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I want to feel the Gods breathe through me again, wearing my body like a breathing tube so that we might be alive again.

Am I getting better, Doctor? How long was I sick for? Forever — I know, since birth, they´ve said. Since incarnation, perhaps. No one has to tell me again. But this time? This sick? I don´t know. Isn´t that the very nature of mystical experience — the loss of time as a linear illusion? Or is that trauma?

Full moon blood

#poetry #im not even trying anymore #everythings shit #it´s all just streams of conscious now with overtones of shrieking and grief

So many stupid small things to try and manage and handle and figure out and I'm tired and feeling worse mentally by the day and fuck just... fuck...

#idk... just... fuck idk I'm #shits shit #im shit #everythings shit #my dads fucking dead I never got to i #he never i #i don't deserve any of what I have #theirs so much to try and handle and manage alone and I don't wanna do it #i wanna close myself in my dumb unit and never have to desl eith amything any more #i wanna cry until i pass out and then lay there until i rot awa #...#no more emails ans phone calls and deliveries and ordering and to dos #I'm tired...#and alone...#and I miss my dad #prick or not... i didnt get #any kind of goodbye or or resolve or closure or #even to make it established where we stood #everything fucking sucks #can't even get my gas on because property manager is being annoying and nobody can answer a simple question and I don't know how to #deal with missing bins and #i dont wanna be an adult #all inficking have are my psyc appointments and im almost out of those too...#AceofDragons #vent

I feel that I’ve become Stan Marsh from assburgers

#everythings shit #personal

im out 😳

#everythings shit #anyway got some good memories from there but thats pointless

love that my friends all know about a thing i’m going through rn and not one of them has checked up on me today even though i’ve barely been out of my room 🙃🙃

#everythings shit #ignore me #im being melodramatic and selfish again #im not the only one with problems but #would be nice if someone showed me they cared #like just once #in need of hugs but im not even getting those lmao #but i dont wanna ask for hugs bc then theyre hugging me bc i want them to not bc they want to #anyway #ill stop oversharing now #being sad at 2am is basically a personality trait for me at this point #beth talks #shut up beth

having a fucking breakdown as always, i hate everything and i'm so angry

#i cant handle emotions #everythings shit #personal #mental illness

nothing feels right anymore

#how can one live like this?#ffs #everythings shit #thoughts

#everythings shit

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