Fair Warning : Get your rabies shot before you contact me. Do not republish or share my personal media. Blog contains mild NSFW, sex & kink positivity & uncensored heavy political rants INCL. media criticism, academic racism, race- & gender-based C/SA, massacres & state violence. Centering Asian and Austronesian sapphics. NO FLIRTING.
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🀄️𓏶། ྀིྀ⠀ ⠀@this-is-sinophobia-orientalism — Asian Activism. 🩸
🏮𓏶། ྀིྀ⠀⠀ @this-is-sinosexism — Asian Activism. 🩸
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art by the lovely and talented @angelinwineredandburgundy
𝔟𝔦𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔫, 𝔯𝔬𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔫 🏮 𝔦 𝔞𝔪 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔪𝔬𝔲𝔱𝔥
‘00 SEAsian Diasporic Malacca Straits Chinese-Austronesian 1st-gen immigrant on unceded First Nations Aboriginal lands. s/He. aplatoaroacespec sapphic & achillean. XIÁ 侠 Knight-Errant. HIGH FEMME. tomboy femme. Masculine-of-Center (MoC) and Feminine-of-Center (FoC). transneutral. gender & sexually fluid. gender anarchist. LesBI. AuDHD. psych major. professional ragebaiter. sweetbitter. mindfucker. demonfucker. knifethrower. intermediate rigger. sadomaschochist. Dom-lean Switch, Bottom-lean Verse. Yang Spirit, Yin Body. Yang Will, Yin Heart. Year of the Metal Dragon 金龙. ♐︎ Hunter Sun, ♉︎ Stubborn Sensualist Moon, ♈︎ Riot Rising, Vigilante Mars Chart Ruler Ω︭ ♂, Dominants ; Jupiter ♐︎ + Saturn ♒︎. Pragmatic Lover ♑︎♀, Sexual & Sociopolitical Freakologist ♒︎⚸. ENTP VLEF ILE 3w4 371 so/sp. Political theorist. philomath. avid consumer, novella RPer & writer of angst hurt/no comfort, theology, mythology, fantasy, sci-fi, psych, horror & crime thrillers. volatile. vile villainess. scathingly hypo/critical. leather, silk & lace. hellion, horror. cannibalistic symbolism. venomous diatribes. religiously destructive. eternally damned & more ➣
Anger awakens. Anger is real. Anger is something they made forbidden for all of us to reach in different ways, even the “angry” ones. Too angry and fearsome to honor your own anger. Too delicate to honor your own anger. Too much of the adult to honor your own anger. Too much like a child to honor your own anger. But It’s Yours. It’s yours, it’s yours.
𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔱 𝔭𝔬𝔦𝔰𝔬𝔫 🏮 𝔱𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔢𝔯 𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔰𝔢
MUSIC. TASTE
( reworking section )
流行 LiuXing, Ballad-Pop, Mandopop, C-Pop: 周興哲 Zhou XingZhe/Eric Chou • 隔壁老樊 Ge Bi Lao Fan • 李荣浩 Li RongHao • 周杰倫 Chou JieLun/Jay Chou • JJ Lin • 蔡蔡子 Tasia • 高旭 • 田馥甄 Tian FuZhen/Hebe Tien • 苡慧 yihuik • 王靖雯 Wang JiWen • 董唧唧 • 王力宏 Wang Leehom • 陶喆 David Tao • 吴克群 Kenji Wu • S.H.E • 王翊恩 “en” Wang YiEn • Tay Kewei • 杨胖雨 • Kaho Hung • Evangeline Wong 王艷薇 • 胡66 • 陈粒 Chen Li • 卓文萱 • LBI 利比 • DIOR大穎 • 薛之謙 • 派偉俊 Patrick Brasca • Tr33 • BK/Bill Kang • 雪二 Xue Er • 蓝心羽 • 不是花火呀 • Zkaaai • Joysaaaa • 我是土豆 • 颜人中 • 杜宣达 • 鄭潤澤 • 张紫豪 Zhang Zihao • 周星星 • Bomb比爾 • 吳卓源 Julia Wu • 呆呆破 • step.jad • aMEI
Sino Hip-Hop & Melodic Rap: PPlin 林芃逸 • 齊翔 XIANG • YANGCh!ll • 刘柏辛 Lexie Liu • 马也 Crabbit • Lil RAD • COY6OI • JaS52 • Ensie • Seluu • 林達浪 Lin DaLang • 王子明 Wang Zi Ming • Lizi 栗子 • 寒冰 Ice • JERRYZ • 永彬 Ryan.B • Lambert凌 • Tyson Yoshi • WYAN 王毓千 • 高爾宣OSN • 制造热搜 • XMASwu 吴骜
Goth, Dark Pop & Darkwave: She Wants Revenge • Lebanon Hanover • Mr. Kitty • Mareaux • Social Order • Nyxjvh • Astrophysics • Jah PHNX • Witchz • Depeche Mode • Twin Tribes • Joy Division • London After Midnight • Johnny Goth • Kwasi Kai • Artemas • Isabel LaRosa • yeule • Korine • She Past Away • Baby Storme • Vestron Vulture • MGMT • REDCHINAWAVE • The Bravery • Interpol • Ashley Sienna • Witchz • Goldfrapp • UNKLE • The Masqs • The Cure • Violent Femmes • MOTHICA • Pale Waves • Sinnerella • The Violent Youth • Asal • Ari Abdul • Dionnysuss • Royal & The Serpent • Elita • Night Club • ULTRA SUNN • Blind Seagull • French Police • cutouts • phyllzx • Cult of Venus • Vlad Holiday
Pop & Rock: Glass Animals • Peach PRC • ADÉLA • FEYI • NIKI • COBRAH • Ashnikko • bludnymph • Doja Cat • PVRIS • DPR IAN • Ayesha Erotica • Kim Petras • Nessa Barrett • Dutch Melrose • Olivia Rodrigo • Dove Cameron • BENEE • XTINA GG • Honey Revenge • CHAII • The 1975 • SNOW WIFE • Cassyette • Chandler Leighton • tiffi • MAY-A • arya x • FINNEAS • Imagine Dragons • Fall Out Boys • Nasty Cherry • MNEK • A.i.Jones (Adrian McKinnon)
Alt Rock, Indie Rock: Sons of Silver • Nine Inch Nails • New Order • U2 • AC/DC • Beth McCarthy • Saint Motel • Woodkid • Crystal Castles • Arctic Monkeys • Gorillaz • Empire of the Sun • Charlotte Sands • emlyn • Lauren Sanderson • The Aces • ZELA • KiNG MALA • NO CIGAR • The Warning • The Wombats • The Cab • The Bleachers • The Killers • RIELL
Baroque Pop: Hozier • Florence + The Machine • The Last Dinner Party • Son Lux • Missio • Woodkid • Cosmo Sheldrake • Erin Lecount
Southern Rock: Alabama Shakes • ZZ Ward • Stela Cole • Fleetwood Mac • Noah Cyrus
Alt-Indie, R&B, Soul: Blackstreet • Leon Bridges • Sade • Gigi Perez • Chance Peña • Leonard Cohen • sombr • Japanese Breakfast • Ogi • The Cab • RINI • JADE • Millie Turner • Griff • Spacey Jane • Coldplay • thuy • Stan Walker • SZA • H.E.R • Khalid • Daniel Caesar • Frank Ocean • Rachel Chinouriri • Lyn Lapid • The Beaches • The Velvet Underground • Blondshell • King Princess • SEB • RAYE • The Regrettes • Teddy Swims • Ella Mai • Chloe × Halle • Miguel • JYYN • Pink $weats • BaggE
Hip-Hop & Boom Bap Rap: Wutang Clan • Jeru The Damaja • Metro Boomin • Blackway
Afrohouse & Afrobeats: 0.griot • Tems • Dave
Psychedelic, Surf, Hazy, Downtempo, Ethereal: Nusantara Beat • Jungle By Night • Cocteau Twins • Sabrina Claudio • Alina Baraz • Frank Ocean • Esha Tewari • ARK IDENTITY • Alan Chang • Saint Avengeline
Summarising this post. I am still learning what all of these mean for me to exist through.
I am SEAsian-Chinese-Austronesian, Peranakan Baba-Nyonya, fully Asian, racially and reclaimed Yellow-Brown. I am a first generation migrant, ethnic minority and a descendant of a long line of migrants, refugees, warriors, land cultivators, slaves, labourers, and survivors belonging to land and sea nomadic tribes.
I am native-born and indigenous to my homelands in SEA, in opposition to the Bumi supremacies. My ancestral lands of Fujian & Guangdong lie in presently-called South China, and my ancestral waters surrounding and enveined through it.
My Minyue ancestors claim to be descendants of snakes and dragons of the East Sea & the Pacific. I carry their Yang sun-shot will with me, and I live in the pulse of their Yin moon-bled heart. My grief and joys are connected with my transcontinental blood & chosen kin spread across the globe. I have unshakeable faith in my peoples’ proven power and potential for change, compassion, synchronicity and justice.
I am a GNC trans genderfluid & sexually-fluid gender anarchist, gender exhibitionist. A High Femme, Fem, Masc, Lesbi and more.
Most importantly I may at times, embody and host the Xia 侠 gender I have individually coined and founded, inextricably rooted in my ethnoculture, its language, its philosophical consciousness, the times and places I have been born into and move through.
I will not be sharing what this is. You will see by my existence.
I’m different genders to different people too actually.
To my SEAsian community I am more than happy to identify as a 女生 (woman), “Ah Girl”, to a tomboy woman, to even a boy, and it fits. The way I am generally treated by my SEAsian-dominant communities via the way they see me, does not conflict with me.
Those closest to me who are SEAsian-Chinese can even treat me as a 小姑娘 (little “precious”/classy lady) or a 小/阿 妹/姐 (junior/senior fem), and it even means something different regionally and per class. To be called that by a rich man I don’t know regardless of race, is creepy.
To be called it by a vendor uncle at the night market, is appropriate. To be called this by my Dad’s brothers is weird because we do not have a relationship where they have shown me casual affection. And they’ve only known the industrialised city all their life, so it doesn’t have the same village farmhand banter connotation that comes with it.
But to be called it tongue-in-cheek affectionately by my Mom’s brothers is funny and endearing. But if I’m called this by their sons (my cousins) I will be swinging because I’ve grown up roughhousing and being a rascal around them.
I am gendered as a sister and a daughter and a granddaughter and a niece and an auntie, and none of these I mind nor even have a question about. It fits me.
And apparently they call me SKINNY CHICKEN IN HAKKA??? WHAT DA HELL. I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT JUST MEANT SOMETHING LIKE “SCRUNKLY”…
To the EAsian I fluctuate between being “niang” (feminine) to tomboyish, so again it varies person-by-person.
But to the Westerner, I’m usually already cornered as something else the moment they see me. Objectified and racialised into the infantile, delicate and fragile, doused in benevolent sexism and the desire to possess/own without my permission, the built dynamics based on intimate trust, behaviours and vulnerability I gift on my terms—punished when I refuse to perform these “roles”, and that makes me feel extremely dysphoric.
This is where the labels in a different language (ie English) especially come in to explicitly push against that, to reject how Westerners see me or what they want from me.
I don’t want to identify with anything that isn’t specific to nor coined by SEAsian or Chinese, while I figure myself out. Especially not those that derive from the West, the Anglosphere, and the English or Latin or frankly any other language that are not my mother-tongues.
My own cultures have troves of identities (and their cultural contexts and histories) I haven’t even explored yet nor fully felt nor understood of my relation and relevance to. I am a transient, transgressive person in a lot of ways, including weird gender, weird multi-national being, weird multi-ethnic and multi-racial being (except on any textbook knowledge, I’m not), weird migrant-indigenous being, weird generational-nomad being, weird virtual space being, weird linguistic being, weird sexual being, weird attraction being. Genuinely freaky shit beyond even my comprehension even though I have vague feeling of going somewhere meaningful with my current self-reflections.
And I’m still crafting my own and realising how much growing distance there is between me and communities I once took for granted (something something the more you learn, the more you realise how little you know), and yet broader and “fuzzier” sense of reflection with many others but still not central belonging nor even seeing myself reflected in the history (especially Anglosphere history).
I can’t expect any collective label to represent me to the degree I want (match me like a fingerprint with my biometric points met), and I’m not using labels for this reason.
There is only one way I’d ever get close enough to that sense of reflection, belonging and feeling central to… a conceptual space. To feel “exactly located” and familiar in my positioning and navigation of the carefully constructed, ever-growing map of the cultures I come from. And that is if I’m designing my own personal “configuration” of identity and gender in the first place that has not been captured by Western conception nor linguistic maps.
Wait– if you're a bisexual GNC woman/nonbinary, wouldn't that make you a Virago by definition? Or 4i?
No. As with all identities it’s something you’d have to select for yourself. While I understand the Virago label, it’s just not something I claim for myself this minute. I want to understand 4i fully before I even claim it, and it’s not something I’d feel comfortable “just getting” by reading romance novels. I am SEAsian Chinese, not Chinese-Chinese, there is a whole cultural context there to even resolve.
I am a GNC Femme and even then I’ve had big problems with the Butch/Femme community especially its Anglocentrism. I do not broadly claim the woman or non-binary label for myself either, even though I do have experiences that would be similar/overlap with these groups, I hold contentions with those. Bisexual was my first label, and one of the labels, but even then, it’s a lesbian-bisexual thing and I hold a LOT of problem with the bisexual label in the first place ( not against bisexuals/people who identify with it, but the term ) because of how it was created and imposed on non-monosexual lesbians. As you can see all of these labels come with my personal caveats.
I’m exploring my own gender constructions right now (coining my own as a one-man-show) . To me, my relationship with any labels I have identified with/identify with now, are each a journey, not the destination. I don’t wish to go on a tangential journey right now while I’m already on a helluva ride with this one, involving race, immigrant identity, indigenous identity, my mother tongue languages and dialects, and gender maps in my heritages.
I prefer not to have things imposed onto me even if “by definition” because it goes against respect for my autonomy. I am a person, not just a categorical concept.
