#explosive anger

[angelwowings]

Hi so uhm I don’t usually post this type of stuff but about this and this.

This is a serious post of how this fandom has dehumanized me and mistreated me for my symptoms I cannot control

Tw: misogyny , ableism , mistreatment, bullying

A lot of people know that I was called out for bull shit friend group drama like a year ago. Adults are still shit talking me and my friends. Something I’ve noticed is that the appear to especially dehumanize me for “not caring about the damage I did” which is not Tue in this context. I do not feel remorse for a lot of stuff I do or shame or empathy and I am “recognized” with conduct disorder and extreme behavior issues + npd. So yeah I do not care about the harm I’ve caused I’m not able to because my brain won’t let me it’s totally understandable if people hate me for that but guess what?

They praised the other person for the exact same thing and said it’s okay to not feel empathy and remorse since they can’t. I do not have aspd but I do have issues with empathy and npd I don’t Talk about it a lot since it’s personal. But I’ve recognized the pattern in this I’m a teen “girl” (I’m not a girl I’m trans) and the other person is amab adult. I have a word that describes this perfectly misogyny! This fandom especially the adults (not any of my friends or mutuale You’re all very nice 🙁🙁) has absolutely dehumanized me for my symptoms the exact same symptoms they praised other people for. Mind you alot of the stuff I said was during a psychotic episode where I couldn’t think logically and insulted people because I thought they were going to hurt me since they triggered something in me. That does not make it right! And i know that but why does everyone accept for me get the pass? Why does everyone get accepted for their symptoms expect for me? Talking about not the perfect victim I am a very ugly result of what happens to a person when it went to extreme trauma I’m not a fawn I get aggressive and defensive and rude because I’m scared but no one seems to get that and just call me fucking evil.

I mean it has come to the point where I was dehumanized so bad some people were too scared to interact with me or be publicly associated with me because I was seen as a monster by half of the fandom. I was only fucking 15 and I’m still only 16. There’s still the same adults that refer to me and my friends as “angelwowings Group” as if I control people like hello what? My friends are their own people are you insane? Oh and let’s not forget the time people full grown adults btw blocked people who interacted with me! No they did not do anything besides interact with me and get blocked. People were scared to interact with my publicly but even then my friends still supported me.

And guess what? A lot of people I’ve met who saw the whole thing go down said you guys were sick for making a whole blog about me hating me and making posts AS ADULTS while I was 15! And I couldn’t agree more! Every adult who has interacted with that account in the way of boosting it is sick because everyone knew my vents were in there and did not care about leaking a 15 year old vent.I could go on and on about how much I got mistreated for my symptoms by this fandom

You can call me ableist all you want but In the end a lot of you were fucking ableist towards me! Oh no how dare I be a mentally ill teen online that is perfectly capable of being calm and civil unless I’m triggered into something caused by my symptoms! Oh no how dare I?! How dare I have a flight or fight mode! How dare I get aggressive when threatened! Oh how dare I not be the perfect victim! Sorry for not being your perfect victim? But guess what!

I can recognize on that I was hurting people from the doc and it was stressing them. I didn’t mean to hurt any of them that was never my intention I never wanted to hurt people so I thought I never did in the first place but I did. So I apologized to them I talked it out and realized that no matter if I was in the right or wrong I still hurt people and I need to make up for that wether or not it was intentional or not. People were hurt through me and I don’t want to hurt people especially not kids. Although I cannot feel shame or remorse for the stuff I said I can recognize that they’re wrong and take accountability for it. No I do not feel sorry for all of the stuff I said to that one adult because guess what? I’m not able to neither is he! So why did everyone get mad at me for having the same reaction? Would they not understand why I acted this way? They understood so well with the adult man so why not turn everything around when I “female” kid does it? Odd isn’t it?

I’m tired of not speaking up about this I’m not evil or ableist or whatever else you people I don’t know have called me. I was 15 going through a psychotic episode where I got triggered and did awful shit. Not an excuse at all but I was not evil none of the stuff I did was because I thought it was fun or because I was bored I’m 16. Get that through your big skull thanks.

[borderline-musings]

Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?

[connieaaa]

"I am your parent, you are my child. I am your quiet place, you are my wild." - Maryanne Cusimano

I often added to and manipulated those words over the years.

I am the parent. I am the adult. I will not expect a child tobe the grown-up. I will not expect the child to be the mature one. I don't expect children to be able to do what adults can't. I don't expect children to do what adults refuse to do.

I am my quiet place. I am my calm. Don't panic, the least helpful thing is to panic. Breathe. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast. Be methodical. Be deliberate.

You are my wild, my storm, my forest fire, my rabid wolverine. You can have my quiet, my cool, my gentle. I have enough to share. I made it myself.

The amygdala really reacts, and when it does the thinky-thinky part of the brain turn off. It's not the time for explaining, or discussion, or compromise. Logic will not work, there is no being rational. There is currently a power outage.

Did your kid just scream "I hate you?" or "You're the worst!" That's good, that's the prefrontal cortex power cycling and turning hitting, biting and scratching impulses into words instead of actions. "No you don't" will be taken as a counterattack. Instead try "It feels like that, doesn't it?".

Deescalate.

Avoid talking, but if you can't:

"I can see you are very overwhelmed right now."

"You are having a lot of big feelings right now, and it can be very scary. How can I help?"

"Would you like a cup of water?"

"May I give you a hug?" No. "May I put my hand on your shoulder?" No "I don't want you to feel alone. I will sit next to you for now."

Redirect

Kid trying to hit? Turn it into a high five. Another high five over here, on the left, on the right, up high, down low. Whoa you got me! Move your hand slowly - coordinating the eye movements to track your hand will help with turning the power back on.

If it makes your kid angry, stop. "If you want to hit, I can get you a pillow and you can hit that. I won't let you hurt me".

Smash rocks, crush cans, break pencils, play with dough or slimes.

Draw with markers, especially Sharpies. On paper or cardboard, or on skin. Narrate. This is my anger spot it looks like a black cloud and here is the lightening and a tornado. Here is a family of squirrels hiding in their burrow to stay safe.

[boyaflame]

There's just so much anger inside me I don't know what to do with it. I'm thinking of a person and I just wish they lived in hell.

Like I want them to wake up every morning wishing they hadn't. I want them to contemplate just staying home because going out and living life is so exhausting. I want them to hate themselves as much as I do. I want them to feel there need to to their fucking skin apart I can't rest imagining this person happy.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me

[copingmecha]

My ears are ringing

Please shoot me through the head

[seijorhi]

Ik u don’t really write for him but ITS BAKUGOU’S BIRTHDAY!!!

Ok I definitely missed this because of timezones and the fact that I slept like 12 hours last night.

But while I don’t write much for him, Bakugou is kinda sexy ngl

[explosivesuggestions]

#1

Shut the fuck up. I don’t want to fucking hear another word come out of you. I FUCKING HATE YOU

[borderline-musings]

Nah fuck you. I get to be angry. I get to be livid.