They make me so ill :pensive:
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They make me so ill :pensive:
“Virgin Loser” 2025
This is my most recent piece of artwork and my first official post. I’m very proud of it.
I painted this on CSP with a mixture of crayon and cream marker brushes. The inspiration behind it stems from chronic isolation and the intense need for skin to skin contact while riddled with deep shame. This pertains to my OC’s general character.
I will be Ilyaposting frequently.
But here is what the mystics across era, civilisation, religion and tribes also understood: you cannot access the sacred gateway of relationship while your wounds are running the show. You cannot see the divine in your beloved when you are stuck projecting your mother or your father. You cannot experience the in-between when your nervous system is in survival mode. This path of relationship requires to meet your conditionings guarding the threshold, and honestly facing your shadow, integrating your wounds, reclaiming your wholeness, so that you can show up to your beloved as a full human being rather than a fragmented gremlin, asking to be rescued.
— Malcolm Fraser
IMMEDIATE CESSATION OF THE SELF
Just wanted to draw some mechsploitation / combat doll art
A few years back, I went through full ego death. And today my partner asked about what it was like. This is the best way I could describe it to her:
Ego death is... it’s like splitting in two. The new you stands off to the side, watching as the old you clings to every scrap of identity. Every habit, every name, every little myth you told yourself to stay real. They fight. They plead. They insist that this isn’t happening, that they’re still here. But the new you can’t interfere, even if they wanted to. They already know this is a kind of molting.
When the old you finally stops screaming and slips beneath that heavy, inky blackness, there’s a stillness so complete that feels like an oppresive paralysis. You remember their life; their friends, their fears, their favorite breakfast cereal, but the memories feel borrowed. Like photos left behind in a stranger’s wallet or an album hidden in the back of a dusty antique shop.
And then it’s just you. No one left to perform for. No script. No costume. Just a name-shaped hollow and the heavy responsibility of deciding who, or what, will live there next.
Holiday
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🎥 BLACKSITE ENTRY — “WHY THE MALE GAZE IS THE SPINE OF STORYTELLING (AND WHY HOLLYWOOD IS BLEEDING MEN LIKE A SLOW STABBING).”
🚨 I. THE CRIME SCENE
Hollywood, Disney — lean in.
Men aren’t leaving your movies because they’re misogynists. They’re leaving because you keep feeding them cafeteria gruel and calling it steak.
You stripped away the one thing that glued asses to seats for 70 years: > The Male Gaze.
Not a slogan. Not a buzzword. Not a sin.
It’s biology. It’s dopamine. It’s the only reason James Bond sold tickets while your Marvels action figures rot in a discount bin next to expired dog food.
🧠 II. BIOLOGY DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR PRESS RELEASES
Let’s do science before the comedy.
fMRI scans show erotic female imagery activates male amygdala + reward centers in 300 milliseconds.
Waist-to-hip ratio between 0.67 and 0.8 has been proven across dozens of cultures to spike attraction response.
Men’s brains process sexual stimuli with faster recognition and longer retention than neutral images. Translation: men remember cleavage longer than plot points.
You can scream “that’s misogyny” all you want. It’s also why your dad remembered Princess Leia’s bikini but forgot what he ate last Tuesday.
Biology doesn’t attend diversity seminars. Biology doesn’t file HR paperwork. Biology just wants sex, status, and spectacle.
Take that away, and men take themselves away.
🩸 III. DISNEY: A MASTERCLASS IN AUDIENCE ALIENATION
Kathleen Kennedy wore “The Force is Female” in 2018. Cute shirt. Horrific optics.
To the 65–70% male fanbase? It read like: > “Thanks for building this galaxy, now get out of it.”
George Lucas admitted it plainly: “Star Wars is for 12-year-old boys.” That wasn’t exclusion. That was clarity.
Disney threw that clarity into a woodchipper.
Luke Skywalker? Turned into a bitter hermit who milked alien nipples for dinner.
Rey? Given powers without struggle, then used as a mouthpiece for corporate feminism.
The Acolyte? Force witches and lectures about patriarchy.
Result? Unsold toys stacked at Ollie’s like tombstones. Fans fleeing like villagers from a leper colony. Disney execs gaslighting: “If you don’t like it, you’re sexist.”
No. We just don’t like homework disguised as lightsabers.
🎯 IV. THE M-SHE-U: WHEN MARVEL CUT OFF ITS OWN BALLS
After Endgame, men were hungry. Give us pain. Loss. Heroes rebuilding.
What we got:
She-Hulk twerking with Megan Thee Stallion.
Hulk neutered into comic relief.
Thor reduced to “dad bod clown.”
The Marvels marketed like a PowerPoint presentation on empowerment.
Marvel’s male audience share: 60–65%. Men walked.
Not in protest. Not in rage. They ghosted.
And when men ghost, your franchise doesn’t get closure. It gets buried.
🪓 V. RECEIPTS: THE BODIES PILED UP
The Wrap 2024: Star Wars = 65–70% male audience. MCU = 60–65% male.
Variety 2025: Disney losing Gen Z men (13–28) at catastrophic rates.
Merchandise data: Rey, She-Hulk, and Acolyte figures unsold, flooding clearance aisles.
Box office: The Marvels cratered. Indiana Jones 5 limped to its grave. The Acolyte canceled after one season despite “high engagement.”
The only thing “engaging” was the sound of wallets snapping shut.
💀 VI. THE DARK TRUTH HOLLYWOOD WON’T SAY
Men don’t buy tickets to be lectured. They buy tickets to escape.
Give them heroes to admire. Give them women to desire. Give them stakes to feel.
Instead, Hollywood keeps handing out substitute teachers in spandex telling men they’re the problem.
Newsflash: No guy pays $18 to get scolded. If he wanted that, he’d visit his ex.
🔬 VII. HOOKUP CULTURE VS. HOLLYWOOD LIES
Hollywood insists: “Women fear men. They’d rather fight a bear than walk past you.”
Meanwhile, Tinder exists. Hookup culture exists. Men know women who initiated sex the same night they met.
Fear isn’t what made her unzip your jeans.
The gap between what men live and what Hollywood writes is so wide it could swallow the box office whole. And it has.
🏴☠️ VIII. THE AUDIENCE EXODUS
Men didn’t riot. They didn’t protest outside Disney HQ.
They just left.
To UFC. To gaming. To indie creators. To porn.
Anywhere but multiplexes showing neutered superheroes and scolding space witches.
You can’t gaslight an empty seat. You can’t guilt trip a ghost.
⚡ IX. DARK HUMOR 101: THE REMINDERS
Men aren’t misogynists for wanting movies that make them hard and hopeful.
Hollywood isn’t progressive. It’s just allergic to profit.
The “male gaze” isn’t oppression. It’s rent money.
Biology doesn’t read Variety. Biology just buys tickets — or doesn’t.
📌 X. THE FIX (THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN)
Disney could win men back tomorrow by:
Making heroes aspirational again (not punchlines).
Writing women men want to sleep with, not attend HR training with.
Respecting fanbases instead of insulting them.
But they won’t. Because ego > receipts.
And the receipts keep rotting.
🚨 CONCLUSION: THE FORCE IS MALE (AND ALWAYS WAS)
Hollywood, here’s your eulogy:
You didn’t lose men because of politics. You lost them because you forgot men are still the backbone of your audience. 65–70% of Star Wars. 60–65% of Marvel.
You traded desire and awe for lectures and hashtags. You turned dopamine into detention. And the men left.
Theaters don’t echo. They rot.
🧠 Reblog if you’ve ever rolled your eyes at a blockbuster lecture. 💀 Reblog if you know biology is louder than Twitter. 🩸 Reblog if you believe the Male Gaze isn’t optional — it’s gravity.
🐺 Reminder: Men don’t boycott. They ghost. And when men ghost, franchises die and nobody shows up to the funeral.
📢 For more forbidden doctrines that mix humor, horror, and truth: 👉 https://linktr.ee/ObeyMyCadence
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As a 4/6 Mental Projector, I spent years second-guessing myself, overthinking, and pushing myself into places I wasn’t invited. I surrounded myself with people who drained me, hoping that by giving my energy to them, I would receive guidance in return. But all I found was frustration, exhaustion, and confusion. I learned the hard way that I wasn’t allowing myself to follow my design. I was forcing myself into a mold that wasn’t mine. Now, I’ve stopped trying to control everything, and I’ve learned to trust my process. Letting go of the need to force things has made all the difference.
Here’s a breakdown of each authority and how they show up for every Human Design type.
Emotional Authority Generator/Manifesting Generator You’re not meant to make decisions in the heat of the moment. Your emotions are waves—sometimes powerful, sometimes calm. When you make decisions while in the middle of an emotional high or low, you’re not truly in your power. You’re reacting, not choosing. It feels like being caught in a current, swept away by what feels urgent. The truth is, emotional clarity only comes after the storm has passed. You need to give yourself time to ride through the waves. Waiting isn’t procrastination, it’s honoring the natural process that leads you to your true decisions. The biggest shift is learning to detach from the urgency to decide in the moment. When you stop and wait for emotional clarity, the decision becomes undeniable.
Sacral Authority Generator/Manifesting Generator Your gut response isn’t just an instinct—it’s your truth speaking directly to you. It's loud, it's visceral, and it doesn't need to be justified. The struggle comes when you ignore that immediate “yes” or “no,” trying to convince yourself to follow a path that doesn't resonate. If you’re not honoring your sacral, you end up exhausted, resentful, and stuck in situations that drain you. You might find yourself caught in the trap of “doing it for others” or because you think you should. The raw truth is that when you’re not aligned with your sacral authority, you live in a constant state of internal conflict, trying to meet external expectations, and it leaves you hollow. The key is learning to say no without explanation and trust that what your body responds to is your roadmap to fulfillment.
Splenic Authority Projector/Manifestor/Reflector Your splenic intuition is a quiet, immediate knowing that doesn’t need to be explained. It’s primal, and it doesn’t make sense to anyone, including yourself. It’s that fleeting gut feeling that tells you to go left or right, and if you don’t listen, the moment passes, and you’re left questioning, “Why didn’t I just follow my first instinct?” The darkness here is the fear of being wrong, the doubt that creeps in when you can’t explain why something feels right or wrong. When you don’t trust the splenic hit, you can end up spinning in overthinking, overanalyzing, and self-doubt. The gift here is that your splenic response is always accurate. The struggle is that it comes without words, without logic, and requires deep trust in something that feels intangible. Trust it, because when you do, everything falls into place with ease.
Ego Authority Manifestor/Projector This authority is about what you truly want—what your deepest desires are, not what others think you should want. Your ego is your source of power, your will to create and take action. The hardest part is learning that it’s okay to be selfish. In fact, it’s necessary. If you’re making decisions based on what others want, you’ll end up living their lives, not yours. It feels like a constant inner battle, a conflict between your desire to please and the raw truth that you must honor your own desires. The ego death here is the relinquishing of outside approval, the acceptance that your decisions are yours to make, and the courage to act from your own desires. The liberation comes when you no longer feel guilty for choosing what’s right for you.
Self-Projected Authority Projector Your decisions are made when you speak your truth aloud. It’s not about thinking things through or weighing the pros and cons in your mind—it’s about saying it out loud, hearing yourself, and feeling what resonates. The challenge here is that you can get lost in others’ feedback, in the need for someone else to guide you or validate your decisions. But your clarity is in your own voice, not in others’ opinions. You may have spent years waiting for others to tell you what to do, but the power comes from learning to trust your own voice. The deeper truth is that you already have the answers within you, but they only surface when you speak them into being. Your gift is the ability to articulate your truth, but the struggle is the uncertainty of having to trust yourself without someone else telling you what’s right.
Mental Projector Authority Mental Projector Your authority is not internal. You don’t make decisions from an inner place of clarity; you need others and the environment around you to help you process. Without the right environment and people, your mind becomes cloudy, uncertain, and chaotic. The darkness here is the temptation to isolate yourself and think your way through decisions. When you do that, you lose your grounding. You feel disconnected from your true self and everything seems out of reach. Your gift is that your clarity comes when you talk things through with the right people—when you’re in an environment that allows your mind to breathe. The struggle is that it’s hard to let go of the need to figure things out alone. But when you finally accept that your environment is essential, everything begins to make sense.
Environment Authority Reflector You’re not meant to make decisions quickly. You need time—28 days, to be precise. Your clarity comes from observing yourself in different environments, seeing how you react, and how you feel in various settings. The darkness here is impatience, the pressure to make decisions because the world tells you to. You may feel like you're falling behind, but the truth is that your wisdom unfolds over time. The struggle is in waiting, letting go of the need to force clarity. The beauty of your authority is that it’s not a rush; it’s a slow and steady process of reflection, observation, and integration. The key to your decision-making is patience: give yourself the full lunar cycle to see how the world reflects back to you what you need to know.
Find your Human Design and Authority here ↓ https://www.myhumandesign.com/