I never realized how ADHD I am until I spent a month in a foreign country with a bunch of neurotypical people...
“Are you nervous?” Conny, asked.
“No,” I said truthfully, “Why?”
“Your leg hasn’t stopped tapping since we got here.”
Social Skills: You know what.
ADHD: Listen, if this is about that zit I popped last night-
Social Skills: The one I explicitly told you not to pop-
Mean Streak: Because if you did we’d all look like pizza-faced zombies.
ADHD: Right, well you know me, I couldn’t help myself! It was just so juicy and ripe!
Mean Streak: You’re disgusting.
Social Skills: This isn’t about the zit! It’s about your tap-dancing show under the table.
ADHD: What about it? You never had an issue with it before.
Social Skills: I don’t have an issue with it when we’re around friends-
Passion: But aren't these people our friends too?
Social Skills: These are acquaintances, Passion. ADHD, it’s fine to do your weird, quirky little fidgets around friends and family who we know well but-
ADHD: But not around random people. Yeah, yeah. What am I supposed to do? Mask?
ADHD: Oh no no no no no, not happening!
Social Skills: Just until we get home?
Social Skills: I know you hate it but it would be a huge help.
“Are you sure you’re ok?” Conny persisted, “Do you need to use the bathroom?”
“No, no I’m fine thanks,” I say, my cheeks flushing.
Social Skills *flickering unstably*: Please?
Drama: Uh-oh, you better do it ADHD, Shyness is trying to come out. Or worse, Social Anxiety...
ADHD: Fine! I’ll do it. But just until we get home.
*Everyone sighs in relief as Social Skills stabilizes*
Social Skills: Thank you, ADHD.
ADHD *shrugging on the straight jacket*: Yeah yeah, whatever.
Mean Streak *holding a gag*: Any last words?
Mean Streak *fastening the gag*: We know
Passion *closing the closet door*: Sorry.
Social Skills: Haha, yes! That was so much fun! I feel great! *yawning* Whew, maybe a little drained, but overall I had a good time. Anyone else?
*Passion, Mean Streak, Drama, and Dyslexia all look tired*
Passion: Can we let ADHD out now?
Social Skills: Right! I nearly forget. *Opening the door to find a very poor-looking ADHD still tied up in a straight jacket and a gag over his mouth* Heyyy, you doing ok, bud?
Social Skills: Right let me get you out of there. *Social Skills removes the gag and straight jacket and ADHD doesn’t say a word through the whole thing* Thanks man, it means a lot.
ADHD: *Ignores her and walks away*
Mean Streak: Not cool, Social Skills, not cool.
Social Skills: What? I did what I had to do! You understand, right Passion? Passion?
Passion *sitting by ADHD*: Are you ok?
ADHD: No. How would you feel if you were tied up, taped up, and locked up for hours while everyone else got to have fun and be themselves? I’m sick and tired of it! It’s like I’m not even part of the personality...
Passion: But you are, ADHD! We’re not nearly as much fun without you!
ADHD: Yeah, tell that to Miss Social Butterfly over there.
Passion: You know she hates being called that.
ADHD: Oh I’m sorry, would she rather be stuck in a straight jacket and thrown in a padded closet like some crazy person?!
Drama: Don’t be so dramatic, the closet isn’t even padded.
Passion: Social Skills is only trying to help. It’s a lot of work trying to fit in. She has to read the crowd, feel the atmosphere, decide when and where to be ourselves and when to hold back.
Mean Streak: Get over it, fidget cube.
Dyslexia: It-it could’ve been worse.
Mean Streak: Or Social Anxiety could’ve come out...
Dyslexia: Or we could’ve thrown up...
*Social Skills flickers into Social Anxiety*
Social Anxiety: Oh gosh, you’re right. Oh, I feel sick. Everyone always says “what’s the worst that could happen? You could die.” No, death is not the worst by far. Throwing up is by far the worst thing that could happen. If you die, that’s it, you don’t have to deal with the embarrassment of life anymore. No more phone calls, ordering food, or job interviews, you’re free. But if you throw up you have to live with the fact that you’ve spewed bodily fluids all over these people, people you very well might see again, and have to relive that moment every time you see them for the rest of your life. What’s worse is every time they see YOU what are they gonna think? I’ll tell you what they’ll think “oh look, it’s that girl who threw up all over me.” Then they’ll call you names or try to trigger your gag reflex-
Mean Streak: Hey, Social Anxiety, you’re giving a talk on Sunday.
Mean Streak: Yep. It’s Saturday night, you better go study.
Social Anxiety: *Running out of the room* ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!
Mean streak: *Shouting after her* make sure it’s in German!
Passion: That was mean, Mean Streak.
Mean Streak: Hey, I got rid of her, didn’t I?
Drama: Maybe, but she’ll be back once she realizes it’s only Monday and the bishop here in Germany did not in fact ask her to speak.