Ctimene’s question was soft, fraught with betrayal. Eurylochus exhaled sharply. “Sorry, ‘Mene, I didn’t-“
“You hit me! You punched me! Your wife!” Ctimene’s voice rose, shaking with repressed emotion. “After all this time together? All I’ve done for you?”
“He did what?” Odysseus shouted over the phone. Eurylochus had almost forgotten it was on speaker. “Eurylochus, you hit my sister?!”
“It was an accident!” Eurylochus moved back, watching his wife crouching beside the bed they shared to stare at him. “I didn’t mean to!”
“He punched me, Ody! Right in the face!”
“So this is who I gave my blessing to? This is your true character?” When Eurylochus glanced out the window, he could see Odysseus jumping over the hill to come back to their house, fully clad in his tattered armor and visible against the setting sun. And he had a sword in his hand. Oh, great.
“I’m sorry! She got in the way of the crafting table when I clicked on it!” Eurylochus groaned as a sword also appeared in his wife’s hand, the diamond one he’d just made for her. “‘Mene, no-“
“You hit wife? You hit wife like a punching bag? Oh, ohhhh!” Ctimene stood up straight and started advancing on him. Eurylochus scrambled to redirect his mouse to get around her as she started cutting down on his hearts, giggles finally leaking into her voice. “Jail for husband! Jail for husband for one thousand years!”
“I don’t- are you referencing something?!” Eurylochus sighed and gave up on escape as red filled his screen, and his inventory scattered across the bedroom floor right as Odysseus barged in the door.
“Good job, ‘Mene.” Odysseus’ avatar nodded in approval as he took in the pixelated carnage. Eurylochus respawned on top of the bed three blocks away. “Show that bastard who’s boss.”
Eurylochus moved forward and recollected his items. “Okay, okay. In apology for me ‘hitting’ you-“ he winced hearing the words leave his lips- “how about we get you that dog you’ve been wanting? You said they spawn in forests?”
Odysseus threw a smelted gold ingot at him to pick up, for some reason. “Yeah, there’s one this way. You know how to tame one?”
“I’ll show you, then.” Odysseus turned to leave, but he jumped back inside almost immediately. “Agh, it’s nighttime already. There’s a spider out there.”
Eurylochus could hear the grin in Ctimene’s voice. “No problem. Eury, to be a good husband and kill the spider. And gimme the string after, I want to make a fishing rod.”
Eurylochus and shook his head and stepped outside, and was immediately set upon by the disproportionately-sized mob. “Odysseus, you’re a husband too! You don’t want to help?” The dramatic siblings had been playing this game for far longer than he had, anyway. Probably why he had misclicked to ‘hit’ Ctimene in the first place.
“Penelope isn’t here. And I hate spiders.” Odysseus shut the door behind him.
The spider hissed and finally perished. Eurylochus exhaled as he relaxed. But he kept hearing hissing. Behind him?
The explosion just barely reached the corner of his and Ctimene’s little hut; Eurylochus could now see a hole in the wall as he respawned. Damn creepy.
“Eurylochus,” Ctimene snorted, wood already appearing in her hand to fix the mess. “You are a terrible Minecraft husband.”
