, before settling into his pool chair which is right next to yours.
“Where’s mine?” Yuuji whines, forgetting about his game for a moment to complain.
“Yeah, what about us?” megumi chimes in with a snort.
“If you wanna drink some, get it yourself.” choso replies
This becomes a game for you and megumi. You, who tries to look at choso and admire him without anyone noticing, and megumi catching you and teasing you about it like you’re both 11.
When you do meet yuki, a couple weeks later, you realise that you can’t even hate her. She’s sweet, although she is a bit strange.
You’re all gathered around the dinner table, in the yuuji household.
Yuuji to your side, as always. Jin at the head of the table, and choso and yuki sitting opposite.
You’re directly opposite yuki, and you immediately grow to like her. She’s sweet and funny, and has a strange sense of humour.
“So, how did you guys meet?” you ask them, watching the way they seem to lean into each other. Your heart squeezes, but you hold your love for choso above your romantic interest, and if he’s truly happy, that’s all that matters to you.
She smiles, and turns to her side to look at him. There’s so much love in her eyes for a relationship that is relatively new.
“I actually met yuki in the cafe that I work in.” choso responds, smiling at you as he picks up the plate of chicken.
You smile while taking a sip of your drink, swallowing hard before you speak; “that’s cute. You write your number on her cup?” you tease, which is a lot easier than you think, because even if you love choso, his happiness means more.
“Yes, actually. She seemed so sweet and she was gorgeous and I knew I had to know her, and the next thing I know, I'm in love.” He responds with a happy smile.
Suddenly, you’re 5 again, walking down the itadori household for the first time, with your arm wrapped around choso’s as you refuse to leave him. He smiles at you and promises to wait for you.
You’re 11 and he’s sitting out of spending time with his friends to help you with your homework.
You’re 12 and he’s helping you conceal your period. You’re 12 and a half and you’re sitting on their couch, playing games with him.
You’re 16 and he’s bringing out cups of a drink for you and only you. You’re 16, and when you’ve gotten wasted from a party he asked you not to go to, he sits up with you in the bathroom, holding your hair back as you throw up, because he promised that he’ll always wait for you, and that means that he’ll always take care of you.
You’re 16, and you’re helping him get ready for his senior prom, with a girl that doesn’t deserve him, but it’s not like you think you deserve him either. You’re standing in his room, watching him throw on his black jacket, and you look at the sorry excuse of a tie he has on, and you slap his hands away as you try to fix it. He sits down for you, without you having to say something, and you walk closer to him. With his legs pressed together, it’s hard for you to reach his tie, and he realises, so he lets you step in between them. You’re focusing as hard as you can on his tie, just so your heart doesn’t speed up too much and he can hear it. He watches you intently with a smile on his face, and you feel your cheek heat up. When you finish straightening the tie up, you pat him on the shoulder, and he lets you go. You don’t want to see him walk out with the girl on his arm, so you go home early, but not before you wish him to have fun.
And you realise that as you think this, none of this will actually matter to him, because he loves her.
And that kills you, but there’s nothing you can do.
You spend the rest of dinner rather quiet, not really talking much, but also subtle enough that nobody asks you what’s wrong.
choso’s 7 and he’s opening the door to see you, in your little pigtails and your yellow dress. He’s seven and he’s promising to wait for you.
He’s 9 and he’s playing house with you even though he hates that little house that his father bought him. He’s 9 and he’s your husband in that little plastic kitchen, watching you cook with a smile on his face.
He’s 13, and while he’d rather be playing football with his friends, but he’s sitting at their dinner table helping you understand your homework, since you’re scared of getting it wrong at school.
He’s 14 and he’s worried when you spend too much time in the bathroom, texting you to ask if you’re alright. He’s 14 and he’s buying pads and new clothes for you to change into to make sure you’re comfortable.
. He’s 18 and he’s letting you fix his tie for him, even though he knows how to tie his tie, but he lets you fix it anyway. He’s got a smile on his face and he’s aware that he probably looks like an idiot, but he likes how concentrated you are on this meagre task. Once you’re done, you pat him on the shoulder and he’s confused. He wants you to see how dapper he looks with the corsage pinned to his chest, him with his tie, the way his hair is done and his suit, but when he asks yuuji where you are, yuuji tells him with a confused look on his face that you’ve already gone home. He’s 18 and he’s unable to stop watching you with a smile on his face as you yell at his brother for eating your dessert, even though he’s got a girlfriend, and that you’ve always just been his little brother’s best friend
You’re finally at uni, somewhere you’ve always waited for. You haven’t deliberately chosen the same place that choso is going to, but you’ve been joined by nobara and megumi and yuuji together, so that you are always together.
( a year or so ago) When you found out that you had gotten in, you had raced out of your house, to yuuji’s during the summer holidays, rushing through their door with the envelope.
You run past the kitchen where choso’s standing as he sips a cup of coffee, and you yell a good morning to him. All he does is laugh, a twinkle in his eye as he sips again.
You don’t pay too much attention to him because right now, something else is much more important. You stampede your way into yuuji’s room, where yuuji is on his bed, still sleeping.
You jump onto the bed, slapping yuuji awake.
“Yuuji, yuuji, yuuji yuuji” you yell loudly from excitement.
“WHAT” he groans, throwing his pillow at you, which you duck, due to your epic skills.
“I got in!” you scream happily, throwing the big fat envelope in his face.
It smacks him in the face with a loud thump and he groans in pain, looking at the envelope, before he says “congrats” and promptly turns back onto his side and goes back to sleep.
You kick him on the side, lightly, not enough to hurt, and huff angrily as you jump up from his bed, and pick up your big envelope again, tucking it into the waistband of your sweats, having not bothered to change out of your pyjamas, and walk down the stairs to the kitchen.
As you walk into the kitchen, choso looks up from his cup of coffee, and he gives you a bright smile.
“I heard from a little birdy that you got in?” he asks you, and you grin.
“Yes! I did, i’m so excited.” you tell him. “And hopefully yuuji, megumi, and nobara did too.” you continue, happy that you might be with them.
Just then, you get a message on your phone, and you pull it out.
You let out a squeal of excitement as you shove your phone under choso’s nose, showing him megumi’s text that he too, got accepted into this university.
“I take it you’re excited?” he asks you, feeling a slight pang of uneasiness when he sees how excited you are that megumi had also gotten in, but he doesn’t really know why.
“Yeah! Hopefully yuuji and nobara can also join so we won’t be without them, and then We’d also be able to see you more, as well!” you say, trying to play it off as you’re not the one who’d probably be the most excited that you could see him more.
Despite yuuji and choso being siblings, and choso caring a lot for him, they are pretty nonchalant when they haven’t seen each other for a while, but you guess that’s just sibling dynamics.
Choso feels his heart speed up in his chest, and he smiles.
“That’d be nice, for sure.” he responds, humming as he sips his coffee again.
Just then you really look at him. This is his second cup of coffee and it’s barely 9 am.
“How long have you been awake? And are you even sleeping?” you ask him, because you’re worried. Your brows furrow, and he leans in to show you, and you notice that the dark purple circles under his eyes that have always been there, are a bit darker than normal.
He sighs, and rubs his forehead before he explains; “i’ve got a paper due soon, so i’ve been working pretty hard on that.”
You frown, worried about his lack of sleep, and you push him towards getting more, because he looks tired.
Just like he promised to always look after you, you promise the same.
Just then, yuuji comes bouncing down the stairs, and he runs out to the mailbox. You realise what he’s going for so you follow, excited to see the results.
He rips open the mailbox, and sees a big envelope and he grins. You’re bouncing on your feet beside him, eager for him to open it.
But yuuji wants to open it with his big brother, so you go back in. When inside, he tears up the envelope cover and pulls out his acceptance letter, and you all celebrate.
That was over a year ago now, and you’re in your second year of college.
2 months after you joined choso’s university with megumi, nobara and yuuji, you met Ander.
He was sweet at first, and he provided a good distraction from a love you had for choso that seemed to fade the more you spent time with ander. It was really useful, because choso and yuki were everywhere you looked.
But after awhile, you were desensitised to it, so whenever you would see choso, your heart wouldn’t fill up with so much excitement anymore, but more of a, i used to like this guy.
Present tense became past tense when you thought you just didn’t love him like that anymore (lol as if), so you started treating choso a little differently, you started treating him more like you should have from the beginning, your best friend’s brother.
I mean, he noticed, but like he never ended up saying anything to you, in case of hurting your feelings or disrupting the peace he sometimes was able to make with yuki.
They were still together, but it was getting difficult. They were constantly arguing over the littlest things, and he just grew to realise he didn’t love her as much as he thought he did. But you didn’t know this for a while.
But that’s not important just now.
Ander, who you had met in your psych 101 class, had sat down next to you during the first lesson on your 3rd day at college.
You didn’t talk much for the first couple of lessons, but after a while, he was easy and simple, just what you needed at that time.
Someone that was attainable, and totally not your best friend’s brother.
Slowly, you began to get to know each other better, and in the last class of your first week, he came into class with a cup of coffee that he gave to you with his name and his number, asking for a date.
Your relationship was simple, at first. Dates were enjoyable, and you got along well enough. He was an alright kisser compared to your previous experiences.
obviously, that stuff didn’t last.
or else, this wouldn’t be about you and choso.
conflict started occuring during your fourth month together.
not physical, thankfully, you wouldn’t have stayed with him, but arguments were very common.
he wanted to go a party, but you had an exam the next day, or you weren’t feeling like it.
he never forced you to do things you didn’t want to, but he did get annoyed, and also got petty.
you don’t want to go to a party with him? he’ll talk about it none stop, and about the amount of people that came up to him asking where you were.
you can’t go out cuz you have to study? he’ll tell you about the number of girls that hit on him, before he’d say, ‘obviously, i told them i was taken’. and you’d stare at him, like, do you want a reward for remaining loyal?
but you thought you loved him, and that was what was important to you.
nobara hated him, and she told you multiple times that he was a pig.
and megumi got into arguments with him all the time, about the dumbest thing. for example, ander would want you to wear flashier, nicer and more revealing, but megumi would cut in, telling him that you could dress how you pleased, and there was nothing. he could do about it.
and yuuji? yuuji couldn’t even bear to stay in the same room as him, which was why you didn’t end up spending a lot of time with yuuji. it was some of the worst time of your life.
choso, who had met him, thought he seemed alright, but he had heard about what yuuji said about him, so he was wary.
the first time they met, you noticed how opposite they were. choso was taller, more attractive to you, and he just made ander pale in comparison.
you worried about the way it may have seemed like you were using ander, but you really didn’t have any feelings for choso, and ander was who you liked. When they first met, choso shook his hand hard, smacking his hand down on ander’s shoulder like a father would do to his daughter’s boyfriend, and he stared him right in the eye.
ander, slightly intimated, leaned backwards as choso whispered, just loud enough for all of you to hear; “you better take care of her.”
you roll your eyes, having seen this protective older brother routine before, and you step in, pushing choso’s hand off his shoulder and breaking his grip on ander’s hand, pushing him away from ander.
“that’s enough.” you’d said, pushing ander into the next room before you turned back to choso, who shakes his head at you.
“i don’t like him.” he tells you, and you get annoyed at him, for the first time.
“you don’t have to like him.” you snap back, “it doesn’t matter.”
choso and you never talk about his distate for ander again.
You’ve ended up at some frat party that nobara’s dragged all of you to.
you were originally supposed to go with ander, but considering how he had a last minute study group meeting, you told him that you didn’t mind, and he could go ahead to his study group while you would stay home.
nobara somehow caught wind of this, burst into your room while you were sititng at your desk with a frown on her face.
“thought you had date night with ander?” she asks, throwing herself onto your bed.
“something wtih his study group came up”. You respond, pushing away from your desk to turn and look at her on your bed.
“…at 9 pm on a friday?” she asks, her frown etching deeper into her face.
“i guess so.” you respond, knowing how weird that might sound to her, but you don’t want to bring it up.
“well,” she slaps her knees like an old grandma, pushing herself up to her feet. “I’ll be right back. we’re going to that party anyway.”
you sigh, knowing better than try to convince nobara to change her mind once she’s gotten her mind hooked onto something.
you watched, bemused as nobara sprints out the room, laughing to yourself when you hear her footsteps sprint down the hall of the dorms.
soon enough, nobara’s back. Dressed in a short red dress, she throws a gold fabric at your face, which, because you don’t expect it, smacks you right in the face with it. you pull it away from your face to have a proper look at it.
standing up, you push past to go change into it, giving her an annoyed look.
it’s a gold dress with spaghetti straps that stops right below the middle of your thigh. it’s a pretty little dress, and you sigh when you see yourself in the mirror. because this will forever be your favourite look.
nobara is dragging you through the crowds of a party in a frat house, towards the center, where you can easily spot megumi’s glowery face and yuuji’s beam from the opposite side of the room. the contrast between the two really stands out, with people avoiding megumi, keeping a circle of space around him, while they crowd around yuuji.
nobara goes to yuuji, while you stand next to megumi.
“he drag you here?” you ask megumi, taking the drink he passes you. you take a sniff. no alcohol, just how you wanted it.
“yea. Is that nobara’s dress?” megs asks you, gesturing vaguely to the gold fabric on your skin.
you nod in response as you scan the room, to see who’s there. you see friends from classes that you take, and previous classmates from old lessons.
and then you notice him.
there’s the sound of a plastic cup crunching, and it’s only when you feel a cold substance running down your hand, you realise it’s yours.
ander has his hand on a girl’s waist, and they’re walking up the stairs to someone’s bedroom. They’re close enough to not look innocent, and your suspicions are confirmed when he leans in to kiss her with a familiarity that tells you that this is not the first time.
you don’t even say anything, and you just stare.
megumi trails off in the middle of something he was saying and he turns to look at you, his eyes following your line of sight.
it takes him a second, but he gets there. “..what the fuck.” he growls, throwing his drink to the side as he marches forward.
your arm shoots out to stop him, and he pauses, looking at you with confusion.
you shake your head, just turning around to sit down.
megumi follows you, and yuuji and nobara finally seem to notice something is wrong.
they crowd around you, nobara taking the drink out of your hand as she follows your line of sight, just in time to see the back of ander’s head and a girl as they walk into the bedroom.
“oh that bitch.” nobara all but grumbles, miming pushing up her sleeves before she sets off on his direction.
“no.” you say, rather quietly, before you seem to crumble, tears coming to your eyes as you rest your head in your hands, curled up on the sofa.
there’s a dip in the couch as yuji sits next to you, bringing you close to him, and resting your head on his shoulder.
they all crowd around you, telling you how much of an asshole he is , and nobara tells you she can fuck up his car if you wanted.
that gets a laugh out of you, and you manage to smile at them, while still shaking your head. he’s not worth it, you think, and it makes you feel better already.
the rest of the night is a big blur, as you struggle to make sense of things. Ander, cheating?
it makes sense, in some way, but at the same time it doesn’t. what had gone wrong? (Arguments, disagreements)
you don’t even want to think about him anymore, so with a quick text of “don’t ever talk to me again, we’re done”, and you were a free lady.
you wake up the next day with a pounding headache, not from alcohol but from tears and a stressful evening, to a knock on your door.
you groan, throwing your blankets off of your body as you stumble to the door with a grimace on your face.
forgetting that you’re still wearing last night’s clothes, save for your makeup, you open the door to see choso.
it’s been a while since you last saw him, the two year school difference has made him so busy in preparation for his graduation, he’s been working so hard with his part time job and his studying.
he looks..different, in some way. Tired but happy. You’ve seen him around on campus, and you have texted him a lot, just messaging about school and work and life.
“yuuji told me.” he says in form of a greeting, shaking his head while you step back to let him in. he looks you up and down in your tight gold dress and he averts his eyes, which is what makes you realise that you’re still wearing the same thing from yesterday night.
“he moves fast.” you say in response, as a way to stop yourself from worrying too much about how you look. there’s not much that you can do now.
“I should have known.” he says. you look up at him, confused, before he sighs and continues; “about ander, i mean. I didn’t like him when I first met him.”
“well, you weren’t the only one.” you say, pulling out an oversized shirt out from your drawer, putting it over the gold dress.
he steps over to your desk, setting something down you haven’t noticed before, a pack of food. the scent wafts over to your nose, and you let out a happy squeal when you realise it’s your favourite food.
he smiles, glad to see that you’re not too upset, but it quickly drops off his face as soon as he remembers why you should be upset in the first place.
“thanks.” you mumble out through a mouthful of food. he waves you off, telling you not to worry about it.
“are you sure you’re alright? I can have a word with him if you need.” He raises his eyebrows when he mentions having ‘a word’ with ander, and you get what he means.
“no, it’s alright. he’s not worth it.” you say, swallowing the food.
“thanks for being here.” you say.
“anytime. I’m always here if you need me.” he says, ruffling the hair on your head in endearment.
sitting down at your desk, he takes a bite from a bowl he’s bought for himself.
“is there anything that you need from me?” choso asks, still looking really worried for you.
“i promise, I’ll be alright.” you respond.
there’s a silence, but it’s not uncomfortable, but rather it’s quite enjoyable, and feels right.
Leaning back in your chair when you're done, you turn to look at CHOSO, surprised to notice that he'd already been staring at you before hand
He gives you a tentative smile that looks like he's relieved that you're alright.
"Thanks for checking up on me." You say again, standing up to throw away the trash of the food he'd brought for you, and when you're about to reach for his plate, your arm reaching past him, he grabs ahold of you softly, standing up as he does so while he hugs you.
Your arms immediately wrap around his waist, and his chin rests upon your head. He's got a firm hold of you, but you feel content to be there.
You let out a sigh, and you can feel the tears beginning to prick at the corner of your eyes. You needed this. Not from choso specifically, but you just needed this.
after awhile, he lets go, his hands gripping your forearms as he stares at you, realising that you've almost cried again. One hand cupping your jaw, and the other hand reaches up, and he uses a thumb wipes away a stray tear that you didn't realise had escaped.
"Don't cry" he tells you, brushing back some of your hair. "He's not good enough for you." He tells you again, echoing the words that he had told you the first time he met ander.
You let out a wet chuckle, glad to have his support.
you step back from his embrace, and the hand that was cupping your jaw falls limply to his side.
you end up just staring at each other, his deep set, purple eyes meeting your eyes.
unable to stop yourself, you frown at the familiar twinge in your chest.
‘no, no no no’ you think, this isn’t good at all. you can’t do this again, and not so quickly, either.
but the heart wants what the heart wants. at least it’s building up slowly and not all at once.
Suddenly, you’re 5 again, walking down the itadori household for the first time, with your arm wrapped around choso’s as you refuse to leave him. He smiles at you and promises to wait for you.
You’re 11 and he’s sitting out of spending time with his friends to help you with your homework.
You’re 12 and he’s helping you conceal your period. You’re 12 and a half and you’re sitting on their couch, playing games with him.
You’re 16 and he’s bringing out cups of a drink for you and only you. You’re 16, and when you’ve gotten wasted from a party he asked you not to go to, he sits up with you in the bathroom, holding your hair back as you throw up, because he promised that he’ll always wait for you, and that means that he’ll always take care of you.
You’re 16, and you’re helping him get ready for his senior prom, with a girl that doesn’t deserve him, but it’s not like you think you deserve him either. You’re standing in his room, watching him throw on his black jacket, and you look at the sorry excuse of a tie he has on, and you slap his hands away as you try to fix it. He sits down for you, without you having to say something, and you walk closer to him. With his legs pressed together, it’s hard for you to reach his tie, and he realises, so he lets you step in between them. You’re focusing as hard as you can on his tie, just so your heart doesn’t speed up too much and he can hear it. He watches you intently with a smile on his face, and you feel your cheek heat up. When you finish straightening the tie up, you pat him on the shoulder, and he lets you go. You don’t want to see him walk out with the girl on his arm, so you go home early, but not before you wish him to have fun.
you’re 20, crying over a stupid ex boyfriend that cheated on you, when choso is the one there to support you. at the word of a friend, he’s ready to be there for you, and knows how to make sure you’re feeling better and understanding your worth. he’s there for physical comfort, and for anything that you may possibly need. it’s the most calm you’ve felt in months, in his arms. He makes sure that you’re as alright as you can possibly be.
choso’s at a party he doesn’t want to be at.
some of his friends had dragged him out of his room, after he had apparently spent too much time studying for his finals soon.
in the middle of a conversation with a girl that’s come up to him to try to hit on him. he’s pretty absentmindly talking to her, as he doesn’t want to be mean, because he knows her well enough that she’s super sweet, he’s just not interested in her.
for some reason, he looks away from the girl for a moment, to the door. the sight that greets him makes him freeze in the middle of his sentence.
it’s you.
he feels like there’s no more breath in his lungs, because you look absolutely gorgeous. he hasn’t felt like this looking at any girl since he broke up with yuki.
you’re wearing a gold dress that compliments you so well, he might just cry. it’s not like he hasn’t seen you for awhile, but something’s just more obviously different now.
he’s standing there with his mouth gaped wide open, long enough for the girl he’s talking to to notice what’s going on.
she lets out a little laugh, a little disappointed, pats him on the shoulder, and walks away.
he only jolts out of his reverie when he feels her pat his shoulder, and he manages to straighten up.
he’s just about to come and talk to you when he sees you crumble, and he’s filled with confusion. he sees your friends support you and take you away. he stands in the middle of the party for ages, torn between wanting to go support you and wanting to give you space.
he understands soon though, why you’re so upset.
ander’s just come out of a bedroom upstairs by himself, with his hair messed up, and a dopey look on his face.
choso knows immediately what he’s been doing, so he marches through the throng of the party to go confront him.
ander’s up against the wall before he can even realise what’s happening.
“what-what-” ander splutters pathetically.
choso’s mad. he’s mad, mad.
“what the fuck have you done?” choso snarls, all up in ander’s personal space. the party quiets down as all eyes are on choso and ander.
“wha are you talking about??” ander tears up, scared for his own safety.
“you know what.”
“she- she doesn’t give me what i want” ander answers. choso slams his hand above ander’s head, which causes ander to flinch.
“you don’t deserve her. you never did. If i ever hear you go near her again, you’re going to regret it.” choso says, before he pushes away from the wall, not even waiting to hear ander’s response.
that is what brings him be standing outside your room the next morning, before he knocks carefully.
he’s got your favourite food in a way to make you feel better, and he’s ready to give you as much support as you may need.
he hears a groan, and the rustling of bed covers, and then the sound of steps on carpet, before he hears the door unlocking, and he’s greeted with you.
you look gorgeous, having just woken up. he notices that you’re still in your golden dress from last night.
“yuuji told me” he says in a form of greeting, in a way to pretend that he didn’t see everything that happened last night.
he sees your initial confusion, but then he sees how you seem to shrink in on yourself.
he walks in and you both talk, and he asks multiple times if you’re sure that you’re okay.
after you finish eating, you reach over him to get his bowl to throw away, but before he even knows it, he’s standing and he’s got you in his arms, and everything feels so unbelievably right.
there’s nowhere else he wants to be now, because he has you in his arms, with his chin on your head, he can smell the perfume you were wearing from last night.
and it makes him think back;
choso’s 7 and he’s opening the door to see you, in your little pigtails and your yellow dress. you shine so bright, he’s reminded of the sun. He’s seven and he’s promising to wait for you.
He’s 9 and he’s playing house with you even though he hates that little house that his father bought him. He’s 9 and he’s your husband in that little plastic kitchen, watching you cook with a smile on his face.
He’s 13, and while he’d rather be playing football with his friends, but he’s sitting at their dinner table helping you understand your homework, since you’re scared of getting it wrong at school.
He’s 14 and he’s worried when you spend too much time in the bathroom, texting you to ask if you’re alright. He’s 14 and he’s buying pads and new clothes for you to change into to make sure you’re comfortable.
. He’s 18 and he’s letting you fix his tie for him, even though he knows how to tie his tie, but he lets you fix it anyway. He’s got a smile on his face and he’s aware that he probably looks like an idiot, but he likes how concentrated you are on this meagre task. Once you’re done, you pat him on the shoulder and he’s confused. He wants you to see how dapper he looks with the corsage pinned to his chest, him with his tie, the way his hair is done and his suit, but when he asks yuuji where you are, yuuji tells him with a confused look on his face that you’ve already gone home. He’s 18 and he’s unable to stop watching you with a smile on his face as you yell at his brother for eating your dessert, even though he’s got a girlfriend, and that you’ve always just been his little brother’s best friend.
but now, choso’s 22. and you’re 20. and he is finally starting to realise that he’s always seen you differently than to how he’s seen, say nobara. as yuuji’s best friend, and younger than him by two years, he understands that there will be more of a difficulty to be having the two of you together, as a couple. Not because of the age gap, which isn’t too much, but because of yuuji’s reaction, and the history that you’ve had between the two of you already. but he’s willing to try.
months later, you’re finally over the betrayal of ander.
with the support of your friends, and choso, you’ve managed to be better than you ever were.
choso has been great, recently.
he’s been spending loads of time with you, whether just hanging out and watching some of your favourite childhood movies again together, or studying together.
and you’ve finally realised, that you love choso again. well, to be more accurate, you never stopped, and it was more of a hiatus, but you are getting better in accepting it.
sometimes, when you’re a little bored, you dream of the idea of choso loving you too. you read too much into actions, and you blush when he does something sweet. and suddenly, the idea of him loving you back, doesn’t seem so farfetched. (THATS BECAUSE IT ISNT????)
it’s during a holiday of your second year of university, when it happens.
you’d woken up that morning with a strong desire to go lie by the pool, and by deciding to do so, you decide to go over to the itadori/kamo household to go enjoy the sun with yuuji.
you’re dressed up in your swimwear, and you’ve decided to put on a yellow dress, before you’re ready to go over to yuuji’s.
for once, the door’s locked for some reason, so you result to knocking and ringing the door bell. you stand there, waiting for someone to come open the door, when you hear choso yell out “hold on!” as there is a sound of someone sliding over to the door.
the door unlocks with a click, and he opens it to see you, and you can see the immediate change in his face.
at first he had an easygoing smile, the one he usually looks at you with, but for some reason, this time it dropped away to a dumbfounded look, where he seemed to be a little out of breath.
after a minute of him just staring at you, and looking you up and down, you ask him; “…choso…are you okay?” you ask him, a little worried. do you look weird? does whatever you’re wearing not suit you?
he seems to be having some sort of internal struggle, you just stand there awkwardly, a little worried, when he reaches for you and pulls you into his embrace, closing the door behind you. you stand in his arms, hands resting on his chest as he just stares at you.
“you’re beautiful, you know?” he tells you, pushing back a strand of your hair behind your ear.
the words make you freeze, and your heart is thumping in your chest like the rhythm of the tango.
"what?" you say, which is super suave and sooo slick and it makes him laugh a little, which makes you feel like you're glowing, just because you managed to make him laugh. it's always been like this. making him laugh or smile was a little victory in itself, and you could feel good for an entire day alone just from making him laugh.
his hand moves to rest on your waist, and he lets out a little sigh.
"this yellow dress." he sighs, with happiness , you think. he is toying with the fabric, rolling it over and over in between his fingers.
you look at him in confusion, trying to ignore the hammering in your chest. something similar is going on in choso's heart, but you don't know that.
"it's the same color as the one you wore on the first day we met." he finishes, letting out a small smile as he reminisces.
you try to think back to when you were 5, but you're unable to remember much, just remembering that you just basically pounced on choso. you can trace your admiration for him all the way back to then, and it makes you cringe. you should have been more nonchalant, but maybe being nonchalant really isn't your strong suit.
"oh. you remember?" you breathe out, rather raggedly as he stares into your eyes.
"i remember everything." he says, and you notice his eyes flicker to your lips, and then back up to your eyes. almost subconsciously, you lick your lips, wetting them, and his eyes flicker back down again. "i remember everything that you do." he continues, his voice low.
The house is quiet all around you, but if a bomb went off nearby, you probably wouldn't even notice, because all that matters right now, is choso. he is what is surrounding you, and he is what matters.
you feel some sort of dopamine rush that only ever appears when you're with choso, because he always just knows what you need, and that means right now, that he knows that you really, really need him to kiss you.
and so he does, because he's always ready to give you anything you need. the kiss is hot and heavy, and breathing isn't even on your mind right now, because choso completely occupies all your thoughts. he crushes you to his chest, his hand resting on the dip of your back, and your hands are clutching onto his shirt, scrunching it tightly.
his fingers grip on your jaw, not painfully, but enough to keep you firmly in place where he wants you. You're feeling like everything that has happened in all the years that you've known him has lead to this moment, because god, this is more than anything you've imagined before, because it's so much better.
his lips are soft, but they are still firm on your own, and you're kissing back with so much vigour, and your hands are in his hair and he's supporting you while you melt.
somewhere in the distance, you hear a door open and close, and some part of your brain is telling you that maybe you should break apart so you can breathe, but he's just pushed you up against the wall, and it feels way too good.
which is a bad decision, because the next thing you know you're hearing a loud "WHAT THE FUCK." from yuuji.
a/n: guys wtf this took so long im so sorry. i said i would have it out ages ago. help me. anyway here it is sorry it took so long!
likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated!!! hope you enjoyed.
‘fuck, fuck, fuck’ you’re whispering as you run up the stairs, back to the common room. you barge into hermione’s room, glad to see that she’s already lying on her bed.
she rises to see who it is, and immediately drops her book as you stumble towards her.
“what- what’s wrong?” she asks you, worry etched into her face.
it’s only then you’re vaguely aware of the tears on your face, and you can taste the salt on your lips.
you flop down face first on her bed, and scream into it.
you aren’t too sure what you’re going to do now, especially after this moment.
once you’re able to control yourself, and after hermione manages to roll you over so that you’re staring up at the ceiling, do you sigh and begin to tell her everything.
hermione sits there and listens, giving you the support that you weren’t aware that you needed so badly. she listens attentively, nodding every so often as to let you know that she’s still listening, despite her silence.
once you’ve finished recounting, you hang your head, hodling your hands to your face.
“why didn’t you just tell him?” you hear her ask you, and when you look at her, she’s staring back at you intensely, and you can’t tell why you feel slightly embarrassed.
“i can’t. I can’t face that rejection. I’ve been friends with him so long, i don’t know how i would deal with that.” you respond, voice hoarse.
she hums.
“you don’t know his answer.” she finally says, after a moment of silence, before she scoots closer to you, your shoulders touching, before you lay your head on her shoulder.
“i do. if it was going to work out in my favour he wouldn’t have waited so long to bring it up to me. or do everything that he did.” you try to explain lamely.
“you don’t know that. George isn’t a very confrontational person by nature. the only times he ever gets back at someone for something they did is when they’ve done it to other people, not him. he’s a prankster by nature, but he’s not all that outgoing.” she points out.
you don’t really notice that you’ve shaken your head until you hear her sigh.
“look, y/n.” she begins, and you know you’re not going to enjoy this, “i think you should have told him. i’ve said this from the beginning. your feelings are probably reciprocated. you haven’t seen the way he looks at you like everyone else has.”
you don’t realise you even huffed when she cuts you off before you even speak; adding on that, “no seriously, remember when harry was needing your help during their end of year exams? and how he kept sticking to your side? George was in a huff for the entire exam period, constantly glaring daggers at harry.”
you sigh, shaking your head again. “he was probably just annoyed of seeing harry all the time, and plus, wasn’t that when harry and ron were arguing again?” you try to explain.
you let out a little laugh, before saying; “i mean, i’d love to think that he cared for me the same way i care for him, but realistically, i don’t think that’s possible. plus, isn’t he super into angelina bell?”
“what’s the worst that would happen if he found out that you liked him?” she tries.
“uhhh, he hates me and never talks to mee again because he feels disgusted??” you respond, trying to seem lighthearted, but the mere thought of it is painful.
hermione stares at you, a frown on her face before she shakes her head. (there’s a lot of head shaking going on.) she realises that she won’t win against your self delusion and negativity, so she just tries to make you feel better instead.
the next few days are hard to get through.
you try your darned best to avoid the crap out of george, and it’s effective enough that even oblivious little harry is able to tell.
it starts off with you darting into a different hall, or empty classroom you see george in the halls.
you switched seats, so you were sitting with katie instead, as soon as classes that you had with george ended, you ducked out, running to your next one, often forgetting your friends behind as well.
avoiding him in the dining hall was a bit harder. you had to wake up a bit earlier in the mornings so you could get food, and everytime you saw him coming in, you’d have to shove what was left on your plate into your mouth, and then get running.
finally, on a sunday morning, fred corners you in the common room, when you’ve just come up from breakfast. luckily, (or unluckily, as you still feel a pang of sadness when you realise you haven’t seen george in forever) george isn’t with him, so you have a peace of mind. (YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF YOU LOOK LIKE A SAD LITTLE PUPPY)
“what’s wrong with you.” fred merely states, rather than asking you a question.
“i don’t know what you mean.” you respond, monotonous, and avoiding eye contact, as he looks so much like george you still hurt inside, but he and fred are still so different.
“you’ve been moping like a kicked puppy, and you’ve been avoiding george, so you’re both just moping, and he looks like he wants to end himself.” fred responds, eyes narrowing.
you sigh, before simply stating, “i can’t deal with my feelings, and he confronted me and i can’t deal with it.”
freds eyes somehow manage to narrow further, looking at you suspiciously. “everyone knows you’re in love with each other.”
“we aren’t. at least i am and he isn’t.” you respond simply, sighing as you close your eyes and rub them with your hand.
fred pulls your hand away from your face, and peers into your eyes, not letting go of your hand, he takes it and uses it to lightly slap yourself.
“are. you . dumb.?” he enunciates with each slap. it’s not painful, but its enough for you to fight back against him.
“what, fred.” you manage to snap out.
“he wants you so bad.” fred tells you.
“no he doesn’t”
“yes he does.”
“no he doesn’t”
“yes he does”
“no-”
“oh my gosh i am not doing this with you. he wants you, he’s in love with you, and he’s totally going to kill me for telling you this but i cannot stand this anymore.”
“what?” you ask, a little worried, which is kind of an understatement, as your heart is literally pounding in your chest.
“he is sooooo down bad for you.” fred says, shaking you by your shoulders.
“no.” you respond simply. you want to believe it, you do, but it doesn’t really make any sense.
“what-? …yes he is. i would not be telling you this if i was not the one who had listened to him complain for the entire two months every summer about how much he missed your ass.” fred asserts, continuing to shake you. you’re getting dizzy, so you have to step out of his grip.
“he what?” is your oh so genius response, as you struggle to maintain your composure, dizzy from being shaken and this revelation.
“he wants to kiss you and date you and profess his stupid undying love for his best friend who likes him back but you are dumb and keep trying to run away from him?” fred’s peering at you intensely, before he sighs. “i think it’s better if you hear this from him, so would you please do all of us a favour and just stop running? he’ll probably be on the quidditch pitch now so please please please go talk to him. he’s been working to the bone on the pitch because of you.”
you can’t even give fred a response, your brain is running a mile a minute.
you don’t process that your feet are even moving until you’re out of the castle until the cold hits you. you keep going anyway, until you see a little red blob in the distance, above the quidditch pitch.
as you make your way to the quidditch pitch you’re able to see that the little blob that was just a speck of red in the distance is slowly descending, until you realise its just george.
you break into a run, and as you’re getting close you can see the confusion on his face just before you collide into him, hugging him tight.
“what’s wrong?” he asks, the worried is etched onto his face. he processes that you’re not wearing a jumper, and you’re just in a thin top and jeans. “aren’t you cold? why aren’t you wearing a jumper?” he demands of you as he tries to warm you up, his warm hands rubbing up and down your arms.
“i’m sorry,” comes tumbling out your mouth, as you pull back from the hug. there’s a loss of warmth, and only then you shiver.
the lines of worry on his face smooth out, and he lets out a little sigh. “it’s alright, but please please don’t do that again, it was really horrible.”
you shake your head, your apology seems insignificant. it doesn’t seem like enough.
“i’m really sorry.” you repeat.
“it’s okay.” he asserts, and he picks his broom off the floor as he pulls you close.
“let’s go back in. you must be freezing.” he just says, and the walk back to the castle is mainly quiet. but it’s a good quiet, because you’re happy enough just to spend time with him. you realise you should probably bring up the candy gram incident, but you just don’t know what to do.
it’s as he leaves your side for a moment to set his broom back in the broom cupboard, when you finally muster up the courage. you’re watching him as he sets his broom down gently before you blurt it out.
“about the candy gram-” you start, before he interrupts.
“it’s okay. it was a joke i get it.” he says, as you watch him from the door frame of the cupboard. he’s deliberately avoiding making eye contact, but you need to get over this now or else you never will and fred will also probably commit murder if he was being honest.
“it wasn’t.” you manage to squeak out.
he spins around, and he’s completely silent, as if he wants you to keep on talking, or to explain yourself, or to burst out laughing that you’re just joking again.
“it wasn’t a joke.” there. you said it.
“it was never a joke. I couldn’t say it outright, so i was looking for a way that was less obvious, and when professor Mcgonagall came up with the idea, it seemed like a good idea to get my feelings out and finally get a break. i just didn’t think you’d realise who it was.” you finish, before you finally look up from where you were staring at the ground.
you didn’t hear him come closer to you as you were too stressed out, but now he’s standing close, too close. close enough that if you just leaned forward by a bit, you could touch him.
you look up at him, and the way he’s looking at you has you breathless.
“of course i realised it was you. I know what your handwriting looks like. i’ve sat next to you for years, and we’ve traded so many notes that i’ve saved over the years that i could copy your handwriting without even looking at it. i notice everything you do, even the things you don’t notice you do. you mean the world to me, far beyond what a best friend would be. i want to be more, and it’s something i’ve craved for so long.”
if you thought you were breathless before, you are definitely breathless now. you look at him, searching, searching his face for something that could just show how much he actually means it, or something that’d give it away that he’s not being serious. but you can’t find anything because he’s so earnest.
you know you need to say something, but you’re just searching for something perfect to say in response to the absolute poetry that he’s just sprouted, but the only thing that falls from your parted lips is a squeaked “really?”. it’s embarrassing, so you flush.
he laughs at that, and pulls you in by the loops of your jeans, so that you’re pressed up against him. he leans in close to you, his lips a fraction from yours. you can feel his hot breath fan over your cheek and you shiver, because its a stark contrast to the cold dreich weather outside.
he’s emanating warmth, and everything you’ve ever wanted. he finally leans in and… kisses your forehead, before he’s stepping away.
you’re left standing there confused and annoyed, before he sees the disappointment on your face before he laughs, pulling you in again, and giving you what he knows you both want.
it’s a kiss that’s hard and soft, and he lulls you into some sort of rhythm that’s just addicting, and you sigh happily into his mouth, and you can feel the way he smiles against you.
“you’re not funny.” you mutter, when he finally pulls away.
“i’m hilarious.” he laughs and you can’t stop fight against the smile that’s breaking out across your face, before he kisses it again.
“you wish.” you manage to get out, when he’s done.
“you love me.” he teases, and you don’t respond to it, which makes him smile even harder. you’re walking off without him, trying so hard to not start laughing out of giddiness. he stands there with a smile so big that he knows you can’t see, before he runs up to catch up with you.
he pulls you in close as he walks you back to the castle together, his hands clasped with yours naturally, and you think to yourself that you have a lot of lost time to catch up on.
later on, you’re tucked into george’s side in the common room as you warm up near the fire. his arm’s around your shoulder, and when fred comes in through the portrait, and his eyes land on the two of you together, you’re able to hear a sigh of relief coming from him.
“it’s about time. i was going to go insane from all the negative tension. why did it take so long?” fred complains, falling into the couch across from you.
you both look at each other, and without a response, you both look at him with a smile.
@aceofspades190 @mirkwoodshewolf @blackqueengold @serenablamelessheart. @hooneeyydroops (sorry wasn't sure if u wanted to be tagged so if not im sorry)
you've been in love with george for almost as long as you've known him.
that makes 6 years. and for the last 5, you've been in love with him.
valentines' day is around the corner. and you think it's a great idea to send him a candy gram anonymously.
a/n - no valentines this year so i thought id finally lock in and give some of yall a treat! hope u enjoy + pls interact!
George Weasley is one of your favourite people ever. He's sweet, funny and kind when he wants to be. So, many girls you know have a crush on him. So do you. It's kind of a pain, most of the time. He's your best friend, you're so integrated into his family, the burrow is your second home. Molly loves you, and so does the rest of the family.
George and Fred are both large parts of your daily life. You're one of the only people who are able to tell them apart. They look exactly the same, but you're able to tell a difference. You're not even entirely sure how you know, but you just know.
Classes with the two are entertaining, you sitting between the two on a bench, stifled giggles can be heard throughout the classroom, and are a constant in every class you have with the twins. You're closest with George, having become friends in first year when you were placed next to him in potions after snape had enough of the twins sitting together.
Although it wasn't till second year before you realised you cared about george beyond a friend should. A constant figure in your mind, and a constant figure in your life, he invaded every moment of your life.
it wasn't like he did it on purpose. he was just everywhere you turned. In the hallways, laughing with fred while they made fun of Ron, next to you in classes, sitting across from you in the great hall at feeding times, and during the holidays when he'd send you constant letters on updates of things he and his brother made in their room. You were invited over a lot, but obviously you had to spend some time with your family before you went over to the burrow.
You had lived with these feelings for years, not many knew. Fred didn't, so George didn't. Hermione seemed to be the only one that knew, and it was only because of her intelligence was she able to figure out. 5th year was honestly the worst. Your O.W.Ls were coming around, and you had the stupid pink toad umbridge for a teacher. she was a pain in the ass, constantly punishing students for practically no reason.
Because McGonagall understood how everyone was in low spirits, she introduced the muggle idea of candy grams. There were some students who found them stupid since they derived from muggles, but you wanted to try it. So, on the fourteenth of february, you bought one. Sent it to George. left it anonymous, because you just wanted him to know someone out there liked him.
you regretted sending that damn candy gram not even 20 minutes later, the moment he came bounding into the common room with a pesky grin on his face, yelling out your name.
"what?" you said as you looked up from your book.
he shoved the paper under your nose, effectively poking you in the eyes with the corner of the paper. "look! someone sent me a candy gram." he grinned at you.
"congrats?" you say, trying to keep your cool, hoping that he couldn't tell that you were the one that wrote it. You didn't want to lose his friendship. It really meant too much to you, and you'd probably rather die than lose him.
"do you not get the significance of this moment?" he clutched his chest dramatically.
"i refuse to believe someone actually has a crush on you. You're such a menace to society." you tell him, rolling your eyes, trying to keep yourself together and not end up screaming and running away.
There's a knowing glint in his eyes that you don't seem to notice, but he doesn't respond or comment on anything. He shoves the note under your nose again, forcing you to read it.
"Dearest George,
I hope this note finds you well. I couldn't keep these feelings hidden any longer, but I must remain anonymous for now. Over the years, I've cherished our friendship more than words can express. But it's evolved into something deeper, something I can't deny.
You've become the light of my life, and I can't help but feel a love that goes beyond friendship. If one day, you discover who I am and feel the same way, I'll be waiting, ready to take a chance for us.
Until then, I remain in secrecy.
sincerely and with love,
a secret admirer"
he reads out by heart, as if he's memorised the entire thing already. you gape at him, not knowing what you're actually supposed to say right now. nothing has prepared you for this moment.
"well?" he demands, plopping his weight down on the cushion next to you.
"well what?" you ask him, slightly flushed from having a love note you've written read out to you by the person you like.
"what do you think? who do you think it is?" he questions you, bombarding you with several questions when you're still trying to process what possessed you to send him the candy gram in the first place.
"man, i don't know." you tell him, shrugging, turning back to your book, trying to move the topic on.
"oh come on y/n! help me out here! I'm your best friend..." he whines, dropping his head in your lap. It's a common habit of his, invading your personal space, but let's be honest, you don't mind in the slightest.
"what do you want me to do?" you sigh. He always has a way of making you crumble. He beams instantly, Sitting upright again, almost head butting you and giving you a lovely little concussion.
"help me find out who it is!" he responds with a cheeky grin.
"why, george? are you going to make fun of them or something?" you sigh tiredly, really wanting him to give up on this, but you know how he is. once he starts, it's hard to get him to stop.
"because, what if she's hot?" he wiggles his eyebrows at you, and you can't help but crack a smile at his simplicity.
"just because she might be hot? What if she's super ugly? What will you do then?" You tease him, but you do want to know what he's going to do when he finds out it was you, and crushes his hopes of it being Angelina Johnson.
"I know she's pretty." he responds in retaliation.
"how do you know?" you challenge, raising your eyebrow at him as you question your own sanity for liking someone like him.
"It's a gut feeling." he shrugs his shoulders, before standing up from the couch, offering you his hand to pull you up. you set your book down with a sad sigh, accepting his hand as he pulls you up. His hand envelops yours easily, as if they fit together, and his hands are a nice kind of warm, warm enough to make you feel happy, but not warm enough to make you clammy and sweaty. the perfect balance.
he's a lot stronger than you give him credit for, and he pulls you up easily, till you're standing almost chest to chest, well more like head to chest, since he's so much taller than you. If you looked up at him, you would be close enough to kiss. His smell envelopes you, a rich smell of freshly upturned grass and the smell of smoke and a Christmas fire.
you clear your throat abruptly, and the pair of you spring apart. you're avoiding eye contact with george, but if you looked at him you would see how the tips of his ears are red enough to match the colour of his hair.
You get a strange look from the other people in the common room, and fred, who's been close enough to hear the entire conversation, grins at what he's just realised.
He lets out a light chuckle, and you turn to look at him, raising your eyebrow. He shrugs and grins. George's deliberately avoiding eye contact, looking everywhere but you. Fred laughs louder, to the point where he needs to lean on the edge of a couch to prevent himself from falling over.
George pauses, looks at you, before he grins. "You can start helping me tomorrow." He says, before bouncing away, out of the portrait hole. Fred laughs even louder. You turn to him again, before frowning.
"what?" you ask him. It sets him off again, he only stops laughing when he starts coughing.
Fred holds up his finger, and you wait till he regains his composure. He takes another look at you before it sets him off again. You groan.
"I think i know who sent my dear brother the candy gram." He says, wiping a tear away from his eye with his index.
"oh yeah? who?" you ask. Your heart's thumping in your ears, but you're trying your best to seem calm and collected.
a smile stretches across his face, and he looks like he's planning something. "oh, my dear y/n. I do indeed. It seems the girl and i are quite close." he purrs, pulling you close into a hug. You sigh, wrapping your arms around fred.
"please don't tell him." you whisper, hiding your face into his chest. he smiles. He's viewed you as a little sister since the beginning, and he's glad you feel the same way for his brother as his brother does for you.
"i wouldn't dream of it. Unless.....?" he starts, but drifts off, not finishing the sentence.
"fred!" you whine, irritated.
"okay, okay." he laughs, pulling back from the hug, resting his hands on your shoulder, staring deep into your eyes. suddenly he goes serious, the smile dropping off his face quick.
"but seriously. If you never tell him, i'll do it eventually. You can't stay secret admirer forever, and i'm most likely going to die of frustration just watching you two." He finishes. Stepping back, plopping down onto the couch
"i shouldn't have done it fred! i don't know what i was thinking." you groan, hiding your face in his shoulder, plopping down next to him.
"well i think it was a good idea." fred says, throwing an arm carelessly across your shoulder. you groan in response, closing your eyes with a sigh.
the next couple of days are strange, to say the least. George actively seeks you out more than usual, the only topic he speaks of is his secret admirer. It's quite strange, having the object of your affections constantly speak of a romantic gesture you made toward them without them knowing. It's nice, but quite scary, to say the least.
there's the constant fear of being discovered, and when discovered, you're afraid that george is going to be disappointed that you were the one that sent it to him and not Angelina Johnson.
but whatever, you need to act as inconspicuous as possible, right? fred certainly isn't helping, constantly giggling to himself whenever the topic is brought up, while george flashes him a questioning side eye.
one day after potions lesson during lunch, you and george remain behind in the classrooms, cleaning up as a form of punishment from professor snape.
you're kneeling on the floor, cleaning up a spill from some third years. without magic. if it wasn't obvious that snape hated you beforehand, it is now.
you don't even remember what exactly it was that you did, but here you are anyway. george, who somehow got the easier task, is just sitting on a chair as he scrubs at some of the tables in the room.
"this is all your fault, george." you blame, rubbing at the persistent stain on the floor.
"how? you were the one giggling too loudly." george throws back at you. very maturely, you throw the rag you're using at his face. he blocks it, instead of hitting his face, it hits his arm with a wet 'thwump'.
'hey!" he complains at you, throwing it back at you. you duck out of the way, and it hits the wall behind you with another wet sound.
you turn to stare at where it went, and you look back at him, before you burst out into giggles together.
suddenly, you hear the sounds of footsteps, and knowing snape, you stumble to get the rag and go back the stain, rubbing at it with the best of your ability.
you hear the sound of the door groaning on its hinges as it slams open, revealing a disgruntled and angry prof snape.
“i thought. i heard laughter.” he drawls in his cold and distatched tone, the corner of his mouth turning down in distaste.
“no, professor. we wouldn’t dare. Perhaps it was Peeves running through.” you answer, in your best imitation of a innocent student, and professor turns his eyes onto you, glaring at you with distaste.
“i’d hope not. if i hear another peep out of you both, it’s 50 points from gryffindor. each.” he teels you, before swishing around in his ridiculous cape and exiting through the door.
you both turn to each other slowly, before doubling over in silent laughter, clutching your stomach insanely.
once you’ve both managed to contain yourselves, you get back to the work you’re supposed to doing, letting the silence pass between you comfortably.
you hear a little sigh leave george’s mouth, and you turn to look at him, noticing that he’s already looking at you.
“what?” you ask him, raising your brow at him.
he flushes a red that makes his freckles stand out, and you wish so desperately to count them all at some point.
you will manage to do that at some point if you’re lucky..you’ll probably have to disguise it as some kind of friendly activity…
he avoids your eye contact and he sighs, before looking back up at you for a second, before he asks, “are you sure you don’t know who wrote the candy gram?”
your heart stutters in your chest, a little part of you feeling an intense need to run as fast and as far as possible.
“yeah. sorry, george. I promise I asked around.” you so blatantly lie, and he just kind of stares at you, and he doesn’t look impressed at all. you swear his left eye twitches a little.
after a beat of you avoiding as much eye contact with him as possible, by looking somewhere else, anywhere else from him, because he honestly scares you a little and honestly any thing to do with your emotions so obviously displayed is quite terrifying.
another moment passes by you, and you try to turn your attention back to the stain you’re scrubbing at. you begin to stand up, about to go get some more soap to make sure the stain really does get out, when you hear george call your name.
‘….you do realise I can recognise your handwriting, right? we’ve been friends for ages.” he tells you, and your head whips to him so fast, you get whiplash.
“what?” you respond, ever the poet.
“your handwriting. I know you sent me the candy gram.” he mutters, standing up to match you, stalking forwards with his eyes set on you. “why are you lying?” he asks you, stopping right in front of you.
you can’t respond. you’re frozen, mouth wide open as you gape at him. he’s very close to you now, and you feel your heart thumping in your chest. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.” you lie, walking sideways as he follows you, while you try to face the door to escape.
“i know, for sure, that it was you who sent it to me.” He asserts again, following you, not to closely as to make you uncomfortable, as he is ever the kindest soul you will ever know.
you know that you are not ready to have this conversation right now, so you feign that someone is calling your name, and make a run for it. “oh. is that someone calling me? oh yes it is. Yes I’m coming!”
george tries to stop you, by putting an arm out to block you, but you duck under, sprinting out the door as quick as you can.
you’re swearing as you run, and you hear him call out your name, once, twice and then silence.
⭐︎ gojo satoru who kisses you for the first time during shoko's version of spin the bottle, where you're blindfolded and thrown into the closet, and the bottle that you spun lands on him, but you don't know who joins you, and takes your first kiss.
⭐︎ gojo satoru, who doesn't know he just took your first kiss, can't stop thinking about kissing you. you don't know it was him who kissed you, but god, does he want to do it again.
⭐︎ gojo satoru, who can't help biting his own lip when he looks at your lips, all pretty and god, he can just remember the saccharine way you tasted when you kissed for the first time.
⭐︎ gojo satoru, who you've had a crush on for the last 2 years, without him knowing, is finally, somehow, realising his feelings for you, but you can't stop thinking of the mystery man who kissed you soft and sweet, but just had the drive behind.
⭐︎ gojo satoru, who doesn't know how to tell you it was he who kissed you, because the idea that he just might love you so much that he can't bear to lose you scares him, and he doesn't know how to deal with his emotions.
⭐︎ gojo satoru who can't ever look at you the same without thinking about the kiss, and who can't help but want to do it again, can't deal with these new feelings he's realised he's had along.
