I love to learn, I love it so much. Exams are just the most stressful, anxiety-inducing hell ever conceived and is the worst way to assess knowledge.
Studying engineering is such fucking hell when you have to deal with shit like anxiety, because you don’t know how badly it will hit you when you’re in the exam hall.
It doesn’t matter how much of my medication I take or well I’ve been keeping up with it, because I could start hyperventilating and my fucking brain could blank out any moment because sitting in a giant hall in silence trying to recall of the stuff I’ve learnt is just so fucking awful.
It’s good that even though I failed two courses I have supplementary exams to make up for it, and I’ve been working really hard to pass them, but at the end of the day I have no idea how my body will choose to react on the days that I write.
What’s worse is that I know I’m capable of it, because I managed to pass a really fucking difficult course pretty well. I’m just so terrified that something will go wrong and everyone will be disappointed in me.
All I know is that this too shall pass. I just need to work, to study, and try remain as calm and collected as possible on the day. The anticipation of it is just making my stomach hurt and my heart race.