We always get requests for wattpad fics and the blog kinda slacks in that dept but here is a masterpost dedicated to some must reads.
Sleepless Nights
Living in a life of fearing to sleep at his house due to a terrible home life, Zayn winds up sleeping at the jock of the school's house more than he should. Liam never understood why the loner of the school needed his help, yet somehow was willing to let him sleep in his bed.
Something Great
Zayn is your average 21 year old waiter. Liam is an above average 21 year old popstar. When Zayn enters a contest to spend a day with his favourite singer Liam Payne he never imagines he'll even win. What happens when he not only wins but captures the attention and interest of his idol?
Pretty Boy
niazkilam: i literally do not deserve you at all
fakeliampayne: you deserve more than me
fakeliampayne: you deserve every single star in the sky
Co-Parenting
In which a famous divorced couple struggle through a hate/love relationship and manage to take care of their 14 month old son together, trying their best not to rip each other's heads off for their little baby boy
The wedding Date
Zayn works at Walmart. He hasn't had a boyfriend or even been on a date in forever. He's hounded all the time by his mother to find someone and now that his older brother is getting married, the pressure is on. Zayn wants to find someone, but its hard considering what happened to him in the past. He's then forced in finding someone when his mother sets him up on a blind date. Something happens the night of the date. Something that causes him to hire Liam Payne to be his date for his brother's wedding. Something that turns out to the best decision.
Groom for rent
He needed to earn money for his family, so he went for a job search. He keeps on auditioning until he gets an unexpected job.
electric youth
if love is meant to happen, it'll happen.
In his arms
"That night Zayn released all of his burdens onto Liam and Liam accepted them willingly."
Complications
Liam Payne notorious drug lord and leader of the Phantoms, famous for committing crimes without ever leaving a trace of evidence. Zayn Malik a regular uni art major student, with a painfully normal life and craves something exciting to happen to him. Zayn just so happens to go to the same uni as a kid running plugs for Liam once in a while. So what happens when Liam crosses paths with Zayn one day and finds him to be undeniably beautiful and can't get him out of his head. Liam is determined to get Zayn to want him and he won't give up easy. Will Zayn get the excitement he seeks or will Liam's world destroy him?
My Papa is a Soldier
In which Zayn has to leave for war & Liam is left alone with his three small sons who are struggling to understand what it means for their Papa to be a soldier.
Nothing Safe is Worth The Drive by PigSlay for definitelynotafan
(Originally posted for the Lirry fic exchange on 4/15/17)
Harry is a massive fan of singer/songwriter Liam. His friends think he's got a bit of a crush. He also works in a coffee shop to pay for his studies. Enter Liam. He just wants some darn coffee. It’s way too early and he’s tired. He’s not prepared for Harry’s curls or dimples. At all.
Words: 16442
Status: Complete
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandom: One Direction (Band)
Relationship: Liam Payne/Harry Styles
Characters: Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Zayn Malik, Niall Horan, Camila Cabello, Dinah Jane Hansen, Normani Kordei, Louis Tomlinson, Lauren Jauregui
Additional Tags: Famous Liam, Non-Famous Harry, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Sex Mentions, Anxiety Induced Decisions, Internet Friends to Real Life Friends, Crush at First Sight, POV Multiple, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings
At 23, Liam Payne has achieved a lot in his life. He has everything he’s ever dreamed of. When he gets invited to the wedding of two of his childhood best friends, he has to return to a town he turned his back on five years ago. He’s forced to remember the reason why he left, more importantly he has to face the person who had been his sole reason for escaping
When Louis catches a stranger taking a photo of him while on a flight to meet his best friend’s newborn son, he doesn’t expect it to change his life forever. Louis is a school teacher who’s always been straight and Liam is a singer who’s always been gay
2016 is a big year for solo artist Liam Payne. Then he meets Arsenal midfielder Louis Tomlinson at a charity event, and suddenly everything else fades into the background
Original link:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/1214983
---
April
Liam was stood with Harry at the gala afterparty, sipping a glass of champagne and trying to remind himself that he belonged here, when Louis bloody Tomlinson suddenly appeared in front of them. "Haz!"
"Hey, Tommo," Harry said, leaning in for a tight hug. "Thought you'd be here tonight."
"Of course, wouldn't miss it," said Louis Tomlinson, the great shining hope of English football, and England's best chance to avoid embarrassing themselves entirely at Euro 2016 this summer.
"And this is my brilliant friend Liam," Harry continued, clapping Liam on the shoulder.
"Of course," Louis Tomlinson said, smiling at Liam and holding out his hand for a shake. "I'm Louis."
I know, Liam thought but thankfully didn't say. Who didn't know who Louis was? This was an ever more frequent occurrence in his life, Liam meeting brilliant people whom he'd admired for years. That was strange enough on its own, but it was even odder when they seemed to know who Liam was as well. He still never quite trusted it, but Louis was either sincere or very good at faking it. Liam shook his hand and tried not to seem as overawed as he was.
"Hang tight for a mo, I'm getting another round. Anything for you both?" Harry asked, pointing his hands at each of them in turn. He raised his eyebrows even when Liam shook his head and gestured with his still mostly full glass. "Be back in a second."
Suddenly Liam was left alone with the greatest English footballer of his generation. It was all a bit much, really. He was desperate to fill the silence and finally settled on what he hoped was a safe enough question: "How do you know Harry?" he asked, forcing himself not to drink down his entire glass of champagne just for something to do.
Louis hummed before answering, "We met at some party in London a few years back. Can't actually remember whose party or where it was, to be honest. All I do recall was him challenging me to a kickabout the following afternoon, which was rather ballsy for someone as completely rubbish at football as he is."
The image of Harry attempting to pass the ball successfully to any professional footballer, let alone one of Louis's quality, was both absurd and slightly humiliating to even imagine. But then, it was Harry they were talking about. The man had absolutely no shame at all. "Sounds like something Harry would do," Liam agreed.
Louis smiled and took a sip of his champagne. "He then proposed a sing-off to even the score, and we've been friends since."
"We met when I was on X Factor and he came back to mentor," Liam offered, just in case Louis really didn't have any idea who he'd been left with. He hated assuming anyone should know who he was, and referencing X Factor was usually enough to spare the other person from having to ask any leading questions.
Usually when he said it people didn't look as bemused as Louis did, though. "I know, I watched your whole series."
"You did?" Liam asked, a little shocked but trying not to show it.
"Just because I play football doesn't mean I don't pay attention to anything else," Louis continued, looking at him over his glass as he took another drink.
"No, I didn't mean—Arsenal are having quite the season," Liam said awkwardly, desperate to shift the conversation. "Down to the wire between you and Liverpool for the League and all."
Thankfully, Louis seemed willing to follow his lead. "Yeah, should be an exciting final two matches."
"Bit of an understatement, that. Been some time since we've had to wait until May to see who's winning the silverware," Liam said.
"Hopefully we can pull it off in the end," Louis said. "Won't be easy, and Liverpool could still finish top. We might need a bit of help from Man City on that last Sunday."
"I think you'll do it, with the way you've been playing lately. Nothing getting past your back four these days," Liam said, suddenly unable to shut his mouth and letting every sort of babble slip past.
"Do you support us, then?" Louis asked curiously.
"Ah," responded Liam intelligently. "Well. I'm a rather new supporter? To be honest, I'm a bit at a loss for a club in the top flight at the moment, being from Wolverhampton." He accepted Louis's nod of condolence with good graces; it'd been years since his hometown club had been worth much of anything. "But since moving to London they've—you've become something of my adopted club."
"Well, I grew up a United supporter," Louis said with a conspiratorial air. "But I won't tell if you won't."
"Deal," Liam said happily. As usual, conversation seemed to be so much easier when it wasn't focused on Liam. He smiled back at Louis and tried to think of what to say next. Asking him where he grew up seemed a bit forward, and he could tell the general area from Louis's accent, anyway. Besides, if he were a proper Gunners supporter he'd already know that plus a dozen other biographical facts about his background, so it seemed rather rude not to know it, in any event.
Luckily he was saved from having to fumble his way forward by Harry coming up behind him, resting his chin on Liam's shoulder and wrapping an arm round his waist. "And what are we discussing here?"
"Football," Louis said, smirking at Harry.
Harry made a sound of deep judgment and boredom. "Always football, with this one."
"Well, it is something of a specialty for him," Liam said reasonably, sneaking another look at Louis. It was a good point, though. Why was he trying to talk football with an actual player of the game? He could contribute to a debate with his mates back home, in a pinch, but it wasn't like he had anything of worth to say about it to Tommo himself.
"Yes, well, we don't spend all our time discussing music, do we?" Harry pointed out.
"I don't know, how many different albums have you shoved at me over the past three years, insisting that I had to hear this new band?" Louis countered.
"He does that to you as well?" Liam asked, delighted that he wasn't the only one getting that treatment from Harry.
Louis ignored Harry's put-upon sigh and said, "Every time I see him, there's another new band I have to listen to, or a next album, or something. The latest one from Bastille wasn't bad, I'll grant you."
"It's a masterpiece," Harry muttered.
"And you've got a good mate there, he made sure to give me yours, as well," Louis continued, smiling at Liam.
Oh. "Harry, you didn't have to—"
"Yes I did, it's a bloody good album, and you're my mate," Harry cut him off.
It was one thing for Harry to tweet about Liam's album to all fifteen million of his followers, but somehow it felt different for Harry to be handing out free copies of his new CD like it was a pressing he had made in university or something. He was about to say so when Louis added, "Definitely my favourite album from someone off of X Factor since this wanker's debut."
"Oh," Liam said dumbly. "Cheers, then." He lifted his drink at Louis, suddenly feeling even more shy. Apparently Louis hadn't been being polite when he'd said he knew who Liam was.
"Further proof of your excellent taste," Harry said, clearly well on his way to being off his head on drink. Pretty soon he'd be on top of one of the tables, serenading a floral centerpiece. Likely the resulting photos splashed all over the internet would only further excite his fanbase and cause his next tour to sell out in two minutes rather than three. Liam didn't understand fame at all.
He watched as Harry slinked his way over to pick up another drink and then change course toward a current hot young thing, rumoured to be slated as the first Doctor played by an actor of colour. There'd be a lot of tabloid speculation over that conversation.
Shaking his head, Liam turned back to Louis, who was also watching Harry's progress with a bit of a smirk on his face. "I don't know how he does it," Liam said honestly.
"It's a gift, clearly," Louis said. "No use lamenting it. Hey, I don't know if you'll be in London or off on tour someplace in two weeks, but if you'd fancy seeing the last match at the Emirates on the final Sunday, I could get you a ticket."
"I—yeah," Liam stammered out. "I'll be in town! I mean, if you're sure...?"
"Of course," Louis said easily. Liam had no idea how people could be so confident. "I'll have it sent over to you."
Liam nodded. Then he heard his mum's voice in his head insisting that such a gesture demanded reciprocity, which overruled his surety that this was a ridiculous offer to make: "If you'd like to see Little Mix at any of their shows this next month, I could get you tickets. Since I'm opening for them and all," he added quickly, in case it seemed like he was offering seats for a random concert. When Louis looked like he didn't know what to say, Liam attempted to clarify by saying, "But I don't know if you get a chance to see many shows, what with your schedule." That didn't clear up anything, he was sure. Miserably he waited for a response.
"That'd be lovely," Louis said finally, still staring at Liam with that odd expression. "Actually, if it's not too much trouble, my little sisters would absolutely die to meet Little Mix. I could get the tickets myself, of course, or ask Harry, but it'd make me seem much cooler to arrange it through you."
"Of course," Liam said instantly. "That'd be no problem at all, I'm sure the girls would be happy to meet them, they're absolutely brilliant with fans, just lovely."
"They'll want to meet you as well, hope that's alright," Louis said. "Just make sure to tell them what a close personal friend you are of mine, they've long ago stopped being impressed by either Harry or my boring job. But you're the hot new thing, so."
"Hope I won't disappoint, then," Liam said lightly. "I'm not exactly exciting, no matter what Harry might say. It's a pretty great show, though." Having people scream his name while he sang made some small amount of sense to him, but he'd never understand why people found him shopping even remotely interesting, or why fans might want to meet him at a show. Paul and Zayn said it was only likely to get worse, but Liam hoped they were wrong.
"I'll let the girls know. It'll be the five of us, then, if that's alright," Louis said, smiling a little.
"Sure," Liam said, smiling back. Well, at least he hadn't made a complete twat of himself this evening. Liam would count it a win.
* * *
May
The final match of the season was the first time Liam had ever been to the Emirates Stadium. It was a proper modern pitch, screaming of money and investment in a way that Wolves never had. But the crowd was the same, with the same kind of nervous anticipation, that anxious pride that was ready to flip over to agony and despair and recrimination if things didn't go the Gunners' way. It felt familiar and a bit like going home, for all that he was in North London and not the Midlands.
The crowd's reaction to him was a bit of a throwback as well—or at least their lack of reaction was. There was the odd fan who approached him for a picture, and he felt more than one person look at him for a bit longer than normal, trying to place his face. But for the most part, the fact that there was a random former X Factor contestant on the grounds merely emphasised how important this match really was, rather than distracted from it.
It was quite nice, really.
He didn't mind his fans when they did come up to him, of course, especially after a concert and the like. And he'd spent enough time with Harry out and about to know that the sort of attention he got was nowhere near as bad as it could be. But there was something freeing about being in the middle of a crowd that was wholly consumed with something completely unrelated to him.
He snapped out of his contemplation when his dad shouldered his way through the crowd, holding two cups of tea for them. "Alright then, son?" his dad asked, eyes bright with excitement.
Liam smiled and took his tea. "This way, I think," he said, leading him down through the stand.
The seats Louis had got them were appallingly nice, on the club level right along the Arsenal side. The visitors end was off to their left, Fulham's supporters doing their best to make their presence known. Their efforts were almost entirely drowned out by the collective chanting of the Arsenal supporters; practically the whole stadium was singing in unison, the sound filling up and reverberating around the pitch. Liam had a moment to wonder what it would be like to perform in a place like this, with the communal swell and roar of the crowd. It was hard to imagine, even after his success on X Factor had gone beyond what anyone could have expected (save perhaps his parents).
Liam had never been to a match so big before, the tension and excitement rippling through the crowd. Liverpool sat one point behind Arsenal in the table; if Man City managed to beat Liverpool at Anfield today, the title was safe for Arsenal. But if Liverpool were to win, the pressure would be on Arsenal to win as well, and even a draw for the Gunners could prove to be disastrous. There were so many possible outcomes it made Liam a bit dizzy to hold them all straight in his head.
Soon the two teams came out for the pre-match formalities, each player holding the hand of a little girl or boy, and Liam forgot to think about the points. His eyes were caught on Louis, looking utterly in his element, chatting with the little girl he was holding hands with as if he wasn't walking onto the pitch for the biggest match of his career. When he looked up into the crowd, his face was radiant.
"There's Tommo, then!" his dad exclaimed, pointing to Louis as they walked out, and Liam nodded, unable to look away. "Can't believe you met him at a charity do."
"He's one of Harry's friends, we met through him," Liam tried to explain, his face flushing.
"Don't see Harry here today though, do you," his dad said proudly. "Course you know Louis Tomlinson, what am I saying."
Liam decided that attempting to explain Harry's tour schedule to his dad once again wasn't worth the time it would take; instead he watched the players doing last minute warm-ups and stretches before they got into their positions for kickoff.
The truth was that Liam really wasn't sure exactly why Louis had offered him tickets. He had quite expected that the invitation had been a bit of banter to liven up a boring charity obligation, rather than a sincere offer. But then two days later Liam had got a text from an unknown number stating hey Liam, it's Louis Tomlinson, got your number off Harry, and that was that. They hadn't texted often during the two weeks leading up to today, but Louis had made it perfectly clear that his offer of tickets had been sincere, which left Liam scrambling to get the best house seats he could for the first night at the O2 for Louis and his sisters in three weeks' time.
He finally gave his dad what he wanted. "Yeah, I know Tommo now," he said, almost blushing at the look of pride his dad shot him.
"Course you do. Now let's hope he's as hard a worker as you are out there," his dad said, just as the whistle went and the crowd roared for the first touch of the match.
Hard worker didn't come close to capturing what Louis was out there on the pitch.
Liam knew that the sort of fluid, instinctive play that Arsenal midfielders were famous for must come from hours and hours of training; but it was hard to imagine that work now, when each touch and connection looked effortless and inevitable, like there was no other end result for each play. It was a shock rather than standard when the Fulham defence were able to break up a pass or, even rarer, when an Arsenal player mis-kicked a ball.
It reminded Liam of why it was a game that they were said to play, because it felt like that, like joy and excitement in each touch. And then Wilshere scored the first goal of the match at the twenty-third minute, a brilliant finish after a series of gorgeous touches between him, Louis and Özil, and the stadium exploded in celebration.
"Now there's a goal!" Liam's dad shouted in his ear as they stood with the crowd, watching the celebration on the corner of the pitch, Tommo and Wilshere on their knees and wrapped up in a hug.
Liam nodded. They weren't in the clear yet, needing to add another goal to feel that the game was safe. But the crowd was striving with the players now, the first goal making the result they needed seem so close. Liam felt himself get swept up in every touch of the ball in Fulham's half, waiting to see if this would be the play that secured the Gunners' victory. He found himself gripping his dad's sleeve when Fulham led a counterattack into Arsenal's half, the visiting club determined to spoil the party if they possibly could.
He was right to be worried, Clint Dempsey somehow finding space among Arsenal's back four and firing off a shot that had too much power for Szczęsny to stop, the keeper getting a few fingers on it but unable to keep it out of the goal. Suddenly the match was level again, and Arsenal were in danger once more.
There were a few golden opportunities wasted during the rest of the first half—an open shot from Walcott that he shanked high, and a header by Giroud off a corner that just went wide of the post. By the time the first half whistle went, the crowd responded like the Gunners were down three or four goals rather than just one away from a win. Liam felt it in his gut, a deep fear and anxiety that was for himself and all the fans and also Louis, almost more than anything else. It was too much to take, really.
"They'll find the back of the net again in the second half," Liam's dad said with all the easy confidence of a new supporter.
"Yeah, if they don't cock it all up," said a man behind them, and from the grunt of agreement from his companion he wasn't the only one there steeling himself for bitter disappointment.
The subs were all out on the pitch during the halftime, keeping warm so that they'd be more or less ready for any second half substitutions. Liam watched them with only half an ear for the genial conversation his dad was having with the men behind them. This was a pressure he could not even imagine. He knew what it was like to compete for himself, to walk out on stage and have to prove himself to a new audience, convince them that he was worth their attention. But he'd never had a team of lads relying on him like this, needing his best from him and paying the price if he didn't give it to them. Nor had he ever had hundreds of thousands of people whose own happiness depended on his performance. It was an awe-inspiring responsibility, one that made him feel slightly ill even to consider.
He saw none of those nerves in Tommo when the teams stepped back out onto the pitch for the start of the second half. His body language was loose and open, and the way that he played, the way that the entire interlocking Arsenal midfield flowed together from the first touch, suddenly made Liam certain that they would get it done.
Liam tried to track the movements of everyone on the Arsenal side, but his attention kept getting caught by Louis's command of the ball, the way he seemed to be orchestrating each major push forward, the immediate regrouping of the attack when the defence shut down the attempts of Fulham's forwards. The build and pace of the play filled his chest with joy, heart beating faster and entire body focused on their efforts. When Tommo neatly slotted away a goal in the lower left corner after a series of one touches that left Liam feeling breathless, it was the most remarkable moment in sport he'd ever seen. It was like a dance, one that must have been choreographed in the minds of every child playing a bit of kickabout in their back gardens, imagining glory.
He and his dad grabbed each other's shoulders, identical expressions of joy on their faces, and turned back to roar their satisfaction at the pitch. There was a cluster of Arsenal players all piled on top of Louis, celebrating the biggest goal scored for an Arsenal side in more than ten years. They finally let him up as they all jogged back to their positions for the re-start, Tommo kissing his fist three times and holding up his index finger to the crowd, likely to his family or girlfriend or both.
A few minutes later there was a roar that reverberated around the stands even while nothing seemed to happen on the pitch. Liam had a few seconds of confusion before one of the men behind him yelled out, "City have gone ahead!" He joined in with the crowd's roaring rendition of the North Bank chant, even the players on the pitch seeming to realise that the League was comfortably in their grasp.
The rest of the match was nervy but never truly in doubt, Walcott scoring a lovely chip in at the seventy-eighth minute for insurance, and for the final ten minutes of the match the entire stadium was nearly delirious with joy, scarves held high throughout the non-stop chanting. Louis was subbed in the eighty-fifth minute, which Liam felt was a bit unfair until he realised it gave the crowd a chance to applaud him separately as he jogged toward the bench. He acknowledged the crowd before he was wrapped up in hug by Wenger, a display of affection Liam couldn't remember having seen from the manager before.
The final whistle was Liam's cue to really breathe again, now that there was nothing that could happen to take the victory away. He couldn't stop beaming, watching as the Gunners jumped all over each other and shook hands with the Fulham players, who were now offering their sincere congratulations. Mostly he watched Louis make his way through his entire team, his face taken over by his grin, embracing each of the players one by one with a firm hug and cup to the back of the head.
"Won't forget seeing this any time soon," Liam's dad said in his ear as the players were presented with the league trophy, crowd shouting its approval and satisfaction.
Liam shook his head, still amazed, watching as some of the best players in the world celebrated their victory. His focus was mainly for the player he improbably could claim as a friend, or at the very least as an acquaintance, and he marvelled again that his life had led him here. He thought about Louis's goal, and how he felt almost like he'd been a part of it himself, just for having witnessed it.
"Absolutely incredible, that was," he said to no one in particular, and got a friendly shoulder-clap for it from one of the men nearby, hardly a stranger anymore after they'd shared a victory like this.
* * *
Once they were out of the stadium and away from the crush of the crowd, ears still buzzing from the noise of sixty thousand voices united as one, Liam pulled out his phone to text Louis. Every imaginable word of congratulations seemed hopelessly inadequate for the occasion, but in the end Liam just told the truth.
Hey mate u were brillianttttttttttttt out there!! well deserved win by the gunners and by you. congratulations and enjoyyyyyyyyyyy it!
He said goodbye to his dad, hugging him tight before making his way to the tube to go to his tour rehearsal—away from one fantasy and back to an even weirder one.
He didn't think that Louis would actually respond to his text—Liam knew from his own experience on X Factor that Louis was likely getting texts from every person he'd ever met, and he had no doubt that Louis's social circle was far wider than his own—but two days later he got a reply.
Cheers, mate !! Glad I made your trip up there worth your while. Expect you'll return the favour at the O2 soon :)
* * *
June
As crazy as his life was these days, with the press and the unrelenting schedule and the need to keep his presence up in the public eye, there was little chance of Liam forgetting that it was worth it. That was especially true while he was on tour and performing five nights out of seven; those moments on stage made everything else fade into the background.
He had feared he might be lonely on his own after the complete insanity of the X Factor tour, the entire cast all crammed onto a bus together for weeks on end. But Little Mix and their dancers and band and crew never left him wanting for company, and for more quiet evenings there was always Zayn. The list of things he would never be able to repay Harry for was long and comprehensive, but introducing him to Zayn was at the very top.
"You need a stylist for your first album, and I know just the bloke for you," Harry had said, steamrolling over any objections Liam might have had. Liam hadn't known what to expect, given the whirlwind of Harry's own fashion choices, but a soft-spoken, self-proclaimed nerd from Bradford wasn't it.
"This may be an odd question, like, but who's your favourite superhero? It'll give me a sense of the direction I should take for your look," Zayn said on their first meeting. Liam would have been positive he was taking the mickey were it not for the utter sincerity in his voice.
"Well, that's a hard one," Liam answered after a moment's consideration. "Because I'm quite torn between Iron Man and Batman."
"Hmmm." Zayn looked at him thoughtfully. "That's a definite start, then." Suddenly Liam went from wearing his best Wolverhampton approximation of a teen idol's wardrobe to dressing in leather jackets and dirty vests and jeans and boots, the closest thing to cool he'd ever been. And for night, it was all black on black, waistcoats and buttoned up sophistication.
"You're Tony in the workshop during the day, and Bruce out on the town in the evening. Or Tony Stark, billionaire, rather than Tony, best friend to robots."
"This is sick," Liam said, staring at himself in the mirror, feeling over how the black jacket fit the line of his body perfectly, making him look long and lean.
"You really like it?" Zayn asked, voice a bit shy.
Liam turned to stare at him. "Like it? Mate, you've managed to turn me into a pop star superhero," he said, breaking out into a huge grin.
Zayn smiled and ducked his head. "Well, I had good material to work with."
From that point on, Zayn was a part of Liam's team (and Liam was sure that he'd never get used to having a 'team' at all); he was there for Liam's entire headlining tour through the UK, he and Paul the rocks Liam clung to. They were both there with him now on the Little Mix tour, which was a spectacle on a scale Liam had never seen before. It was actually pretty nice to be in the midst of such chaos again—it took a lot of the pressure off him. His second single was selling well, the radio play was solid, and Little Mix's audiences seemed more than happy to cheer for him. It all gave him a bit of breathing room.
The fact that it wasn't his show alone that sold out the O2 for three nights running didn't make it any less amazing to be performing at the O2. His mum and dad and sisters would be there for the first night, as well as loads of people he didn't know who would scream his name anyway. And assuming there hadn't been any change after Louis's last text, he and his sisters would be there tonight as well.
Liam kind of doubted that Louis would be able to make it. Or he wasn't counting on it, at least. It seemed pretty incredible that Louis would take time out from his training for the Euros to come see a concert. So it was a bit of a shock to get a text from Louis about thirty minutes before he went on stage.
My sisters and I have got settled, thanks for the amazing seats. Have a feeling it's about to get even louder in here.
Liam smiled and quickly shot off a response.
you've got no idea mate!
Think it'll be louder than at the Emirates??
I can guarantee itll be higher pitched aha
The kick of adrenaline he got from a simple text exchange was ridiculous, but there it was. It wasn't the first time he'd started to get a crush on somebody he had no business fancying, but it'd been a while, and Louis was more spectacularly out of his league than most. Liam shook himself a bit, loosening up his shoulders, about to try some breathing exercises he'd learnt on X Factor, but before he'd even started, Zayn found him for a final touch up on his hair and he immediately calmed down. The soft pull of Zayn's fingers through Liam's hair as he styled it was definitely a part of what did it, but mostly it was Zayn himself. "Just go out there and sing," Zayn said, his low voice soothing Liam's nerves.
Once he stepped out on stage his worry about an inconvenient crush fell away immediately, his awareness only for his performance and connecting with the whole crowd; he didn't really have any attention to spare, even for his family or a famous footballer. A lot of the people in the crowd had come for Little Mix, he knew that, but if he could make the wait a bit more enjoyable, so much the better for them all.
It was a solid show. Liam was locked in with his band, and there were a few very enthusiastic pockets of fans who were clearly there for him as well as for Little Mix. Perhaps some of them were there just for him. He felt selfish even thinking that some of his fans might not love Little Mix as much as they loved him; but it was still sweet, the idea that there might be people who were here just for him alone.
He was more jittery than usual during Little Mix's set, standing sidestage for the entire time just to work out some of his energy. The crew were watching him as he danced along to Move and the other massive hits off Salute, but he didn't care. Sometimes he thought about what it would be like to have a cast of dancers backing him up, a huge production like this, but he wasn't sure whether his audience would follow him in that direction, or if it was even his style. But nothing was stopping him from enjoying his vantage point while on tour with them.
He did remember to find Paul when Little Mix came off stage before their first encore. "Everything's all set for the crew coming backstage after the show, yeah?" he asked. From the way Paul rolled his eyes, he knew he was meddling a bit, but it was hard not to be concerned about everything.
"Yes, Liam, we've all done our jobs and everyone who needs passes has them. Especially Tommo," Paul said indulgently.
"No, I know you would, I just. I wouldn't want there to be a problem that I could have prevented if I was only paying better attention," Liam tried to explain.
If anything that just made Paul seem both grumpier and more fond of him. "No one who's ever met you would think that, kid," Paul said before getting him in a headlock. "Now go find Zayn, maybe he'll listen to your worries."
Liam didn't think so; or at least, Zayn would sit with him while Liam worked out all the things he had to keep track of, but that wasn't exactly listening. That was providing a blank wall for Liam to talk at, something that wouldn't judge him but also wouldn't wind him up further.
Liam should go find Zayn.
Twenty minutes later he was sat in his dressing room, listening to Zayn explain his vision for Liam's next tattoo — "Something curving all the way over your shoulders" (Liam wasn't convinced) — when there was a knock on the door. "Come on in!" he shouted, standing up to greet his family.
But it wasn't them at all, it was Louis Tomlinson stood there, smiling at him. Liam felt a sudden jolt in his stomach, an upturn of the nerves that had been threatening to overtake him all night, and he thought, Oh.
"Thought I'd come by to see you, since my sisters are currently quietly breaking down over meeting Little Mix," Louis said, grinning sharply. From the rather loud conversation Liam could hear from all the way down the hall, Liam thought things must be going quite well for Louis's sisters.
Liam's heart was beating too fast and his palms were sweaty and he suddenly couldn't think at all, not with Louis looking at him like that. "No problem at all, of course! Ah. How did you enjoy the show?" Liam asked, immediately regretting it. Nothing like soliciting a compliment right off the bat, Payne.
If Louis noticed his rudeness, he certainly didn't comment on it. "Oh, it was brilliant. Never seen a pop show as good as the girls did. And obviously you were incredible," he said with a quick wink.
"So pleased to hear that, cheers," Liam said almost robotically, trying to let his mind work on autopilot, since his body was clearly not. He rubbed his palms on his jeans and attempted to ignore the butterflies in his stomach. "Always happy to know I've made a fan happy. I mean. Not that you're just a normal fan, of course, but—"
"It's alright, your friends can be fans, too. I've learnt that by now," Louis said, bailing him out again.
It was a relief when Zayn finally stepped in and saved Liam from his own awkwardness. "Don't know how you could be a friend of either of you without also being a fan," Zayn said, mostly to Louis but with a bit of a nudge for Liam. "I'm Zayn, by the way."
"Oh god, yes, sorry, I'm rubbish at introductions," Liam said, face heating up. He was a proper mess. "This is Zayn."
"I'd caught that part, yes," Louis said cheerfully, holding out a hand for Zayn to shake. "I'm Louis."
"I'm Liam's stylist, and don't mind him, he's always like this after a show." Zayn was a good friend. The greatest friend, really, even if he was also a bit of a liar.
"I totally understand, I'm basically worthless after a match. Takes me at least three hours before I'm fit for anything other than eating or staring at a wall," Louis said. He eyed Liam for a moment, gaze sweeping over his face and then down his body to his toes, and what little equilibrium Liam had found vanished. "What sort of stylist are you, then?"
"Ah, I do a bit of it all, really. Hair, clothes, tattoos, the whole package. I think of myself as an artist for the body," Zayn said, the sincerity so thick it was almost cloying.
Louis gave a little laugh. "You should get that on your business cards, mate," he said in much the same tone.
"Nah, mate, I'm having it done as a tattoo, much easier that way," Zayn replied immediately.
"You're a man with a plan, I can see that," Louis said, voice serious even as his eyes were laughing. Of course Zayn would get on with Louis Tomlinson in an instant. Liam didn't even know why he was surprised.
"I only caught it on the telly, but Liam told me you were smashing a few weeks back against Fulham," Zayn said then, and Liam immediately mentally retracted all nice things he had ever thought about Zayn.
"Ah, cheers, then. Can't take all the credit, of course, all the lads played a complete game that day," Louis said. But he looked quite pleased for all that, and Liam suddenly wondered if his single text on the match had been enough of a reaction to one of the best displays of sport Liam had ever seen.
Then Zayn said, "From the way Liam described it, there was practically no one else on the pitch that day," and Liam was very grateful indeed that he had been so circumspect with his direct praise.
"Well, I think that's only natural, to focus on a player you've actually met. We always notice our friends more than strangers," Louis said.
"Yes, exactly, like I'll always notice Harry in a crowd before anyone else," Liam said quickly. This was completely normal, and not at all a Louis-specific thing. Absolutely.
Both Zayn and Louis laughed. "Mate, I think that's just Harry, I don't think you can really base anything off always noticing him," Zayn said.
"I don't know how he does it, he just glides through a crowd, acting exactly as he pleases, and somehow everyone thinks that's so charming," Louis said, shaking his head.
"I think. I think it's that he seems like a friend to everyone, but not the boring sort you'd have round to watch a film on a Saturday night, but the kind who would see the best parts of you, and make it seem interesting. Like a mirror for everything we want to be," Liam said, his mouth running away with him yet again. He tried to meet Louis's gaze, not falter in it, but in the end he had to look away.
"I never really thought about it that way," Louis said finally.
Liam shrugged. "I think a lot about a lot of things," he said, mentally wincing at himself even as the words left his mouth. Well done, Liam, a thinker about a lot of things. Just brilliant. Now he'll definitely want to be a close mate of yours, much less fall desperately in love with you. And that was even leaving aside the issue of Louis's sexuality, about which Liam knew exactly nothing, so it was probably stupid to even start going down that road. Too late now, though.
"Could also just be that he's bloody gorgeous," Louis continued. Liam revised his previous thought, but only a touch; acknowledging Harry Styles's beauty was practically a national sport for England's male population at this point. It almost seemed like a bloke couldn't be considered properly straight without commenting on his curls or eyes or smile at least once.
"Who's bloody gorgeous?" Ruth asked from behind Louis, Liam's entire family suddenly popping up in their doorway.
"Harry, who else?" Liam said quickly, moving past Louis to give his mum a kiss and his dad a hug. "You all found Paul, then?"
"Oh yes, he got us all straightened out, led us right here," Liam's mum said. "Hello Zayn dear, how are you?" she asked, coming over for a hug and a kiss from him.
"Just fine, Karen," Zayn said, hugging her back. Liam maneouvered through the small space to give Ruth and then Nicola a hug.
"And I believe I know who this is," Liam's dad said, and Liam turned around just in time to see him hold out a hand to Louis. "Fantastic effort against Fulham, lad, I was quite impressed."
"Thank you, sir," Louis said, glancing over at Liam.
"I, uh, I brought my dad with me to the match," Liam explained quickly. "Right, Louis, this is my dad, Geoff, and my mum, Karen, and my sisters, Ruth and Nicola. And this is, well, you know," Liam said, running out of steam a bit at the end.
"I'm Louis," Louis filled in, still shaking Liam's dad's hand.
"Of course you are. Hope you enjoyed the show?" Liam's dad asked, and if it was embarrassing that Liam had asked that, it was even more mortifying that his father was now.
Louis didn't show any notice of any of that, though. "Liam just smashed it, didn't he?" Liam felt his face go red again.
"Well, that's what he always does, isn't it," his dad said.
This was all a bit much. "Dad," Liam said, with little hope of forestalling much, much worse.
Louis saved him yet again, though. "Well, I should probably find my sisters before one of them convinces Little Mix that they really need a fifth member. Although given the legacy of the Spice Girls, that's not a bad argument."
"Do you have a budding star in the family, then?" Liam asked, thankful to be talking about someone else's family altogether.
"All of them, really, but Daisy in particular. She's probably attached herself to Perrie already, best get her to leave her be."
"Can't really blame her for loving Perrie, though," Zayn said. Liam attempted but largely failed to keep the smirk off his face. Zayn's crush was becoming more epic by the day.
"Course not, she's massively talented. And rather well fit to boot," Louis said, winking at Zayn. "But then they all are, aren't they?"
"No argument here," Liam said, trying not to show his disappointment. He told himself to stop being ridiculous and be a good mate instead. "Listen, if you'd like a proper introduction, I can promise you that I'll do better with them." He suddenly became aware of his family watching them both curiously, which just made him more determined. "They're all quite lovely, even nicer in real life than they seem on the telly."
Louis punched him lightly in the arm and shook his head. "I appreciate it, but we need to get going anyway. Plus I'm sure that my sisters will be telling me which one of them I'm supposed to be marrying soon," he added with a laugh.
"Good to know they have your life under control for you," Liam said, trying to match his tone.
"Always." Louis smiled at him again, and Liam helplessly smiled back. "Well. I'll be out of the country for the next month—"
"Yeah, best of luck with that and all," Liam interjected.
Louis nodded and kept going. "But I'll be back in town for a bit mid-July, you should ring me sometime."
Liam bit his lip and was about to answer when his mum of all people beat him to it. "Oh, that's a shame, our Liam will still be over in America touring."
"Really?" Louis asked. Liam didn't want to think about why he found it so hard to meet Louis's gaze.
"Yeah, this tour's headed over there for two months. Big chance for the Americans to get their first taste of Liam," Ruth said. His family were the worst.
"I should be back in London by August, though," Liam said before anyone else could pull out some baby pictures or the like. "I'll be recording here for most of the autumn."
Louis was laughing at him, he was pretty sure. But even still, Louis just said, "Well, ring me when you've finished being an international pop star, then."
Liam swallowed hard. "Will do," he said. He even told himself that he would.
* * *
July
On the first Sunday in July, the entire tour crammed into the back room of an Irish pub two blocks from Madison Square Garden to watch the Final of the Euros. Liam wasn't entirely sure who was to thank for that, but it was lovely to be able to watch football properly, in a dimly lit bar with a pint of lager, instead of squinting at a stream on his laptop in the bus's lounge.
It was strange enough to be in America during what was turning out to be the most successful international tournament for England since the fabled home World Cup in 1966. The fact that people here could talk about anything else, that it wasn't the first thing he was asked about during every radio interview, was more disorientating than any other superficial difference between America and the UK. But at least New York seemed to understand what made this Sunday so important; he'd lost count of the number of people he'd seen wearing white and red jerseys on the way to the pub, and the main room was packed to the gills with England supporters. Belgium had their pockets of supporters at the bar also, as well they should given their success this summer. But England were the team to beat, in terms of sheer talent and momentum and historical significance—exactly half a century after England's ultimate triumph on the football pitch, could she now reclaim some of her former glory, paving the way for a new legacy of greatness?
All of that went a long way to explain why Liam was so nervous he thought he might be sick, but it wasn't the whole story. As new and as slight as his connection to Tommo might be, he had never before felt anxiety on a personal level while watching international football, and he had discovered that it was absolute rubbish.
Zayn seemed to experience no anxiety at all, the utter bastard. "Relax, will you, they'll pull it off," he said confidently. Liam moaned and dropped his head on the counter of the bar.
"Might as well try to enjoy it," Perrie added, making herself comfortable on Zayn's lap. It had taken approximately one day of being in America for their flirtation to tip over into a tour romance to rival all others. Zayn insisted it was all just a laugh, nothing serious, but Liam had his doubts. "It's not like your worry will actually help him, anyway."
Liam decided not to comment on the fact that apparently everyone knew exactly who and not what his concern was for. "It's not like I'm choosing to be anxious, am I," he said, sitting back up and taking a disgruntled gulp of his beer. "Can't help being nervous. Don't know how you two are so calm."
"Well, you should be nervous," Paul put in from Liam's other side.
Zayn groaned. "Paul, you're killing me here."
"England haven't done nothing but choke when they're on the centre stage since before any of you lot were born. Expecting anything different today is just inviting heartache."
"Thank you, Paul," Liam said glumly.
"Now I think of it, though, Zayn's right. It's utter bollocks to be anxious over this. It's like war: there's no use being afraid of dying, since we're all already dead, innit?" Paul said cheerfully. "So drink up, lads. You too, Perrie," he added.
That at least Liam could do, with the end result being that by the time the match got underway at quarter past eleven in the morning, he was already half drunk and on a first name basis with the bartender (Damian, lovely fellow from Cork).
The first half was sheer agony to watch, both the English and the Belgians locked into a conservative, defensive game play. It was nothing like the inventive, risky play England had so uncharacteristically displayed earlier in the tournament. Now they looked much like they always had, plodding and careful, reliant upon set pieces for any sort of scoring opportunity.
Liam felt that he must somehow be contributing to this lackluster reversion to English standard form, that his own anxiety was traveling clear across the Atlantic to infect every player on the team. At the halftime whistle, he abruptly downed the last of his beer and stood up, desperate to escape for just a moment's peace.
"Can I bum a cig?" he asked Zayn, needing something to do with his hands.
Zayn nodded, tapping Perrie on her hip until she slid off his lap. "Yeah, I'll join you."
It was on the tip of Liam's tongue to tell Zayn snippily that he didn't need a babysitter, thanks and all. But Zayn probably actually needed a nicotine fix, and on reflection Liam shouldn't be alone amidst the smokers out front. He was liable to start a fight with one of them, or at the very least glare sternly at them.
Zayn kept a hand on Liam's elbow as they made their way out of the pub. Liam let him guide them to a spare patch of pavement and they both lit up among the rest of the anxiety smokers.
The first inhale distracted him, at least, even if it didn't have quite the dulling effect on his nerves that he'd been hoping for. "Why are they playing such crap?" he finally asked on the tail end of an exhale.
Zayn shrugged. "It's a final, mate. Finals are never good matches if you actually care who wins."
"I know, but." Liam didn't know where he was going with that thought, so he took another drag off his cigarette. "I thought smoking during a match was supposed to make you feel better," he complained.
Zayn stared at him. "It's a cigarette, Liam, not Valium." Which, fair enough.
Liam ground out the butt under his boot and took a deep breath. The humidity-thick air of New York in July was less than refreshing, the heat rising from the tarmac around them in practically visible waves. "Well," he said. "I suppose we should go back in and get it over with."
"That's the spirit," Zayn said, and back in they went.
For the first fifteen minutes of the second half, Liam allowed himself to hope. There was more of a spark there, a hint of the flow that had become second nature for England this year. Walcott had two good chances, and it seemed that the Belgian defence might actually loosen its hold on the match. Liam had to keep himself from cringing every time the ball was in England's half, but it seemed like things were going England's way.
He had just convinced himself to calm down a bit when one of the Belgian forwards made a lovely play on a poorly placed pass by an English player and went charging up the sideline, plenty of pace on the ball and with loads of space, no defender between him and the goal. Liam watched in horror as the player went to cut inside, and Gary Cahill arrived with the tackle just a second too late, missing the ball entirely and taking out the attacker, studs up. The entire pub exploded in noise, but Liam could only wait and watch, a pit of anxiety in his stomach, as the ref jogged up to Cahill and showed him the red card.
It was the right call, he knew it was, and so did every member on the England squad by their tepid protests to the ref. But it was a bloody disaster. Liam watched through his fingers as Cahill walked off the pitch, trying to imagine how England could win playing the rest of the match with only ten men.
"Had to do it," Paul said to his right, but he didn't sound grumpy, almost admiring.
"What?" Liam asked.
"Cahill. If he hadn't've done it, it's one-nil to Belgium, and they're done with. Now they've just got to defend this free kick and hold it together, and England still have a shot to win this."
"While we're down a man? After how we've been playing? You're fucking mental," Liam said.
"You're too young to be this pessimistic, it doesn't look good on you," Paul mocked him. "I mean, what have you even lived through? Go on, watch, he'll miss this free kick."
Against his better judgment, Liam lifted his head to watch Belgium take a free kick from twenty-five yards out. It was a cracker of a shot, low and with a nasty curve around the wall, but Joe Hart made a spectacular save to keep the match level.
"See?" Paul said smugly, and Liam just shook his head. There were thirty-five minutes still to go, an eternity to defend while a man down.
England were good at locking it down, making it impossible for Belgium to get a rhythm or find any space. Liam felt himself start to get both hopeful and totally despondent when they hit the eightieth minute. If they could make it through regulation and overtime, their disadvantage wouldn't matter at all during the penalties. If someone had told him that he'd be hoping for this match to end in penalties, he would have laughed in their face, but here he was.
In the eighty-second minute Jack Wilshere was brought on as a sub, not a move Liam would have predicted. "That's a bit odd," he said, his worry rushing back. "What are they doing?"
"Looks like they're ramping up the attack again," Paul said, the both of them staring at the telly, watching as Wilshere's addition seemed to up the intensity for the entire England side in an instant. The passes were connecting again, the man disadvantage seemingly disappearing in the flow, the previously stalwart Belgian defence suddenly looking tired and out of gas.
A flicker of hope flared up in Liam's belly, and he tried to quash it, tried to extinguish it before it could make the probable loss and devastation even worse. But before he could get a handle on it, a spectacular bit of footwork from Wilshere meant that the ball was through for England, arriving just at the top of the box, with Louis sweeping in through the middle of Belgium's defence to reach it.
"Oh, he's got it," Zayn said from Liam's left, but Liam could hardly breathe let alone speak as he watched Louis settle the ball with one touch, manoeuvering neatly with practically no space at all, three Belgian defenders barreling down on him. There was a moment of sheer disbelief warring with anticipation as Louis planted his left foot and slotted the ball past the keeper, just curling inside the far post, the ball hitting the back of the net before the keeper even finished diving for it.
Liam was on his feet without making any conscious decision to stand up, arms raised in the air, shouting along with the entire pub. He felt like his entire chest was about to burst open, and he grabbed hold of Paul for a hug and then Zayn and then Perrie, completely overwhelmed. The relief and adrenaline flowing through him made him jittery, his entire body shaking.
"They've still got to make it through ten minutes, lads! Don't celebrate too hard yet," Paul warned, in a complete reversal of his previous unfounded optimism, but Liam couldn't follow his advice now any more than he'd been able to twenty minutes earlier. England had to hold on to win it. He stared at where Louis was utterly crushed under his entire team, the look of sheer joy on his face in the replay of his goal, and he couldn't bear to think about England letting it slip away. Not now, not after what Louis had just done. Not when they were so close.
Belgium weren't going down without a fight, the late goal providing their own burst of energy as they tried desperately to level it. England's defence was locked down, and the midfield continued to press, didn't let Belgium dictate the ball, which Liam understood as a tactical matter but found incredibly stressful to watch. He wanted all ten men between the goal and the ball at all times. But the minutes counted down, more slowly than any Liam could remember in his life, until finally they were in the last three minutes of stoppage time.
"I can't take this. Three minutes? For what?" Liam lamented, downing the shot that someone had already ordered for the room, hoping he wasn't jinxing the entire match with it.
"They'll do it, they'll hold on," Zayn said, a note of desperation in his voice for the first time. Liam thought about what it would be like to lose this in the end, after such a fantastic late goal, how they could survive falling apart (and in France, of all places), and he stuck his fingers in his mouth, chewing on his nails.
The entire pub lived and died with each pass of the ball by Belgium, cheering as soon as England regained possession and buzzing with anticipation. Liam saw rather than heard the ref blow the final whistle, and then the din somehow got even louder and he couldn't hear himself think as he chanted, "Champione, champione! Ole, ole, ole!" along with the whole back room. It was absurd, a triumph so great he hadn't even let himself truly consider that it might happen, what it would mean, how it would feel.
And the camera kept showing Louis, first with his teammates, then consoling one of the Belgian players and exchanging jerseys with him, and finally jogging up to the stands of England fans, celebrating along with them.
Liam had actual tears in his eyes, a fact that would probably feel more embarrassing if there weren't other England fans weeping outright in the pub. It felt a bit odd to not be in England for this moment, to not be with his dad down at his local in Wolverhampton or with Harry at some pub in London. But the crew in this back room of a pub in New York were his way of bringing England with him, and that would do just fine.
He focused on Louis on the screen again, being interviewed about his goal. The pub was still too loud for Liam to really make out the words, but he could read it all on Louis's face anyway, the joy and relief and pride and utter disbelief there. Louis was sweaty and pink-cheeked and so incredibly beautiful, and Liam couldn't look away from him, staring until they moved on to Wilshere. Liam pulled out his phone then to add his tweet to the millions already out there.
well done to @louistommo and the rest of the lads!!! cant believe it proud to know you mate #England
The adrenaline was draining out of him, leaving him feeling like he'd been the one playing for ninety minutes. It was a gift of scheduling to not have a show this evening. By the time they went on tomorrow it was possible Liam would have recovered from the hangover he was planning on earning tonight.
He was startled out of his thoughts by Zayn pounding him on the back before tugging him in for a hug. Liam leaned into him, suddenly so grateful all over again that he got to travel with one of his best mates. It made the weirdness of not always feeling like he belonged much easier to deal with.
There was something in that thought, something he wanted to capture in a song, maybe. But now wasn't the time for that at all. Now was time for shots.
"Hey Damian, give us another round of shots! Maybe Jameson, like," Liam shouted at the bartender.
"Knew you'd want to raise a glass in honour of Ireland," Damian shot back as he lined up the glasses on the bar. Liam grinned and flipped him two fingers, his entire body warm and floaty now.
"I can't believe they actually did it!" he yelled to no one and everyone at once.
"And in bloody France, too, that'll teach 'em," Paul added from his right. "Only thing better would've been beating them in their own country."
"Yeah, but Belgium deserved to be there and all," Liam said.
"They did, no one's saying otherwise, but England were the best," Zayn said, raising his glass. Liam and the whole pub joined him for one more shot.
By the time they stumbled out of the Pig and Whistle, it felt like it must be at least midnight. But while they'd been there for hours, it was only just six, the sun still bright in the sky. Liam had the feeling of not knowing where or when he was in the world again. He wished it was a bus night at least so that it would be easier to pretend, but off to the hotel they went, stumbling around the crowds of tourists. Some of them looked at Liam curiously, but he couldn't stop even for those who clearly knew who he was. Tonight he couldn't be Liam Payne, former X Factor contestant with a budding career in the U.S. (if he was to believe what his manager was telling him). He could only be Liam, a lad from England who'd just watched someone he could claim as a friend pull off the most spectacular victory he could imagine.
By the time he got to his hotel room, he could barely make his fingers work his phone, but he had to send something.
heyyyyyy cant believe how bloody incridible you were out there fuckingggggg national heroe!!!
And with that he threw his phone on the bedside table and lay down on the bed, planning on taking just a brief nap before getting up for dinner.
The bedside clock said 12:39 a.m. when he woke up again; the inside of his mouth was stuck together. It took him a moment to figure out what could have woken him, but then he saw that his phone was lit up and buzzing.
you think you can't believe it !!!!
so you got to watch it in America? Didn't know if they'd even have it on
Feeling much more awake now, Liam quickly typed out a reply.
yeahhhhhhhh they did it was a gud crowd for England. And what are you doing up already???? Shouldnt u still be out?
The response came almost instantly
ha, haven't gone to bed yet. Can't imagine sleeping now. Glad you got to see the match !
wouldnt have missed it for anything
Liam tried to imagine not seeing that live, as it happened, as Louis fucking saved all of England's hopes, and he shook his head. Didn't bear thinking about.
cheers, then. Should probably take a shower, see if that gets me sleepy. Ring me when you're back in England?
Liam stared at his phone. As if there were any possible universe in which Liam should get to ring up Louis Tomlinson. Texting was one thing; Liam always figured Louis must be bored or couldn't sleep or something. But a phone call implied a purpose that made Liam flustered to even think of. He couldn't quite think of a polite way to say that, though, so he texted back something he might be able to actually do:
ill shoot you a text :) hope the shower helps goidnightttttttt
It took Liam a long time to fall back asleep.
* * *
By the eighth week of touring in America, Liam was jumping out of his skin a bit.
The tour was an unqualified success, with sold out crowds in every city and audiences that were increasingly full and enthusiastic for his set. Being on stage was still amazing, and worth every hour they spent on the bus, traveling all over this country that was so large it seemed like it was showing off. (When Liam expressed this thought aloud, Zayn gave him a flat look. "Of course it's showing off. It's America.")
But even though it was worth it, Liam found those hours on the bus to be lonely and disorientating. For all that everything was still in English, it was impossible to ever forget that he wasn't in England or to find a familiar-feeling place.
He was homesick, there was no other way of putting it, and while he called his parents and sisters and even Harry at least once a week, it still wasn't enough. Even the fairly frequent texts he was slowly beginning to expect getting from Louis weren't able to settle him. At least he'd finally stopped feeling like Louis must have texted the wrong number and blushing like mad every time he got a new message. Hanging out with Zayn made a difference, always, but he didn't want to get in the way of his time with Perrie. He could survive a few hours a day on his own.
The nice part about all the solitude was having time to write, though. He already had fifteen songs he needed to pare down to twelve for the next album, and the label wanted him to work with three or four new producers once he got back to London. But after a while even that stopped calming him down, because he just wanted to actually record something, start laying down parts and figuring out the harmonies for each song.
So he mostly focused on working out for at least an hour or two a day, doing whatever press or radio was scheduled for him, and then maybe doing some shopping if he could convince Paul to come with him. And then it was a matter of finding someone on the crew or in the band who would watch a film with him or do something else to pass the time.
He was surprised but delighted to find Zayn hanging out in the lounge during the afternoon of a day off. He and Perrie were usually especially scarce if they had a whole twenty-four hours free. "What are you doing here?" he asked, pulling out his iPad and flopping down next to Zayn.
"Just catching up with my sister," Zayn said, typing away on his laptop.
"No, I meant, why aren't you off with Perrie?" Liam would almost be concerned if he hadn't seen the two of them wrapped around each other after the show last night, eyes for no others. It was wonderful, watching one of his best mates find love like that, and any envy Liam might have felt got very firmly squashed down until it was almost like it didn't exist.
"She and the girls are performing at that radio show today, remember?" That did sound familiar, but Liam was certain that concert was taking place in California, and they were in Sacramento, so Liam was quite confused.
"Wait. Are we already in California?" Liam asked.
That drew Zayn's attention away from the computer for a moment. "Of course. Where did you think we were?"
"Dunno," Liam answered honestly. "I mean, we are still in Sacramento?" Zayn nodded slowly, and Liam gave up. "This whole country's too big to know where we are," Liam said grumpily. He focused instead on his iPad, pulling up the game Ruth had told him to download. He wasn't quite sure why killing zombies with garden vegetables should be fun, but she'd told him he'd like it, and he tended to do what she said. Start with the sunflowers, she had advised, so he started planting.
It was nice being in the lounge with Zayn rather than playing a video game on his own, even though Zayn wasn't paying any attention at all to his plant strategy. Things were going fairly well for him already, he thought smugly, giving an inward cheer when the potato mine blew up a rather nasty looking zombie indeed.
"Holy shit," Zayn said slowly, dragging out each syllable.
"Yeah, I know, I fucking nailed him," Liam said happily.
"What? No, not that," Zayn said, his voice sounding a bit odd.
"What is it? Something bad happen?" Liam asked, only half paying attention. He was going to beat these flipping zombies. Planting another pea shooter was the best option.
"Not bad, just unexpected. Tommo's come out."
"Come out where?" Liam asked, focused on killing the Abominable Snowman in his path.
"Of the closet, Liam, Christ," Zayn said, a touch exasperated, and suddenly his words reordered themselves in Liam's brain.
"He came out as gay?" Liam asked, finally looking up from where his plants were already being overrun by vegetarian zombies. Nothing made any sense at all. "But why would he do that?"
Zayn looked at him like he was crazy. "Because he's gay?"
Liam waved a hand at him. "No no, but I mean. He's a footballer," he said weakly. "There aren't any out footballers."
Zayn shrugged. "Guess there are now."
There was something buzzing in Liam's ear, a frequency that seemed to match the sudden nerves in his stomach. He closed out of his game without even bothering to pause it and pulled up google, typing in Louis Tomlinson gay. There were a million articles that matched the search. He felt rather numb as he clicked on the Guardian link (the bloody Guardian! Had to be true if even they were reporting it).
Tomlinson, 24, declined to answer any questions about his current romantic status, saying that it was "simply the right time" for him to address his sexuality. "Football is and always will be my life, but it's not all that my life is," he said in the press conference. "And I didn't feel like it was right for me to avoid this particular topic any longer."
"There was a whole press conference?" Liam wondered out loud.
Zayn nodded. "Yeah, and apparently he'll be on Jonathan Ross tomorrow night as well. Bet that's not the only talk show he's doing this week. Big news."
"Yeah," Liam said weakly. He dug his phone out of his pocket and thumbed to the last texts he'd gotten from Louis only thirty-six hours ago. He tried and failed to decode a message from them that would have hinted to Liam that he'd been about to come out. Nothing in them had suggested Louis was about to do anything of the sort. Liam felt both a bit relieved and almost disappointed.
"Are you jealous?" Zayn asked quietly, pulling his attention away from his phone.
Liam didn't know how to answer that. He thought about doing what Louis had done, tweeting a link to a press release on his own website with a clear cut statement about his sexuality for all the world to know; and he thought about Harry, who was constantly linked with men and women (sometimes in the same article) and never seemed bothered, content to wink and smile mysteriously when asked point blank about his love life, somehow managing to charm everyone while not answering a single question. He didn't have Harry's gift for evasion, never would, but neither could he imagine telling the world that he liked men, just like that, assuming that everyone would care.
"He's going to get loads of attention," he said finally, hoping that was enough of an answer.
Zayn made a small noise of assent and didn't say anything more. Liam relaxed. It was nice, having a mate who seemed to understand what Liam meant even (or especially) when Liam didn't have a clue what he was feeling.
He kept staring at the empty text box, trying and failing to think of what to say to Louis now. He'd only just begun to feel truly comfortable responding to Louis's texts—the last one had lamented a workout that left him shattered, and Liam had even dared to compare training schedules with him—but he didn't have any idea of what to say about this. He wished that Louis had sent him a text first, although Liam wasn't sure he'd have known how to react to being told personally, either. It still felt like it would have been different.
He switched his phone off. Liam would text him tomorrow.
* * *
Tomorrow came and went as the tour wound its way through cities Liam had never heard of before, in states he couldn't place on a map if his life depended on it. He kept taking snapshots along the way, of cacti and animal skulls and Mardi Gras beads, until at last they were in Miami for the final show.
Every time he opened his twitter to post another picture of his American journey, there was another link or seven about Louis on his feed: his interview with Jonathan Ross, a rather stern letter of support from Arsene Wenger that was co-signed by the entire Arsenal squad, and a series of interviews between Louis and David Beckham. Becks seemed rather put out when Louis told him he didn't fancy him. "Ah, but you're straight, David—that just kills it for me," Louis explained with a smirk, finally agreeing that if Beckham did play for his team, things might be different.
Liam watched them all, clicking through to each link. After each one he would thumb over to his texts, the last one from Louis still there, waiting for an answer. He had never waited so long between texts before, but he'd never been so at a loss for what to say. All of his previous communication with Louis had worked because he'd never let himself think about it too much, just knowing that every time he told Louis anything about his day he felt less homesick. Now he was thinking about it all the time, for over a week, and in two days he would actually be home.
He shut his phone off again. Surely he would know what to say once he was back in London.
* * *
August
It wasn't Liam's idea to go to Harry's party, but Zayn insisted.
"You need to see people who aren't your producers. These days if you're not at home, then you're at the studio, and that's no life, mate," Zayn said, standing impatiently in Liam's doorway.
It was true that Liam had spent most of his waking hours since getting back to England working on his album, but that was for good reason. There was very little time to get everything done, and it was all so important. "I'll come out with you tomorrow night," he tried to bargain.
"You should do, I've barely seen you since tour, but given that Harry's party is tonight, you're coming with me now," Zayn said.
Well. That wasn't the right result at all. "No, but I really think that I know where this song is going now," Liam protested. Zayn threw a shirt at his face.
"How many times have you said that to me in the last two weeks?" Zayn asked. Liam held out the shirt as he pretended to consider wearing it. It was a good point.
"Besides," Zayn continued, "sometimes you need to actually get out there in the world and experience things to have stuff to write about, mate."
"And one of Harry's parties is the place for that?" The last time Liam had gone to a party hosted by Harry, he'd wound up sat between two of Harry's favourite hipsters on a sofa, trying but failing to follow the conversation. He still wasn't sure if they had been talking about a nightclub or a pet rabbit.
"Just show up and say hello," Zayn said, conveniently ignoring Liam's question. "But if you don't go, Harry will pout, and I'll have to deal with it, and that is not on."
Harry did have a pretty brutal pout. "Fine," Liam said. "But I'm not staying long."
"Never thought you would," Zayn said.
The party was already in full swing when they arrived, clusters of fashionably dressed musicians and artists and hangers-on gathered on each sofa and around every surface with food on it. Everyone blended together a bit, though Zayn spotted Perrie quickly enough, heading over to her with no more warning than an arm-squeeze for Liam, abandoning him to the hipsters.
Time for a drink, clearly.
Liam found Harry hiding in his own kitchen, leaning against the island. "Shouldn't you be out there entertaining?" Liam teased him before stepping in for a hug.
Harry squeezed him tight and then let go, smiling widely. "Liam, the heart of the party is always in the kitchen. Everyone comes by here eventually. Let me make you a drink," he said, walking over to the breakfast bar that connected the kitchen and his open dining room. "Vodka and coke work?"
"Cheers," Liam said. He accepted the glass and surveyed the crowd across the open room. It was still loud over here, but it felt a little less like being on display.
That was when Liam saw Louis come in, followed by another man Liam didn't know. He was laughing at something Louis had said, face bright and open, and Louis responded by poking him in the stomach. The other man didn't seem bothered, just grabbed Louis's hand and stepped closer.
That shouldn't have been a surprise, Liam thought firmly at himself. Why else would Louis have come out, after all? Must have someone serious in his life. And obviously he'd be able to pull someone quite fit. He took another swig of his drink, surprised to find it was already down to ice. He poured himself another.
"Liam, I don't think you've been listening to me at all," Harry complained, hooking his chin over Liam's shoulder.
"Sorry," Liam said absently, patting Harry's head in further apology. He swallowed hard. "Is that his boyfriend, then?" Liam couldn't help but ask.
"Is which man whose boyfriend?" Harry asked in return, somehow unable to see inside Liam's brain and identify all his most embarrassing thoughts. That should probably be reassuring. "Oh, you mean the blond bloke with Louis?" Damn.
"Yes, him," Liam clarified. "I mean, they look quite close." They did, exceptionally close, Louis leaning in intimately to whisper in his ear.
"Well, they would be, seeing as Niall's an Arsenal trainer. You're right about one thing though, he is worth noticing, isn't he?" Harry asked, grinning at Liam and popping a cherry tomato into his mouth. "Perhaps he's in need of a chat up."
"So Niall is gay, then?" Liam tried to clarify.
Harry cocked an eyebrow at him and attempted to look smooth. "Only one way to find out."
Liam shook his head as Harry left the kitchen, a man on a mission. He'd long since given up on attempting to follow the ins and outs of Harry's love life. He knew just enough to be certain of how wrong the rags were about everything, but that didn't say much of anything.
He was in the middle of pouring himself another drink when Louis walked in, stopping short when he saw Liam. "Oh, I didn't realise you were here."
"Yeah, Zayn and I just got here about half an hour ago," Liam said. "Sorry, I'll let you get a drink," he said, moving away from the various bottles out on the counter.
Louis didn't say anything to that at all, focused on choosing a drink and not even looking at him. Liam cast about for something to say and then landed on the most obvious.
"Hey, well done this summer, you were dead brilliant out there," Liam said sincerely. This at least was an easy topic. It was impossible to feel anything other than awe and a strange sort of pride and national ownership over Louis's performance in France.
"Cheers, mate," Louis said, cocking his beer at Liam.
"Has it been hard, going back to your club side?" Liam asked.
"Not really. It's trickier the other way around, trying to gel with a bunch of guys you don't play with ten months out of the year." Louis's face suddenly grew a bit cautious-looking. "Or did you mean this season in particular? Given my announcement?"
"No, no," Liam rushed to reassure him. "I just meant in general."
"Because the lads have actually been great," Louis continued, as if Liam hadn't said anything. "Much better than I would have predicted, honestly."
"That's good," Liam said, feeling hopelessly out of his depth.
"I've had to deal with some negative fan reactions of course, and a bit of bullshit in the media, but nothing near as bad as I had feared." Louis was watching Liam as he said that last bit, but Liam was still processing the first part.
"Wait, fans have been nasty to you?" Liam asked, voice rising in disbelief. "After what you did this summer?"
Louis shrugged, a study of careful nonchalance. "Not everyone approves of a poof doing something good."
Liam couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so outraged. "What a load of rubbish that is."
There was a loaded silence. "Yeah, that's almost as bad as mates who randomly stopped texting me," Louis said sharply, eyebrows disappearing up under his fringe.
It was like getting a punch right in the gut. "Louis—"
"I know, I know, you've been busy, right?" Louis interrupted.
"No, that's not," Liam protested, switching gears when Louis's face suddenly looked murderous. "I mean, I have been busy, but that's not why I didn't text. I just. I didn't know what to say, and I didn't want to muck it up," he confessed, hearing just how weak that sounded.
"Could have just said, 'heard the news, well done, mate,'" Louis said, his voice still with an edge. "Unless that's not what you thought."
Liam felt both immediately guilty and also a bit offended. "Of course that's what I thought!" Liam retorted. "And besides, it might have been nice to not have heard it from the internet, mate," and oh god, he really hadn't meant to say that.
Louis gave a laugh. "Oh, so now I needed to tell every random person I know before it was appropriate to tell the world? Thanks for the advice, Liam."
It was on the tip of Liam's tongue to say that he hadn't realised he was just a random person to Louis, but he bit it back in time. None of this was the point, anyway. "Look, I'm sorry. I know I should have texted. But I'm proud of you. It took a lot of nerve to do that," he said, tapping his fingers on his glass.
"Wasn't that big a thing," Louis said, looking anywhere but at Liam.
"Yes, it was, don't play it off like that," Liam said, proper exasperated.
"Like you'd even know," Louis said, finally looking at Liam.
This was it, then. "I do know, a bit. Thought I'd wet myself when I told my parents about me, and that was just to two people, not the world. Can't even imagine what it'd be like to just tweet about it," Liam said, practically whispering it, his heart pounding like it always did when he told someone new.
He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting from Louis, but it definitely wasn't Louis suddenly standing up straight, a cold look on his face. "Oh, I see. Couldn't be a boy in the closet and still be publicly known as a friend of that gay footballer, eh?"
Liam felt his mouth drop. "What do you mean?"
But he needn't have worried; Louis wasn't done yet. "I understand, being associated with me would still be too risky. Unless you're the sort to try the 'I'm so cool with the gays I myself can't possibly like cock' thing. But no, that seems a bit much for you," Louis said, his mouth twisting up.
Liam had no idea what he was talking about. "I've got no idea what you're on about."
"Thought that maybe we could be mates in private, though?" Louis continued, moving closer to Liam.
Liam flushed at the idea of being private with Louis. "I do want to be mates with you."
"Didn't want it known, though?"
"No, I didn't!" Liam said finally, fed up and feeling like he'd had quite enough pushing and prodding. "I didn't really mind having a useless crush on a fit superstar footballer, I swear I didn't. But it's a bit scarier when it turns out he's actually gay, alright mate?"
Louis was staring at him, not saying a word. That was it; Liam'd cocked it all up. See, just like that—
"You really are the daftest person I've ever met." Louis took a step closer.
Liam took a step back in response. "I just didn't want to make it awkward—"
"So you thought that ignoring me was the solution. Nice, Payno," Louis said. He reached out and, without any warning at all, gave Liam's nipple a tweak.
"Ouch!" Weakly Liam grabbed hold of Louis's hand, trying to prevent another attack. Louis reached in with his other hand, and Liam had just enough warning to grab that hand too, his entire body feeling flushed and shaky. He made himself look at Louis's face, still holding tight to his hands.
Louis looked just as wrecked as Liam felt, which was a little reassuring. Then he gave a little shrug, squeezing both of Liam's hands, and his gaze flicked down to Liam's lips.
"Either of you know why Harry Styles was asking me about my favourite fruit?" Niall asked, barging into the kitchen.
"Oh god," Liam said, letting go of Louis's wrists and stepping back. He felt like he could hardly breathe.
"Because I'm happy to tell him anything he wants to know about my feelings toward melon, but I felt like that was the wrong answer, somehow."
"Did you actually tell him melon?" Louis asked incredulously.
"Well, it's the truth, isn't it? A nice watermelon on a summer's day, nothing better," Niall said before knocking back half a tumbler of whisky.
"I think you just broke his fruit-loving heart," Louis said, shaking his head in mock sorrow.
Niall looked between Liam and Louis. "He doesn't actually judge people for what kind of fruit they like, does he?"
"No," Liam answered just as Louis said, "Yes." Liam continued on before Louis could get another word in. "Well, he does, but that wasn't a conversation about fruit."
"He was trying to ask if you'd be up for a shag," Louis clarified.
Niall looked even more baffled. "Via fruit?"
Liam shrugged. "Harry's brain works in mysterious ways."
"Well, I'm sorry then if I've disappointed him," Niall said, pouring himself another double.
Louis laughed. "Don't take this wrong, but he won't be hurting for other options."
"Good, good, it's brutal to know you've made a pop star cry," Niall said, nudging Liam before downing his glass. "I'm Niall, by the way," he added.
Liam shook his hand. "Yeah, Harry said you're an Arsenal trainer?"
Niall nodded. "Yeah, that's me. I keep this one match fit. Takes all my effort, believe me."
"What a load of shit," Louis said mildly.
Niall didn't even look like he'd heard him. "By the way, it was absolute rubbish that you lost to that twat Billy, you should've won it all," Niall said all in one breath.
Liam blinked at him. "Um, thank you?"
Niall nodded back. "Guess you've showed him it's not all about who comes in first on a show like that, eh? Me and Louis were quite gutted for you at the time, but it all worked out in the end."
"Like I said, X Factor was a welcome distraction during my first season with the club. Good way to unwind after a Saturday fixture," Louis interjected, staring pointedly at Niall.
"Yeah, you were certainly distracted—" Niall started.
"Is that Cheryl Cole?" Louis said loudly over Niall.
Niall turned to look. "Christ, it is. Alright, lads, you'll need to entertain yourselves for the rest of the evening, I'm on the pull."
Liam watched as Niall strode confidently toward Cheryl, bemused by the entire conversation. "I don't know that Cheryl deserves to have to deal with him in his state," he finally said when Louis seemed unwilling to speak first.
Louis shook his head. "Apparently the ladies find him quite charming," he said, nodding over to where Niall was already chatting with Cheryl. When Liam turned to look, he saw that Louis was right; Cheryl was turned toward Niall, smiling coyly at him.
"Harry will be disappointed," he commented, turning back to Louis.
"Which, about Niall or Cheryl?" Louis asked softly, leaning close to Liam so he could be heard.
Liam swallowed. From here he could see the curl of Louis's eyelashes, the sharp lines of his cheekbones and jaw. "Both?" he offered weakly, his face going a bit hot when Louis grinned at him in response.
"Sounds about right," Louis said, his voice still low and intimate.
He felt himself swaying toward him, just barely stopping before he made an idiot of himself in front of a whole party. "I need the loo," Liam said, stumbling backwards a bit.
His hands were shaking when he closed the door behind him, the sudden quiet of the room a relief after the din of the party. Or at least it was until he realised there was nothing to distract him from his thoughts. Brilliant planning, Payno.
He had a wee since he was there, telling himself that he wasn't a complete fool, only most of one, and that at least Louis hadn't seemed angry by the end of the conversation. After washing his hands and splashing some water on his face, he looked at himself in the mirror.
"Stop being ridiculous," he said firmly. It was about as effective as it ever was when he lectured himself in the mirror.
When he came out, Louis was leaning against the wall next to the loo. Liam stopped short, caught by his gaze. Louis gave him a tentative smile, and pushed himself upright and walked down the hall toward Liam. "Didn't want you to leave or something before we had a chance to say goodbye."
He was reaching out and snagging Louis's wrist before he could think better of it, shoving him into the spare bedroom. There were guests' coats and bags all over the floor and when Louis nearly tripped, Liam yanked him upright and kissed him.
His hands were already shaking, but he tried to hold them steady against Louis's face as Louis kissed him back fiercely. He felt like he was floating and he wasn't sure if that was down to the three vodka and cokes he'd downed in quick succession, or if it was just due to the feel of Louis pressed tight against him, their hips fitting squarely together.
The signals seemed fairly easy to read but Liam thought he'd better check after all the confusion. "I'm sorry, I know this is a bit sudden," he said, dragging his mouth away from Louis's.
"Yes, I'm absolutely furious you kissed me," Louis retorted, biting down hard on Liam's lower lip. Liam gasped, his hands gripping Louis's shoulders tightly. "Kiss me again, you idiot."
So Liam did, reassured and also completely overwhelmed. This hadn't been the plan for his evening; he had meant to only say hi to Harry and then head home to watch Batman Begins for the millionth time. But then Louis grabbed his arse hard and all other thoughts were forgotten in favour of snogging Louis's face off.
At the sound of someone clearing their throat, Liam jumped away from Louis, his heart pounding.
"So sorry to interrupt, please don't mind me," Nick Grimshaw said mildly. "I'm dying for a smoke, and silly me left them in my jacket." He moved smoothly through the room, circling around them. Somehow Louis had positioned himself between Nick and Liam and was moving to counter Nick's movements, acting like a human shield or something. It was a bit ridiculous, given that they were more or less of a height. Liam felt like he was playing a very bad game of hide and seek.
"Funny thing about Harry's parties," Nick said, continuing in that mild tone. "I always end up witnessing the most interesting things that I never tell a soul about. It's the most delightful and infuriating party favour in the world for a dedicated gossip, but I do so enjoy the parties anyway. Ah, here they are," he said, holding up a packet of cigarettes. He popped one in his mouth. "Bit of advice, if I may," he said, talking around the cigarette. "Lots of people come in and out of here. Might want to move this elsewhere, lads." And with that he left, closing the door behind him.
Liam stared at the closed door, not entirely sure what had just happened. After a moment he turned to look at Louis, at a bit of a loss for words.
"He can seem like a gossip, but I really don't think there's anything to worry about," Louis said quietly, hand still clutching Liam's shirt.
Liam stared at him, puzzled. "What, him telling someone? Why would you care, even if he did? I mean, everyone already knows about you."
It was Louis's turn to look confused. "I was thinking more for your sake," he said slowly.
Liam had to laugh. "You really think anyone'll care about who the runner up off X Factor from two years ago is shagging?"
Louis nodded. "I really, really do. And hey," he continued before Liam could tell him how totally mental that was, "who said anything about shagging? Thought we were just having a snog in a coat closet." His indignation was quite at odds with his hands pulling Liam up against him.
"This is an actual room," Liam felt compelled to point out even as his body flushed hot. Louis's gaze was fixed on Liam's mouth.
"Yes, but Grimmy's right, he's probably not the last person to need something from in here."
Liam took a chance. "Do you want to leave with me?"
Louis smiled. "What an excellent suggestion."
It took them ages to actually leave, Liam getting waylaid on the way out by Zayn and Perrie. He ended up having an entire conversation through eyebrow raises with Zayn about just what Liam thought he was doing. Apparently Zayn was satisfied in the end by his answers, since he was finally let go with just a hug and a hair ruffle. Liam reckoned he'd be getting a phone call tomorrow morning, though.
Louis seemed to be in the midst of his own interrogation from Harry, although Liam's ability to translate Harry's interpretive dance method of communication wasn't up to snuff in this case. Finally, Louis gave a little shrug and then turned round, searching the crowded room for Liam and cocking his head toward the door when he found him.
Liam left first, waiting until Louis joined him outside. It was probably only thirty seconds, but it was long enough for him to wonder what the fuck he was playing at, trying to pull Louis Tomlinson. He knew he wasn't bad looking, not after all the work Zayn had put into him, but like. This was Tommo.
Then Louis came careening out the door, giving him a half grin and cocking his head, and whether it was mental or not, Liam was going to try.
"This way," he said, proud that his voice didn't shake too much.
His flat wasn't too far from Harry's; their neighborhood was posh without making Liam feel too hopelessly out of his element all the time, and he liked having a friend nearby. It didn't really make it feel like Wolverhampton or anything, but it was something.
His flat bore no resemblance to Harry's, though. Where Harry's was all chrome and modern design mixed with more open space than Liam could imagine doing anything with, his was a modest one bedroom, furnished with whatever his sisters had picked out for him. It didn't feel like home, not exactly, but it was a good launching pad for his life in London, and that was enough.
"I know it's not much," he started to say as he unlocked the front door, flicking on the light in the hall. His next thought was cut off by Louis kissing him hard, and kicking the door closed behind them.
Liam's keys fell from his hand as he kissed Louis back; this was a thousand times more interesting than his apartment's dubious decor. He got his hands into Louis's shaggy hair, tangling his fingers in it and tilting Louis's head back to get the angle just right.
His hands firm on Liam's chest, Louis got a good grip on his shirt and dragged Liam along with him as he stepped backwards into the apartment. It was up to Liam to guide their way, sliding his hands down Louis's back and taking clumsy steps first toward the sofa and then, in a moment of last-second bravery, bypassing it completely and tugging Louis into his bedroom.
His choice of location didn't seem to bother Louis at all, his mouth barely leaving Liam's, hands roaming up and down his back and then finally gripping his arse again. Liam moaned into his mouth, getting his hands on Louis's hips and tugging him up against his body, the hard line of Louis's cock pressing against his thigh. They paused in the middle of Liam's bedroom for a moment, Louis pushing up against Liam's leg, riding him, the strength in Louis's body obvious and stupidly arousing.
It was all moving so fast, now that they'd begun, but Liam couldn't slow them down. He spun them around and guided Louis to the bed, pushing him down and watching as Louis sprawled out over his duvet, legs dangling off the side, his chest heaving. Liam stood right up against the bed between Louis's legs, bracing himself over Louis with his weight on his fists planted on either side of Louis's body, and leaned in for another kiss.
"What do you want?" Liam asked softly, kissing Louis again before he could answer. He'd intended just a quick peck, but instead the kiss went on for a long moment, Louis dragging his fingernails over Liam's scalp.
Finally, Louis pulled back, letting his head drop down onto the bed. "I'm fine with anything," he said, running his hands up and down Liam's shoulders and arms.
Pleased by the way Louis touched him, Liam shifted more of his weight forward onto his arms. He might not be anywhere near as fit as a professional athlete, but he wasn't too bad off. "Yeah, but what do you like? I want it to be good for you," he said softly
Louis leaned up and gave Liam a gentle kiss. "Whatever you're comfortable with," Louis answered carefully, his voice a little shaky.
Liam narrowed his eyes. Wait a second.
Louis was still going. "Really, I don't want to—"
"You think I'm a virgin!" Liam exclaimed, standing up fully. He hadn't meant to interrupt, but really.
"Uh." Louis wouldn't meet his eyes. "I didn't say that."
Liam crossed his arms and tried to look stern. "You do, admit it."
Louis finally looked at him again. He sat up so that Liam wasn't staring down at him on the bed and shrugged. His eyes went wide when Liam dropped to his knees between his legs and ran his hands up Louis's thick thighs. Louis was still visibly hard in his jeans.
"You really think I'm a gay virgin," Liam mused. The way Louis was looking down at him, mouth agape, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing, made Liam feel like he was on stage, all the focus in the room on him. This he could work with.
He smiled slowly, reaching up and undoing Louis's jeans, pulling the zipper down. Louis's hand landed heavy on Liam's shoulder, and Liam looked up, waiting until Louis swallowed and nodded. Then he tugged Louis's pants down his thighs, watching as his hard cock sprang free, before finally circling the base of Louis's cock with his hand. "I'm not, though," Liam said, eyes still intent on Louis's until he swallowed him down.
Louis dug his fingertips hard into Liam's shoulder and Liam let him, sucking him off nice and slow. His hands spanned Louis's thighs and kept him still as Louis tried to thrust up into his mouth. But he didn't try too hard, since Liam was certain he could have overpowered him, which was enough to make Liam's already hard dick hurt as it pressed up against his flies.
He allowed himself to take his time and enjoy it, making it wet and sloppy and letting Louis's dick fill his mouth. It lay heavy on his tongue as he sucked and breathed in through his nose, the scent and taste of Louis all-consuming. He pulled back for a moment to tongue the slit before swallowing him back down, taking him deep into his throat.
Finally he took one hand off Louis's thighs to undo his own jeans, his other hand moving up to press firmly against Louis's hip, getting a stronger hold as Louis began to shake. Louis was loud above him, moaning and tugging hard on Liam's hair with each suck, until finally he was shuddering and coming down Liam's throat, silent aside from his gasping.
Liam pulled off quickly, sitting back on his thighs as he got a hand around himself and started wanking, staring up at Louis, who looked completely debauched, all dazed and sweaty because of Liam.
"Get up here," Louis said finally, sounding hoarse and raspy and like he'd been the one with a dick down his throat a moment ago. Liam did as he was told, standing up and stomping out of his jeans before throwing himself onto the bed. He figured he'd finish himself off, maybe with a helpful hand from Louis, but instead Louis pulled Liam's hand off his dick and went down himself like he had something to prove.
Whether he did or not, he was doing an admirable job of it, sucking Liam off like there was someone timing him, and Liam only had a moment to enjoy how perfect Louis's mouth was before he came hard, shooting his load before he'd even come down from sucking Louis off himself.
Louis pulled himself up the bed and Liam, still panting hard, crawled after him until they were lying next to each other. Liam slung an arm round Louis's waist and Louis tucked his head against Liam's chest, his arm draped over Liam's shoulder as they dozed. Liam tugged Louis closer, relishing this particularly satisfying post-sex exhaustion.
"I think you were trying to say something about your flat when we first got here," Louis said finally, stroking the tips of his fingers over Liam's back.
"Hmm? Oh," Liam said, trying desperately to rev his brain up enough to use actual words. "Yeah, I was just warning you that my place isn't much like Harry's, that's all."
Louis was quiet for a moment. "My place in North London has a floor that's just a games room, wall to wall."
"What, really?"
Louis nodded. "When Arsenal first bought me, I thought, time for a proper home, you know? I've made it. So I bought a house that matched that salary. But then I didn't know what to do with all that space. It's not like I have a wife and kids. So pinball machines seemed like a good idea for one of the floors at least."
"I'd love to see it," Liam said without thinking, not realising the implication until Louis's fingers stilled on his back. "Uh. Unless this is a one-off?"
When Louis answered him, he sounded more tentative than Liam had ever heard him. "Wasn't sure you'd be up for the baggage of dating an out footballer," he said finally.
Liam pulled back a little, just so he could see Louis's face. "Thought I was just inviting you back for a shag?" It made him a little sad that Louis could think that.
Louis shrugged, linking one of his hands with Liam's. "I didn't know," he said softly. "It's a lot to ask."
"Dating a pop star's no picnic either," Liam pointed out. "And, I mean, I'm not out, but I could be."
"You will be, whether you like it or not, if we start hanging out publicly," Louis said.
"Yeah, you're kind of a big deal, or so I've heard," Liam said, nudging him. He was relieved when Louis at least snorted and shoved him for it.
"Excuse you, I am a very big deal," Louis said grandly.
They hadn't quite decided on anything, though. "Well. I think, given the choice between trying for a good thing, and giving up from the start, I'm up for trying. If you are," Liam added. He'd learnt the hard way that him trying alone wasn't enough.
Louis was quiet long enough for Liam to begin to panic. But finally he nodded, moving closer to Liam. "I'm willing if you are. It's just—it's all pretty new for me."
This time Liam really did panic. "Oh god, Lou, did I—I mean. Were you a virgin?" he asked.
He'd never been so relieved to get a punch to the stomach. "No, you dick, did that blow job seem virginal to you? I just meant I'm new to relationships. Especially ones that'll play out in the gossip pages. Jesus."
Liam cuddled him closer. "Well, that's fine then. And I mean, it would have been fine if you had been a virgin! Just, I would have like to have known, I'd have done things differently."
He got a pinch on his thigh this time for that. "There are many who've been here before, Payno, I hate to burst your bubble."
That was alright. He was here now. "We can make it work. Or at least, I want to try."
It was Louis's eventual nod and soft, "Yeah, me too," that allowed Liam to finally give in to what his body wanted, and he fell asleep with Louis in his arms.
* * *
It was a real feat of strength that Liam managed to wait an entire hour after Louis left the next day before he texted him.
Heyyyyyyyy so I'd love to see that games room sometime soon :).
The response from Louis came while Zayn was putting together different looks for his album shoot. Liam felt like a life-sized doll. As long as you won't cry when I beat you at ping pong. Tomorrow afternoon maybe? Zayn watched over his shoulder while Liam grinned and shot off a quick answer.
We'll seeeeeeee about that!!!! Tomorrows good yay
"That was quick," Zayn said, and Liam nodded, still smiling down at his phone.
"Didn't know if he'd want to see me again, to be honest," Liam said, just as he got a text with an address and a bunch of emojis. He put away his phone and turned back to Zayn, ready to focus.
"Nice to see that Louis's not actually an idiot," Zayn said while flicking through a rack of shirts. "Try this one on."
What Louis really wasn't, as Liam discovered the next day, was someone accustomed to losing at anything. Even ping pong.
"I don't believe this," Louis muttered as Liam hit another shot past him, now one point away from winning yet again. He shook his paddle at Liam. "Are you sure you're not a ringer?"
"Well, if I hadn't gotten on X Factor I might have pursued my Olympic table tennis dreams," Liam said. "Your serve."
"I knew it," Louis said, rolling the ball over his paddle. "It's not really my fault then."
"If that makes you feel better," Liam said, responding instantly when Louis served, smashing the return back and just clipping the side of the table with his shot. "Another game to me!"
"Oh come on!" Louis raised his arms up, looking off to the side. "How does that even count?"
"There's no ref to plead your case to here, Tommo!" Liam cried, his fists held above his head. "And the crowd goes wild for Payno!"
He laughed and then quickly stopped when Louis slammed the flat of his paddle down on the table. "Are you accusing me of diving for fouls?" Louis demanded, brandishing the paddle at Liam like a sword, a smile threatening to break through the scowl on his face. "Because you'll pay for that!"
Liam held up his hands in mock surrender. "No, of course not! At least not on the pitch, you don't need it there. Too bad you can't beg for a ref's decision here, though," Liam said, his heart pounding from how Louis was watching him. He stared back at Louis, setting down his paddle carefully.
Even so, he was unprepared when Louis suddenly dashed around the table and leapt up onto Liam's back, wrapped both legs around Liam's waist, and smacked him on the arse with the paddle. Liam had just enough balance to stumble over to the large leather sofa and attempt to dump Louis onto it. Louis held on like a monkey with his legs, twisting and pulling Liam down on top of him while still whacking Liam's bum with his paddle. "Who's winning now," Louis said a little breathlessly, staring up at Liam who had wound up between Louis's legs.
Braced up on his knees, Liam reached behind his back and managed to catch both of Louis's wrists in his hands, pulling them up above Louis's head to stop the attack. "Me again, I think," he said triumphantly.
His victory was rewarded when Louis made a small noise and strained up to kiss him, all of the passion of the game suddenly shifting entirely. Liam kissed him back and ground down against him, Louis's legs still locked around his waist. He let go of one of Louis's wrists, wanting to touch him everywhere, but Louis broke the kiss, shaking his head.
"No, keep holding me," Louis said, staring up at Liam. Louis arched up against him when Liam carefully encircled his wrist again. "Yeah," Louis breathed out, and Liam had to kiss him, his hips thrusting against Louis, dick hard and trapped in his pants.
He wanted to adjust himself, needed to take Louis's clothes off and get to his bare skin, but Louis was already shaking beneath him, making desperate little choked off noises into Liam's mouth, and he couldn't stop. His grip on Louis's wrists was so tight he was sure it must hurt; he was waiting for Louis to push him off, to tell him it was too much.
But Louis just kissed him harder, legs curled around Liam's body, the sheer strength of them enough to keep Liam where he was. He was suddenly desperate to come, his hips thrusting and jerking against Louis's, pressing down on Louis's wrists against the soft leather of the sofa. The twist and pull of Louis under him was enough to finally make him lose it, his breath coming in harsh gasps against Louis's lips as he came in his pants, feeling wet and sticky and helplessly turned on.
He tucked his face against Louis's neck and bit down as Louis continued to grind up against him, his voice going up in a soft, high-pitched whine until he shuddered and squeezed around Liam's leg in a vice grip. Liam had to let Louis's wrists go then, had to cup Louis's face in his hands, to hold him close and kiss him as he slowly stopped shaking.
As they both cooled down, the mess in his pants became harder and harder to ignore, especially when Louis snaked a hand between their bodies and cupped Liam's softening cock. "Feel like a teenager again?" Louis whispered, kissing Liam again before he could answer.
Eventually Liam pulled away and nodded. "Yeah, although at least I'm not worried about getting caught by anyone's mum."
"My mum did say she might visit today," Louis said.
"Louis, don't," Liam said firmly, resolutely pushing aside the mental image of him introducing himself to anyone, but especially Louis's mum, while in his current state.
Louis grinned at him, pleased. "Well, if you don't fancy spending the rest of the afternoon with your willy stuck to your pubes, you can borrow a pair of trackies."
Fifteen minutes later he was clean and wearing Louis's clothing while stood at the island in Louis's kitchen, watching Louis make them both tea. Liam's messy pants and jeans were already in the wash, Louis having insisted that it was no trouble to throw them in with his, and Liam felt warm and taken care of even before he had his first sip of tea.
"As I was saying, wasn't very nice of you," Louis said, blowing across the top of the tea. "Not telling me about your ping pong skills."
"There are loads of things you don't know about me," Liam said. "I'm very mysterious."
"Hmm," Louis murmured, his eyes smiling at Liam over his mug of tea.
"Here's a question for you, though," Liam said, finally giving voice to what he'd been wondering for weeks. "Why did you come out? When you did, I mean."
He waited as Louis took a sip of tea and set his mug down. "I thought if I came out after Euros that it'd actually be about me, for once."
"What do you mean?" How could it not be about you? Liam thought but didn't ask. Isn't that the whole point?
Louis laughed, but it wasn't a happy sound. "Team comes first, mate. If I'd done it in the spring, it would have taken the focus away from our League run, and if it was during the summer I'd have been a distraction for England. But this way, I dunno. It was just on me, as much as anything ever is. And besides, I was never going to have more goodwill than I did right then. No one could yell at me that much." He cracked a smile. "And if Wenger wanted to get rid of me before the season properly started, he could have done."
Liam stared at him. "You didn't think he really would though, right? After last year?"
Louis shrugged. "I hoped he wouldn't. That's practically the same thing, isn't it?" He flashed a smile that was sharp as knives. "You're right though, I should have given him more credit."
"I'm glad you did. Come out, I mean," Liam said shyly.
The smile on Louis's face changed. "Me too," Louis answered. Quick and fierce, he came around the island and kissed Liam.
When Louis pulled away, still smiling at him, Liam licked his lips and tried to refocus on the conversation. "I just. I've never really had a reason to come out, except to like my family and people who actually know me. And like, it's no one's business, not really," he said, stammering and nervous.
Louis hummed and kissed Liam again, more gently this time. "No one should come out before they're ready."
"Yeah," Liam said weakly. Because that wasn't quite it, the idea of being ready. He still just couldn't believe that anyone would actually care about him, not like they did about Louis. It was ridiculous and a bit scary, all at once. And what if people did care, but in the wrong way? He'd had a few mates from back home who hadn't responded all that well, and while he had tried to listen to Zayn and Harry and just forget about them entirely, there was still a dull ache in the centre of his chest whenever he thought about how they'd looked at him after. It was them that were the problem, not him, or so he'd told himself; but it was hard to remember that when he'd been the one who'd been left.
He was about to try to express some of that when his phone beeped. "Oh fuck, I've got to go—I'm meeting with Jamie tonight to go over a new song," he said apologetically after checking his calendar alert. "I don't suppose my clothes are ready yet?"
Louis shook his head, stepping away easily. "You can come back over and pick them up soon," he said, tipping his chin up in invitation.
Liam kissed him firmly before pulling away. "Count on it."
* * *
"Soon" ended up being rather optimistic, as it turned out.
For all that they lived in the same city, it felt like they were in different countries entirely, or at least that their schedules were. If Liam could manage to carve out a spare three or four hours between meetings and time in the studio, then Louis was at an away match in Manchester, or training with the national team for upcoming qualifiers.
So it was fortunate that they had already been in the habit of texting often, and that it was so easy to pick back up again, because that seemed to be the main way they could communicate. Liam was usually crap at texting—his sisters were always scolding him for not responding to texts for full days, just because he forgot—but with Louis, it was harder not to respond as soon as he saw a notification. Louis sent him pictures of the training grounds and the view from the motorway to and from matches, sometimes selfies but more often not. And Liam sent him back photos of the studio and sometimes, if he was feeling particularly bored and a little naughty, the suits in the endless meetings he seemed to be stuck in for hours.
It was almost like he got to narrate his day to Louis, one text at a time. Any stray thought or feeling became something to share with him. He was always checking his phone now, and he tried not to be rude about it, but it was hard to stop. It felt like before Liam had fucked everything up in the summer, only better, because now he was guilt-free when he thought about Louis during a wank.
The only bad part was that now he knew what he was missing, how much better the real thing was than he could imagine. He knew he'd get to see Louis again at some point, but they both seemed to be booked solid constantly.
He was on a rare break one afternoon, enjoying a spare hour before he was meant to meet Jamie in the studio, when Louis texted him. Knackered from the drills this morning, ahhhhhhhhhhh
Liam's day was already better. Got to keep fit tommo!!!!
Apparently a quick response was all Louis had been waiting for, because Liam's phone immediately rang. "Hi, Louis," he said, a bit hesitant to actually be talking for once.
Louis had no such concerns. "You text a guy for a little sympathy and instead you just get criticism," he said, grumpy and loud and the best thing Liam had heard all day.
"How are you going to stay best in the world if you don't keep working hard?" Liam asked reasonably.
"You want to be my trainer, then?"
Liam laughed. "Pretty sure Niall's got that covered, babe."
"Not for everything," Louis said, his voice low, and Liam's mouth went a little dry. "Where are you?"
"At home for a bit, heading over to the studio in half an hour," Liam said. "Perfect timing, really." He hesitated again. "What's up?"
Louis sounded softer when he finally answered. "Nothing much, just figured it might be nice to actually talk," he said, sounding uncertain for the first time.
Liam smiled down at his feet. "Yeah," Liam said softly. It was nice, actually getting to hear about Louis's week, and to tell stories that would have been a bit too much for a series of texts. It was nice to have the reminder of what Louis sounded like when he was laughing at Liam for being a bit of an idiot, fond and knowing and warm.
He kept his eye on the clock periodically throughout the call, but he still managed to let it go on too long, not ready to ring off. Finally it got to be too late. "Shit, I've got to go, I've already kept Jamie waiting," Liam said apologetically. He hesitated, not sure if this was too much. "I could phone you back later tonight?"
"It's alright, I need to go anyway," Louis said, and Liam told himself it was silly to be disappointed when they'd already talked for forty-five minutes. Then Louis added, "And tonight will work, if it's early. I've got a morning practice again tomorrow."
Liam grinned helplessly. "I'll text first?" he asked.
"Perfect. Hope the album's going well," Louis said.
Liam forced himself to simply answer, "It is," and then say goodbye. He was late enough already.
The album was going well, though. Things were down to the wire now, final decisions about the art and track list and the production on each song being made daily, conversations with the label and his management team filling what seemed like every hour of the day. Still, he knew he was lucky—he was being given time to get each piece of it right, and even to include a new song that just wouldn't leave his head.
He was also lucky that his team were so understanding. It was more than he deserved, sometimes, but he wouldn't argue. "Sorry I'm late," he said as soon as he walked into the studio, Jamie already sat in front of the keyboard. "Couldn't get off a call."
"Business or personal?" Jamie asked, casually enough.
Liam was shit at lying. "Personal."
"Did that conversation help you write this song?"
Apparently he was also the least subtle person alive. "Um, yeah," Liam said, feeling his face flush as he flipped his phone around in his hand like a mic.
Jamie just nodded. "Let's go, then."
* * *
Zayn was willing to be indulgent when Liam kept grabbing for his phone in the middle of prep for a photo shoot, but he drew the line at letting Liam keep the phone in his pocket while they were taking pictures. "It ruins the line of your jeans, and besides," Zayn said, as he ruthlessly confiscated Liam's phone, "a little suspense is good for a relationship."
Liam was certain that this had gone from being a little suspense to way too much of it, though, even if he talked to Louis more days than not. He'd even managed to see Harry again before he saw Louis, which was a minor miracle given Harry's own schedule. It was great to see Harry, of course, but it was hard not to spend the entire time talking about Louis.
"You been back to the Emirates this season?" Harry asked, taking a picture of their lunch for instagram.
Liam shook his head. "I don't want to be a distraction."
Harry looked at him, with that steady gaze that always made Liam feel like Harry was trying to read his mind, and was maybe succeeding. "You're a good distraction for him, Liam."
He had a hard time believing that, usually. While Louis was the definition of a good distraction for Liam, it seemed mad to imagine such a feeling reciprocated; Louis must have far more important things to think about. But then Louis would ring him and say he only had fifteen minutes but wanted to call anyway, and Liam would think maybe.
One thing that was definitely true was that they were both running on empty. "We're heading to Spain tomorrow," Louis said one day.
"Champions League, yeah?" Liam asked, curled up on a sofa in the lounge of the studio.
"Yeah, and then we've got a home match three days later. Because unlike you and your cushy pop star life, I am constantly overworked."
"I know," Liam said, because he did.
"Oh for—I was joking, Liam." Louis sounded fond and a bit sad. "I didn't—never mind."
"Is it always like this, for you?" Liam asked. "Because for me, things should be getting a bit better once the album's actually finished."
Louis was quiet for a moment. "Not always, I guess? England'll have a couple months off from qualifying matches after November, at least, and there's a winter break in Champions League play. But it's a full season, even without all that."
Apologising felt like it'd be the wrong thing to do for someone who was living his dream. But Liam was a bit sorry for how tired Louis sounded already. Before he could figure out what to say that would sound less like pity and more like understanding, Louis went on. "I don't know if you'll be in London this weekend, but the match on Saturday should be a good one, if you'd like to come? I could get you and whoever comps, of course."
"Yeah, that'd be smashing," Liam said, after running through his mental calendar.
"And then, if you're free on Sunday," Louis said hastily, "I thought you might like to come over for dinner. I still have your clothes," he added, voice getting a bit low again.
It would require rescheduling a few things, but Liam was beginning to learn that if he didn't demand time for himself, everyone else would snatch it up without compunction. "Sunday for dinner. It's a plan."
"It's a date, you mean," Louis said, sounding significantly cheered.
Liam smiled and looked down. "Yeah, I do."
* * *
September
It felt rather different to be watching as a—as a boyfriend, or whatever.
There was a sense of pride and ownership and wanting that went far beyond his budding love of Arsenal, or even the way he'd felt watching England play in France in the summer. He wanted Louis to do well for Arsenal, of course, but most of all he wanted Louis to do well for him. It was all so much more personal.
Of course, it was also different to be tracking him on the pitch after having seen him throw a fit over ping pong, to see the athlete take the fore. He felt a fierce pride in seeing his private Louis in his element, strong and confident and sure; it was incredible to think that he was the only one in this crowd that saw anything more than Tommo the footballer. There was a small piece of this match that was just for Liam.
He glanced over at Zayn, still somewhat surprised that he had wanted to come along; Zayn's personal interest in football typically fell far short of attending a game, but this time he'd said yes immediately
"Would be nice to see in the flesh what's caught so much of your attention," he said. Even though he was obviously joking, Liam felt a pang of guilt. Surely he could do a better job of balancing everything.
Nothing could tear his focus away from Louis now, though, the way he cut through Aston Villa's defence, a lovely bit of touch and go and a good look at the goal. The keeper made a fantastic save, just getting his hand on it and deflecting it up and out for a corner.
"Close," Liam said under his breath, his fists clenched.
"I guess he's not half bad," Zayn said, grinning at Liam when he looked over at him. "Worth a few quid."
Liam was going to joke back, but then Walcott curled the ball in from the corner, Louis just getting his head on it and sending it in down low for a goal.
The sound from the crowd was echoed in Liam's ears, his own roar filling his chest. He got Zayn in a hug, turning back to the pitch just as Louis jogged past the stand, pointing up toward where they were sitting.
Liam's entire face felt hot and flushed, a buzzing in his stomach as they resumed after the goal. His hands were shaking, a bit, and suddenly tomorrow felt ages away. Far too long.
But there were sixty minutes left to play, and if he couldn't have exactly what he wanted this very moment, he could watch Louis play for him.
* * *
He brought a bottle of wine and a box of Italian pastries and a stomach full of nerves the next night.
Louis seemed delighted by his contributions to the meal, and the kiss he gave Liam as soon as he opened the front door did a lot to calm him down. "Hi," Louis said, and kissed him again.
"Hi," Liam echoed, beaming.
"Come on in, dinner's almost done."
Liam followed him in. The long table in the dining room was already ready, two places set at one corner, and the kitchen was filled with the rich, delicious smell of garlic. Liam put the wine and pastries down on the sideboard and walked into the kitchen. "Smells great."
Louis flashed him a grin and opened the oven, pulling out what looked like chicken parmigiana. "Should taste great, too."
Liam looked at the salad sitting on one of the counters next to a basket of garlic bread and a covered bowl of spaghetti. "Did you actually cook? You didn't need to, you're so busy."
"Course I did," Louis said, setting the chicken on top of the hob. He wasn't looking at Liam when he said it, a little smirk on his face, and Liam moved in next to him.
"You're sure I won't find takeaway cartons in the bin?" he asked, kissing the side of Louis's neck.
"I am insulted you would even think I wouldn't spend all day cooking for you," Louis said, turning to Liam with a mock disappointed look on his face that turned back into a smile when Liam showed him the empty takeaway container that had been on the kitchen counter. "Fine, ruin all my fun."
"You did heat it up again," Liam said, unable to stop grinning.
"I did, and with extreme skill," Louis agreed.
"One of the best at using an oven in England, so I've heard," Liam said.
Louis punched him in the shoulder. "And don't you forget it. Give us a hand getting it out to the table?"
The food might not have been homemade, but Louis's taste in restaurants was definitely exceptional; it was some of the best Italian Liam had ever had. But the food could have been barely edible and he wouldn't have noticed. All he cared about was that at last he had Louis close enough to touch, that he got to see for himself the way he made Louis smile. It was difficult to pay enough attention to his food to actually eat it, since his hands kept straying from his fork and knife to touch Louis's shoulder or thigh instead.
"Do you know, Marco actually thinks I have a shot at breaking in America? Or at least they keep telling me so," Liam said, feeling pleased and shy all at once.
"If Americans can be bothered to watch football, they'll certainly be interested in you," Louis said stoutly, taking a sip of wine. "They should bring over the best."
Liam shook his head. "Yeah, I guess after Harry there's more of an interest or something."
"Or you're really good," Louis said. "Harry's great, but he's not going to sell utter rubbish."
"Thanks," Liam said. He picked up his glass. "To not being utter rubbish."
"A worthy toast," Louis said. His cheeks were flushed from wine and maybe something else, and the look in his eyes was hazy but intent. "You're almost done recording, then?"
"Yeah, I've got one more session with Jamie tomorrow, and then it's just gotta get mixed and all that," Liam said. "A bit last minute, but that's what happens when you write a new song at the final hour."
"The mysterious new song. I really want to hear it," Louis said softly, putting a firm hand on Liam's knee.
Liam swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry. "I could tell you about it, for now?"
Louis shook his head and tipped back the rest of the wine. "I can wait."
Well, maybe Louis could wait, but Liam found that he couldn't anymore. He leaned in for a kiss, cupping Louis's face with both hands.
The rest of dinner forgotten, they stumbled up the stairs to Louis's bedroom together, almost tripping each other in their haste. Over the past weeks Liam had started to feel like he'd never get to have his hands on Louis again, and now that he did he couldn't stop touching him, clinging to Louis as they fell onto Louis's bed.
They'd only just got started and Liam was already hard and desperate and clutching at Louis's arse as they rutted against each other. There was no finesse in anything he did; it was beyond him. He kissed Louis hard and arched into his hands. He just wanted to get as close to Louis as he could.
Then Louis broke away from his mouth and said, voice needy and certain, "You should fuck me."
Liam's breath stuttered. "Are you sure?" he asked, stunned. He hadn't known what to expect, what Louis would want, or even how to ask, but Louis had taken that worry out of his hands.
Louis nodded and kissed Liam again. "I want you to, please," Louis said, so sincere and open it was disorientating. Of course, then Louis made a grab for Liam's nipple and gave it a wicked twist. "Unless you're not up for the challenge," he continued with a smirk on his face, and suddenly Liam was on firmer ground once again. "Think you're strong enough to plow the saviour of English football?"
"You have got to stop believing your own hype," Liam said, pulling his shirt up over his head and starting on his jeans.
"I can't help it, my mum keeps sending me articles," Louis said, making quick work of his own clothes.
"Please don't mention your mum right now," Liam said plaintively. Louis laughed at him and grabbed lube and a strip of condoms out of his bedside table.
Liam forgot all about Louis's mum and his own name and everything else not here on this bed when Louis slicked his own fingers, spread his legs, and lazily slid a finger into himself. His eyes, focused intently on Liam, were bright. "Enjoying the show?"
Liam could only nod. Transfixed, he ran his hands up and down Louis's powerful thighs and watched as Louis arched his hips up before fucking down onto his own fingers. Louis let out a little gasp and a breathless laugh as he tipped his head back, the movement of his body just as fluid and graceful here as it always was on the pitch.
It was too much for Liam to bear; he had to bend over and kiss the laughter out of Louis's mouth. Louis dragged one of Liam's hands down to his dick, flushed and hard. "Give us a hand?" Louis asked, and bit down on Liam's lower lip before kissing him again.
More than willing to do as he was told, Liam braced himself on one elbow and used his free hand to wank Louis off, staring down at his face the whole time. He was aching for someone to touch his cock, but he was too entranced by the smooth glide of his hand over Louis's dick to do anything about it. Finally, Louis made an impatient noise and batted Liam's hand away. "I'm too close," he panted, slipping his fingers out and fumbling for a condom.
Liam got the condom on as quickly as he could and then hitched Louis's hips up, holding Louis's legs back with his hands. The moment he slid inside Louis was almost too much, the feel of Louis's body hot and clutching around him, his hips already driving him forward. He tried to wait, tried to give Louis time to adjust, but Louis wasn't having it. "Come on, put your back into it," Louis demanded, and gave Liam's bum a good slap, like maybe Liam wouldn't. But Liam needed no further encouragement, thrusting in hard and fast, his arms supporting Louis's legs as he fucked him.
They fell into a rhythm as easy as breathing, Louis following Liam's lead at first and then dictating the pace with his hands clutching Liam to him. On each thrust in Louis gasped out a hitching moan, his breath hot on Liam's neck, and Liam never wanted to stop hearing that sound. He was braced up on his elbows, Louis bent nearly in half beneath him, practically no space between their bodies. They moved slick and hot against each other, Louis's cock sliding against Liam's belly as they rocked together.
When Liam came it caught him by surprise between one breath and the next, Louis's hands gripping his shoulders firmly as he thrust in once more and stayed there, shaking. He was holding Louis's hips so hard that there would be bruises there the next day, but he couldn't let go yet, still riding out his orgasm. Louis let him collapse for a bit, stroking his hands up and down Liam's sweaty back, but before long Louis was squirming on Liam's half-hard dick and panting, "Liam, your hands, come on."
Liam pulled out slowly, not bothering to deal with the condom before pushing two fingers back inside Louis, who was still slick with lube. He crooked his fingers up and kept them there when Louis moaned, his legs shaking. Only then did he finally wrap a hand around Louis's cock again, giving it a few strokes before taking it into his mouth.
Louis came an instant later, his hands painfully tight in Liam's hair. Liam swallowed again and again. Everything was messy and wet and exactly what he wanted. All he could smell was Louis and sex, and he closed his eyes and kept sucking on the head of Louis's cock until Louis, still struggling for breath, pulled him off.
Liam barely managed to get the condom off before he flopped over onto his back next to Louis, pulling him close against his chest, shivering as the sweat on his body began to cool. He was exactly where he wanted to be.
* * *
Two days later Louis was in Germany and Liam was once again living in meetings.
The calls helped. It always helped to hear Louis's voice and get a few moments to focus on something other than how important every decision he made for the next three months would be. It was a relief to hear about someone else's life.
Still, he willingly did most of the talking the following week, when he spoke to Louis after a disastrous draw at home to Poland in the World Cup qualifiers. That night he was more than happy to prattle on about final decisions on album art and his first video. "We're meeting in two weeks to start discussing tour logistics, though. At least I know something about that," Liam said.
"Ready to be on the road again?" Louis asked, sounding a bit distant.
"Ready to perform again, at least," Liam said after a moment. "The travel just comes with that."
Louis's voice sounded less heavy when he said, "Seeing the world isn't all bad, either."
"It makes coming home that much better, too," Liam said, thinking of how it had felt when he'd come back to Wolverhampton for the first time in ages after the American tour, getting to eat his mum's cooking and go down to his dad's local with him again. It was starting to feel normal for Liam to be here in London, but it wasn't quite home yet, especially with Louis just a voice in his ear.
It was like Louis knew what he was thinking about when he said, "I'm free tomorrow."
There was a hopeful note to his voice, which made it even worse when Liam had to say, "I'm heading out for some European promo tomorrow—recording a few radio interviews."
"Oh," Louis said.
"Marco says it's important," Liam said, trying to convince himself of that.
"I'm sure it is," Louis said, sounding much more certain. "I'll probably pass you in the air, then."
"Very romantic," Liam said. He hesitated a moment. "I have to run now, but if you're free tomorrow night, we could skype? Better than nothing, right?"
"Does 9 p.m. your time work?" Louis asked immediately.
"Yeah," Liam said, feeling better already.
By the next night, he was alone in a hotel room and desperate for it, desperate to at least see Louis's face on his computer and not just on the telly. He'd never liked facetiming or skyping with his sisters on tour, always feeling awkward and self-conscious, but when Louis's face popped up it made him forget everything else.
"Hi," he said, suddenly at a loss for all the things he'd wanted to tell Louis all day, caught up in staring at him. Luckily Louis didn't seem to have any problem at all, in much better spirits today and making Liam laugh with every other word.
"Did you finish that song?" Louis asked finally, after telling him about how they'd pranked a player getting his first national cap at the Poland game.
"Oh! Yeah, the whole album's in the can," Liam said. "Now it's just time for promo and all that stuff. Got to sell it." It wasn't his favourite part of being a singer; it was long hours and lonely and boring, but he'd put up with a lot worse for everything else he got to do.
"I can't wait to hear it," Louis said.
Liam hesitated. "I could send you the file? Jamie just emailed it to me. If you want."
"Yeah," Louis said quietly. "I know I said I'd wait, but—"
"You should hear this one," Liam interrupted him. It had come to him out of nowhere, a song about not having the words for what someone could mean to him. He'd been sure Jamie wouldn't go for it, would give him that look of oh no.But instead he'd asked Liam to sing out the melody he heard in his head. They'd hammered out the basic structure of it in a night. "I'll send it to you."
Louis called the next day while Liam was still on the flight from France to Italy and left him a message that Liam replayed five or six times. "Hi Liam, guess you're off jet-setting today too. Um, I listened to the song and it's—I'm really glad you sent it to me. Call me tonight if you can."
They facetimed whenever they could after that. Liam discovered that he couldn't keep from blushing when he wanked while facetiming, but that nothing made Louis happier than commenting on the colour spreading from Liam's cheeks down to his chest. It was Louis's words that brought Liam off, more than his own hand.
It was better than nothing, loads better. But as days crept into weeks again, it got harder and harder to be satisfied with only texts and facetiming.
"Do you check out Sugarscape or anything?" Liam asked during one call, home in London while Louis was in Poland for the second leg of qualifiers.
"What do you mean?" Louis asked, cocking his head at Liam a little.
"I just. When you're away, I watch your matches. And your interviews, sometimes," Liam said, feeling a bit sheepish. "Do you..."
Louis gave him a fond look and finally said, "I just play your song on repeat, usually. When I miss you."
"Oh," Liam said, grinning helplessly.
"Listen, I'll be back late tomorrow night," Louis said. "I know you've probably got a full Friday, but you could at least spend the night. If you want."
"I want," Liam said immediately. "Yes. Just text me from Heathrow when you land and I'll come over. I've got a one o'clock meeting on Friday but my morning's free."
Even though Louis's flight wasn't scheduled to arrive until ten, Liam couldn't stop checking his phone every fifteen minutes starting at five. He was certain something would go wrong—a sudden weather change or the plane would be delayed due to mechanical issues or something else Liam hadn't even thought of.
It had been almost three weeks since they'd seen each other in person, and Liam was convinced that fate would intervene today, just to fuck him over.
He told Harry this over dinner, as he fretfully checked his phone for the tenth time in five minutes.
"I don't think there are forces working against the two of you," Harry said thoughtfully.
Liam sawed at his steak with unnecessary force. "Distract me, Harry. You must have some new stories for me."
Harry gave him a grin, the one that meant Harry's month had been very exciting indeed. Liam resolutely ignored his phone and got ready for the gossip.
By the time Harry was finished, it was already nine and Liam was practically vibrating. He didn't get a text from Louis until half ten though.
flight circled heathrow forever, should be home in 45. don't know if that's too late :(
Liam texted him back immediately. i'll be there, def not to late for me :)))) He spent the next hour fretting about Louis, and whether he ought to just let Louis go home alone and straight to bed. But he was too selfish to reconsider driving over there, too desperate to get to see Louis's face in person again.
When Louis opened the door to him, looking knackered and bruised under his eyes and more beautiful than Liam could even say, all of his doubt left him. He didn't bother saying hello, just stepped in and wrapped Louis up in a hug, kicking the door shut behind him and holding him tight. It was like he could finally stop running from one responsibility to the next, could finally stop for one second and just stand there and kiss Louis's neck and breathe him in.
Suddenly, Liam could give in to his own exhaustion. Both of them were slow and a bit clumsy getting up the stairs and ready for bed; Liam practically fell into the bed, hardly able to move until Louis crawled in on the other side and curled up close.
He finally kissed Louis hello, slow and sleepy. "Hi."
Louis kissed him back, mouth soft and warm. "Sorry, I'm just so knackered—"
"Go to sleep," Liam interrupted, kissing him again, one hand running through Louis's hair. "I'll be here in the morning."
Louis smiled at that, small and content, before his eyes slipped closed.
It was easy to drop off after him, his body sinking into the mattress and moulding against Louis's side, comfortable and safe and warm.
* * *
Louis looked more like his normal self the next morning, his eyes bright and fixed on Liam's face as he blinked awake. "Enjoying your lie-in?"
Liam stretched out his legs and then let them melt back into the bed. "First one in a while."
"Only one way to make it better," Louis said, grinning at him.
Still only half-awake, Liam smiled back, happy to echo Louis's mood even if he didn't entirely understand it. "Tea?"
Louis laughed and pushed down the duvet, getting Liam's pants off and his mouth around Liam's cock before Liam could respond with anything other than, "Oh."
"Better than tea, I'd wager," Louis said, pulling off for a moment and stroking Liam's dick, looking up at Liam.
He pretended to think. "Jury's still out, at the moment."
Louis squawked in protest. "It is not," he insisted, swallowing Liam down to prove a point.
Liam let himself float through it, focusing only on Louis's mouth slowly dragging an orgasm out of him. He felt it build through his muscles, traveling up his legs and into his belly, while he ran his hands over Louis's head and the back of his neck.
It was the best morning he'd had in ages already. Instead of thinking about his album or schedule or responsibilities, he only had to think about Louis and his bed, how Louis was making him feel. And when he finally came, long and slow down Louis's throat, Louis's fingers digging hard into his hips, all he could think about was making Louis feel as good.
He tugged him up the bed, kissing him deeply as he got his hands inside Louis's pants, stroking him off hard and fast. Louis panted into his mouth, his hips rocking up into Liam's touch. The feel of Louis's dick in his hands, hard and slick and hot, was perfect and exactly what he'd wanted for weeks. He kissed him over and over again as he wanked Louis off, just needing to make him come.
Louis stilled for a moment before he shuddered and came, his hands gripping Liam's arms. They were both panting hard, Liam feeling the aftershocks of his own orgasm like it'd just happened. He wrapped his sticky hands around Louis's back and tugged him close for another kiss.
Finally they both got their breath back. Louis's face was pressed up against Liam's neck, Liam's hand squeezing Louis's bum just because it was there and he could. There was a long silence, comfortable and content, and then Liam asked hopefully, "Tea now?"
He probably deserved the pillow he got in the face.
* * *
October
The rest of autumn got easier, after that. Liam wasn't trying to juggle quite so many plates at once, and while Louis was still playing away matches all over England, he only had one more trip to Europe before the end of November. Suddenly there was a bit of space and time for Liam to go to more home matches and for lazy afternoons spent together, feeling like they were getting away with something.
As the drop date for Liam's album crept closer, he started having rehearsals again for promo concerts and appearances, with his return to X Factor the first and biggest. But that was the best kind of busy, working together with his team to put together the best show he could, every time.
"I'm trying to make it different, like, so that if you only knew me on X Factor you'll see this and say wow, look at what he's done since then," Liam explained to Louis, curled up next to him on the sofa. They were meant to be watching The Great British Bake-Off, but he couldn't stop thinking of things he wanted to tell Louis.
"Your sound's changed a lot," Louis agreed, running a hand over the top of Liam's shoulder.
"Yeah, exactly," Liam said happily. "So like, my look has as well. Thanks to Zayn, of course."
"Which weekend are you on it?" Louis asked.
Liam hummed, running through the weeks in his head. "Week after next, I think?" Louis was quiet. "Did you want to come?" he asked, a bit hesitant.
"I really do, but I'll be in Lithuania," Louis said. "Last qualifier before spring, and we've got to finish with a win." He sounded gutted and apologetic and absolutely not at all what Liam ever wanted Louis to sound like because of him.
"Hey, it's okay," Liam said, squeezing his knee. "I'll record it, or ask twitter to send me a link to it on youtube. You'll get to see it."
"Not quite the same," Louis said.
"No, but unless things go really badly, it's not the last time I'll do something like that," Liam pointed out. "And besides, my proper tour will be loads better anyway."
"Oh, well in that case, I'd better not come then," Louis said, sounding much more like himself. "Don't want to ruin it for the future."
Liam just kissed his shoulder, and then turned back to the telly. "What are they trying to make?" he asked, completely baffled.
"I don't know, but it looks disgusting," Louis said in delight, and they settled in to see what Mary would have to say about that.
* * *
Liam loved being back at the X Factor, getting to see so many people who were still with the program and treated him like a nephew they hadn't seen in years, exclaiming over how big he'd gotten. But now it was even better with Zayn there as well, and Louis always only a text away.
The old nerves he could do without, though. He would be fine as soon as he actually got to go on, but being around the contestants brought back his stark terror, his certainty that this would be the week the whole country would realise their mistake and finally vote him off. He kept reminding himself that that was over, that he'd never have to survive that ever again, but his body wasn't convinced yet.
Twenty minutes before his standby call, he found a quiet corner and rang Louis. He didn't think he'd actually pick up, but after two rings he heard Louis say, "Shouldn't you be on stage or something?" and his stomach finally calmed down.
"Nah, I told them to wait a minute, I had a very important call to make," Liam said.
"Such a diva," Louis said, sighing and laughing at the same time. "It's terrible the way you let fame go to your head."
"How would you know? Maybe I've always been like this. Had to get famous just to make it fit," Liam said.
"Yes, that's clearly what happened. Time for you to learn some humility, Liam. I'll see if I can't introduce you to Rooney, I'm sure he'd be happy to give some lessons."
Liam couldn't stop grinning, feeling better than he had all day. He heard someone clear their throat and he looked up at Zayn, who was staring at him with a raised eyebrow. "Er, Zayn's come to collect me, I'm afraid."
"Yes yes, go on and do your job and stop being a terror," Louis said.
"I'll call you later?" Liam asked, holding up one finger to Zayn and shrugging apologetically.
"Probably can't talk late tonight, we've got to be up early tomorrow," Louis answered.
"Tomorrow night?"
"I'll be pretty worthless, but I'll phone you if I can. Now go and get on stage, we'll talk later." Liam was about to say goodbye when Louis beat him to it: "Love you, bye," and then there was nothing.
Liam pulled the phone from his ear, staring at the screen, his heart suddenly right back in his throat. "Everything alright?" Zayn asked.
Liam looked at him, feeling completely off-balance. "He loves me," he said dumbly.
"Yes, and I'm very happy for you both," Zayn said, now physically herding Liam toward the stage.
"No, but I mean, he just said it," Liam said. Or maybe he'd imagined it. Was it possible to hallucinate something like that? "And like, he hadn't before."
Zayn stopped short and Liam almost tripped as a result. "He does have a flair for the dramatic, that one."
"How am I meant to—I need to tell him I love him too!" Liam suddenly realised.
"You can tell him after," Zayn said. "You're going on live now, remember?"
And Liam did remember; he knew that this was important for loads of people besides himself, everyone who was involved in his career. He took a deep breath, and then another. "Okay."
"Give over your phone and get set backstage," Zayn said, holding out his hand.
"Thirty seconds, I promise," Liam said, sending off a text that consisted ofilu2!!!!!! followed by every different kind of heart emoji in his phone. "There," he said, slapping it down into Zayn's hand.
Zayn gave him a quick hug. "Do your thing, bro," he said, with that same quiet confidence as always.
"I will," Liam said, and went to get his mic.
The performance went better than any of the rehearsals had, Liam feeding off the energy of the crowd and giving it back to them with everything he had. He felt like a live wire, like his happiness was so powerful it could have exploded out of him without the music to focus it. It lit him up from inside, and he poured it into every note, letting his voice fly.
When he finally got his phone back, Zayn was smirking at him. "You've got five minutes before we need to leave for the thing at Gary's," Zayn warned him, but Liam was so intent on his phone he barely heard him.
You are the most ridiculous human alive.
Liam beamed helplessly. Yeh but you love me anyway :)
Yeah. I really do.
* * *
November
The album debuted at number one on the UK charts, which wasn't a surprise, and at number five on the Billboard 200, which was. Liam had needed to ask his manager about whether there might be a mistake three times before he believed it.
The promo continued, interview after interview of the same questions, the same attempts at finding out if Liam was single and playing the field. Last year he'd been bemused but willing to play along. Now it just felt strange, to be seeing Louis any chance he got while deflecting every question about love.
It just wasn't their business, he reminded himself, and gently tried to steer the conversation back to the universal theme of love in music, how every listener should be able to hear themselves in a love song.
He still felt like that even when he went on The Breakfast Show, up until the moment he didn't.
"Is it a challenge, dating while you're so busy? Some pop stars seem to have a new girl every time we turn around, but not you," Nick said.
"Well, you know, it is a bit hard to have time for girls in the middle of all this," he said, the same refrain he'd used all of last year. But it felt different this time, especially with Grimmy, whose expression didn't give away a thing.
"Yes, I'd imagine it would be difficult, picking one out of the throngs surrounding you," Nick said jokingly.
"Think you're confusing me with Harry, mate," Liam bantered back automatically, his head still swirling. "There's hardly a crowd of girls screaming for me wherever I go. And like, it's not really about having no time, to be honest," he added, mouth going faster than his brain could follow.
"What's it about then, Liam?" Nick asked casually.
His face got rather less casual when Liam said, "Well, the fact that I'm dating a bloke, mainly."
"Liam Payne!" Nick said, his voice getting a bit squeaky. "Just a reminder that you are live on the radio! Are you telling us you're gay? Or bisexual, perhaps? Checking out all the fish in the sea?" He was staring at Liam, whose heart was pounding so hard but his head was totally clear.
"Sadly not bi, sorry girls," Liam said, a bit sheepishly. It would probably be nicer if he could say that he was bi, less of an outright rejection; but if he was going to be out he was going to do it honestly. "Definitely gay. And there's only one lad for me at the moment."
"How long have you and your boyfriend—boyfriend, can I say boyfriend? Okay—how long have you been together?" Nick asked, regaining his composure. "Give us the gossip."
"Um, three or four months, I guess?" Liam answered, looking down at his hands. "And yeah, it's been so wonderful, not really anything I ever expected. Not in a bad way at all, just—I never thought I'd meet someone like him," he finished, finally making himself shut up.
"Well well well," Nick said. "Isn't this an exciting show. See, listeners of Radio One, this is why you've always got to tune in, never know when a pop star will be dropping by with a bit of news."
"Is Harry next, then?" Matt asked.
"Oh, shut it, Finchy," Nick said, throwing a biro at him and grinning. "Be satisfied with one former X Factor star giving us a scoop, will you?"
The rest of the interview was nothing out of the ordinary, Nick steering the conversation back to his album and what it was like touring with Little Mix and his hopes for the next year. It was simple for Liam to fall back into his standard answers; he always had an easy time talking with Nick anyway, and there wasn't much more he could do to go off script than what he'd already done. His hands were shaking, a bit, but he thought he was covering it pretty well.
When they went to play a record, however, he felt like he'd just run a marathon, vision a bit spotty and all. "Liam," Nick said quietly, sitting down next to him. "You know I wasn't—I was just doing the standard thing, there."
Liam shook his head. "No no, I knew you weren't trying to out me or whatever." He shrugged, feeling a bit light-headed, but with a growing, fierce sort of pride beginning to burst through. "I guess I just figured it was time I should do that myself."
Nick stared at him for a moment more and then laughed, patting his knee. "Well, I'm happy for you, mate, and I'm happy for me, that you did it on radio and everything, and I hope you're ready for lots of meetings with your management, as well." He nodded at someone over Liam's shoulder, and Liam turned around to see Marco staring at him, arms crossed over his chest.
This was it, then. He made his way over to him, ready to be yelled at, only to be wrapped up in a hug. "Well, if you didn't want to get a magazine cover out of it, I suppose I'll accept a news cycle while the album's still fresh," he said, and Liam sighed and hugged him back.
"Wasn't really planned," he admitted, and Marco laughed.
"I could tell," he said wryly. "But that's what you've got us for."
It was true; Liam had loads of people in his corner, and when he pulled his phone out of his pocket he had the texts to back that up: his sisters, Zayn, Harry, Perrie and Jade. His heart flipped a little when he didn't see anything from Louis, but then his phone rang while he was staring at it.
"Have you absolutely lost your mind?" Louis asked with no other preamble. "Hasn't anyone ever taught you how to sell a story?"
"Marco yelled at me for the same thing," Liam said, pressing the phone hard against his ear.
"You've got to know how to get mileage from your love life, Liam! Celebrity 101," Louis said.
Liam hesitated, his stomach full of nerves again. "I'll keep that in mind when I tell everyone who my boyfriend is, then," he said.
He held his breath until Louis responded. "Could just tweet at me or something," Louis said finally. "Take the media right out of it."
"I'll see you at home for dinner, honey?" Liam joked.
Louis wasn't laughing when he said, "Something like that would do."
Liam swallowed hard. "I love you."
"No no, that's too much, even for you," Louis said quickly, and Liam huffed out a laugh. "But me too."
* * *
@LiamPayneXFactor: @louistommo thanks for the best four months of my life so far xo
@louistommo: @LiamPayneXFactor I'm just getting started babe.
Epilogue
February
"Oi, Zayn, bring your hair magic over here." Louis was stood in front of the hall mirror, fussing with his fringe.
"Working on the actual star of the evening, Louis," Zayn said with no bite at all. He was almost done with Liam, though, just spraying his swept-back hair in place.
Liam snuck a glance at Louis, only looking straight ahead again when Zayn tapped his chin with one finger. "You've probably got time to do him too, Zayn, but I don't know what you're worried about, Louis."
"That's because you're an idiot," Louis said lovingly. "You always look great, and everyone loves you on the red carpet. But I'm your WAG tonight, and I need to look smart on your arm. So finish up with him and get over here."
"Didn't know you had added me to your payroll," Zayn said, but he stepped over to Louis.
"Nah, you just do this because you love me," Louis said, and Zayn smiled and turned Louis around until he was facing the mirror again.
Liam watched as Zayn sculpted Louis's hair, managing to curl his fringe up and over his forehead, giving him a whole new look. It went with his suit, somehow pulling together the whole ensemble. Getting his hair done by Zayn always relaxed Liam, but it turned out that watching him fiddle with Louis's hair was just as calming.
Which was good, because Liam didn't think he'd been this nervous since the X Factor finale at Wembley, when he was certain that anything less than a victory would doom him to obscurity and failure. It would be nice if he could focus on how well that had turned out, rather than on just how big a night this was.
But when Louis turned to him, looking beautiful and perfectly, amazingly calm, and asked, "Ready for the Brits?" Liam found that he was, really.
He was ready while they rode in the back of the car together, Louis's hand holding his tightly. He was ready to say yes over and over again when Louis gave him assignments of words and phrases he had to use on the red carpet during interviews. And when the car pulled up at the red carpet, the flash bulbs of the cameras already going off before they'd even got out of the car, he knew the answer when Louis murmured in his ear, "You ready?"
Liam turned to him, gave him one final, slow kiss, and said "Yes," with all the confidence in the world. Then he opened the door.
It should have felt a bit scary, being out there with Louis like this, in front of the cameras. Holding his hand, getting an arm round his waist for the pictures, figuring out the right angles for them both. As much as everyone had known Louis was his boyfriend for a few months now, he still should have wanted to vom all over his shoes from nerves.
Instead it just felt—nice. Nice, and safe, and like he suddenly didn't have to be afraid, or feel lonely. It always felt a bit ridiculous to think of feeling lonely when he was surrounded by hundreds of people, and when Zayn and Perrie were talking to press nearby, and when there were loads of other people who he knew at least casually in sight. But none of them were there just for him like Louis was.
He gave Louis's hand a little squeeze, looking over at him when Louis responded by elbowing Liam in the side. Marco had been quite firm that the red carpet was not the place for a slap fight, but surely it was acceptable to grab hold of Louis's wrist while wrapping his other arm tightly around his waist, pinning his other arm. "Think you can hold me, Payno?" Louis asked out of the corner of his mouth.
Liam grinned, dragging his attention back to the interviewer's question. "Well, we actually were introduced by the host of tonight's festivities, as a matter of fact. So it's really Harry's fault."
"Isn't it always," Louis said, starting to wriggle and shift a bit. Liam made the tactical error of letting go of Louis's arm for an instant to wave at Harry, who was making his way over to them.
"And here's the man himself," Liam said, just barely managing not to squeak when Louis's hand snuck down to pinch his bum. "Have you come to rescue me, Haz?"
"You're on your own, Liam," Harry said, as Louis's hand continued to poke and prod at him. Liam managed to snag his wrist with one hand behind his own back, pulling it until Liam was holding both of Louis's hands, Louis's arms both wrapped round Liam's waist.
"I'll hold you this way all night if I have to," Liam said into Louis's ear.
He had to let go a moment later, though, when the two of them were herded to the next set of interviews. But anytime he started feeling a little overwhelmed, his smile getting a bit more forced than he'd like, suddenly Louis's hands were worming their way up his sides, asking him to capture them again.
Liam could never resist an offer like that.
* * *
Afterward, Liam could barely remember anything, other than the moment of hearing his name and then somehow stumbling his way up onto the stage. They were already in the back of the car on their way to the first afterparty, Liam pressed up close to Louis with one arm around him and one hand clutching Louis's, before he thought to ask. "Oh god, did I make an idiot of myself up there?"
Louis nodded immediately, patting Liam's knee with his free hand while still holding Liam's hand with his other. "A complete disaster, babe."
Liam groaned and dropped his head back against the seat. "I was out of my mind, I don't even know what I said."
"A load of total rubbish," Louis filled in, kindly enough.
Liam turned to Louis. He could just look it up on youtube later, but he should probably hear it from someone who loved him. "How bad was it?"
"Well," Louis said, his voice soft and gentle and oh god, it must have been awful if Louis was being this careful. "You started off by saying that you couldn't believe you'd won, given how amazing the rest of the nominated artists are." Liam nodded; that sounded familiar. "And then you thanked Jamie and Paul and Marco and Zayn and your entire family and were really shamefully earnest about the entire thing."
Liam frowned. That didn't sound too bad at all.
"And then you actually mentioned me, which was inexcusably mushy of you, and you were obviously not drunk at all and didn't even babble on for overly long, and really it was completely appropriate and coherent and a total disappointment," Louis said, barely getting out the last of it because Liam was busy tickling him in retaliation.
"I was worried, you twat," Liam said, giving up on the tickling and just holding Louis close to him.
Louis patted his cheek. "What could you possibly have done that would be worth fretting over? You were brilliant, and now the media has a brand new title for you: 'First openly gay X Factor runner up to win a Brit.'"
Liam laughed. "Yes, that's much less terrible than 'first openly gay singer from Wolverhampton.' I don't even see how that could have been true."
"'First openly gay turtle owner' is even better," Louis said. "Or my favourite: 'First openly gay singer who spent an entire year wearing nothing but snapbacks.'"
"To be fair, they were in style back then," Liam protested.
"Yes, everyone was wearing them in Soho that year," Louis agreed. "It's a wonder no one knew about you before me."
"I am very mysterious, I told you that," Liam said, and Louis snorted out a laugh and kissed him.
Liam kissed him back, feeling the adrenaline of the evening finally begin to drain out of him. "We should just blow off this party," Liam said against Louis's lips.
"Marco will be so disappointed," Louis answered before pulling him in for another kiss.
And, well, it was the truth. Liam pulled away. "No, you're right," Liam said regretfully, eyes focused on Louis's pink lips.
Louis sighed. "Why do I ever talk you into being responsible?"
"I'm sure we can hold out for a coat closet while we're there," Liam said, feeling a bit cheeky.
Louis grinned back at him just as they pulled up to the hotel. "You're on, Payne," he said, leaning in for one more kiss before opening the door.
Part 2
Louis would laugh at him if he knew, but Liam was nervous.
It didn't matter that the match was for charity, or that everyone there would just be having fun whilst supporting a good cause. He still got a pit at the bottom of his stomach when he thought about it. Only thing to do was try and keep it from Louis, or he'd never hear the end of it.
"What have you done to Poppy's hair?" Louis asked from over his shoulder.
Liam blinked and looked down at their daughter's hair in his hands. "Oh dear," he said, comparing the messy left plait he'd been mauling with the pigtail it was intended to match on the right side of her head.
"Can you fix it, please?" she asked politely, turning to look up at him with her big brown eyes.
"Course I can, sweetheart, I just got distracted," Liam said, combing his fingers through her hair and starting again. It'd been ages since he'd made such a hash of her hair like that. He glanced up at Louis before focusing all his attention on starting the plait fresh. "You look quite smart."
"Same thing as always," Louis said, and it was true, this uniform of a well-fitting suit and Arsenal red tie as familiar as his actual football kit by now. But he still wore it well, managing to look good even in compulsory formal wear, his hair swept across his forehead with a bit of a wave to it. He'd pull it back for the match itself, either in a high ponytail or with a headband or both, but Liam liked this look best.
He dragged his focus back to Poppy's hair, carefully weaving the strands over each other until he could secure the ends. "There you go," he said, smoothing down each side of her head. "They're not too tight?"
She shook her head. "Thank you, Daddy," she said, leaning back against his chest.
He kissed the top of her head. "You're welcome." He looked up at Louis. "Jack ready to go?"
Louis nodded just as Jack came running into the room and grabbed hold of Louis's leg. "Slow down there, love, you almost knocked me over," Louis said.
"I'm ready to play," Jack argued. He had a point, already wearing his tiny red and white jersey with Tomlinson written across the back of it, matching his sister.
"Well, let Dad go and we can head outside for a bit, okay?" Liam tugged Jack off of Louis's leg and got both of the children settled on his lap. "Car here yet?"
Louis shook his head. "But it will be any second."
Liam nodded. "Poppy, take Jack out to the back garden, I'll be there in a minute." He stood up after they had left, his knees a little creaky from the effort.
"Having some trouble there, old man?" Louis asked.
Liam tapped him on the stomach with the back of his hand. "What does that make you, then?"
"I'm still doing alright," Louis said, grinning a bit wryly. "Even if I can't run like I did when I was twenty."
The sound of the kids floated up through the window, a shout followed by an answering squeal. "They're going to get their jerseys all dirty," Liam said.
"You can change them out for one of the other dozen kits they have, then. It's good for them to get out some of their nervous energy," Louis said. Liam nodded absently, listening to Poppy instructing Jack on the game they were playing. Sometimes he worried Jack was getting railroaded by his sister, but he insisted that he wanted to play what she did. The desire to be a big kid like her overruled any thought of rebellion, at least so far.
"Maybe you should run off some of those nerves, too," Louis said, reaching out and squeezing Liam's hand, drawing Liam's focus back. "You made a right mess of Poppy's hair."
"I fixed it," Liam protested, his heart not in it.
"Mm-hmm," Louis said, eyeing him.
Liam sighed. "It's easier when it's a real match, because then you're so focused I don't have the room to be anxious about it. At least not until you're actually playing."
"That doesn't make any sense at all," Louis said.
"Yes, it does!" Liam insisted.
A car horn sounded outside. "That's me. I'll see you before kick-off," Louis said, leaning in for a brief kiss. "And stop worrying."
"I'll try," Liam promised, kissing him again before heading to the back garden to check on the kids.
*
The Emirates felt like a second home now, even during a charity match featuring players he only knew by reputation and not from dinners out with Louis and his teammates. Louis was still only one of a handful of openly gay footballers, ten years after coming out, but Liam had quickly been adopted by most of the other WAGs.
Their place in the Arsenal family had become even easier when Poppy had been born eight years ago, and Jack three years after that. Footballers were a broody bunch, and having a couple of adorable kids around tended to smooth out any potential awkwardness quickly.
That was especially true when at a match like this, when all of the players' families were there. It was a social occasion, a day when they all pretended that football was a game they played just for the love of it and wasn't also a billion pound industry. But even when they were surrounded by dozens of people, Jack still managed to pick out his favourite member of the Arsenal staff with ease.
"Daddy, there's Niall!" Jack tugged Liam's hand and dragged him over to Niall, who was grinning down at Jack.
"Hiya, squirt! Can I get a high five?" Niall asked, holding his hand at chest height. Jack crouched down and then leapt up, just barely making contact with Niall's hand. "Nice pigtails, Poppy."
"Daddy did them," Poppy said quickly, eager to move on to more important topics. "Can we do some drills before the match?"
"Niall's probably busy," Liam said, his heart breaking a bit at how disappointed she looked.
"Tell you what though, during half-time I'll come out onto the pitch with you and we can kick it around a bit, how about that," Niall said. A small smile crept onto Poppy's face as she nodded. "And maybe we can get this lazy dog to join us," Niall added, winking at Louis as he walked up to them.
"Abusing me in front of my children again, I see," Louis said.
"Can't let them get the wrong idea about you from your millions of fans."
"It's nice that we have the sort of friends who will prevent them from ever thinking well of us," Liam said.
"That's because we're the best, Liam," Harry said, appearing out of nowhere.
"Uncle Harry!" Jack yelled. He flung himself at Harry, almost knocking him over.
"Careful you don't break him," Liam said, but Harry had already lifted him up for a hug.
"Harry, where on earth did you find those shorts, the eighties?" Louis asked. "They're practically indecent."
"Just giving the people what they want," Harry said. It was hard to argue that his fans would be upset by the miles of thigh Harry was showing off in shorts that barely covered his whole arse. He shifted and cocked his hip. "Plus, it's for charity," he added solemnly to Jack, who responded by cuddling closer.
"Oh, well, if it's for charity, then," Liam said.
"Did you have someone take up those shorts?" Louis demanded, still stuck on them.
"I never reveal my secrets," Harry answered, which meant he did.
"Alright, Liam, it's time for us to get to the sidelines," Niall said.
Liam nodded. "I'll see you out there after you go out with Dad, okay?" he said to Poppy. He gave Jack a kiss on the cheek and then went over to Louis.
"Stop fretting," Louis said.
"Who said anything about fretting," Liam said, kissing Louis before he could mock him for the obvious lie. "I'll see you at half-time."
He could hear Harry explaining to Jack that he planned on scoring a hat-trick that afternoon as he walked away, following the corridors until he suddenly emerged pitch-side. The stands were already mostly full, a mix of hardcore football supporters and families out for a day of seeing celebrities attempt to kick the ball around all in the name of charity. It felt familiar, though, the rhythm and sound of the crowd soothing his nerves finally.
The crowd drowned out his anxiety further when they roared as the players stepped out of the tunnel. Louis led his charity side out, the captain's band tight around his upper arm. Poppy and Jack were on either side of him, holding onto his hands, and Liam could see him reminding Jack to take his thumb out of his mouth. When he did, Louis leaned over and kissed the top of his head and then whispered something to him and Poppy.
A moment later both of them waved their free hands to the crowd, Poppy occasionally stopping to grab hold of her pigtail before letting it go again to start waving once more. Liam stared at them, his heart full to bursting at seeing his family all together out there, smiling back at the stands full of people who loved them. But not as much as he did.
They stood with all the other players in the centre of the pitch, retired and current footballers alternating with musicians and actors, all of them there to raise money for cancer research. Louis had asked Liam once if he wanted to play in one of these matches years ago, before they were even married. But after thinking about it, Liam had decided that he'd rather let Louis keep the spotlight on days like this, content to be there for him on the sideline.
That was even more true now that it was a family day, Louis pointing out Liam to Poppy and Jack and sending them back to him so they could watch the match together from the Arsenal bench.
The first half was a fast-paced high scoring romp of a charity match, the focus more on slightly out of control attacking play than on solid defending. The kids shrieked and cheered when Louis scored after eight minutes, but the loudest screams of the half occurred when Harry was subbed on, the crowd just as enthusiastic about his sartorial choices as he had predicted. The sound gave Liam a small pang of longing for a moment; his last tour had ended over two years ago at this point, and he missed the feeling of being at the centre of it all and doing what he loved almost more than anything.
But then Poppy tugged on his hand, getting his attention again, and he remembered why he had stopped touring for now. "Daddy, look at Dad go!" she yelled, and pointed at Louis streaking up the left hand side before making the perfect cross in for Harry to tap it into the back of the net, the entire stadium showing its approval at his effort. He and Poppy and Jack yelled and chanted in support, and after celebrating the goal with Harry, Louis looked over at them and blew them a kiss.
He had missed too much of this while away on a tour for months on end, Poppy too old to be taken out of school and Jack refusing to be separated from his big sister for more than a few days at a time. So after that last tour Liam had taken a break from the road, writing for other musicians and being the one at home. There would be time for touring again later.
Right now all of his attention was focused on Poppy and Jack. Poppy was already vibrating from excitement in anticipation of getting to be out there on the pitch herself during half-time, and Jack was excited because Poppy was excited. As a result, Liam spent the rest of the first half waiting for it to be over so that their fun could begin.
When the referee finally blew his whistle, Poppy shrieked and ran out onto the pitch before the players had even made their way off. Liam grabbed hold of Jack's hand and followed her, Niall right behind.
He had thought Louis would go into the locker room with the rest of the players, but he and Harry jogged over to them instead. Some sort of audience contest was being done on the other side of the pitch, but it was just the six of them down near this goal.
"Okay, Poppy, before you start taking some shots, we need to warm up together," Niall instructed, and they all got into a circle, the crowd behind the goal screaming when Harry started to do some stretches. The rest of them started to play keepaway, with Niall in the middle. It wasn't long before Jack managed to send it outside the circle entirely with an errant kick. His lower lip began to wobble.
"You've got quite the powerful shot, Jack," Harry said to him. "Look how far it went!"
"That sort of strength will come in handy soon," Niall added, back with the ball and kicking it over to Louis to start again.
"The master of the long ball!" Louis said, sneaking the ball just past Niall to Poppy.
"We all have our special skills," Poppy said, confidently trapping the football with her foot and curling it back to Louis.
"That's right, like how Daddy's the best keeper in the family," Louis said, passing it over to Jack.
"I'm also the only keeper in the family," Liam said.
"Who knows, maybe Jack will challenge you for it one day, right Jack?" Louis said.
Liam was pretty sure that Jack's eventual position was going to be in the stands watching his sister play, based on how quickly he lost interest in actually kicking the ball himself. But that was for Jack to figure out and not for anyone else to decide for him. "Alright, Poppy, ready to see if you can score against your old man?" Liam asked.
"I was born ready," she replied, and he snorted and ran back to the goal. "No letting me score, either!" she called out after him.
"Okay, I promise," he shouted back, mostly meaning it. Last summer Poppy had started to realise that Daddy didn't seem to move quite as fast when she took a shot on goal as he did when Dad tried to score. The result was a multi-month-long campaign of demanding that he not treat her like a little kid. Liam was not particularly good at that, but he was going to give it his best shot.
He took the gloves Niall brought over for him and put them on. "Good luck keeping a clean sheet," Niall said, slapping him on the back.
"I'm going to need it!" Liam said. "Okay, Poppy, let's see what you've got!" he called out, bouncing on his feet and waving his arms around. She looked tiny stood there alone at the penalty spot in the middle of a massive stadium, but she didn't seem to notice the crowd at all, looking as determined as she did in their back garden when they played together. Niall blew a whistle and she ran up and took the shot, the ball curling low and hard away from Liam's outstretched fingers, just sliding past him into the back of the net.
Liam could hear Poppy's victorious shout even before he sat back up, Jack running over to him yelling, "She did it! She did it!" and then flying into his arms. Louis had picked Poppy up and was showing her off to the crowd, his eyes beaming with pride as he looked back at Liam and Jack.
Liam had no idea what on earth he had been so anxious about before.
Single parent and solo artist Liam Payne hires Louis Tomlinson to be a full time nanny to his four year old son Sammy. Although the two men don’t quite click from the start, it’s love at first sight between Sammy and Louis
Original link:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/465957
---
The only reason Liam met with Louis at all was because he was desperate.
"It's perfect," Harry had said, mouth half-full of a sandwich, and clapped Liam on the back. "He's a great mate of mine, and he'll be an amazing nanny."
"He?" Liam had echoed, trying not to sound too caught up in gender roles and whatnot because that sort of thing always made Harry cross.
And then Sammy had come running through the green room screaming bloody murder, and upended one of the stylists' bags full of makeup and hair thingies. Liam had to duck away from getting his hair fixed and jump out of the chair to grab Sammy before he tripped anyone or got trampled by security. "Sorry, sorry," Liam said, while Sammy kicked and wiggled and did his best impression of a four-year-old tornado. "He's bored, sorry." Harry nodded sympathetically, because Harry got bored waiting for hair and makeup and lighting as well. But Harry was a couple of decades older than Sammy, and he didn't burst into tears whenever things got a bit crazy or he missed his dad. Not so much anymore, at least.
"But this is what I'm saying," Harry said, shaking his famous fringe out of his eyes. "You clearly need someone right away and Louis would be perfect."
"The agency—" Liam said, trying to stop Sammy crying and apologize to the hair and makeup and wardrobe people and not get his shirt wet all at once. He couldn't manage any of it, and everyone in the room looked cross. Except Sammy, who looked like he was going to properly melt down. Liam and Harry were supposed to be doing an interview in ten minutes, and—
"But the agency nannies have all been rubbish, haven't they?" Harry said. Liam shrugged, fair point, and tried to distract Sammy with games on his mobile. "I'm just saying. It couldn't hurt. Come on, they need us." And just as Liam had got Sammy calmed down he had to hand him over to Ricky the security guy, who Sammy barely knew, and who was certainly not going to be able to stop him sobbing for his daddy. It hurt.
Which was how Liam had ended up getting coffee and interviewing Harry's friend Louis the next morning. He didn't look a thing like a nanny. He had a rather toothy smile and very flippy fringe and a knitted beanie on, and there was something a bit odd about him. Maybe that was just Liam's exhaustion talking; it was hard to keep the hours of a professional musician and also the hours of a four year old.
"So I hear you need a nanny?" Louis asked, smiling widely.
Liam tried not to look too dubious. He loved Harry, but Harry's taste in friends had always run a bit extreme. Harry's career as England's Hottest Popstar had led him to meet some very strange people, while Liam had mostly stuck to singer-songwriter music and normal friends from before X-Factor. Except for Harry, of course, who had pulled Liam into his orbit on X-Factor and somehow never let him escape.
"Are you a nanny?" he asked. "Harry was rather vague." Some girls getting coffee looked over and began giggling and Liam smiled back politely. It had taken him years to get used to the idea that they were giggling at him.
Louis said brightly, "I've got four little sisters."
"Um," said Liam, trying to sound polite. This whole thing was a terrible idea, he was sure. "But, like. References? Or any experience at being a nanny?"
"There's no greater experience than life," said Louis grandly. "I all but raised four little girls, and children love me."
"'Children love me' isn't the same as being qualified to look after my son," said Liam. He took a deep breath and blew it out again slowly. "Sorry. I sound a bit worked up. This has been... The whole nanny thing has been one disaster after another and I'm—"
"Desperate?" Louis guessed. Liam blinked at him. "Harry said," Louis explained apologetically. "He seems to think it's all rather gone to hell and he's a bit worried you're… Don't take this the wrong way. Highly strung."
Liam tried to scowl, but he was so tired and Louis – or Harry, really – was right. "He could do with a bit more being highly strung," Liam grumbled. Harry was one of those people who sailed through life. He'd appeared to sail through the X-Factor and he'd sailed through his ensuing solo pop career and he was sailing through his current phase of being Britain's most Eligible Bachelor. Liam had spent the entire X-Factor experience on the brink of a nervous breakdown. He'd mostly only kept it together because Harry had been on the brink of one as well, and they both pretended to be fine to keep each other's spirits up. Sugarscape and the fan forums had got pretty obsessed with their bromance.
"We've had two people through the agency in the last month," said Liam. "One of them sold a picture of Sammy to the Sun and the other one... I don't know. Sammy didn't like her. He's only four but he's not a prisoner, and he cried, and..." Liam trailed off. That made it fairly clear, he thought, what an awful job he was doing as a father. Letting a crying four year old decide who to hire. But then the only other option was to take Sammy with him to everything, every studio session and photo shoot and rehearsal. "And I've got an album coming out and I'm busy and I can't bring him with me, but I can't leave him behind…"
"Right," said Louis, popping a bit of cake into his mouth. "Desperate."
Liam flushed a little bit. It sounded a bit like you're a rubbish dad. "Limited time to solve a really complicated problem," he said.
"Well," said Louis, smiling, "I'm a solution."
Liam wasn't entirely sure what to make of him. This wasn't like any interview Liam had ever done. Normally nannies came with references and a list of educational games to play and usually... Well, usually they were women. "You really haven't got any references?" Liam asked doubtfully.
"You can call my sisters," said Louis. He took a sip of coffee and waggled his eyebrows under his fringe.
Liam couldn't help being polite, even when he was completely dubious. "But in actual terms of being a real, qualified nanny," Liam said. There was something very, very strange about Louis, although he couldn't put his finger on it. He seemed a bit unreal, almost. It wasn't making him feel like Sammy would be unsafe with him, just… Well, Liam was a bit apprehensive about leaving Sammy with anyone, let alone some strange friend of Harry's.
"Well, in those terms, no," Louis acknowledged.
Liam blinked at him a bit. "Oh," he said. He was a bit disappointed, but he hadn't really got his hopes up anyway. After this many months of trying to keep it together he didn't expect miracles anymore. "Okay. It was nice to meet you—"
"Hang on," said Louis. "Look, I know it's a bit weird, but conventional or not, I am great with kids and I can do whatever it is a nanny does. Really. I'm responsible, I'm caring, I'm fun. Kids love me." He smiled a broad you-can-trust me smile and Liam… Well. Liam had no idea how to feel. He liked to believe that people were being honest and straightforward with him but he'd learned since becoming famous that he was being lied to quite a lot. And he couldn't let just anyone watch Sammy. There had been quite enough screw ups in Sammy's life already.
"That's great and all," said Liam. "But I don't need fun, I need qualified. Sammy's really... I have to do this right. He's got enough weirdness in his life just because of what I do."
Louis pulled a thoughtful face. "I take it his mum isn't around?"
"Um," said Liam, shifting uncomfortably. For some reason it felt a lot more like Louis was interviewing him than the other way around. "It was very amicable, she's working in the States. Better for him to stay here where he's got family and all."
"Yes," said Louis, smiling kindly. "That was what I saw in The Sun."
Liam had worked ridiculously hard to keep everything about Brooke – and more importantly, everything about Sammy – out of the papers but he'd had to say something. It hardly even sounded like words to him anymore. "So you can see where stability is really important, and I can't hire just anyone, and—"
"But, you do need someone right away, don't you?" Louis smiled brightly again. "Like, for tonight, even."
"Well, yes," Liam began.
Louis held his hands out as if the whole deal were settled. "Fantastic. Because I need a job."
Liam felt a bit dizzy. Why didn't this conversation make any sense? "But—"
"And if it doesn't work out it's not as if you hired me properly," Louis went on easily. "I can fill in until you find someone qualified, or until you decide Sammy hates me." He beamed.
Liam tried, "But, wait. That's not what I meant."
Louis nodded as if he were agreeing instead of steamrollering the conversation. "Yeah. Exactly. Have you got another option?"
Liam stared at him for a moment. "No," he said slowly. "I guess I haven't." He was, in fact, probably going to be late for all the things he had scheduled as it was, and Sammy was so, so tired of being dragged along to meetings and rehearsals.
Louis shrugged as if everything were settled. "Fantastic," he said, and grinned again. "Kids love me. You'll see."
—
From the beginning, Liam had been a bit mental about trying to know every detail of everything going on in his career and his life. He'd had to give that up for the last few months because he was the only person looking after Sammy and suddenly every spare second he had was devoted just to him. Not that there were any spare seconds to be had while recording an album. So the idea of bringing a stranger back to his house to look after Sammy was – well. It made him feel ill. One more chaotic element in a life that was horribly chaotic already. Liam was trying to talk himself around to the idea that this was all Harry's fault. Harry had a sort of hypnotic effect on Liam, and he always had. Liam was rubbish at telling Harry no.
Unfortunately, Louis seemed like the only solution for the next few hours. Liam had left Sammy with Ricky for the morning, but he was security, not a babysitter, and he'd probably given Sammy all the sweets in the house to keep him quiet. The next free minute Liam had he needed to go through the proper channels and find a real nanny. Liam was going to get everything sorted soon. Honestly.
As soon as Liam walked in, Sammy flung himself at Liam's legs. Ricky looked exhausted and waved from the couch without getting up. Liam felt doubly guilty; security really wasn't supposed to be stuck watching Sammy and Sammy was clearly bored and lonely.
"Hey," said Liam, ruffling Sammy's hair. "Did you miss me?"
"We had ice cream," said Sammy. Liam sighed a little. "Are you going out again?"
"Yeah," said Liam apologetically. Sammy began to pull one of wide-eyed tragic faces (Liam was sure Harry had taught him that) and everything inside Liam's chest felt like it was going to collapse. He picked Sammy up and tried saying brightly, "It's okay. I've brought you a proper babysitter." Normally he had a policy of not lying to Sammy, ever, but there were exceptions here and there.
"I want to come with you," said Sammy, holding Liam's shirt with both hands.
"No," said Liam, working hard to smile. "It's boring with me. I'll be busy and there's no one to play with. This is Louis—"
Sammy ducked and hid his face against Liam's chest.
Liam looked apologetically at Louis. "He's not shy," he said. "Honestly. But you see, this is why I can't just—"
Louis had been looking around the living room curiously but he stuck his hands in his pockets and smiled brightly at Sammy instead. "Hello. I'm Louis. Do you know any magic tricks?"
There was a tiny pause and then Sammy lifted his face just enough to give Louis a suspicious, curious look. "No," he said.
"Hmm," said Louis. "Pity. I know loads." He pulled one hand out of his pocket and revealed a little red rubber ball. Then he waved his hand around a bit and flipped it over and when he opened his hand again it was empty.
"Daddy!" said Sammy.
Liam shrugged. "I don't know where it is," he said.
Louis wiggled his fingers and reached out and pulled the ball out from behind Liam's ear. "Oh, is that where I left it? Silly me."
Sammy stared at him for a minute. "It's a trick," he said. "Isn't it?"
"It is," said Louis gravely. "Shall I show you how I do it?"
Liam was accidentally holding his breath, he realized, when Sammy abruptly shoved at him and started wiggling to get down. "Show me," Sammy demanded.
"Please," Liam said automatically.
"Please," Sammy echoed. Louis had crouched down so Sammy could take the ball and inspect it, and then Louis took it back and pretended to throw it in his own mouth, where it vanished. Sammy giggled.
"It takes loads of practice," said Louis seriously. "And hard work. I don't suppose you're any good at practice and hard work."
"I am," Sammy insisted. Harry would have made a joke there about how he was so obviously Liam's son. He would have been correct.
"Then you can be my assistant," said Louis. "That means you get put in the box to be sawed in half."
Sammy gave Liam an alarmed look. "Not really," Liam said. "It's a trick." At least he hoped Louis meant it as a magic trick.
"Is it like… pretending?" Sammy asked. He was very big on pretending; Liam spent quite a lot of time having to be different kinds of animals so Sammy could be the ring master at a circus.
"Yes," said Louis. "It's exactly like that. Shall we pretend to be magicians while your dad goes off to work?"
Sammy screwed up his face a bit. "But…" he said, looking at Liam again.
Liam wanted very badly to pick Sammy up and cuddle him and then stay home instead of leaving, but his mobile vibrated in his pocket. That was definitely someone texting that he was late for his meeting. "He doesn't even know you—" Liam said, trying not to sound too doubtful in front of Sammy, because Sammy could always tell, and then he'd start to cry.
"He'll get to know me," said Louis, cheerful and certain. "You should go. Is there something for dinner?"
"Fish fingers in the freezer and broccoli in the fridge," said Liam.
"And chips," said Sammy.
"No, you had chips yesterday," said Liam.
Sammy started to let his lower lip tremble and there was a moment when Liam wanted to throw all his rules out the window – vegetables and bed time and playing outside rather than watching television – because of his tremendous and overwhelming guilt.
"Broccoli is amazing," said Louis. "You can help me make it. I know a special recipe so it's better than chips."
"It isn't better than chips," said Sammy doubtfully
"I will bet you one million pounds," said Louis.
Sammy blinked at him again. He got that from Liam, too; he never quite knew what to do when someone was ridiculous. "I haven't got a million pounds," said Sammy.
"Then I'll bet you this ball," said Louis, making the red ball appear in his hand again.
Louis seemed fine with Sammy, which should have been the most important thing to Liam. He knew the longer he stuck around the worse he'd make leaving. He just couldn't quite bear to go. "I'll come and say good night when I get home," Liam said, leaning down to kiss the top of Sammy's head. "Be good."
Sammy's eyes started to fill up with tears – when had he learnt to cry on cue? Liam wondered despairingly – and Liam bit his lip, hard, trying not to look upset as well.
"We'll be wonderful," said Louis confidently. "Have you got a cardboard box somewhere? I want to show you a trick." He held his hand out for Sammy.
Sammy looked at Liam and then at Louis, and made a frowny, tragic little face that broke Liam's heart all to pieces. "I've got a box," Sammy said slowly. "Shall I show you?"
"Yes, please," said Louis. He flashed an easy grin at Liam, who still wasn't at all sure he wanted to leave, and then Sammy took Louis's hand and led him toward the den where he had a collection of toy boxes.
Ricky dragged himself off the couch. "We're late," he said. "You ready?"
Liam took a couple of deep breaths. The whole thing felt very, very strange. Much stranger than anyone else he'd left Sammy with. But Sammy liked magic tricks and pretending games, and surely Harry wouldn't have given him Louis's mobile number unless Louis was trustworthy. "Yeah," he said. "We should go."
—
They weren't the best meetings Liam had ever had, because he spent the entire time with his hand in his pocket waiting for his mobile to buzz with dire news. When it didn't, he found himself assuming that Louis had somehow ended up with Sammy in an Accident and Emergency room or somewhere mobiles weren't allowed. Liam might have agreed to have naked dancers on fire on stage with him or something. He wasn't sure, he hadn't been listening.
He did manage to hear something about the single testing better than expected, which was nice, not but enough to get his attention entirely back in the room. "Very high expectations for this album," and "small tour and then a larger European tour," and "maybe America this time," people were saying, and Liam nodded a lot, but it wasn't as if he were actually in charge of any of those decisions. That was why he had a manager and a management team. During the first album Liam had tried to stay on top of nearly every decision, but then Sammy had happened and he'd let go a bit, and then Brooke had left and… Well. He hadn't been on his game since then.
At the end of the meeting, his tour manager, Rex, took Liam aside and made a concerted effort to actually get his attention. "People are really connecting to this album. We're getting amazing feedback on the songs you wrote. I just need to know you're ready to talk about all those songs in interviews, and what they mean and where they came from."
"Yeah," said Liam, who was not at all certain about it. He hadn't done a round of interviews since Brooke had left. He'd been so careful about keeping Sammy out of the spotlight and the papers, and particularly in the last few months.
"People are going to be asking about Brooke," said Rex.
"I'll just say it was an amicable break up," said Liam automatically. "She's in L.A. There isn't much else to say about it."
Rex gave him a long look and Liam stared at his mobile, wondering what Louis was doing with Sammy right now. "People are interested," he said. It was clear he was being gentle, so Liam tried not to flinch. "They want to hear about your broken heart."
"They want a lot of things," said Liam flatly. "They can't have Sammy and they can't have that. They can have anything else."
Rex shook his head. "You know even if we tell people they can't ask about it they will. And if you don't answer it'll just get blown up into something worse than what it is."
"Then I'll say what I always say," said Liam. "Or I'll ignore them until they ask about something else. It's none of their business."
It wasn't a satisfying answer and it wasn't really going to work, but it was all Liam really had to offer. Rex tried looking stern, and Liam steadfastly stared at his mobile in case important news appeared.
When he finally got back to the house, it was well after midnight. The whole place was quiet, which was reassuring. Liam didn't see any obvious signs of fire or blood or catastrophe anywhere, and Sammy wasn't still up, screaming his lungs out.
Louis was sitting on the couch watching football on the television. "Hey," he said. "Good meetings? Sammy's been asleep for ages."
Liam let out a little breath he hadn't meant to hold. "Yeah," he said. "Thanks. I'll go and check on him and then we can… I don't know. Chat." He just needed to see Sammy for himself and make sure that everything was really okay.
Sammy was in bed, fast asleep. He had a cuddly puppy toy clutched in one hand and the blankets all flung onto the floor. The dog had been a present from Harry years ago, and Liam knew better than to try and pry it away. Nothing woke Sammy up faster. He put the blankets back on the bed and kissed Sammy's forehead. There were no obvious signs of trauma. Liam felt a little ridiculous for worrying.
"Okay?" said Louis when Liam came back out.
"Yeah, sorry. I just. Um, hazard of single parenting, you worry a lot," said Liam. He sat down carefully at the other end of the couch.
"It was brilliant," said Louis. The light from the television screen was flickering against the side of his face. "The cardboard box turned out to be an excellent rocket ship to Jupiter."
That sounded fantastic. Liam had given up on making up games; he was too busy to do much more than buy toys and hope they'd be fun when Sammy had to play by himself. "Good," said Liam guiltily. "I'm sure he loved that."
"He has a lot of very strong opinions on Jupiter, and who should be the captain," said Louis. "I told him I'd bring him some books on space. I hope that's alright?" He paused and then smiled, a little hesitantly. "Even if you don't want me to come back, I could recommend some books for him. He knows the alphabet. He's very clever."
"He is," said Liam. He'd been exhausted all day but exhaustion hit him, suddenly, like a bus, and he could barely manage to stay upright on the couch. He'd have to be up to make Sammy breakfast in a few hours. "I… I mean, at some point I ought to get a proper nanny to look after him, but—"
"But in the meantime I'm absolutely free," said Louis. "I'd love to look after him. He's a darling."
This wasn't at all the way Liam normally hired anyone. "There are all sorts of forms to sign," he said. "Non-disclosure agreements, and salary arrangements and—"
"Give me the numbers and I'll call tomorrow," said Louis. "I can do it while I'm watching Sammy. You do need me tomorrow, don't you?"
"I'll probably need you every day," said Liam. He'd glanced at his schedule over the next couple of weeks and it was absolutely mad. "I don't honestly know what I usually pay a nanny; I'm not the one who does any of the paperwork."
Louis grinned. "Well, I’m around whenever you need, and I'm sure there's someone who can tell me what you normally pay a nanny. I'm not a very good cook and I don't really tidy things, but I can do just about anything else. Like if you need someone to come with you and keep him busy while you're in a meeting, or if you want him to stay here and do things while you're out. I'm good either way. And since you haven't got an NDA I'll just promise not to take any pictures or sell any interviews, how about that?"
"That's…" Liam said. Louis was holding out his hand expectantly, little finger extended. "Oh," said Liam. "I see." Apparently 'good with kids' meant that Louis behaved like he was about twelve years old, but… Maybe that was a good thing. Liam laughed a little self-consciously and hooked his own little finger around Louis's.
"Deal," said Louis. "What time shall I come back tomorrow?"
"Early as you can, I suppose," said Liam. "I've got a photo shoot and a band rehearsal. If you can't be here I can take him with me and you can meet us somewhere."
"I'll be here." Louis made a funny movement like he was going to clap Liam on the shoulder or hug him or… Or something. But he didn't, and then he smiled a little apologetically, and stood up. "See you tomorrow morning. I'm really, really going to be good at this, I promise."
"I hope so," Liam said honestly. Louis didn't seem offended by that or anything. Liam found him a spare set of keys and called for a cab to take him wherever he lived, and then he went upstairs and crashed out on his bed still in his clothes from the day.
—
Liam rather hopefully made enough breakfast for three, in case Louis actually did come back. Liam wasn't much of a chef, really, and he'd swapped out all their white bread for wholemeal which made Sammy whine and shove his eggs around on his plate and pretend he wasn’t going eat them. Liam had a dream of serving breakfast properly on plates set round the table and giving Sammy real mealtimes where they'd chat about dinosaurs and trips to Jupiter, and it would be relaxed and comfortable, like a proper family meal.
Instead he always ended up trying to eat the bacon out of the pan with a fork while Sammy complained that it was the wrong sort of juice, and Liam's mobile buzzed because it had taken him longer than he'd thought – again – to get Sammy up and dressed. Liam was always late for something.
"I'm not hungry, I want to play Pokemon," said Sammy. "Daddy, I want to getdown."
"You haven't finished—" Liam said, but Sammy was already wiggling his way off the chair. "You have to wash your hands before you touch anything!" Liam shouted after him, and then distractedly bumped his hand against the still-hot pan and burned it. He hissed out a pained breath and dropped the pan, and the bacon, all over the floor.
"Daddy?" said Sammy, running back in and clutching his video games in both hands.
"Don’t! It's still hot!" Liam said crossly. He was cross at himself, mostly; he didn't really have time to clean before he needed to go.
"Can I help?" Sammy offered. Liam's phone went from buzzing to ringing, and his hand still hurt. He didn't have time to supervise a four year old trying to clean up grease. He wanted was to sit down on the floor and cry for a minute.
"Go and play," Liam ordered, and Sammy looked a bit disappointed, but he took his game and left the kitchen. Liam tried to put his burned hand in the sink under cold water and answer his phone with the other hand at the same time, and just ended up dropping his mobile in the sink. "Crap," he said, fishing it back out. "Hello, sorry? Please don't die."
"I'll try not to?" said Harry's confused voice.
"Ugh, not you, I dropped my mobile." There was a strange noise from the living room, Sammy moving furniture, maybe.
"Just calling to see if you hired Louis," said Harry. He spoke so slowly, sometimes it was really frustrating, like when Liam was in the middle of three other things.
Liam shut off the tap and shook his hand dry so he could start wiping up the floor. "Yes, probably. If he isn't frightened off by what an absolutely crap day we're having already."
"Oh, good," said Harry, sounding genuinely relieved. "He'll be chuffed about that."
"Well, that's nice, I suppose," said Liam. "Listen, I need to go. Things are a bit mad here right now."
"Why don't you hire a chef and a maid as well?" Harry asked.
Liam could never tell when Harry was just taking the piss. "Because I'm a dad, I'm not running a child-raising business," Liam said, a little bit snappishly. "Don't you have some models to go and be photographed with?"
Harry laughed. "I love you, too," he said, and Liam turned his mobile off and stuffed it in his pocket so he could clean up the kitchen properly.
Louis walked into the kitchen. He was carrying Sammy and he stopped in the doorway and looked around at the mess for a minute. Liam felt a distinct urge to tell him to go away until he had everything clean and sorted. "Hey," said Louis. "Would you like me to help him wash his face and hands? He's a bit sticky."
"Yes, please," said Liam.
"I don't want to!" Sammy said loudly. "I can wash them myself!
"Of course you do," said Louis, and then pulled an astonishingly silly face. It was so silly, in fact, that Sammy seemed to forget to argue, and allowed himself to be carried down the hall to the bathroom without a fuss.
It gave Liam the minute he needed to pull himself together so he could finish wiping up the floor and throw away the rest of the bacon. Down the hall Sammy was demanding to know if Louis had really brought him books about Jupiter.
"Is everything alright?" Louis asked curiously, when he reappeared with Sammy in tow. Sammy had swapped his Pokemon for a coloring book.
"Just a bit mad in the morning," Liam said. "There's breakfast if you'd like some. I've got the emergency phone numbers here somewhere, and you'll need to call Linda and figure out all that contract stuff. This is his GP's number, and if you can't reach me here's my mum's mobile, although she's probably at her ladies' book club right now."
Louis nodded. "Wow. That's sort of terrifyingly organized of you."
"He's got carrots and apples cut up for snacks and he doesn't get to watch television or eat crisps no matter how much he tells you he does," Liam said. "There's leftovers from yesterday for lunch and—"
"Do you do this every day?" Louis asked, tilting his head a little bit.
Liam stopped short. "Yeah," he said. "I mean. Someone's got to?" He didn't mean for it to sound like a question, but Louis was giving him the strangest look, as if everything he was doing was really odd.
"Okay," said Louis. "I see."
"He isn't allergic to anything but he's frightened of dogs, except the toy one Harry gave him. And there's a park across the street but if you go there take some plasters, I've got a cup of them by the door, because he always manages to fall off something. And he shouldn't be carrying Pokemon with him everywhere because he knows—"
"No! I just want to hold it!" Sammy said defensively, clutching his game to his chest.
Louis interrupted before Liam could get cross about it. "I've got markers that glow in the dark," he said. "Why don't we go and draw some stars and then we can turn the lights off and hang them from the ceiling?" Sammy went running into the living room to find them.
"If you need anything, call me," said Liam. "I've always got my mobile, and if I haven't got it then Rex is holding it for me, so if you have any questions or problems, or—"
"Got it. It's fine. Go to work," said Louis. "Any idea when you'll be back?"
"Not really," said Liam, a little bleakly.
Louis smiled reassuringly. "It'll be fine. If worse comes to worst, I can make an excellent dinner of entirely healthy foods, I promise. Everything is going to be absolutely alright."
Liam wanted to believe that, but he didn't really. Leaving Sammy with anyone all day, even his mum, always left him feeling like everything inside him had been tied into knots. "Just… Call me," he said again. "Even if nothing's wrong. I worry."
"Oh, do you?" Louis asked. "I hadn't noticed."
Liam glared at him half-heartedly. He knew he sounded crazy, but there were so many things that could go horribly wrong. Sammy was curious and fearless and opinionated and he did stupid things like dashing into traffic after a football or seeing how high he could climb trees and then falling out of them. And Louis wouldn't know, because he didn't know Sammy. If he stopped paying attention for a minute Sammy might run off and—
"I'll call," Louis promised. "I will let you know absolutely everything that happens, I promise. But everything is going to be absolutely fine."
"It's just easier when I have him with me," Liam mumbled. Sammy had been with him nearly every day – minus the nanny disasters – since Brooke had left. Louis was giving him a meaningful look, still, and it made Liam feel a bit embarrassed and a bit ridiculous. He went out and said good-bye to Sammy. Sammy gave him a hug but was much more distracted by the promise of things that glowed in the dark. Liam tried not to let it hurt his feelings.
—
Louis texted four times; once to say that they were going to the park, once to say they had come back from the park, once to say Sammy had eaten his lunch, and once because Sammy was asking for bubble bath and Louis couldn't find it. Liam texted him back probably more than he should have.
Louis called once as well, late in the afternoon when Liam was starting to go crazy from having been away all day. "Everything is fine," Louis said, and then, "Hello."
Liam laughed in spite of himself. "I'm not that worried," he lied.
"Right, obviously," said Louis. "I'm just calling to say I got in touch with your people and they've emailed all the forms and I've signed one million things and everything is in order."
"Oh, good," said Liam. He was surprisingly relieved just to hear that nothing much was going on.
"I think your management are doing a CRB on me as well," said Louis cheerfully. "Other than that year I spent in prison it should be fine."
"Other than—"
"Joking. I am joking."
Sometimes Liam had trouble remembering how to breathe. "I knew that," said Liam, slightly strangled.
"We went to the park, Sammy found some other kids to play football with," said Louis cheerfully. "I mean, mostly he runs after the ball as it rolls away, but he's very good at it. A natural athlete. Otherwise we've mostly been planning our trip to Jupiter. I think we're bringing a picnic lunch."
"That sounds really nice," said Liam. He wanted to go on picnic lunches to Jupiter with Sammy, but he only had a ten minute break. It was a very strange feeling, knowing that he loved his job – if he could even call it a job – and wanted to be doing it every minute of the day, and that at the same exact moment he wanted to be home with Sammy all day long.
"And everything there is good?" Louis asked.
"Yeah," said Liam. One of the engineers was waving at him, which meant something needed to be fixed somewhere, and Rex had a terrifyingly thick binder of papers Liam needed to look over, and apparently he was approving some sort of limited-date tour around the UK shortly. That would mean a lot of chat shows and radio interviews and… Liam liked all those things, but he couldn't concentrate on them while he was worried about Sammy. "It's great, actually, things here are going really well. Thanks for, um…" He stopped awkwardly. You didn't really need to thank people you'd hired just for doing their jobs, but somehow what Louis was doing seemed different. "Anyway, I'll see you later."
"Yes, indeed!" said Louis cheerfully and rang off.
"Is the new nanny working out?" Rex asked.
Liam shrugged. "Maybe?" he said. "It's only been two days. Nothing's caught on fire, though, and Sammy doesn't hate him."
"Maybe you could get a couple of hours of sleep tonight," Rex joked. "Even hit the gym."
Now there was an idea. Liam hadn't had time to go and exercise in longer than he cared to think about, and it was one of the only ways he ever managed to feel like he'd sorted his head out. He dialed Louis back, making an apologetic face at all the people waiting on him. "Um, have you got official working hours?" he asked. "Because I don't want to be too late but I'd kill for half an hour to go running."
"Come back as late as you'd like," said Louis. "You would not believe how much you're paying me for this." In the background Liam heard Sammy say, "No, the rule was the green button makes it fly!"
It was a physical relief, like an actual literal weight off Liam's shoulders. "I'll text and let you know when I'll be back, then," he said, and smiled at the phone even though Louis couldn't see him.
"Excuse me, I think we're going through an asteroid belt," said Louis. Liam clicked his mobile off again. Maybe rather than shouting at Harry he needed to send him some flowers as a thank you.
—
The next day was the same basic thing; Louis came in and distracted Sammy with a book about dinosaurs, and Liam spent the entire day incredibly busy, but a little bit less worried than he would have been if he'd left Sammy with security playing in the hallways all day. There was still something very odd about Louis, something that made Liam's stomach twist just a little when he got home and saw Louis sitting on his couch. But maybe it wasn't entirely a bad feeling. Liam couldn't tell. He'd become numb to anything that wasn't worry or guilt over Sammy.
The third morning, Sammy saw Louis and instead of smiling back at him, his face started to crumple. "No," he said, in his whiniest voice. "Are you going away again? I want to come with you." He grabbed Liam's legs with both arms and hid his face against them.
Normally Liam found Sammy's whining frustrating and did everything he could to discourage it, except when he was feeling guilty and gave in to it immediately. But there was a tiny part of him that was really pleased Sammy didn't want him to go. "Louis's your new nanny," said Liam. "You're going to be with him lots and lots while I'm busy." He picked Sammy up and Sammy threw his arms around Liam's neck and clung to his shirt with both hands.
"Oh dear," said Louis. "I thought we were having fun."
"I want to go with you," said Sammy.
The right thing to do was to put Sammy down and tell him how much fun he was going to have with Louis. Liam knew that. They'd been through this before. But what he heard himself saying instead was, "I know, I want you to come with me, too," and that made Sammy cling tighter and start making noises that were suspiciously like sniffles.
Louis held his arms out in a clear question: shall I take him? Liam nodded and then… didn't put Sammy down, or hand him to Louis. "Sorry," he said. "It's um. When he's upset I get a bit rubbish at this."
Louis gave Liam a funny sort of look, like he was figuring things out. "Ah," said Louis. "Well, there's another way to do this, if you'd rather. We can come with you to do whatever it is you do all day, and while you're busy we can read about dinosaurs."
"I'm busy a lot, it's a bad idea," said Liam, but Sammy sniffled again. Liam kissed the top of his head and still didn't put him down.
"Hmm," said Louis. "I'll go and put a bag of toys together."
Liam said quietly, "You can't get everything you want just by being sad." Sammy shook his head. But then, why shouldn't he get everything he wanted? He was so young, and all he wanted was his father. Liam couldn't give him loads of the other things he wanted when he cried.
"Right," said Louis loudly. "I assume there are healthy snacks in the fridge and I should bring along some sort of hoodie, right? And some books? Sammy, do you want the one about the tyrannosaurus or the one about the little purple dinosaur?"
Sammy perked up a little bit. "I want both," he said.
"Excellent," Louis replied. "Shall we go?" He had a bag that was full of Sammy's things. It was slightly larger than Sammy himself was.
Liam sighed. "It's going to be really dull," he warned.
Louis grinned. "Nothing's dull when I'm around."
—
Liam was chatting to a DJ about the normal sort of things – very excited about the single coming out, even more excited about the album and the tour, no he had no idea who Harry was dating at the moment – when there was a thump on the glass of the booth behind him. Liam turned and there was Louis, pressing his face against the glass and puffing his cheeks out ridiculously, while Sammy tried to do the same and mostly giggled and got spit on the window.
Liam burst out laughing in the middle of a sentence. "Sorry," he said. "What was I saying?"
"Is that your son, Sammy?" the DJ asked. "He's adorable, he looks just like you."
"He's pulling funny faces outside the window," Liam said into the mic. "It's very distracting."
"He looks like he's having a good time. Is he excited about the new album?"
"You know, I haven't actually played it for him yet," said Liam. "He likes things that are a bit loud and silly. Actually, he's a huge fan of Harry's first CD, we play that all the time."
"Has he met Harry?"
"Oh, loads of times. I'm not sure he knows that the Harry who brings him toys is the same as the Harry he's heard on the radio."
"Well, he's a very lucky little boy." The DJ waved and Sammy waved back. Louis pulled a weird face and began flailing around as if he were being dragged down underneath the window. Sammy laughed and vanished as well.
"We were bored," Louis explained later. "Too many dinosaur stickers, not enough seeing what dad was up to." Sammy had settled perfectly happily on a bench with security and his Pokemon game. "Do you mind being distracted?"
Liam shook his head. "I like knowing he's having fun," he said.
That turned out to be a bit like issuing a challenge to Louis. During the next interview Louis put Sammy on his shoulders and walked back and forth behind the interviewer teaching Sammy to juggle very badly. And then when Liam was stuck in a rather long meeting looking at scheduling nonsense instead of going out to lunch, Louis and Sammy began a very loud game of racing toy cars up and down the hall. Only instead of making car noises they made duck noises and lion noises and once Louis clearly said, "Make a noise like a bunny rabbit!" and Sammy looked terribly confused until Louis began tickling him. Sammy burst out into hysterical giggles and Louis said triumphantly, "You sound justlike a bunny rabbit!"
"Liam," said Rex. "Are you listening at all?"
"Er," said Liam, who hadn't been. "Yeah, of course."
Sammy was normally friendly and he liked nearly everyone he'd ever met – which was lucky, because Liam was always dragging him around to places with strangers – but he clearly really liked Louis. "You were right, I'm sorry," said Liam, when they slipped out for lunch. Sammy was distracted by a hamburger and being allowed chips.
Louis looked up at him quizzically, mouth half-full of hamburger. "Was I?" Louis asked. "That's fantastic. What about?"
"You said you were good with kids," said Liam. "I thought you meant… I don't know, I didn't realize you were actually really good with kids." He laughed a little.
"What on earth did you think I meant?" Louis asked.
"I just thought… I mean, lots of people say they're good with kids."
Louis nodded. He looked a little smug and a little silly and a lot like he was trying not to laugh at Liam. It was oddly cute. And not cute the way Sammy was at the moment, either, concentrating hard on carefully arranging his chips into a series of squares on the table. Cute like a funny lurch in Liam's stomach when Louis leaned over without even looking and moved the steak knife out of Sammy's reach. Cute like Louis's smile was a bit like looking directly into the sun. Cute like –
"Shall I take him home for the afternoon?" Louis asked.
Liam blinked. "Too boring?" he asked.
"More that I think he'd like a nap," said Louis. "Or I would. You look like you could use a nap as well."
"Always," Liam said, laughing. "I haven't had a decent lie-in since… Uh… Well, Sammy's four, so about four years."
"That," said Louis seriously, "is the saddest thing I've ever heard."
Liam shrugged. "I've got loads of other, better things to balance it out," he said. He leaned over and kissed the top of Sammy's head. "What do you think? Are you ready to go home for a while with Louis?"
"Okay," said Sammy. "Can I have ice cream?"
"Nope," said Liam. Sammy shrugged.
"He looks just like you when he does that," said Louis. Liam held up his hand for a high-five from Sammy, who slapped his hand without being distracted from his chips.
Liam managed to pack Sammy's things up and send him off with Louis without feeling terrible or guilty. And he managed it without having any other strange thoughts about Louis and his smile.
—
"I answered your house phone," said Louis, when Liam finally dragged himself home. "Someone called Zayn phoned and said he hasn't heard from you in two months and if you don't call him back tonight he's going to come and kidnap Sammy. He sounded quite serious."
"Crap," said Liam. "It can't have been two months. I'm sure I talked to him in… Um… A while ago."
Louis just rolled his eyes and handed Liam the phone. It was awfully late and Louis probably should have been able to go home a long time ago. Liam wished he had been.
"Sorry," Liam said to Louis, and sank onto the couch. Louis was doing something on his mobile and didn't seem inclined to get out of his chair. Liam was too tired to wonder why.
It was never too late to phone Zayn, since his job involved staying up all night. "I thought you were dead," said Zayn. "Or I would have except you just popped up on Sugarscape's twitter. Apparently you're having a good hair month?"
"Why on earth do you follow Sugarscape on twitter?" Liam asked.
"To make sure you aren't dead," said Zayn. "Listen, mate, I know things have been a bit crazy the last six months since Brooke officially left, but you have tocall now and then."
Liam winced. "Sorry," he said. "I know, and I'm pretty close to getting things sorted again, I swear."
"Yeah, I talked to the new nanny. Or should I say manny?" Liam could tell Zayn was smirking over the phone.
"No, you should not say that," Liam said firmly. "Anyway, I'm sure I'll have more free time soon, and we can catch up. I promise."
"Haven't you got a single coming out?" Zayn asked. "How do you figure you'll have more free time?"
"Well… I… I'm an optimist, I suppose," said Liam.
Zayn sighed loudly. "You are actually ridiculous, Liam. Have you got any days off?"
Liam scrunched up his face, thinking, but he was so tired he couldn't remember anything Rex had said all day.
Louis said, "You haven't got anything on Monday." Liam stared at him. "Lisa sent me your schedule," Louis explained patiently.
"Oh," said Liam. "Uh, apparently I'm free on Monday."
"You aren't actually free," said Louis. "You promised to take Sammy to the park. You just haven't got any work."
Liam had no idea how to react to someone else knowing more about what his schedule was than he did. He was still staring rather rudely. "Er, correction, I'm taking Sammy to the park on Monday. But—"
"Great, I'll come and hang out," said Zayn. "And next time I text you you'd better reply, you arsehole."
"Yeah, I will, sorry," said Liam, but Zayn had already rung off.
Louis didn't look up from his mobile. "He sounds annoyed."
"I suppose I haven't really done anything with friends in… Um, a while," said Liam guiltily. "I've just got so much going on with Sammy and with the album. I didn't realize it had been months. He's probably calling up Niall as well. I hope he is. Why am I so crap at this?"
"At what, being alive?" Louis asked. "You beat yourself up quite a lot over things."
Liam frowned at him. "No, I… I just… I used to be better at them. I used to be able to work on music without leaving Sammy all day, and I used to be able to socialize with friends without needing to plan it weeks in advance, and—"
Louis looked up. "You've got a lot going on, is all," he said. He sounded oddly serious for someone who'd spent all day running up and down hallways making animal noises. "If you can't manage everything it's not the end of the world."
"But I can," Liam said. He hadn't meant to sound quite that angry. "I mean," he said, forcing himself to smile and unclench his hand from where he was holding too-tightly to the arm of the sofa. "I can manage all of this."
For a really long minute Louis didn't say anything. He probably thought Liam was absolutely mad. But Liam couldn't let anything completely go, because if one of the things he was juggling fell then everything was going to fall apart.
"Considering how late it is already," said Louis, "would it be weird if I just slept here tonight?"
"What? Oh—No, I mean, that's fine," said Liam. "I'm sorry it's so late."
Louis smiled. "S'okay," he said. "You're paying me an obscene amount of money to play with dinosaurs all day. Crashing at really nice house is not a hardship. There's a room down the hall that Sammy said is for Aunt Ruth, but since she's not here at the moment…"
"Yeah, of course, anytime," said Liam. "I'm sorry I sounded a bit snappish."
Louis shook his head. "You sounded tired," he said.
"I suppose I am," said Liam. "Make yourself at home."
"Oh, I intend to," said Louis. "Don't worry."
—
Liam woke up to a tremendous crash from the kitchen. He had a minute of panic – burglars? – and then he heard laughter and despite his pounding heart, his brain was fairly certain burglars didn't giggle. He felt a bit groggy. Liam checked his clock but someone had unplugged it, and his mobile wasn't by the bed.
He started to climb out of bed but then the door to his bedroom swung open. "Damn it," said Louis. "No, don't get up. I thought that might have woken you. Sammy's making breakfast, he wants to surprise you. Pretend you're asleep."
"What?" said Liam, but Louis ducked out again and closed the door.
Liam considered for a minute and then got back into bed. He'd give it a little while and then he'd go out into the kitchen and see what kind of horrible mess everyone was making. It wasn't like it was hard to lie down and pretend he couldn't hear banging and giggling coming down the hall. It was, in fact, horribly easy to close his eyes and pretend to doze off again.
"Daddy!" Sammy shouted. He was much closer than Liam had expected. Liam blinked himself awake again. "We made a fry up for you."
"Oh my god," said Liam, sitting up. "That's quite a lot of food."
Louis was holding an enormous tray with bacon and eggs and mushrooms and fried tomatoes and toast. "I've got plates," said Sammy. "And there's tea in the kitchen and I cooked." Behind him Louis pulled a face that said more-or-less.
"It looks amazing," said Liam. "Shall we go out to the table and—"
"Daddy, no," said Sammy sternly. "It's breakfast in bed."
"It's going to make a tremendous mess," muttered Liam, but he didn't argue when Sammy climbed onto the bed and began arranging himself a place to sit.
Louis put the tray down. "I'll go and get the tea."
"Are you surprised?" Sammy asked hopefully.
"I am completely surprised," said Liam. "Thank you." He dragged Sammy over for a hug, which Sammy tolerated for a couple of seconds before he wiggled away to start putting food on the plates. Liam winced because Sammy was dripping things all over his duvet, but before he could say anything Louis came back with tea.
"Here," said Louis, handing Liam a cup. Louis managed to help Sammy serve all the food without making Sammy think he wasn't in charge, which was quite a feat. "Okay, I can…" Louis said, nodding toward the door.
"Stay," said Liam. "You cooked – I mean, you helped cook," he corrected himself, at Sammy's offended look. "You should have breakfast with us."
Louis grinned. "I'll go and get more tea, then," he said.
The food was all undercooked or slightly burned, but it was the best breakfast Liam had had in ages. Maybe it was alright to have something greasy and delicious and make a tremendous mess now and then.
"How late am I already?" Liam asked. Louis pulled a guilty face. "My clock's unplugged, and I think you've got my mobile."
"It's possible we had a stealth mission this morning to turn the alarm off," Louis allowed, pulling Liam's phone out of his pocket. "And you aren't terribly late, as long as you don't need to shower or anything."
Liam wasn't at all sure what to say. "I'd rather be here than showering," he said, and hoped it sounded enough like 'thank you' for Louis to know what he meant. Liam snapped a photo on his mobile and tweeted it with Sammy made me a full english this morninggggg! Simon was after him to tweet more at the fans. He'd been better about it before things had gone sideways so badly.
It occurred to Liam rather guiltily that he'd let Louis look after Sammy all week without even trying to get to know him. "Where are you from? How do you know Harry? I don't know anything about you, really," said Liam apologetically.
Louis gave him a funny look. "And you got to know all the other nannies?"
"Well, but... You aren't quite like them, are you," Liam pointed out.
Louis sighed and took a huge bite of toast. "Louis Tomlinson, 25, failed singer, failed actor, failed everything, but unexpectedly good nanny. It's a pleasure."
Liam was a bit taken aback at that. "Sorry," he said. "What do you mean—"
"Sorry, that came out a bit sad. I just… I got rather suddenly sacked at my last job," Louis said, grabbing Sammy's hand before he could upend the tea. "And Harry, who I've known for ages, very kindly stepped in with this job recommendation. I know I wouldn't have been your first choice. It wouldn't be mine, either, but... It's going well so far, I think."
His tone was light but there was a current of hurt underneath it. "Really well," said Liam. When he wasn't sure what to say he always defaulted to bland and polite. It drove Harry mad in interviews.
"I know all about you, though," said Louis, smiling again. "I've done my homework. Plus, Harry has stories."
Liam winced. "I imagine he does. I rather thought he was sending you my way because he was worried I'd have a breakdown otherwise."
"He didn't not say that," Louis said confusingly.
"I'm doing alright," Liam insisted.
Louis laughed. He didn’t sound particularly amused, though. "Yeah, and I'm doing alright, too. We're both doing alright, aren't we?"
"We definitely are," said Liam, and Louis laughed again, for real this time.
"Can I come with you today?" Sammy asked. He was wiping his sticky hands off on the duvet. Liam tried not to wince.
"Not today, sweetheart, I'm really busy," said Liam. He wanted to pull Sammy into his lap but it would have just spilled food everywhere on the bed. "But you and Louis are going to do something really fun."
"Like what?" Sammy asked suspiciously.
Liam looked blankly at Louis, and Louis laughed at him a little bit. "I thought we'd play some football in the park," he said. "And then we were working on making a dinosaur alphabet, right?"
Liam didn't know what that was but it sounded like something Sammy would enjoy. "That's loads more fun than I'm going to have."
"Oh," said Sammy, mollified. "But… Can you come home for bedtime? You haven't been home to read me a story in forevvvvver."
It was a little like being stabbed in the chest. "I'll try," said Liam. He turned to Louis. "Has he been upset at bedtime?"
"Not really," said Louis. "A couple of stories creatively stolen and repurposed from Doctor Who and he drops right off. Don't worry about it."
"I like the story about the space lizards," said Sammy, and launched into what Liam had to assume was a mangled retelling of a bedtime story.
When Sammy was very tiny Liam had worked so hard to avoid doing anything that might have scarred Sammy for life. His real worry had been that he'd do something and not even realize he was doing it. What if it was something Sammy didn't even remember, but that still haunted him while he was growing up? But then Brooke had left and Liam hadn't had to wonder "what if" anymore, he just had to focus on keeping things from getting any worse.
"I should probably go," said Liam regretfully. He was so excited about the new album and a tour and all the things he genuinely loved to do. He just also wished he could have this every morning and spend all his time having breakfast with Sammy.
—
By the weekend Liam's house had devolved into such a big mess that it made Liam feel a little ill. Louis's stuff was everywhere, for one thing, and Louis had made himself at home in the guest room. "I told you," said Louis unconcernedly, "I don't clean. You should probably hire a maid or something."
Sammy was coloring a poster on the floor, surrounded by a disturbing number of papers and crayons and toys and dishes. "I'd really rather Sammy leaned to tidy up after himself," Liam said.
Louis sighed and flopped over on his back on the floor. "Then I am a terrible role model. I never tidy up after myself."
He didn't sound at all apologetic. Not for the first time, Liam didn't really feel like he'd hired Louis so much as just invited him to come and live with him, and play with Sammy all day. "Right, but…" Liam said, and then floundered. "I mean, you could tidy things up."
Louis made a horrible groaning noise. Liam was a little alarmed but Sammy didn't even look up from his coloring. "I'll call Lisa and we'll figure out someone to come and clean," said Louis. "Someone who'll sign the NDAs and promise not to steal your underwear, if that's what you're so worried about."
"No, that's not what – I mean, that's part of it, but… Sammy, c'mon, we're going to tidy," said Liam. It was easier to reason with Sammy than Louis, apparently.
"Noooooo," Sammy said, clutching his marker.
"Yes," said Liam firmly, dragging him to his feet. "Come on. You love to help!"
Sammy perked up at that. He did really enjoy helping. "Is Louis going to help, too?"
"Yes," said Liam. It would be unprofessional to kick Louis until he got up, probably, but he was still tempted. Liam Payne Nanny-Kicking Scandal. That would look amazing in the papers.
"I hate helping," said Louis loudly.
Sammy giggled. "You have to help," he said. "Come on. I'll show you."
"You are my best boy," said Liam, kissing Sammy's cheek. "Put the toys in their crates, yeah?"
"I don't wannnnnnna," Louis groaned. He held up his hands like he wanted Liam to help him get to his feet. Liam took his hands but the harder he pulled the more boneless and ridiculous Louis got, refusing to help at all. Liam laughed and pulled harder but Louis was pulling back down against him. He actually nearly toppled Liam over and onto the floor with him.
"You're silly," said Sammy disapprovingly.
Liam couldn't get his hands free of Louis's. "He is silly," he agreed. Kicking wasn't entirely off the table, was it?
"Both of you," said Sammy, shaking his head at them, and putting his toys and markers into the boxes where they were supposed to live.
"Oh, honestly," said Liam, hauling Louis up again. "I've got one four year old, and that's enough." He was trying to sound annoyed and not managing it very well.
"Oh, honestly," said Louis, mimicking him. "You're so tightly wound it's a wonder you don't explode twice a day." He got to his feet abruptly and picked Sammy up, spinning him around so that he laughed. "You like to help, eh? Then I suppose we should help, so your dad doesn't have a heart attack."
"Markers go in the box," said Sammy. "Toys go in the bin. Dishes go in the kitchen."
Louis blew a loud kiss against Sammy's neck and he giggled and squirmed. "You are your father's son," he said. "No mistaking that."
"Don't worry," said Liam cheerfully to Louis. "We'll fix you up. You'll love tidying by the time you're through with us."
"I won't," said Louis, but he laughed and grinned at Liam and then leaned down to help Sammy sort toys.
—
Zayn showed up to their park picnic with Niall in tow and a tremendously disapproving look on his face. "I'm amazed you actually showed up," he said, and then hugged Liam so hard he almost knocked him off his feet. "Are you okay, really?" Zayn asked over and over, while Liam nodded and tried to sound like he really, really was.
"Little man!" said Niall, high-fiving Sammy. "Oh my god, you got huge since I saw you last! What are you now, ten? Fifteen? A hundred? You'll have to come out with us for a pint soon!"
"I'm four," said Sammy, laughing.
"No," said Niall, "I'm sure you're at least a hundred. Aren't you?"
Zayn let go of Liam long enough to give Sammy a high-five as well. "He's so big."
"I know," said Liam. "It's like… Wasn't he just a baby? I'm sure he was."
"Ugh, you're such a dad," said Zayn, pretending to be disgusted.
"Hi," said Louis, beaming at everyone.
"And this is Louis, he's watching Sammy," said Liam.
Niall pushed his baseball cap back a little on his head. "Nanny, eh?" he said. "Interesting."
"I want to play football," said Sammy, pulling on Niall's hand.
Niall laughed. "He remembers I'm a sucker."
"I'll play, too," Louis volunteered, fishing a football out of the enormous bag of toys he'd brought.
It was a really nice day for the park, a little overcast but warm enough that Sammy wiggled out of his hoodie almost immediately. He and Niall and Louis seemed perfectly happy kicking the ball back and forth rather than playing any identifiable game with any sort of rules, so Liam and Zayn sprawled on the grass with all their bags.
Zayn leaned over and pinched Liam's arm, hard.
"Ow!" said Liam. "Hey."
"I thought you were dead," Zayn said.
"Not really, though," said Liam.
Zayn just frowned at him. "You've been really fucking hard to get in touch with the last few months, mate. No joke."
"I'm sorry," said Liam. "But I'm here now. And once all the album stuff is done and the tour is over I'll be around more."
"So, in another six months? Jesus, Liam, I wouldn't mind if things were going well, but—"
"Things are going well," Liam interrupted. Zayn snorted. "No, seriously. The album's ended up really good, the label people like it. I'm excited about the tour, and Sammy's happy with Louis…"
Zayn looked like he was going to argue and then shrugged instead. "Love the single," he said. "We're playing it loads at the club. You owe me an interview, by the way. We'll put it up as a podcast. People'll go mental."
"I can probably get Harry to do it, too," Liam offered.
"Yeah, cheers," said Zayn, leaning back on his elbows.
Sammy kicked the ball between Niall and Louis and they cheered as if he'd scored a goal. He came running back over to Liam for a congratulatory hug and then immediately pushed Liam away to go and play again.
"He only barely needs you anymore, eh?" said Zayn.
Liam punched him in the leg. "Not funny. Shut up."
Louis did a headstand and his shirt fell down over his face. Sammy and Niall laughed. Louis attempted to walk on his hands and ended up pitching over to the side into a tree and then sliding down into a heap, wailing like he was dying. Then he bounced back up and whispered something to Sammy. Liam was a little too far away to hear whatever it was, but clearly he was getting Sammy to show Niall some of the magic tricks he'd learned. They most involved yelling, "Abracadabra!" while Louis did actual slight-of-hand.
"Hmmm," said Zayn.
"What?" Liam asked. It was very weird, doing nothing with friends while someone else looked after Sammy. He hadn't relaxed in so long it felt like he'd forgotten how to. Zayn was giving him a funny, speculative look. "What?" Liam repeated. "Stop staring at me."
"It wasn't you I was staring at," said Zayn. He squinted at Sammy and Niall and Louis for a minute. "I was just thinking."
"About what?" Liam asked. Sometimes Zayn took forever to get to the point, it was as bad as trying to have a conversation with Harry.
"Did you by any chance interview loads of nannies?" Zayn asked.
Liam frowned at him. "No, I needed someone that day. Harry sent Louis and I didn't know what else to do. It's worked out, though."
Zayn sighed. "Too bad."
"No, it's great! I thought it was going to be a disaster."
"No, I mean it's too bad, because I was hoping you'd interviewed a hundred people and deliberately picked the hottest one." Zayn shook his head, disappointed.
Liam just stared at him. "Wait, what?"
"Well, you showed up here with a seriously fit bloke as your 'nanny.'" Zayn made little air quotes with his fingers. "It's weird. I was hoping this meant you'd remembered about sex and all."
"You are insane," said Liam, trying not to choke. "I'm the one with the son; I think I know all about sex, thanks."
Zayn rolled his eyes. "Not like that. It's been years since I've seen you even look at anyone, I just—"
"I'm married," said Liam. Zayn waited. "I mean, I was married," Liam corrected himself, looking mostly at the grass. "I wasn't going to look at anyone else.
"Yeah, but…" said Zayn. He bumped Liam with his shoulder. "She's been gone for a while, hasn’t she?"
Liam was finding Sammy's bag of toys suddenly fascinating. Plasters in case of emergency, a set of toy trains, the cuddly dog he'd got from Harry. "The papers only officially went through last month."
"But," said Zayn, "I mean, she's really been gone for a while."
There was a really long, heavy silence. Liam wasn't going to argue about it, because Zayn was right, but he also didn't want to talk about it, really. This was the problem with having friends. They insisted on asking about things Liam was perfectly happy to never think about again. Sammy's shrieking laugh rang out from where he was chasing Niall around a tree. Liam pulled out a toy gun Sammy had stuck in the bag and pretended to shoot Zayn with it, making little zapping noises.
Zayn laughed and pushed the gun away. "I was just excited that maybe you'd found someone you wanted to be around. Someone you thought was attractive."
"He works for me!" Liam protested. "You think I'd hire someone because I wanted to—Er, wanted to—"
"Fuck him?" Zayn asked, grinning wickedly. Liam elbowed him. "It's classic, isn't it? The dad and the nanny?"
"Not like this," said Liam, laughing. He put one hand up to block the sun and looked at Sammy and Louis. Louis had his arms crossed, laughing while Niall chased Sammy the other way around the tree. He was attractive, although that certainly wasn't why Liam had hired him. He had a nice laugh and excellent arms and a good sort of face, but Liam didn't have time to think about that kind of thing, and anyway, he was Louis's boss. It was weird. He shook his head and looked at Zayn instead.
"Ohhh," said Zayn. "I see. You want to, but you won't, because you don't want to be a gay pop star. I get it."
"Shut up," said Liam. Zayn looked so smug. "I don't think anyone would care much after Will Young and Adam Lambert, would they? Harry got papped kissing a guy last year, and it just made the girls scream louder."
"So you do want to fuck him, then?"
Liam put his hands over his ears and glared at Zayn. "Employee," he said.
"I just don't think the last time in your entire life you have sex should be when you were making an actual baby!" said Zayn. Liam really hoped no one could hear any of this conversation. Zayn tugged on Liam's arm until he moved his hands down again. "If it isn't him that's fine, but… get a girlfriend. Get a boyfriend. If you can't find one I'll find you one. I know loads of cute girls. Or boys. You tell me!"
"I'm fine," said Liam. "I'll get a… a whatever after Sammy's grown up and I don't have to worry about him anymore."
Zayn rolled his eyes again. "So in a million years."
"Yes," said Liam, a little defensively. "I'm busy at the moment."
"You could be," Zayn muttered, nodding at Louis, but then a couple of teenage girls saw them sitting on the grass and came over to ask for autographs and pictures. Liam smiled and posed with them and took one with Zayn as well – he was a bit famous, if you were the right sort of person, which actually Liam wasn't – and laughed as they walked away, whispering frantically to each other.
"I just want you to be happy," said Zayn. "You haven't been happy in ages."
"I'm happier than you think I am," said Liam. "God, people usually tell me to stop worrying. Come on; let's play football." He stood up.
"I'll get all sweaty," Zayn protested. He was wearing what looked like a really nice, expensive jumper.
"Yeah," said Liam. "You will." He picked up Sammy's bag so he could throw toys at Zayn's face, one at a time, while Zayn laughed and batted them away.
Louis fit in so well with Niall and Zayn and Sammy that it was easy to forget he was supposed to be working for Liam. It wasn’t nearly strange enough when Liam pulled sandwiches out of the bag they'd brought and Louis said, "Ugh, not that one, that one's disgusting," and pushed his hand away.
"That one's disgusting," Sammy echoed.
"It's just ham salad," said Liam. "And you are not teaching him to be a picky eater. No."
"I'm teaching him to be discerning," said Louis. He lay back in the grass with his hands behind his head. "And anyway I put slices of apple in the bag for him, so it's not like he's got nothing to eat."
"I'll eat it, whatever it is," said Niall, taking both of their sandwiches.
Sammy pulled a pouty face. "I want crisps," he said. "Or pizza. Can we have pizza?"
"Yeah," said Louis, rolling over. "Can we have pizza?"
Liam sighed at both of them. "Stop that."
Zayn, for some reason, was finding the whole thing unaccountably hilarious. "Yeah," he said. "Pizza."
"Don't you start," said Liam. "I brought perfectly good, healthy sandwiches."
Louis flailed a little. "I don't want a healthy sandwich," he said. He poked Liam's leg. "Pizza. Pizza. Pizza."
"Stop it," said Liam, trying not to laugh while he swatted Louis's hand away.
"I don't even have to be here today," Louis complained loudly. "It's my day off. I could be eating pizza anywhere."
Liam was immediately overcome with guilt. "Is it? I didn't realize. I'm sorry, if you want to go—"
Louis frowned at him, as if Liam were slightly stupid. "I want to be here, obviously. I just want pizza."
It still took Liam a second to get his breathing entirely back on track. It hadn't really occurred to him that Louis would have days off, and of course he'd have arranged it for the day Liam was free, that was really thoughtful of him. "Yeah," he said apologetically. "Okay then. Pizza, I guess. We can go and eat—"
Louis cheered and threw his arms in the air. A second later Sammy imitated him. Liam was slightly worried what was going to happen if Sammy spent a lot more time with Louis; what other weird behaviors was he going to pick up? Louis jumped to his feet and started helping Sammy put all the things he'd taken out to play with over the course of the morning back in the bag.
"See?" said Zayn quietly, elbowing Liam.
"See what?" Liam asked.
Zayn shook his head. "Fine, pretend that's not why."
It took Liam a second. "It's not!" he protested, but Zayn wasn't listening anymore.
—
Liam got home super late from the last day of rehearsals with the band, exhausted and worn out but a little bit high on anticipating the tour. He was so tired, though, and dreading getting up in the morning and wondering if maybe he could talk Louis into getting up with Sammy early.
But then he walked in and Louis was sitting on the couch with Sammy on his lap, and Sammy's face was red and puffy the way it got when he'd been crying. "Sammy?" said Liam, and Sammy looked over at him and burst into tears.
"It's okay," said Liam, picking him up. Sammy clung to Liam's neck and cried, somewhere between his loudest, saddest sobs, and the quiet way he grizzled when he was exhausted. "It's so late, sweetheart, why are you still up?" He looked over at Louis, who looked honestly tired out as well. Liam mouthed bad dreams? and Louis shook his head.
Sammy was just saying, "daddy," over and over when he could get enough breath. "It's alright, I'm home," said Liam, holding on as tightly as he could without actually crushing Sammy. "What's wrong, Sam? What happened?"
Sammy was too tired or crying too hard to explain what was upsetting him; he just clung to Liam while Liam rocked him back and forth the way he had when Sammy had cried as a baby. Eventually the sobs settled into quiet sniffles.
"I'm going to try and put him to bed," said Liam. "Do you mind staying up for a few minutes, I just—"
"Yeah, definitely, we should chat," said Louis, which sounded ominous. Especially since Louis looked half-asleep on the couch. He was keeping crazy hours, Liam thought guiltily. He needed to make sure Louis actually got a day off.
In the meantime he was feeling guilty over having left Sammy alone all day when he was so upset. Liam carried Sammy into his room and sat down on his bed. "What's wrong?" Liam asked again, but Sammy was tired and clearly still upset and he just made a choked, sad noise. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I wish I'd been home a long time ago. Did you have a bad dream?" Sammy shook his head. "Did you get hurt?" Sammy shook his head again. Liam peeled one of Sammy's hands off his neck so he could kiss Sammy's fingers. Usually that made Sammy laugh, but he was clearly too upset and tired tonight. "Did Louis do something?" That hurt a little bit to ask, because Liam was scared Sammy would say yes, and then he'd have to… Well, he didn't know what he'd do.
"No," said Sammy. "I missed you."
Liam tried not to look relieved, because Sammy was still so upset. "You cried just because you missed me?" Liam asked. "Why didn't you call me? You know you can always call when I'm working."
"I know," said Sammy quietly. "You weren't here to read me a story."
It was like being punched in the stomach. "Is that why you're so upset?" Liam asked. He could quit working, maybe, cancel the tour, stay home forever, just so Sammy never sounded like this again – No, okay, that was crazy, Liam reminded himself firmly. It didn't feel crazy, though. It felt like he was being a miserably irresponsible dad.
"No," said Sammy. "I don't know. I missed you. And Louis…"
"What?" Liam asked. "What happened?"
"He read me a story," said Sammy. "And it was about a dragon who couldn't find his mummy. And… and…"
Never mind; this was much, much worse than just feeling guilty over not being home. "Oh, sweetheart," said Liam, kissing the top of Sammy's head. "Please don't cry."
Sammy was crying again, though, but it was more the tired cry than the heart-broken one. "She isn't here," Sammy said tiredly against Liam's chest.
"I know," said Liam. "She loves you very much, though. We can call her tomorrow, if you'd like. She loves to talk to you, you know that."
"She isn't here," Sammy repeated, tragic and exhausted, and then he yawned and hid his face against Liam's shirt.
He fell asleep not long after that, and Liam kept him in his lap for a couple of extra minutes, trying to figure out what he could have said or what he was going to do so this didn't happen again. There wasn't really anything. He couldn't fix it and he couldn’t explain it in a way Sammy would understand, so he was just going to have to go on and keep trying to hold things together. Even when it felt like he was trying to keep a handful of sand from falling between his fingers.
Liam tucked Sammy in and walked back out to where Louis was mostly-asleep on the couch. "I'm really sorry," Liam said. "It's so late. And I'm really sorry he—"
"No," Louis yawned, blinking himself awake again. "I didn't quite put together the plot of the book with… I shouldn't have read him that. I'm sorry."
Liam shook his head. "It's alright. It pops up out of nowhere sometimes." He sat down in the chair opposite the couch. He was so tired, but he wasn't going to be able to sleep now, he was too wound up with guilt.
Louis said a little hesitantly, "It would be easier if I knew what had happened…?" and let it trail off.
Liam put his head back and looked up at the ceiling. "We had a really amicable break up. She's working in L.A."
"No," said Louis. "I mean. That's great for the press and all, but that doesn't help me much when Sammy asks me if she's coming to visit soon."
It was amazing how silence could sound so recriminating. "Right," said Liam quietly. "Okay. I guess that's fair."
"I'm sorry, I know it's none of my business, but—"
"No," said Liam. "You're right. I just try not to talk about it. It keeps me from thinking about it all the time. It um… Okay. Well. The short version, I guess?" He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I met Brooke and she was fantastic, really fun and funny and crazy and wild. All the sorts of things I'm not. She was amazing. And then Sammy happened, which was an accident, but a good one, I thought. I'm a bit old-fashioned and I thought we'd do things the proper way, get married and settle down."
"She didn't want to?" Louis guessed.
Liam shook his head. "She was excited to, for a while. It was more… I mean, all the things I liked best about her, her spontaneity and craziness and wildness… They weren't really suited to staying home with a baby and being a housewife. Especially not when every time she went out she got papped and followed. She got restless and she wanted to go out and work instead. She's a model and an actress, and eventually she just stopped being here very much." There. That was as unemotionally as Liam had ever told the story.
"So she's in L.A. now?"
"We both thought it was better for Sammy to stay here. He's got his family here. She's coming home for Christmas, though."
Louis looked a little confused. "Christmas is months away."
Liam shrugged. It would have been easier if he'd felt angrier about the whole thing. "I know."
"And… not to be indelicate, but what have you told Sammy?"
Liam couldn't stop fidgeting. "Nothing, really, I suppose. That she loves him. That she'll be back. We call her a lot. She's busy, though, and—"
"Jesus," said Louis. "The divorce, and everything? Does he know about that?"
"I don't know how to explain divorce to a four year old," said Liam uncomfortably. "I didn't know how to explain it to my parents, honestly."
There was a really long pause. "At least it wasn't really bitter and all over the press," Louis said.
"No," said Liam quietly. "It was very civil."
"Are you… Are you upset about that?" Louis asked incredulously.
Liam shrugged. His chest felt incredibly heavy. "I just wish she'd wanted something from me, I guess. Ugh, I’m sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm really tired. And there's no way I'm paying you enough to work twenty-four hours a day so we should go to bed. You can take tomorrow off, I'm sorry you haven't had a break yet—"
"I'm fine," said Louis shortly.
There was something weird about his insistence on working all the time, but Liam was too tired to puzzle out what it was. Louis ran a hand through his hair so it was standing straight up and Liam resisted the urge to move over so he could straighten it out again. Louis's hair was his own business. He just looked tired and mussed and the stubble on his chin made him look a little older and…
Ugh, Liam was going to murder Zayn the next time he saw him. He hadn't had any thoughts at all about Louis's jaw before Zayn had planted them in his brain.
"Bed," said Liam. He stood up and offered Louis a hand up, too. "I'm sorry Sammy was so difficult tonight."
"I'm sorry I couldn't make him feel better," said Louis. "It'll be better next time." He let Liam pull him to his feet. For a minute Liam thought Louis was just going to sag forward against him and he'd have to drag Louis to bed, and that… That would not have been okay, actually. Liam refused to feel embarrassed over things that hadn't actually really happened, just stray thoughts flitting through his completely exhausted brain, but he was still glad it was dark in the living room because otherwise Louis would have seen his cheeks getting a little red.
"We'll both do better tomorrow," Liam said, and tried really hard to believe it.
—
Liam got up with Sammy in the morning because it was unfair to expect Louis to do it after such a late night. Sammy seemed to have forgotten that he'd been upset; he chattered happily about crayons and something Liam was only listening to with half an ear because he was still tired. He carried Sammy into the bathroom to clean his teeth and stared in confusion for a minute because there was a red toothbrush by the sink he didn't recognize.
"I wanna do it," said Sammy after a minute. "Put me down, I can do it myself."
Liam let him wiggle free. They had a little step for him to stand on so he could reach the taps himself, although he still had to be supervised so he didn't put an entire tube of toothpaste on his brush. "This isn't yours?" Liam asked him, picking up the red toothbrush.
"Mine has a dinosaur," Sammy said, mouth full of toothbrush.
"It's mine," said Louis sleepily, behind them. "Sorry. Is that not tidy enough?"
Liam turned with every intention of rolling his eyes, because no, he wasn't thatworried about tidying. But Louis was wearing loose pajamas that hung off his hips and either Zayn or Liam being half-awake was to blame for the fact that Liam noticed, and then… Kept noticing. He dragged his eyes away from the inappropriately visible skin of Louis's stomach, but Louis's face wasn't much better; he looked rumpled and sleepy.
"It's fine," said Liam instead, half-strangled. "I'll go and make breakfast, if you'll watch him."
"Daddy, no," said Sammy, grabbing Liam's shirt with one slightly-toothpaste-covered hand.
Louis chuckled, and it was deeper and raspier than he usually sounded. Not that Liam was noticing. "I'll make breakfast," he said, and then he stretched, like a total bastard, so his shirt rode up.
Liam turned around, but Louis was still visible in the mirror. Liam tried closing his eyes for a moment instead. "That'd be great," he said.
"I want to show you my new game," said Sammy. "We made a box that's a time machine."
"I'd love to see that," said Liam. "Spit."
It was a lot easier getting Sammy ready and dressed while someone else made breakfast, even if that someone was singing one of Harry's songs loudly and deliberately off-key. "Does Harry know you butcher his singles?" Liam asked.
Louis grinned. "I try and make his ears bleed. Want to hear yours?"
"No," said Liam, but he didn't expect it to stop Louis from singing and it didn’t. Louis was clearly singing deliberately very badly, but his voice wasn't bad. Liam wondered how Louis had met Harry, if they had ever sung together.
Sammy put his hands over his ears. "Stop. You're like Scuttle."
"That's not nice," said Liam, trying not to laugh.
"That makes you Flounder," said Louis, pointing. Sammy giggled. Liam picked him up and kissed him loudly on the neck to make him laugh and squirm. He was going to be away the whole rest of the day, and a lot of days after that; he needed every excuse to cuddle Sammy while he was still home.
Louis yelled, "Breakfast! Get in here before I eat it all!" Sammy wiggled and pushed until Liam put him down so he could run into the kitchen.
Liam was amazed at how almost-manageable things seemed when he had another adult in the house. Not quite the family meal of his dreams but a lot closer than when he tried to do everything at once himself. "Thanks," he said to Louis.
"Whatever. I really will eat it all," said Louis. He deliberately bumped Liam with his shoulder as he carried food to the table and Liam laughed.
—
Lisa and Rex found time for Liam to catch lunch with Harry, because Liam having lunch with Harry was the kind of thing that got twitter all excited. Liam didn't actually mind, because he liked seeing Harry, but it was a little weird knowing people thought that hanging out with a friend was a saleable commodity.
They were alone in the back of the restaurant but people had certainly got pictures of them walking in. Harry looked like a rock star, but he always did; sunglasses hanging off the collar of his t-shirt, easy smile, trying to persuade Liam to have a drink with him just this once.
"No," said Liam, laughing. "I've got a radio thing after this and then a chat show, and I've got to sing."
"But I want you to be relaxed so I can hit you up for a favor," said Harry.
Liam couldn't tell if he was kidding or not. "You can always ask me for anything."
Harry grinned. "Promises, promises, Liam. What if I want something awful?"
"I know your mum. If you get too cheeky I'll just phone her." Liam shrugged.
Harry burst out laughing, throwing his head back. "I forget you fight dirty. You used to be so nice! What happened?"
"You, mostly," said Liam. "I was such a nice person before X-Factor. I'm sure I remember people saying that."
"Yeah, yeah, the rest of us are still trying to keep up with Saint Liam," said Harry. "Anyway this is a good favor. You'll like it."
That sounded a bit ominous, actually. "Is it pranking anyone, and is it likely for me to end up locked out of my hotel room naked again?" Liam asked. "Because I'm still cross about that."
"Oh, you are not, and you have a lovely arse, all of tumblr thinks so," said Harry. "And this isn't a prank. I mean, I guess it is, sort of."
"Harry," Liam groaned.
Harry finished his beer and waved for another. He had a wicked little grin that made Liam distinctly nervous. Harry's ideas were always hilarious and cheeky and no one ever stayed angry with him afterwards. But Liam wasn't very good at hilarious and cheeky, and as much as he loved that Harry still wanted to drag him along on his ridiculous plans, Liam was always nervous about them.
"You're doing a little tour, right?" said Harry.
"Five shows, London, Manchester, Leeds…" said Liam. He couldn't remember everywhere, actually, and after that was going to be a proper tour. He was trying not to think about it because he wasn't sure if there was a way to bring Sammy.
Harry said, "I want to be your supporting act."
Liam stared at him for a minute. "Well, you can't," he said. That should have been obvious. He waited for Harry to say something, but Harry just kept smiling. "Harry, you're a million times more famous than I am. Madonna isn't a support act for Aiden, you know?"
"Not a million times," said Harry.
"I distinctly remember getting voted off X-Factor before you," said Liam. "And I also remember one of us having a huge U.S. tour and a number one single in the States."
"But this isn't in the States. You've had plenty of hits, and people are going mental over the new single. But that doesn't matter," said Harry easily, "because I'm not going to be performing as me."
Liam felt like they were speaking Sanskrit or something. "Okay," he said.
"I've started a rock band." Harry's grin got much, much wider and wickeder. "A proper rock band. And I think we're good, but no one's going to tell me honestly, are they? It'll just be Harry Styles messing about. But we can do support for you and it'll be real."
"Harry, you're really really famous," said Liam. "People know what you look like. Your face is on at least three magazine covers right now. Are you planning to wear glasses and a fake moustache?"
"If I have to. Come on, Liam," said Harry, changing to his wheedling voice. "It'll be a laugh. And it'd be fun to perform together, wouldn't it? A bit of our bromance? People'll go crazy."
"Harry, you can't be my support act," Liam said. "It doesn't make any sense."
"And you can't tell anyone," Harry went on, as if Liam were agreeing to this. "I want it to be authentic."
Liam reached across the table and put the back of his hand on Harry's forehead. "Have you got a fever? Are you ill?"
Harry batted his hand away. "I'm brilliant," he said. "It'll be amazing. Come on, Liam, say yes. Come on."
"I can't say yes," Liam said. "I'm not really in charge of that sort of thing."
"Tell Rex you found an amazing new band and you want them to come on the tour to support you," Harry pleaded. "Come on."
"That won't work," Liam lied, looking at his lunch instead of Harry. "I've got a four year old. Whining is wasted on me. And anyway, I'm not in charge of that kind of decision, you know that. There's all those things the label worries about, they'd never put a band they don't know on stage. I'd have to tell them it's you."
"But I want to be a secret," Harry whined.
"It… I mean, they'll give you anything you want," said Liam. Why was he even thinking about ways to make this happen? Why hadn't he grown out of letting Harry push him into doing stupid things? "Just tell your tour manager that you want to do a tour, and—"
"Liammmmmm," Harry said, pounding on the table with one hand. "It can't be me! I want it to be my band."
Liam sighed. "I can't… I mean, if I tell Rex he'll be excited. But I have to tell him."
"Boo," said Harry. "I don't want anyone to know."
"Well, you can't have everything you want," said Liam.
Harry broke off a bit of dinner roll and threw it at him. "Of course I can. Okay, we'll only tell him and no one else, and you aren't allowed to tell anyone it's me, okay?'
"They'll know it's you the moment you step out," said Liam, shaking his head, but once Harry had a mad idea in his head there was no way to dissuade him. "Right, I want a favor in return, then."
Harry looked immediately suspicious. "What?"
Liam gave him a stern look that hopefully said You owe me. "I want to know about Louis."
"What do you want to know?" Harry asked. "He's working out, isn't he? He told me the nanny gig was going well. Better than his last few jobs."
"Yeah, it is. I just… He's not a nanny, really, is he? What was he doing before this? Because he won't tell me, and he doesn't ever want to take a day off. I'm breaking all sorts of employment laws, I think."
Harry sighed loudly. He started in on his second beer and didn't look at Liam for a minute, but Liam had learned that patience could wear Harry down. It was nice that they'd known each other for so long.
"I mean, I don't think he particularly wants me to talk to you about him?" said Harry finally. "I don't know. He didn't say so."
"If it's something really awful you don't have to tell me," said Liam. "I just want to get an idea who's moved into my house, you know?"
Harry laughed loudly. "Oh, is that where he's gone? He was living with me and all his things have been vanishing one by one."
"He was—" Liam started, frowning, because maybe he'd confused the whole thing and Louis was Harry's secret boyfriend, and they really should have mentioned that.
"No, like, he got kicked out of his flat last month," said Harry. He fiddled with his fork for a minute. "He's been staying with me because he didn't want to go home. He's just had a really shit summer. He was working on a radio programme and he was a bit cheeky to the wrong person and he got fired. And then he had this interview, for this television thing, and it was going so well, they called him in to sign the contracts and then decided to go another way at the last second. And he'd already told his mum and his sisters about it, and… He's a really funny actor and a good singer but nothing ever works out for him. He was staying with me, but just sitting in his room all day in the dark. I was a bit worried. Louis is only ever any good when he's busy. So I sent him to you."
Liam looked at him for a minute and then laughed. "You had no idea if he was going to be any good at watching my son, did you?"
"It worked out," said Harry, edging toward defensive. "Anyway, Louis's seemed a lot happier the last couple of weeks. You're good for him. Or Sammy is. He was devastated and now he's a bit better."
"I'm glad," said Liam. He was never going to forget the feeling of getting voted off the X-Factor as long as he lived. The way his stomach had sunk, the way Harry's eyes had gone wide and pitying, the way Liam had thought This is it, this is the end of my life, and tried so hard not to cry on television. If that was how Louis was feeling… Well, it was no wonder he didn't want a lot of free time to mope. "But you have to get him to have a day off, okay? Take him out drinking or something. Get him out of my house. I feel really bad, he won't listen to me and go."
Harry burst out laughing. "You are the only person in the world who's upset his nanny won't take some time off. You'd have met him years ago, you know, if you ever came to my parties."
"I've got a child," Liam protested.
"Bah," said Harry. "You never came to my parties even before you had Sammy, don't try and blame him."
Liam tried to look offended but that was basically true, so he threw bits of roll at Harry until Harry laughed and promised to take Louis out sometime soon.
—
It was the tiniest, silliest thing to get upset over.
What happened was just this:
Sammy, who definitely knew better, jumped off the back of the couch and slipped and banged himself on the floor pretty hard. Liam was halfway out the door already but then Sammy shrieked and started to cry, and Liam's heart stopped. He started to run back into the living room to pick Sammy up, but Louis was already there, already had Sammy up in his arms and was kissing his forehead where he'd knocked it against the floor.
"We're fine," said Louis, smiling at Liam over Sammy's head. "You're going to be late."
"But—" Liam started. Sammy's screams had settled down into quiet sobs and he was clinging to Louis's shirt the way he usually clung to Liam's. "You okay, Sammy?" he asked.
Sammy hid his face against Louis's chest and Louis kissed the top of his head. "He'll be fine, he just scared himself. He knows better than to jump off things, don't you? Unless it's a bouncy castle. Right?" He blew a loud wet kiss against Sammy's ear and Sammy squirmed a little bit, starting to giggle. "Really, we're okay. You can go."
"Oh," said Liam. He was unaccountably upset that Sammy wasn't still crying. He didn't want Sammy to be hurt, obviously, he just wasn't entirely sure how to feel about Sammy wanting Louis when he was upset. "I'll see you both later, then."
It sat at the back of Liam's head for the next couple of days, the idea that he wasn't home very much, and Louis was there – of course he was, that was his job – and if anything happened Sammy would go to Louis. It was perfectly logical. It was just a bit odd, because Louis wasn't really a nanny. He was more someone who had moved into Liam's house and was hanging out with his son all day and…
Apparently Liam wasn't entirely prepared for that.
It wasn't enough to distract him from smiling and signing things for fans or doing a radio interview, but on Wednesday Sammy was a little bit upset about Liam leaving again, and it was just enough to make him call home twice to make sure things were okay. The second time Louis laughed at him before he hung up. "Aren't you supposed to be a busy pop star? We're fine."
The afternoon interview went surprisingly badly; the girls from some website really only wanted to know how well he knew Harry and if Harry had ever kissed him and was Harry gay, and all sorts of questions Liam was definitely not going to answer. Then they turned around and started asking if the slower, sadder songs on the album were about his divorce and Liam found himself laughing uncomfortably through most of it. They didn't really want his responses, luckily, just to make their own stupid jokes, and it was only a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity.
"Lunch," said Rex, handing him a burger in a take-away bag. "Late, I know. You get cranky when your blood sugar is low."
"I get cranky when people are dicks," Liam grumbled. "Is there anything else? I'd like to go home. Louis's got the day off tomorrow, he's going out tonight with Harry."
"You have the weirdest relationship with him," said Rex. "He was in the paper, by the way, did you see? They got the two of you grocery shopping."
"Crap. They didn't get Sammy though, did they?"
Rex laughed. "You're more worried about that than the headline wondering if he's your friend, your employee, or your 'special friend'?"
"I'm always more worried about Sammy," Liam said. "I hope Louis doesn't mind showing up in those sorts of stories. I haven't been sending security out with him and Sammy, because they aren't recognizable, but maybe I should."
"You worry too much," said Rex. He held the door for the SUV open for Liam, who had stopped to sign a couple of things for fans standing around on the pavement outside the building.
Liam smiled for a camera phone picture and then climbed into the car. "No, but… What if they get followed? What if they get harassed?"
"They'll be fine," said Rex firmly. "You aren't exactly Princess Di, are you? Stop it, I can hear you starting to get upset."
"No, I'm not," Liam lied, taking his mobile out. He dialed Louis and tapped his other hand on his thigh, avoiding looking at Rex who was definitely rolling his eyes a bit. Louis didn't answer, though.
"They're probably at a park or somewhere with bad reception," said Rex.
"Yeah," said Liam. "Probably."
"Stop worrying," Rex said. "You're getting your picture taken next."
Liam worked hard at not pulling a face. "I just want the tour to start. I'm ready to start performing."
Rex patted his leg. "Soon enough. Are you absolutely sure this thing with Harry is a good idea?"
"No," said Liam, "but I never know what to do with Harry's mad schemes. If it all blows up after the first night we can send him home."
Rex raised an eyebrow. "You think anyone can send Britain's Sexiest Musician of the Year home?"
"No," said Liam. His finger hovered over his mobile and then hit call again without really asking his permission. "No one can ever make Harry do anything."
Louis still didn't answer. A couple of apocalyptic ideas flashed through Liam's brain and he shut them down firmly. Louis was underground on the tube for some reason. Or he was in a museum and he'd turned his mobile off. He was fine. Sammy was definitely absolutely fine.
"You okay?" Rex asked.
"Everything is great," said Liam firmly.
—
The house was terrifyingly quiet. Liam stood in the living room for a minute, trying to decide if it was possible Louis and Sammy had already gone to bed, but it was barely dinner time. "Hello?" Liam shouted. There was no noise at all except the humming of the refrigerator.
Liam pulled out his mobile and dialed Louis. He didn't pick up.
There was probably a completely logical and reasonable reason Louis wasn't picking up and hadn't all day, but logic and reason had no control over Liam's heart, which immediately started pounding. He stared at his phone for a minute, thinking of all the places they could be where Louis wouldn't have his mobile. Tube, huge crowd, park somewhere, hospital…
Well. That was a dreadful thought. Louis would have called, though, if he'd had to take Sammy to hospital. He would have called Liam immediately.
Unless, of course, he couldn't, because they'd both been in an accident.
"Ridiculous," Liam told himself firmly, out loud. "You are being ridiculous." There were lots of good reasons Louis might not be answering his phone.
Wherever they were, they'd want dinner when they got home. (Why weren't they home?) He went into the kitchen and chopped up vegetables for a few minutes before the urge to try and call Louis again got too overwhelming. He rinsed his hands off and then picked up his mobile and dialed again. It didn't even ring, it went straight to voicemail.
Liam wasn't overreacting and he wasn't panicking. He just needed to sit down on the couch for a minute with his head in his hands and breathe. That was a perfectly reasonable reaction.
The rattle of the doorknob turning should have brought a surge of relief with it. Instead it gave Liam an inexplicable surge of panic, even once he could hear Sammy saying excitedly, "And I liked the tyrannosaurus best. He was so big!" Sammy and Louis walked in, smiling and looking absolutely fine, and then the panic went and turned straight into anger.
"Hey," said Louis easily, hanging his jacket up. "You're home early."
"It's Wednesday, I was coming home because you're going out with Harry tonight," said Liam. His voice sounded pretty even, although his chest felt like it was being squeezed by some sort of vice.
Louis laughed. It was absolutely infuriating. Liam never got properly angry like this, it was a very strange feeling. If Louis wasn't dead, why the hell hadn't he answered his phone? "It's Tuesday," said Louis. "My night out's tomorrow. Otherwise we'd have already been home."
Being mistaken just made Liam feel angrier about the whole thing. It had been a miserable day and he felt stupid for having panicked and worse for not knowing how to deal with how upset he was. "You didn't answer your phone," he said.
"I got a tyrannosaurus toy," said Sammy, holding it up to show Liam.
Liam couldn't honestly be especially interested in a toy at the moment. "I called half a dozen times, you never answered your phone," he repeated.
"I answered twice this morning," said Louis. He pulled his mobile out and shrugged at it. "I turned it off at the museum and forgot to turn it back on, I guess. Whoops."
"Daddy?" said Sammy, frowning.
Liam was staring at Louis with what must have been an absolutely incredulous look, because Sammy had stopped playing, and the smile dropped off Louis's face. Liam picked Sammy up and gave him a quick, perfunctory kiss on the top of his head, and then walked him into his room and closed the door after him. He had never shouted at anyone in front of Sammy and he wasn't planning to start now.
And then he turned around and growled, "How could you possibly have left your phone off for hours and hours while you were out with my son?"
"It was an accident," said Louis. "Anyway, he's fine."
"That's not the point!" Liam shouted.
Louis stopped and stared at him. Liam couldn't breathe. He never yelled, not unless he was kidding, and he didn't know how to control it when he was honestly angry.
"Okay," said Louis a little incredulously. "I'm sorry I didn't answer the phone. But I know what I'm doing with Sammy—"
"Do you really not understand why this is a huge deal?" Liam demanded. "I need to know where he is, and where you are."
"But he's fine," said Louis. "I'd have called if anything was wrong. I'm sorry, alright? Calm down."
"Don't tell me to calm down!" Liam yelled.
"Stop yelling at me over an accident!" Louis said. "I apologized! It won't happen again—"
"If I can't trust you to even answer your phone—" Liam started, so angry that he couldn't feel his fingers. "I know you're not a real nanny, you're not a realanything, and it's no wonder. That's the most irresponsible bloody thing you could possibly do."
"Sammy's fine!" Louis shouted. "I don't know what your problem is. I'm sorry I didn't answer the fucking phone, Liam. I will do next time, alright?"
"Absolutely useless, I knew I shouldn't have just hired one of Harry's friends—"
"Fine!" Louis snapped. "I'll just go, shall I? Deal with everything by yourself again; you're so bloody good at that. It's not like Sammy needed someone to pay attention to him and take him out to play. You can't give him everything he needs and you know it, but you're welcome to try! Jesus Christ."
"Don't you dare try and tell me what I can't do for my own son," Liam said. Louis made an angry noise, not quite a word and not quite a shout, grabbed his jacket, and stormed out.
Liam's heart was pounding in his ears. He made himself start to breathe again, because he'd stopped somewhere in the middle of fighting with Louis — and what the hell was that, honestly, because Liam never fought with anyone. There certainly wasn't anything satisfying about having made Louis leave, either. He just felt rotten. Still angry that Louis hadn't answered his phone, still angry that Louis hadn't taken it seriously, and a bit angry with himself for calling Louis names.
He wondered if Louis had just resigned. It was a bit awkward, not knowing. He had things all over Liam's house; was he going to send someone to come and get them? Harry, probably. That would make sense.
The door to Sammy's room creaked open. "You were yelling," said Sammy in a very small voice, with just a hint of accusation.
"Not at you, sweetheart," said Liam. "I'm never cross with you. Come and… Come and tell me all about the dinosaurs you saw today."
Sammy still looked doubtful but he came out and sat with Liam on the couch and showed him the Tyrannosaurus toy he'd got and the movie he'd watched about how the dinosaurs all died. "Where's Louis gone?" he asked at the end of a very long and slightly confused explanation about what a meteor was. "Isn't he having supper with us?"
"He's gone home for a while," said Liam, which was a nice, neutral answer. Why was he always having to tell Sammy that people had gone without being able to tell him why? Most of the anger drained out of him and left him just feeling wretched and guilty.
"Can we have ice cream, then?" Sammy asked hopefully.
"Yeah," Liam sighed. "We can have all the ice cream you want."
—
By the time Liam put Sammy to bed, he was starting to hear his own words echoing around in his head as if he were shouting them over and over. This was why he tried never to get angry. He could never let it go afterward. But he was still cross with Louis and didn't want to call him and apologize when he was worried he might start shouting again.
He called Harry instead. "Is Louis there? I don't want to talk to him, I just… Wanted to make sure he was somewhere," said Liam.
"Everyone's somewhere," said Harry, in his infuriating drawl. "Shouldn't he be with you?"
"He… Uh, no, he's not here, so if he shows up there that would be good," said Liam.
There was a little pause. "What the hell, Liam?" said Harry. "You're being really weird."
"No, he… I yelled at him a bit and I just wanted to see if he'd gone back to yours, but if he hasn't then that's fine, I'm not in charge of him. I don't care where he goes, it's fine."
"You yelled at him?" Harry repeated incredulously.
"I… Yeah." Liam sighed. "He was an irresponsible dick and I yelled at him."
There was a much longer pause. "Whoa," said Harry eventually. "This is blowing my mind."
"You should probably call him and figure out where he is because he seemed pretty angry," said Liam, picking at some imaginary lint on his jeans. "And I'd like to know if he quit or what, but I mean, that's not your problem, obviously."
"Wow," said Harry. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Liam said. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Harry whistled. "I can't wait to hear Louis's version of what just happened," he said, and rang off.
Liam was not at all interested in hearing how Louis was going to describe walking in and getting shouted at. He couldn't work out if he felt more guilt or more anger, and either way it was upsetting his stomach.
Harry was probably going to wind up cross with Liam, too, since Louis was his friend. Harry hadn't ever understood why Liam worried so much, not when they'd been on the X-Factor tour together and Liam had followed Harry to the parties to make sure he drank enough water so he didn't die, or when they spent time hanging out together between tours, in Spain, and Liam insisted Harry wear suncream. Harry certainly didn't know what it was like to have a child to worry about all the time.
Liam thumbed through the contacts on his mobile for a minute before settling on Zayn. "Hey," he said. "I'm sure you're doing really exciting things at the club right now—"
"On a Tuesday?" Zayn said. "I'm home watching EastEnders."
"Well I'm having a crap night," said Liam. "What if you came and watched EastEnders over here?"
"It'll be over by the time I get there," said Zayn. "I'll bring a movie instead, yeah?"
"Yes, please," said Liam.
Zayn didn't ask what had happened and he didn't ask if Liam was okay, he just said, "You've already got all the Disney and Muppets anyone could ever need so I'll bring something about sports," and then hung up. Liam loved him, he really honestly did.
—
Zayn slept on the couch and got a rather rude awakening when Sammy jumped on him at half past six. "No," said Zayn rather flatly. "Liam, come and get him!"
Liam laughed at Zayn but he rescued him from Sammy, who really just wanted someone to play dinosaurs with him. "I had a dream I was a train," he said. "And then it was on a waterslide. Can we go on a waterslide?"
"Eventually, I suppose," said Liam, carrying him into the kitchen. He'd taken Sammy to Orlando a couple of times, even though he was too small for most of the rides he wanted to go on.
"Where's Louis gone? I don't want eggs, I want beans on toast. And I didn't wash my hands yet!" He held up his hands as proof, wiggling madly to get down.
"Go and wash them, then," Liam sighed, putting him down.
"I haven't cleaned my teeth, either!" Sammy shouted, running to the bathroom.
"Your kid is really weird," Zayn said. His hair was sticking up in seventeen directions.
Liam looked into the fridge and frowned. "You aren't going to be late for work, are you? Eggs and toast and beans and so on okay?"
"Do you seriously think I go to work before noon, ever?" Zayn asked. "I only ever see this time of the morning when I'm still up from the night before." He groaned and yawned and stretched. "Have you got tea? I can't be awake without tea."
"I want to!" Sammy shouted from down the hall. "Daddy, I want to make the tea!" He came pelting back down the hall and insisted Liam pick him up so he could reach over and flip the switch to turn the kettle on.
"Can you distract him, please, so I can make breakfast?" Liam asked.
Zayn pulled a face, but all he really needed to do was sit on the living room floor with his tea and nod a lot while Sammy explained the names and life stories of all his various dinosaurs. "This is the tyrannosaurus and he's married to the apatosaurus and they live in France—"
"Why do they live in France?"
Sammy rolled his eyes as if this were the stupidest question ever asked. "Because they speak French. And they take the train to London on the weekends. And this is—"
It was a lot easier to make breakfast without Sammy running around underfoot. Maybe all Liam really needed was another adult in the house, anyone at all. It didn't have to be a nanny or a babysitter, just someone to distract him for a little while. Maybe he could convince Zayn to hang around and spend mornings with them.
Well. No, because that would require Zayn to be up in the morning and he was only barely awake as it was. "Breakfast," Liam said, putting plates out.
"Daddy, Zayn hasn't washed his hands," Sammy said.
"Are all four year olds terrorists, or have you just got lucky?" Zayn grumbled.
Liam tried not to laugh at him. "Go and wash your hands, we have rules in this house."
Sammy asked twice during breakfast where Louis was, and both times Liam distracted him with more food. Zayn kept giving him looks, though, as if Liam should have had some kind of answer about Louis and he didn't. He was still a little angry, and he was overwhelming feeling guilty about having lost his temper, and he wasn't sure what to do about either one of those. He was a little hesitant to call Louis, and honestly it would probably have been a good idea to call up Lisa and get her to find him a proper nanny to look after Sammy and avoid this sort of thing in the future, but… Sammy liked Louis. And Liam did, too, when he wasn't absolutely furious with him. The idea of starting all over again seemed so depressing.
"Plans for today?" Zayn asked, waving his hand at Liam. That meant he'd asked before, whoops.
"Well, it's Thursday, so I've got the day mostly off," said Liam. "I thought I'd take Sammy out somewhere."
"It's Wednesday," said Zayn.
Liam winced. "I keep forgetting, Louis and Lisa are the ones who know what day it is, usually. Well then, I guess he's coming with me to a rehearsal. And then the park or something. That sounds fun, right?"
"I was going to go and see the boats with Louis," said Sammy, a little accusingly.
"Well, he'll…" He'll take you some other time might have been a lie, and Liam couldn't bring himself to say it. "We'll call him," he said. That was true, although Liam didn’t really mean to do it anytime soon.
"I want to see the boats," said Sammy mutinously. "Where's Louis? He was going to take me. I don't want to go with you, I want to go with Louis."
The louder Sammy got, the more Zayn looked like he was afraid a bomb was about to explode. "We don't yell to get what we want," said Liam, trying to sound perfectly calm.
"But he promised!"
"Well… He can't take you today," said Liam. Zayn gathered up the dirty plates and walked them over to the sink, clearly uncomfortable to be anywhere near a family dispute.
Sammy switched tactics abruptly, sticking his lower lip out and letting his eyes fill up with tears. "But I want to see the boats," he said, voice trembling. Liam didn't know what boats he was talking about or where, but he would have taken him if he could have. Watching Sammy cry was devastating.
"He can't today, but—" Liam started.
Sammy burst into great heaving tears, kicking his feet. He put his head down on his arms on the table and wailed, "But he prommmised," as if this were the absolute end of the world.
"Stop, stop," Liam said, meaning for it to sound like an order, but it sounded a lot more like a plea. He reached over and picked Sammy up, although Sammy tried to twist away furiously. After a minute he settled for sobbing into Liam's shoulder.
Zayn still looked mildly horrified. "So what do you do when he's… Like this?"
Liam sighed. "What do I do, or what should I do?"
There was a knock on the door, and then a minute later the noise of keys and the door opening. Louis walked in, looking tired and apologetic and weirdly serious. "I've, uh, I've still got keys," he said.
Liam had expected to still feel cross when he saw Louis again next, but instead he felt overwhelmingly relieved. "Hi, yeah, of course you do," he said.
Sammy looked up from his crying fit. His face was red and streaked with tears, and Liam really needed to do something before he grew up to be a complete monster. At the moment, though, Liam was just pleased he'd stopped crying. "Can we go and see the boats?" Sammy asked hopefully.
There was a long pause. Liam wasn't sure what to say, and neither was Louis, clearly, and they couldn't really discuss it easily as things were.
Zayn said, "Uh, I'll take Sammy to go and wash after breakfast, shall I?" He took Sammy out of Liam's arms, still sniffling a little bit. Zayn gave Liam a very stern look over the top of Sammy's head, although Liam wasn't entirely sure what it was supposed to mean. And then he and Sammy vanished down the hall.
"Hi," said Louis quietly. "So… I'm not really clear on whether or not you fired me yesterday."
Conversations that felt this awkward were usually with people Liam was dating or married to or something. "No," he said. "I thought maybe you resigned?"
"No," said Louis.
There was a pause. Liam was doing a terrible job of conducting this conversation like an employer and not just someone who was feeling guilty after a fight.
"Listen," said Louis, rubbing his arm distractedly with one hand, "I'm really sorry about yesterday. I get why you'd be worried, I should have noticed my mobile was off. I haven't really done this with kids who weren't my sisters, and with them I knew what I was doing. And they turned out fine, so… I mean, maybe I'm a bit overconfident that I know what I'm doing."
"I never normally yell," said Liam. "I'm sorry. I said a couple of things that—"
"It's fine; I'd have called me names, too," said Louis. He visibly relaxed, trying out a smile, and Liam smiled back.
"No, it's not," said Liam. "I should have been angry without being rude."
Louis stared at him for a minute. "You have really high standards for everything," he said. "Sorry, I'm being cheeky again. Listen, I promise, if I'm not actually fired, I'll take my mobile with me and text you every half an hour, on the minute, from now on."
"That's not necessary, you're—"
"And I'll carry a back-up phone in case that one isn't working, and a back up for the back up, and—"
"It's fine," said Liam, trying not to laugh. It was really difficult to stay cross with Louis when he was so determined to be funny. "I mean, it's not fine, but… I had a lousy day and I shouldn't have lost my temper." Liam shrugged weakly. "I'm just glad you're back. Thanks for not quitting, I guess, and for not—"
"Liam," said Louis, shaking his head. "Sometimes I'm a twat, okay? It's fine. When I am, you can shout at me, and I'll shout back, and then we'll both move on with our lives. It doesn't have to be the end of the world. Harry says you basically never get cross with anyone, which probably means you've got a serious explosion waiting to happen. I am here if you need someone to get cross with." He held his arms out magnanimously.
Liam was trying really hard not to giggle at him. "You're offering to let me shout at you when I'm having a lousy day with… whatever?"
"Well, you don't drink, and you don't yell. It's a wonder you don't ...." He made a noise like an explosion, wiggling his fingers around to demonstrate.
"I guess it is," said Liam.
Louis smiled at him, not his manic, ridiculous grin but a real smile. "It sounded like Sammy missed me," said Louis. "I'll just go and rescue Zayn."
"Thanks," said Liam again. It was a tremendous relief and just… Just a general feeling of being glad Louis was back. Louis just shook his head and went to find Sammy and Zayn.
—
Things went back to the way they had been before, except that Zayn started calling every couple of days and asking, "So, anything between you and the nanny yet? I saw the way you stared at him."
"No," said Liam. "It'd be really unfortunate if he quit because I was sexually harassing him."
"So don't harass him," said Zayn. "Just ask if he'd like some employment benefits, if you know what I mean, and—"
"I'm hanging up on you," said Liam loudly, and clicked his mobile off.
He was not, under any circumstances, going to entertain thoughts about Louis, no matter how much Louis smiled or laughed or was obnoxiously attractive. He made Sammy really happy and although he wasn't really a nanny he was an excellent full-time caretaker in an unorthodox sort of way. Liam wasn't going to screw that up by making some kind of clumsy pass at him. Liam wasn't any good at that kind of thing even when it wasn't an employee.
It was just that things kept happening.
Liam came home early and found Louis and Sammy sprawled in the living room surrounded by every single toy Sammy owned. "Oh my god," said Liam. "Oh mygod."
"Shh," said Louis sternly. "You're interrupting the dinosaur wedding."
It wasn't the weirdest thing Liam had heard when he got home. "All these toys are party guests?" he guessed.
"There's been quite a lot of planning going in to this," Louis explained. "The trains are the best men and the dog is the mother of the bride."
"Oh, obviously," said Liam. He picked his way carefully through the sea of teddy bears and cuddly toys and considered that maybe Sammy had more than enough things to play with. Louis scooted over so there was a bit of room to sit down in the cleared space next to the dinosaurs, but Liam was still practically halfway in Louis's lap. Liam moved a train over and Sammy turned and said, "No, daddy! He has to be there, that's the aisle! You're sitting in the aisle."
"Sorry," said Liam, trying to scooch backward.
"They've got wedding rings made of pipe cleaners," said Louis.
Liam wasn't entirely sure how to feel about this elaborate toy wedding. "Is this all your idea?" he asked Louis hopefully.
"No," said Louis. "That special about royal weddings was on, sorry, I didn't mean to leave the television on at all. But then Sammy decided the dinosaurs needed a wedding too. I guess they've been living together in sin in France for far too long."
The tyrannosaurus had a long bit of toilet paper tied around its neck and trailing across the floor. "The tyrannosaurus is the bride?" Liam asked.
"Yes," said Louis. "She's very happy, apparently. I mean, there must have been lady t-rexes." He laughed and elbowed Liam a little.
Liam couldn't figure out a way to shove Louis away without actually putting his hands on Louis, and he just kept thinking what Zayn would say if he walked in. "Tell me the truth," he said, trying to edge just a little bit away. "Have I got the weirdest kid in the world?"
"One of my sisters pretended to be a panda for a week," said Louis. "She would only eat leafy greens and she kept trying to chew on twigs. My mum was going to take her to the psychologist. This is just a dinosaur wedding." He patted Liam's leg in what was probably meant to be a reassuring manner. But then he left his hand on Liam's thigh for a moment and… God, what kind of terrible parent was Liam, when he couldn’t keep his thoughts on his actual child and how weird he was, rather than hands on his legs?
"Daddy, you're the minister," said Sammy expectantly.
"Oh, uh," said Liam. "Um, do you, t-rex, take the apatosaurus to be your lawfully wedded dinosaur?"
"I do!" said Sammy in a squeaky voice.
"And do you, the apatosaurus, take the t-rex to be your dinosaur bride, I guess?"
"I do!" said Sammy.
"Then I guess they should kiss," said Liam.
Sammy gave him a dark look. "Dinosaurs don't kiss, daddy. Everyone knows that." Both the dinosaurs made growling noises instead and had a little fight between them while Sammy made them jump around and claw at each other.
"Everyone knows that," Louis echoed seriously, and then had a quiet giggling breakdown, hiding his face against Liam's shoulder. Liam patted him awkwardly on the back to avoid touching him anywhere else.
"I suppose I'm going to have to clean up from this wedding," Liam said to no one in particular.
"They're going on a honeymoon to the bathroom!" said Sammy, jumping up. "The shower is going to be a waterfall."
"Okay," said Louis, standing up to follow him. "Maybe he is one of the weirdest kids ever."
Liam called after them half-heartedly, "Someone should really help me put all these toys away!" There were splashing noises coming from the bathroom, though, and Sammy was giggling.
"Have you got any water guns?" Louis shouted.
Liam considered that question for a minute and then got up, took out Sammy's collection of water guns, and filled one up at the sink. A minute later a very soaked Louis came running out. "Help! I'm being drowned!" he shouted. Behind him, Sammy was laughing like mad.
Liam shot him with the water gun. It seemed like the only thing to do, really.
The clean up after that took days.
—
"Look at this," said Louis. "There are cockroach tours of the science museum. We are definitely doing that this weekend."
Liam was caught halfway between horrified and fascinated, particularly since he was making lunch. "Not really."
"Yes, really!" said Louis, cackling. "You get to dress up like a cockroach. Can you imagine anything better?"
"I… What?" said Liam. "Really?"
Louis was already lying on the floor with Sammy, who was trying to put a wheel back on his train with great concentration and ignoring both of the adults. "Would you like to dress up like a cockroach?" Louis asked, and then wiggled about on the floor a bit, presumably the way a cockroach would.
"Eww," said Sammy, and then laughed. "What's a cockroach? Can we dress up like them?"
"Ugh," said Liam. "Who wants lunch? Sorry, I meant who wants to wash for lunch and then sit at the table like a human being."
Sammy moaned. "I want to eat here, with my trains."
"We have a perfectly nice table," said Liam.
Sammy pulled a truly pathetic face. "Are you going away again after lunch? Come and sit on the floor with me."
That was entirely not fair. "But—" Liam said, because he was about to go. Why was Sammy so good at that and why did it always work? "I mean, I suppose—"
"Don't be ridiculous," said Louis, standing up. "Come on. Your dad said we're eating at the table." He dragged Sammy to his feet. "Go and wash. Go!" He gave Sammy a little push down the hall and then turned to give Liam a truly unimpressed look. "You are rubbish at this sometimes."
"Hey!" Liam protested. "I just… I mean, he misses me, and…"
"Rubbish," Louis repeated. "Who let you have a kid, honestly? You're a disaster."
"Shut up," said Liam, inexplicably cheered by Louis's teasing. "This isn't as easy as it looks."
"No," said Louis, getting out plates. "It's easier. Look at me, I'm a natural."
Liam sighed disapprovingly at him. "Well, I'm sorry I'm not as natural at it as you are." This was definitely not the way he was supposed to talk to someone who worked for him, but it was so easy to forget Louis wasn't just part of the family. Liam didn't especially want to remember that, ever.
"You do alright for a first-timer," said Louis.
"So tell me how you got so good at it," said Liam, assembling sandwiches. "Harry says your CV is all performing and stuff. Why aren't you doing that?"
Louis groaned. "Do we have to talk about it?"
"Yes," said Liam. "You called me a rubbish dad and I didn't throw anything at you."
Louis concentrated very hard on setting the table for a minute. "Fine. That's fair, I guess. Since your life is an open book. Just as long as that book is Fabulous or Shout."
"Teen Vogue sometimes, too," said Liam.
Louis laughed and Liam could see him relax just a tiny bit. Liam congratulated himself silently. "Okay," said Louis, clearly bracing himself a bit. "Well, there was a play I was in that got closed on opening night. There was an advert that didn't end up getting aired. There was a musical I was an understudy in. There were a couple of years of drama school which didn't go as well as I might have hoped. There was the radio gig I got sacked from. There were a bunch of nearly, almost parts in a bunch of television programmes."
"Wow," said Liam. "Okay, that's a bit discouraging."
Louis sighed. "I'm just getting a bit old to keep having stuff fall apart. And my mum is tired of loaning me money."
"Yeah," said Liam, "you're so old."
"Shut up," said Louis, shaking his head. "What do you know about things not working out? You were on X-Factor and now—"
"I only scraped by on X-Factor because of Harry," said Liam. "And which one of us is already divorced, okay? I've had my fair share of things not working out."
"You were adorable on X-Factor," Louis protested.
"Ha!" said Liam, putting the sandwiches on the table. "I knew you watched it."
"Yeah, well, I voted for Harry," said Louis. Sammy came back out, soaked all over, and Louis shook his head again. He pulled Sammy's wet shirt off and used it to dry his face. "What on earth did you do?"
"I washed my hands," said Sammy, frowning. "Get off. I'm hungry."
"Everyone voted for Harry," said Liam. "My sisters voted for Harry."
Louis cackled. "Not really."
"Oh, yes. They didn't tell me until later because I would have murdered them."
"I want to eat lunch without a shirt. I'm fine!" Sammy shouted, trying to wiggle away from Louis.
"He gets that from Harry," said Louis certainly. Liam laughed and tried to hide it as a cough. "Go and get a dry shirt, my friend. Shoo." Sammy sighed heavily and trudged to his room.
Liam wasn't sure if it was entirely appropriate to say, but he tried anyway. "You just talk like you've failed at all these things, and you haven't. They haven't worked out yet, is all."
"There has to be a point you stop trying, though, doesn't there?" Louis asked, tone a lot grimmer than Liam was used to hearing.
"No," said Liam. "I don't think so. You just keep trying and eventually it'll work out, and… What?" Louis was staring at him.
Louis scrunched up his face uncertainly. "You honestly believe that?"
"Of course," said Liam.
There was a pause. "Well, I don't," said Louis eventually. "I'm tired of trying and having things go pearshaped. It sucks. This—" he gestured to the kitchen at large "is easy."
"Yeah," said Liam. "But imagine if after things went badly you just gave up and—"
"Never dated again?" Louis asked pointedly. "Zayn emails me, you know, to check up on you. So does Harry."
"That's different," Liam protested, probably more embarrassed than the conversation warranted. He was awfully happy when Sammy came back in, though, wearing a t-shirt with Harry's face airbrushed on it, and he could change the subject.
—
"I'm really sorry," Liam said a couple of days later. "I think you're going to end up coming with us overnight for a couple of these tour dates. It's not very far away, but it's too far to go and come back and—"
"Relax," said Louis. He'd been throwing sweets at Liam's back while he made dinner, mostly because Sammy quite enjoyed picking them back up and organizing them by color in the sweets bowl. "I'd figured that out. I can come along and then you'll have someone to look after Sammy while you're being a pop star. It's fine."
"But it really wasn't supposed to be a twenty-four-hour-a-day job for you," Liam said, feeling frustrated. He was feeling a bit better about life in general lately, but he still hadn't managed to get everything sorted. He liked having everything running smoothly.
"Wasn't it?" Louis asked. A sweet skittered across the work surface and nearly landed in the pot where Liam was making spaghetti. He turned to give Louis an unimpressed look. "Sorry. Sammy, have you found that one that went under the chair yet?"
"I'm still looking!" Sammy shouted.
"You could just stop throwing things like a child," said Liam.
"What would be the fun in that?"
Liam sighed, but he wasn't really as annoyed as he let on. He liked making dinner for three. It was nice having someone else to distract Sammy, and it was nice having someone else around who didn't always want to eat fish fingers or beans on toast every single night. It was particularly nice having someone to talk to, although mostly what Liam had done lately was worry. "Are you sure it isn't a huge burden? You'll have to take a few days off afterwards, to balance it out."
"I will not, it's fine," said Louis. "I like traveling. I like hotels. And Harry's going to be there as well, so if you're with Sammy I'll go and bother him instead. I'll make my own fun."
Liam felt a weird little pang of jealousy, but in fairness, he wasn't as much fun as Harry was on tour. They'd learned that very early on, when Liam had spent most of the X-Factor tour trying to get everyone to shut up so he could sleep, while Harry had been all the older performers' pet, going out drinking and dancing and partying at every opportunity. Of course, when Harry was sick from too much drinking and dancing and partying it was Liam who'd ended up making him tea and giving him cuddles on the bus.
"I'm going to make you take days off, eventually," Liam said. The meatballs were making a satisfying hiss in the pan and they smelled nearly done. "Sammy, get out from underneath the chair and go and wash for dinner."
Sammy held up his hands. "Look, I found three paperclips and seven pence and a gum ball!"
"Don't eat it," Liam said quickly.
Sammy pulled a face. "Urgh, I wasn't going to, it's dirty." He put his newfound treasures carefully on the chair next to Louis and then went off to wash his hands.
"Any normal four year old eats gum off the floor," Louis complained. "You've made him really weird."
"You mean I'm trying to stop him getting the plague? Yes," said Liam.
Louis tapped his fingers restlessly on the table, which meant if Liam didn't get dinner done soon he was going to throw more things. "Are you done? It smells done. I'm hungry," Louis whined.
"You could help by setting the table," Liam said pointedly, which Louis ignored. "You really should take more days off, you've only had the two. And… I mean…. If this gets to be a bit much, and you think…." Liam couldn't come up with a less awkward way to broach the topic, but it had been sitting at the back of his mind for a week. Maybe longer. "If you get tired of nannying, or of Sammy, or of me, I'd completely understand. This isn't really what you set out to do, is it? Harry said you're really talented. Just let me know so I can find someone else—"
"You won't need to find anyone else," said Louis tiredly. "I'm not going anywhere, am I? Not unless I starve to death waiting for dinner."
Liam felt a strange combination of relieved and sorry. "If you ever did, though. I mean. We'd understand."
"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Louis asked. He sounded genuinely worried.
"No," said Liam quickly. He turned around and everything so he could give Louis a really sincere look. "No, having you here has been great. I just… I mean, we wouldn't want it to stop you doing something else, if…"
Louis threw a sweet at him. Liam flinched a second too late and it hit his cheek. "Shut up," said Louis. "You don't need to worry about that, I've given up."
Liam ought to have been upset, because Louis was sort of a friend, and he sounded a bit miserable, but mostly he felt reassured. "Okay," he said. "I mean… Okay."
"Okay, then," Louis echoed. He gave Liam a funny little smile and Liam smiled back, a little bit thank you and a little bit I'm sorry. Louis shrugged. Liam thought that the smile hadn't reached Louis's eyes at all, and then that that was a weird thing to think about his nanny, and then that he'd been sort of accidentally staring at Louis for at least a minute and dinner was probably about to burn.
"Crap," said Liam, turning around again quickly. "Get off your lazy arse and get the plates."
"Yes, sir," said Louis mockingly, but he got up and did it. Then Sammy came running back into the kitchen demanding food, and Liam tried not to feel relieved that the two of them weren't alone anymore.
—
Liam hadn't really tried to tour since Sammy was a baby, when he'd stayed home with Brooke and Liam's mum. It turned out having Louis around every minute of every day was absolutely necessary; there was no way for Liam to manage himself and anyone else, let alone a child who apparently wanted to touch everything. Sammy wanted to see how the equipment got loaded and unloaded, he wanted to play with the microphones, he wanted to touch the instruments, he wanted to run around the hallways screaming. Not because he was malicious, but because he was fascinated, and Liam didn’t entirely blame him; he'd always felt the same way when he got to a new venue.
Luckily Louis was always there to grab him just before he ran off the edge of the stage, or stuck his hand between the speakers being pushed together, or grabbed a wire someone was using. "Trains," said Louis, flipping Sammy upside down and carrying him away laughing. It was just reassuring enough that Liam could push worrying about Sammy to the back of his brain and concentrate on interviews and warming his voice up.
The hilarious part of the interviews was knowing that Harry Styles was going to be on stage in a couple of hours and not saying so. Liam was a terrible liar, usually, and he was a little worried he'd burst into laughter. "The new album's out in a week," said one of the women interviewing him. "Are you excited? Tell us about the new tour. Are you excited to see your supporting acts?"
"I absolutely can't wait," said Liam honestly. It was really unfair that Harry didn't have to do any press since he was pretending not to be there. His band had turned up and they were a bunch of scruffy hipsters in knitted caps and brightly colored trainers. They wore ironic sunglasses and carried around bottles of what Harry assured him was terrible beer. Liam wasn't at all surprised.
—
Liam had things to do every single second of the day until about half an hour before the show was starting, at which point he found himself inexplicably nervous. "You've done this before, though, haven't you?" Louis asked. He was sitting backstage on a couch with Sammy, trying to coax him into eating vegetables he was definitely not interested in.
"Loads of times. It's just a new album, it's a new tour, it's… I wrote most of the songs this time, it's different," said Liam uncomfortably. "Plus, who knows what's going to happen with Harry."
"Harry'll go on stage and be brilliant," said Louis. "That's his thing. He does awful, improbable, terrible things, and everyone loves him for it."
"Oh god, but what if—" Liam started.
Louis handed him a sandwich. "Have you had time to eat?"
"I… no," said Liam.
Sammy successfully escaped the couch and threw himself on the floor with a coloring book instead. "I want to come and see the show," he said. "Can I sing, too?"
"That's not a bad idea, as a publicity stunt," said Louis.
"No, I've already got Harry." Liam hadn't realized he was starving until Louis had handed him food, and he inhaled it so quickly he nearly choked. "Maybe tomorrow we can go and look while Harry's playing, but you'll have to wear ear plugs."
Sammy put his hands over his ears and gave Liam a baleful look.
"He should be asleep before I go on," said Liam. "It's been such a long day. You should take him to the hotel and put him to bed."
Louis's smile was teasing. "What if I want to see you on stage? I never have, you know. I want to see your swagger, Liam."
"I haven't got any," said Liam, laughing. "It's just me, but singing. I'd sing for you anytime." He meant it as a joke, an off-hand remark, but Louis sat up a little straighter.
"Would you?" Louis asked. He was giving Liam such an intense sort of look that Liam didn't know quite what to do with his hands or his face.
"I… yeah," said Liam. "I mean. Of course." He tried to laugh again, because it was such a silly conversation. "You hear me singing while I cook."
"And in the shower," said Louis, waggling his eyebrows and relaxing again.
"Yes, exactly," said Liam gratefully. "You've had your own exclusive concerts."
"I want to hear more about how Louis's getting exclusive concerts in the shower," said Harry, wandering in. He was wearing absolutely ridiculous black and grey clothes, with his beanie pulled down over his curls, and giant sunglasses.
Liam refused to blush. "Shut up," he said. "That's not what he meant. And people are still going to recognize you."
"My disguise is brilliant," Harry argued, but Louis gave him a skeptical look and he burst into laughter. It was unmistakable who he was, even with three-quarters of his face covered up.
"You really are such an idiot," Liam said, feeling inexplicably fond.
"Harry!" said Sammy. He stood up and held his arms up expectantly, and Harry picked him up. "You look silly."
Harry poked Sammy's nose and Sammy laughed. "Is this your first concert, Sammy?" Harry asked.
"No, I took him to see one of those kids' concert things with the puppets," said Liam.
"I've seen you sing on television," said Sammy. "That's a really big stage. Are you scared?"
"Never," said Harry. Liam rolled his eyes and then laughed when he saw Louis doing the same.
"If you're scared you can borrow my train," said Sammy. "But I want it back. I've got the whole set, they have a box to keep them in so they look nice."
Harry burst out laughing again. "Liam, stop ruining his childhood by giving him boxes to put things neatly away in!"
"Right?" said Louis. "We are always having to tidy."
"That's because you're a horrible mess monster," said Liam. Louis wadded up a napkin and threw it at him.
Rex popped in to tell Harry to get ready to go onstage, and Harry handed Sammy to Louis. "Can I come on stage with you?" Sammy asked.
"No, you're going to go to the hotel with me and work on our art project," said Louis. Sammy started to pout a little, sticking his lip out and sniffling.
"I mean, he could go up for a bit—" Liam began.
Louis kicked him in the shin. "Stop giving him everything he wants just because he pretends to cry, Liam, honestly." Liam tried to look offended but Louis was probably right, and anyway he was talking to Sammy now. "We have a project to work on. Your dad and Harry are going to be really busy but you can see them tonight after they're done." Sammy sighed tragically but he didn’t go on sniffling, so clearly Louis had a point.
"Hilarious," said Harry, apparently about nothing in particular. "Wish me luck, boys!"
"You have never needed luck on stage," said Liam, shaking his head, but he gave Harry a good-luck hug anyway, and then Louis did, and then Sammy did, and then Rex came back and dragged Harry away.
"This is going to be fascinating," said Louis.
"Nearly everything involving Harry is."
—
Harry's band was a rousing success, although that was mainly because a few seconds after he walked on stage a gasp ran through the audience and twitter collapsed for twenty minutes under the weight of people trying to tweet about him. It was hilarious. His set went well, and Liam's set went well, and later, sweaty and exhausted, Liam put his arm round Harry's shoulders and said, "Since everyone knows it's you, you should probably come out and sing something with me yeah?"
"I think the way it works, usually, is the headliner sings with the supporting act," said Harry. "Day off tomorrow, can I borrow your nanny?"
"Yeah, if you come and do press with me in the morning," Liam said. Harry stuck his lip out poutily. "That's all they're going to ask me about, you know it. Come and pretend your name is Harold Stylenham the Third, and you've never heard of Harry Styles, and are offended by the comparison. It'll be a laugh."
Harry sighed loudly, as if this were a terrible burden. "I suppose I have got a few interview requests in the last couple of hours."
"A million," said his tour manager, Paul, not looking up from his mobile. "I'm rounding down."
Louis and Sammy were already back at the hotel, and Sammy woke up enough for Liam to hug him goodnight and then passed out again. "You killed twitter!" said Louis gleefully. "This is amazing."
Harry took a beer from the fridge in Liam's room; he had, of course, made himself at home. Liam was sure that Louis had bought the beer specifically so that Harry could have one later; he certainly hadn't bought it for Liam. "Liam sounded amazing," said Harry. "The new songs live are just… I mean, is it really hard? Singing about her in public when everyone knows what you're talking about?"
"It was," said Liam, "but… Uh, it also wasn't? Not as bad as I expected, at least. It's like a sport injury that's faded—"
"You and sport," Harry groaned.
Liam frowned at him. "It feels like it's going to hurt forever, but it doesn't, and this is just… poking an old bruise a bit. But it's nice, it's good to get it out there."
"You're unburdening yourself," said Louis. "Do you mind if I…"
"Go ahead," said Liam, waving a hand, and Louis grabbed a beer as well.
Louis sprawled on the suite couch next to Harry. "You're letting go of some of your past pain by writing about it and then performing. It's catharsis."
Liam had a vague idea what catharsis meant, at least. "It's a bit like keeping the pain around all the time, though, isn't it? And making it public. It's probably unhealthy. It was all I could think about when I was writing, though."
"Not true," said Harry, bumping Liam's knee with his own. "Because two of those songs are about Sammy and how much you love him. And one is about me and how great I am."
"No, it's not," said Liam, sighing.
"Yes, it definitely is, I said that when you were writing it. There's a whole song about me and—"
"It's about being famous," Liam said loudly. "In general. Not everything is about you!"
Harry gave him a little shove. "It definitely is."
Liam was not above shoving back. "It's not."
Louis said, "You're going to wake Sammy up, oh my god. This was cute when you were both eighteen, but honestly." He climbed over Harry, who protested loudly, and squished himself into the very small space between them. He had one leg over Liam's and was mostly sitting on top of Harry. "Now behave."
"He started it," Harry grumbled, and then burst out laughing at Liam's glare.
"I want to know when you're going to write a song about me," said Louis, putting his head on Liam's shoulder.
"It would have to be something—" really stupid and romantic, Liam nearly said and then froze, horrified at himself. No one had authorized that sentence. His heart was pounding in his chest imagining how awful it would have been if he had kept talking.
Harry was never bothered when Liam froze up halfway through saying something. "Something about how annoying you are," said Harry.
"Yeah," Liam managed weakly. He needed Louis not to be leaning on him at the moment; it was confusing things. If Louis had been on the other side of the room, he wouldn't have thought that. If Louis hadn't been curled up next to him, making himself comfortable against Liam's side as if he belonged there. When Liam turned his head, he could just see Louis in profile, the swoop of his fringe and the edges of his lashes and a little bit of his jaw. He looked tired and sort of beautiful, and Liam was so, so screwed. He cursed Zayn a bit, although at this point it was difficult to really believe it was entirely Zayn's fault.
"A whole song about how annoying I am," said Louis around a yawn. "Sounds like a hit."
"Like I ought to hit you," Harry said, and giggled at himself.
"I should probably get to bed soon," Liam said. He needed everyone to leave him alone for a few minutes so he could recover from his unexpectedly intense feelings about someone entirely inappropriate. "And so should Harry. We've got interviews in the morning."
Harry groaned loudly. "Do I have to? The band and I are going out tonight, we were going to get all fucked up."
"You can still do that, you just have to be at the press stuff with me in the morning," said Liam sweetly. "But if you've got a hangover, I'm going to make really loud noises and make you sit under the brightest light."
"You are a bastard, Liam Payne," said Harry. "Kiss him goodnight for me, Louis." He climbed off the couch and saluted them with his beer, and then wandered off to find his band.
Louis tilted his face up and Liam started to say Isn't Harry ridiculous? with a disapproving sort of laugh, except then Louis kissed Liam's cheek. Liam stopped breathing.
Louis yawned again. "I must be getting old. I never used to get tired before dawn, especially not after one beer."
Liam couldn't find a way to say a word without his voice cracking or shaking or something embarrassing. He cleared his throat a couple of times. Louis didn't seem to mind. "You should go to bed, then," said Liam. He didn't want to shove Louis off his shoulder, but he wasn't sure how long he could sit there being soaware of Louis, like every breath Louis was taking was stealing a little bit of Liam's resolve to think of him as an employee. He closed his eyes for a second and reminded himself that it would be absolutely creepy and disrespectful to put his hand on Louis's thigh and just… See what he'd do about it. Liam had a feeling Louis wouldn't mind, was the problem.
"Yeah, bed," said Louis. "Since Sammy will be up at six."
Liam waited for Louis to stand up and stretch and go off into his own room before he did anything. And then mostly what he did was think about Louis, and how badly he and Sammy needed Louis, and how incredibly terrible it would be if Louis quit, or left, or Liam scared him off or ruined things.
The problem, Liam told himself, was that he hadn't felt anything like this in years, and he'd forgotten how to contain it. He'd had plenty of crushes and awkward moments with people at school. Even on the X-Factor, for the first few weeks, he'd been a little bit unsure what to do with how physically affectionate Harry had been. But he'd dealt with it, and he'd never let it make him stupid. This had snuck up on him. He'd thought it was an occasional passing glance or a weird moment where he noticed Louis's mouth more than he should have, but this was so much larger than that suddenly. It felt like it was going to come exploding out of his chest if he gave it the tiniest sliver of a chance.
"You are absolutely an idiot," said Liam quietly to himself, and went to bed. He didn't manage to sleep much at all.
—
Talking to the press was fun for Liam, because all they wanted to do was ask Harry questions, and Harry was determined not to give them any sensible answers. Liam spent the morning badly hiding his giggles while Harry answered questions with stories about having traveled to Tibet, or being struck by lightning, or actually being his own evil twin.
"I'm borrowing Louis and we're going drinking," said Harry when they were allowed to escape, and that was fine; there was no show that night and Liam hadn't spent a day alone with Sammy and nothing much to do in a long time. They found a playground and Sammy organized a game of hide-and-seek with some of the other children there until a couple of photographers started taking pictures. Liam apologized to the other mums and dads and took Sammy back to the hotel. Sammy was tired anyway, and Liam had promised to call Brooke, which was always a bit exhausting.
Sammy had a lovely chat with Brooke on the phone, where he told her all about the park and the hotel and the trains and their nicely organized case. She was so good on the phone with him, curious and encouraging and making him laugh. Liam couldn't understand how she could talk to Sammy like that, and love him, but not want to be with him. It was a fight they'd had a few hundred times already, though, and Liam didn’t like fighting with people.
"He sounds so grown up now," she said, when Liam finally took his mobile away from Sammy because he was half-asleep on the floor, singing a little song to his trains about napping.
"I sent you pictures, didn't I?" Liam asked. "He's huge. Every time I turn around he's bigger."
"I saw." There was a long pause. Liam was used to those, though. "He sounds really happy. I'm glad."
"He is happy. He's got someone great looking after him and he's enjoying traveling around with me, and… He's just a really good kid."
"Of course he is," said Brooke.
"Any time you want to come back and visit, just tell me, I'll buy you a ticket," Liam said, because he always did.
"No, it's better if I don't," she said, because that was what she always said. Liam very carefully didn't sigh. "He knows I love him, but it'd just… confuse him if I was there and then gone again."
This was the point where Liam tended to get annoyed and started sighing at her a lot through the phone, so he clenched his free hand into a fist instead, digging his nails into his palm.
"He'll be starting school soon, won't he?" Brooke asked. "God, how did he get so big? It's amazing."
Liam tried very hard not to think about Sammy starting school and being away with strangers all day. "Well, kids do that. They get bigger," he said instead.
"I should go," Brooke said. "Tell him mummy loves him and to have a good nap."
Liam clicked his mobile off. It was weird how, even months later – years, really, after she'd disengaged from both of them and left, even if she'd still been around – he always thought that maybe, maybe she'd want to come back. It was always in the back of his brain somewhere, like something had broken and he just couldn't quite accept that she had really gone for good.
"Your dad's a bit stupid," said Liam, picking Sammy up.
"No," said Sammy sleepily. "Is Louis here? I want Louis to read me a story."
"He'll be back soon," said Liam. He kissed Sammy's cheek and Sammy scrunched up his face. Liam thought fondly of when Sammy had been too small to object to kisses and hugs. He still let Liam cuddle him quite a bit, but eventually he'd start being embarrassed by it, and then Liam was going to be absolutely miserable. "I'm going to be that crying dad on the first day of school," Liam muttered. "I'm sorry in advance."
"Okay," said Sammy, because he was mostly asleep.
Louis and Harry burst through the door of the hotel laughing outrageously and then started loudly shushing each other when they saw Liam holding Sammy. "It's nap time, shut up," said Harry, shoving Louis.
"You alright?" Louis asked, frowning at Liam.
Liam shook his head. "Just thinking about… You know, things. The future. Don't worry about it. I'm taking Sammy in for a nap."
"You look a bit upset," said Louis.
Liam shrugged a little. "I might go to the gym downstairs for a while if someone else can stay with him. That'll help me clear my head."
"Today was the day you talked to Brooke?" Louis asked, still frowning.
"I'll put Sammy to bed," said Harry, holding his arms out. "I haven't had any time alone with my godson in ages."
"He's not actually your godson," Liam said, but he let Harry take Sammy.
"If you die, I get him," said Harry. "That means he's my godson."
"If I die he's got a mum," said Liam. "And after that it's my parents."
"Not if I steal him first," said Harry fondly. Sammy was perfectly happy to cling to Harry instead of Liam; he'd always been happy when Harry wanted to play with him.
Harry carried Sammy into the bedroom. Liam was so full of anger and exhaustion and tension from talking to Brooke and worrying about school that he was sure he was vibrating a little.
"I'll go to the gym with you," Louis offered.
"Really?" Liam asked. Louis had never said anything about liking exercise.
Louis grinned and patted his stomach. "I'm getting a bit of a beer gut. It couldn't hurt, could it?"
"You aren't, you're fit," said Liam. He heard himself a second after he'd said it and stumbled over whatever else he'd been going to say, turning it into an awkward cough.
"You think I'm fit," said Louis gleefully.
"I – No, I mean – Oh god, shut up," said Liam. "Are you coming?"
"Hang on, I've got to change. I don't wander around ready for a basketball game to break out at any moment," said Louis. "Not that you don't look adorable in your stupid giant shorts." Liam rolled his eyes. "Anyway it's fine, I brought jogging bottoms with me, just in case." Louis looked ridiculously pleased with himself.
"In case what?" Liam asked.
Louis grinned. "In case we needed to get sweaty."
Liam had another little coughing fit, while Louis laughed and went off to change. Liam wasn't imagining it; Louis was definitely flirting. Or trying to, at least. It wasn't the way Liam would have flirted with anyone, but he recognized it as a very Louis sort of thing to do. Lots of playing and teasing and touching and…
Liam wanted him to. Oh, it was awful. It was so nice, being wanted, and it was so comfortable having someone who actually wanted to be around him and Sammy. Liam couldn't tell if he liked it just because Louis was so different to how Brooke had been recently, or if he genuinely liked Louis. He suspected it was a little bit of both. Louis was actually quite a lot like her in some ways; impulsive and sensitive and wild and funny, but instead of being horrified at the idea of being around a family, Louis seemed to like it. It wasn't fair to him, really, trying to slot him into the gap Brooke had left in Liam's life.
Except Liam was developing a new, entirely Louis-shaped dent in his life, and if Louis left he was going to end up devastated all over again. Liam had got so used to him being around, catching all the loose threads Liam couldn't seem to keep together, being reassuring and funny when Liam didn't feel like laughing at all. And he was so good with Sammy, and Sammy adored him.
That was the problem, though. Liam couldn't really flirt with Louis and employ him to look after Sammy. It wasn't fair. He couldn't fire Louis, because he needed him. And if he didn't fire him, he couldn't actually have him in any way except as an employee. It was all so snarled up.
"Ready!" said Louis, reappearing in really ridiculously baggy jogging bottoms. "Shall we go? You're staring off into space again."
"I really need a nice long run," said Liam honestly. "You don't have to come—"
"I changed and everything," Louis said indignantly. "If I have a heart attack and die, tell my mum I loved her."
Liam giggled. It was terrible how just being around Louis made him feel a little bit better. It shouldn't have, and it wasn't fair, and he wasn't sure he was a good enough person to deal with it responsibly. "I'll send her flowers," he promised. Louis smiled back, and Liam shouldn't have let himself enjoy that, either, but he did.
—
The next show was good, if totally weird. Liam came out and sang a song with Harry's ridiculous hipster band and they crashed twitter again for a few minutes. It was fantastic.
Sammy seemed to like the tour; Liam was worried that seven days away from home in hotels and vans was going to be too much for him but he was so curious and excited to be there that it didn't seem to bother him at all. Harry and his band kept stealing Sammy for the shorter van rides. Liam was sure it meant Sammy was going to get all the sweets and video games he wasn't supposed to have, but he let Harry have him anyway.
It was so nice to be out and performing instead of in a studio or an interview. Liam liked everything about his job, and he was incredibly thankful for the chance to do anything — not everyone who had finished fourth on X-Factor got to – but what he loved best was singing on stage and having people sing back to him. And they knew the new songs even though the album wasn't out yet; it settled all of Liam's nerves about having included such personal things in the music.
There were photographers and fans waiting outside one of the hotels. Liam didn't like letting anyone take pictures of Sammy but he was carrying Sammy, who was sleepy from the van. Liam smiled and waved and turned so that his son was mostly blocked from camera phones while Liam still looked as gracious as he could manage.
"Here," said Louis, appearing behind him to take Sammy. "You can't sign anything like this and I can take him inside."
"Thank you," said Liam.
"And anyway Harry'll be by in a minute and everyone'll forget who you are," said Louis, bumping Liam with his hip. Liam laughed.
One of the girls outside the hotel screamed, "Louis!" and they both turned around to look at her incredulously. "You know who I am?" Louis asked.
"Of course we do!" someone else shouted. There were a bunch of screams from the crowd.
Louis looked really pleased about that, and Liam laughed. "I'll take him back and you sign autographs," Liam offered.
"I wouldn't mind being a little famous," Louis said. "Thanks, babe!" The girls burst into laughter and he waved at them. They waved back and shrieked. Liam thought that Louis would be really good at being famous. He'd say something silly and make everyone laugh, while he posed and looked gorgeous. Or possibly Liam was distracting himself again. Louis waved back at everyone and then carried Sammy into the hotel just as Harry and his band came along in their sunglasses and the crowd's screaming got twice as loud.
"Thanks," said Liam, leaning over to shout in Harry's ear. He was going to slip away into the hotel but Harry put his arm around Liam's neck and kissed his cheek and the screams got even louder somehow.
"It's not me they love best, it's us," said Harry, grinning sideways. Liam laughed. The photographers and fans with phones were going absolutely crazy. "We should do a real tour, a proper tour together."
"What, where I'm supporting you?" Liam asked. He wouldn't actually have minded; Harry sold out much bigger venues than Liam did.
"I dunno, maybe we can trade off or something," said Harry. "You bring Sammy and Louis, I'll bring my band. It'll be the best tour ever."
"You are so delusional," Liam said. He was grinning, though, because Harry always got to do whatever stupid things he wanted to, and Liam did honestly think it would be a pretty amazing way to spend a couple of months.
—
"So," said Louis upstairs in the suite. "Do you ever do that?"
"Do I ever do what?" Liam asked distractedly. He had emails from Zayn, and Harry had borrowed Sammy to play football in the hotel hallway, which probably meant Liam was going to go out and have to apologize to a hotel manager soon.
Louis was sorting clothes into bags. Somehow all of Sammy's things were multiplying as they moved from hotel to hotel and Louis didn't seem to have a good way to pack them all up again. "You know," Louis said, and he was trying really hard to sound casual, which just sounded weird. "The fans."
"Do I ever do the fans?" Liam asked, confused. "I always stop and take pictures if I can and I haven't got Sammy. Oh, but you mean… oh."
Louis laughed. "Yeah, I mean. Harry does, sometimes, I know. And you've got plenty of women downstairs who'd be happy to…" He trailed off with a bit of an eyebrow wiggle.
"No," said Liam. "I'm not that sort of person. I'm not very good at one night stands. I like relationships and…" He laughed self-consciously, because this conversation wasn't making him sound like much of a pop star. "I mean, you don't get married when you're eighteen unless you've got a few strange ideas, right?"
Louis laughed again. "Okay, fair point. But you couldn't have been hanging out with Harry this whole time and never picked anyone up. Come on. That's his area of expertise."
"He's going to find a nice someone and settle down," said Liam. "Maybe not today, but eventually. And then I'm going to laugh at him."
Louis snorted. "If you say so. Come and help me figure out how to get all these shirts back in this suitcase. I opened it and Sammy's clothes exploded everywhere."
"That's because you won't use the packing list I made," Liam scolded. "You just throw everything in there." He put his mobile away and sat down on the floor with Louis, elbowing him aside a little bit so he could get to the suitcase. "And you should roll things up instead of folding them; they'll fit better that way. The clean clothes go in one of the bags and the clothes he's already worn can go in a separate one. It's only been a few days; how can you not be able to keep a suitcase sorted for a week?"
Liam stopped, because Louis wasn't looking at the suitcase. He was looking at Liam. He looked at Liam all the time, of course, but this was different; Liam felt a buzzing in his chest and his heart leapt into his throat. The air between them was crackling. "What?" Liam asked. He thought he knew. He was almost sure about that funny, fond, intense look on Louis's face, and if he was right he needed to tell Louis that it was a bad idea. They couldn't and there were loads of reasons why.
Instead of that, Louis reached over and put his hand on top of Liam's and said, "It's just, you're kind of amazing."
And Liam didn't say We really can't do this, he said, "You're pretty amazing yourself." Everything inside his chest was all seized up and he couldn't breathe right, and Louis's hand was burningly warm on top of his own. Liam felt a bit like he'd got lost in a tunnel somewhere, and all his good sense and reasons why they weren't going to do this were outside, where he couldn't see them or remember them. He just kept looking at Louis's mouth and then back up at his face, and thinking oh god he's so gorgeous and I wish he would.
Louis leaned a little bit more into Liam's space, testing, and Liam nearly laughed, because he knew that move, that lean. He'd done it himself loads of times but he'd never had anyone try to lean in on him before. Louis's fingers tightened around Liam's hand. Louis's mouth was right there. It was just a breath away from Liam's, if Liam had been breathing. Louis was still giving him that funny, staring look, waiting for permission, or to be pushed away, or for Liam to react somehow, but Liam was frozen and couldn't think of a thing to say over the pounding of his heart in his ears.
"Can I," Louis whispered. Liam nodded once, jerkily, and then Louis bridged that last little space. His mouth was on Liam's and everything else in the room fell away. Louis was up on his knees, pressing himself against Liam, and his mouth was sweet but his tongue was wicked. Liam kissed him back with all the pent-up frustration and desperation and longing he'd been sinking under for weeks now.
It was a great kiss, an amazing kiss, and maybe that was why it took Liam a long, long minute to put his free hand on Louis's shoulder and push him back. "We can't," he said, and didn't look at how red Louis's mouth was, or how wide his eyes were, or the way his own hand was trying to shake. "I mean, I can't."
Louis paused for a second. "Is this… Because I mean, Harry swore up and down he took you to a gay bar and you were totally cool with it and you and this bloke ended up—"
"Harry should keep his mouth shut," said Liam, laughing with embarrassment. "Or remember how many things I know about him. No, it's not… I mean, that's not… I can't, Louis. You work for me."
Louis sat back on his heels. He hadn't let go of Liam's hand, and his chest was heaving a little bit. Liam told himself not to notice that. "I could quit?" Louis offered.
"But… Sammy and I… we need you," said Liam. He shook his head helplessly. "I don't want you to quit and I don't want you to go and I don't want to screw this up."
Louis sighed. "Why can't you be the sort of person who fools around with the hired help?" He sounded both fond and frustrated at once. "I mean, I like youbecause you're so good, but… Honestly, Liam, you could just pay me a bit more and I'd be happy to—"
"No," Liam said, laughing and blushing a little. "I can't pay you to sleep with me!"
"Is that what we're going to do?" Louis asked, grinning.
This was a terrible, dangerous, horrible conversation. Liam shook his head and scooted backward just a little. "No," he said. "That's what we are definitely not going to do."
Louis groaned loudly and flopped onto his back on the floor. "You're cockblocking yourself, Liam Payne. You are the worst person I have ever met."
"I'm absolutely awful," Liam agreed. He went to pull his hand free from Louis's, but Louis didn't let go, and Liam didn't really want him to anyway. "I'm really sorry."
"Don't be sorry," said Louis. "Except for being so hot, and kind, and lovely. You should be sorry about that. It's ruining my life."
Liam was trying not to laugh, he really was. It should have been a sober, sad moment. "I can't believe you're being so you about this," Liam said. "You should be really upset with me right now."
"I'm disappointed," Louis said. "I'm so fucking disappointed I could kill myself. But it's not like I've never been disappointed before, and you didn't fire me. I still get to play with Sammy all day, and hang out with rock stars, and stare at you when you're not looking."
"I see you doing that," Liam said.
"No," said Louis certainly. "I'm very subtle."
"You aren't." Liam shook his head, but he squeezed Louis's hand, and Louis squeezed back.
There was a long pause. Liam couldn't go and start packing again with only one hand, and he didn't especially want to take his hand back forcefully from Louis, so he just sat there, admiring Louis's profile on the floor and wishing things were different. His chest hurt with disappointment but he was sure he'd done the right thing. Louis didn't seem heartbroken, which was a bit weird. But he also wasn't angry, and he wasn't leaving, so that was something.
"So," said Louis eventually. "What do we do now?"
"I mean," Liam said, "we go on like before, don't we? You look after Sammy and I forget what day it is unless you tell me. Nothing changes. We just can't do thisagain."
Louis sighed. "Yeah," he said. "I mean, I get it, I just hate it." He took a deep breath and then smiled up at Liam from where he was lying on the floor. "Okay. Okay! I am brilliant at rolling with the punches, this is fine."
"You're brilliant just in general," said Liam. "Honestly, Louis, nannying clearly isn't the only thing you could do. You're so talented, and if you wanted to—"
"Shut up unless you're firing me," said Louis cheerfully. He sat up and let go of Liam's hand to dust himself off. Liam's hand was awfully cold without his. "I'm going to go and play hallway football for a while. Funny thing, I have all this energy I need to burn off."
"Sorry," said Liam, biting his lip. "I'll finish fixing the suitcase, then."
"Do me a favor and have a disfiguring accident as well," said Louis, and winked at him. Liam laughed, even though he was trying not to. Louis bounded out into the hallway with a shout. Liam sat alone on the floor for a while and tried to force all of the things in the suitcase to go back in just the way they had been before.
—
Zayn called and said, "Hey, babe. You're almost done, yeah? What do you think about Spain?"
"Uh, lovely paella," said Liam distractedly, because Sammy was running around him in circles with a train in each hand, making zooming noises. "Sombreros. Those things you hit and they're full of sweets."
Zayn laughed. "No, I mean, for a holiday. I've got a break from work, Sammy's off to school in a couple of months… I think we should all go on a holiday to Spain."
"You want me to take you on holiday," Liam said, laughing. "I see how it is."
"I think you've worked really hard, and you've got the album actually coming out in a couple of weeks, and before that you deserve an actual break. And yeah, I think you should take me and Sammy on a holiday. I know Harry thinks he's Sammy's godfather, but really it's me, and I never get to see him."
Liam said patiently, "It's neither of you, I keep saying that."
"You tell Harry I'll fight him for it."
Sammy had apparently got dizzy because he went crashing into one of the security guys, who looked amused and picked him up again. "I need to get off the phone before Sammy breaks everything in the break room," Liam said. "So no, you aren't fighting anyone for anything, but yeah, I'll think about it. It sounds nice."
"You deserve some time off. You could bring Louis, even."
Liam winced. "No," he said. "I don't think I want to go on holiday to a beach somewhere with Louis. He can have a couple of days off." Now the idea of a beach holiday with Louis was planted in his brain somewhere and he was going to wake up thinking about it, and Zayn was honestly the very worst kind of friend.
"A week," Zayn said insistently. "And why not? I bet he looks great in swimming trunks. I bet—"
"Sorry, you're breaking up," Liam said, and clicked his phone off before things could get worse. He stuck his mobile in his pocket and picked Sammy up before he could crash himself and all his trains into the wall. "We don't like Zayn anymore, got it?"
"Yes, we do," said Sammy, frowning. "That isn't nice."
Liam laughed. "I'm sorry, you're right. Of course we still like Zayn."
"Of course we do," Sammy repeated sternly. "You shouldn't be mean."
Since it was Liam who always said that, he couldn't exactly argue. "Right," he said instead. "Are you excited for the last night of the tour? Tomorrow we're going home and you can sleep in your own bed again. That'll be nice, won't it?"
"No, I like playing with Harry at the hotels," said Sammy. "He turned all the 'Do Not Disturb' signs the wrong way on the doors so I went and turned them all back again."
"You don't need to tidy up after Harry," said Liam, vaguely horrified that this was apparently a game they played.
"Someone has to," said Sammy, with a determined look on his face.
"Okay, definitely time to get you away from Harry," said Liam. "And maybe in to therapy, I didn't mean for you to end up like this."
"Like what?" Sammy asked, tilting his head, but then Harry and Louis came in and he wiggled to get down again.
Harry crouched down to get a full update on what Sammy and his trains had been up to all day. Liam's mobile rang again. "Yeah?" he said, expecting it to be Zayn again with more unhelpful questions about holidays.
"Hi," said Brooke. "Do you have a minute?"
She didn't normally call unless they had a scheduled date for her to talk to Sammy. "Yeah," he said again. "Of course." He chewed on his lip even though he was going to get yelled at by the makeup lady later.
"Okay, well, it's not a big deal, but I wanted to call you so it wasn't a surprise," said Brooke. Liam's face must have looked awfully worried because Louis walked over and tilted his head like a question. Brooke Liam mouthed and Louis nodded. "There's someone I've gone on a couple of dates with, and the last time someone took a few pictures and… I'm not very famous and neither is he, but it'd be awful if you found out from google alerts or something, so I wanted to call."
For a minute Liam couldn't say anything. He wasn't angry and he wasn't even honestly surprised, it was just… The last little threads of belief that she was eventually going to come back had unraveled and were blowing away. Louis very quietly slipped his hand into Liam's and squeezed once. Liam smiled at him gratefully.
"Okay," said Liam. "Thanks for letting me know."
"I know this is awkward, and I'm sorry," she started.
"No," said Liam. "I'm glad you're… I mean. Is he nice?"
She laughed. "Yeah, but it's only been a couple of dates, Liam, really. And I think you've spoiled me for nice guys, so."
"I hope I haven't." He smiled at the phone even though she couldn't see him, and Louis bumped his shoulder with his own. "You deserve a nice guy."
She sighed. "I don’t know if that's true. Is Sammy there? Would it be really disruptive if I just said hi, or—"
"He always wants to talk to you," said Liam, and he managed not to sound chiding when he said it, even. "Sammy, mummy's on the phone."
Sammy immediately lost interest in Harry, who looked slightly offended, and came running over to grab Liam's mobile. "Mummy! I've got a new train, and I crashed him into the wall and he had to go to the train hospital!" Sammy sat down on the floor with the phone in one hand and his train in the other.
Louis bumped Liam again. "You okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine," said Liam, and then smiled when he realized it was almost entirely true. "She's dating, and I don't want to kill myself. That's nice, isn't it?" Honestly, he almost felt like a weight had come off his chest. Brooke was definitely not coming back. Liam could stop expecting it and worrying about it. He hadn't realized he was until it stopped, like a switch had been turned off. It was distinctly easier to breathe now.
"Hmm," said Louis, which wasn't entirely approval or disapproval. He was giving Liam a funny look, and it would have been an excellent moment for Liam to lean in and kiss him, only he wasn't going to. In fact, Liam pulled his hand free of Louis's and moved a step away, just in case. It was entirely too tempting to forget that he had reasons not to do that sort of thing.
"I love you, too," said Sammy to the mobile a little sadly. Harry, Louis, and Liam all leaned in at the same time to pick him up. Louis got there first, because he was a little sneakier.
"D'you want to go back to the hotel to the pool?" Louis asked quickly. "We can go swimming."
"Okay," said Sammy glumly.
Louis tossed Liam his mobile. "Have a good show, both of you. I'll see you later. Hey, Sammy, did you know there are sharks in the pool?"
"No, there aren't," said Sammy uncertainly.
"We'll have to get snorkels and look for them, just to be sure," said Louis, carrying him out of the room.
"I literally can't imagine what I did before he was around," said Liam, sighing a little.
Harry gave him a long, appraising look. "Yeah," he said. "I kind of noticed. Is that…. If you're dating my best friend you have to tell me, you know that, right? It's required."
"What? No. No, we aren't doing that at all," said Liam. He was weirdly flustered that Harry had noticed, but of course Harry knew. Louis had asked him about Liam and gay bars and everything. Harry was horribly good at figuring out people's secrets, anyway.
"Really?" Harry said. "Because he was just holding your hand, and you were going to kiss him except we were all here." The security guys sitting in the corner were suddenly fascinated by their phones, pretending not to listen.
Liam shook his head. "No," he said. "I wasn't going to do that because he works for me."
"But… You wanted to?"
"Shut up," said Liam.
Harry's eyes went wide and delighted. "Oh my god, you already have."
"No, no, I… Well, yes. But we're not going to do it again. He works for me. Ugh, I hate you, why am I friends with you?"
Harry said, "Ha!"
He looked entirely too smug; Liam couldn't stand it. "I'm going on holiday with Zayn," Liam said. "Because he's Sammy's godfather, and they miss each other."
Harry pointed at him. "Don't try and change the subject, and no, he's not, I am. That's my dog he's carrying round everywhere. But you and Louis—"
"We aren't anything," Liam repeated.
Harry snickered. "It looks to me like he lives with you and your kid, and you make lunch and clean up after him, and he holds your hand when you're upset. So you're doing everything except having sex. It's just like you actually aremarried."
He wouldn't stop laughing. Liam threw a pillow from the couch at him.
"You always get married so fast," Harry giggled.
"Haven't you got a stupid hipster band to go and warm up with?" Liam asked, embarrassed and not nearly as annoyed as he should have been.
"Last show, you're coming out to sing with us, aren't you?" Harry asked.
"No," said Liam. "Because you're being an arse and I hate you."
Harry gave him a pouting, big-eyed sad stare.
"That doesn't work on me," Liam sighed. "Oh god. Fine. Fine! Just shut up about everything, okay? Because I'm really, really trying not to screw this up. Sammy needs him."
That made Harry look the tiniest bit serious for a minute. "Oh," he said. "I suppose. But when Sammy ends up with a new dad, I get credit for being the greatest godfather ever, right?"
"I think that'd be Don Corleone," said Liam. Harry threw the pillow back at him.
—
Sammy cried when they got back to their house, partly from exhaustion and partly from disappointment at not having any more adventures, and partly because Harry said goodbye and Sammy had become a kid who cried when people left. It made Liam feel horribly guilty.
"You've got the dog he gave you, though," said Louis, carrying Sammy inside. Harry gave Liam a look and Liam rolled his eyes at him.
By the time Liam got in with all their bags and suitcases Louis had already put Sammy down for a nap. "You're looking forward to doing the washing and organizing all our things, aren't you," said Louis disapprovingly.
"Yeah," said Liam. "Poor you, having all your clothes clean and sorted."
Louis laughed. "You just have such weird hobbies, is all. Going to the gym and sorting the washing. I don't understand you." He sat down on the couch in the living room, sprawling all over everything. "Oh my god, I could sleep for a week."
"Well, you can," said Liam, going through Sammy's suitcase on the floor. "I'm taking Sammy to Spain with Zayn for a couple of days. Hmm. That's a funny rhyme."
"Are you?" Louis asked.
"Yeah." Liam didn't look up so he wouldn't see Louis frowning at him. "You've certainly earned a few days off. And Zayn keeps reminding me that Sammy's starting Reception in September and we need to spend time together now, so… Once the album comes out it'll be even more madness, you know?"
There was a little pause. "Okay," said Louis. "Well. I'm sure I can amuse myself for a couple of days."
"You can still stay here, obviously," said Liam. "All your things are here. Throw a party or something. And then hire someone to come and clean up after it."
Louis laughed. "You don't think I'd clean it up?"
"No," said Liam. "I really don't." He bit the inside of his cheek and tried not to smile about it.
There was another little pause. "This isn't because you want to get away from me, right?" Louis asked. "Because if I made you uncomfortable with that whole… I mean, I'm sorry if —"
"No," said Liam. "Although I can't lie; a few days away might make me feel a little better about saying no. At least, I hope so."
Louis laughed. "Are you going to Spain to meet hot girls in bikinis, Liam?"
"Yes," said Liam dryly. "You've figured me out."
"You should!" said Louis. "Go and meet lots of hot girls in bikinis and have a fantastic time. You deserve a real holiday. But I mean… I'll miss you. Sammy too, obviously."
Liam was really glad he had a suitcase to sort through; it gave him something to do while he was working so hard at not looking at Louis. It wasn't really a viable long-term solution to his What To Do About Louis problem, though. "I keep telling you, I'm not much for flings. And we'll miss you, too. Sammy's going to think there are sharks in every pool thanks to you."
"I do what I can," said Louis happily. "Don't have too much fun without me."
"I don't suppose I will," said Liam.
—
It was surprisingly easy to run away to Spain for a week. Zayn had already booked everything on the understanding that he could talk Liam into it later. The hotel turned out to be a lot more lavish than what Liam would have chosen, but then Zayn had always had a taste for the finer things and being pampered. "You deserve a proper holiday," was all he said.
Liam wasn't very good at relaxing, but Zayn was an expert. They had a private stretch of the beach and chairs to lay out in the sun on, and Zayn got drinks while Liam turned his mobile off and tried not to look at it too much. Liam taught Sammy to swim, or at least not to be too scared of the waves, while Zayn laughed and refused to go into the surf. Liam got a sunburn on his nose but was careful that Sammy didn't.
Of course it wasn't actually possible to get away from life entirely. There were photographers, although they mostly kept a polite distance, and Liam found himself dragged into some awkward conversations with industry people around the hotel. There were always people at the hotel, no matter where he went, either trying to sell him something or to get him to buy something. Liam found himself wishing Louis were there; Louis was so much better at steering conversations back around to what he actually wanted to talk about, or excusing himself.
Sammy was getting a little bored at being trapped in the lobby where a couple of guys who worked for some part of Liam's label were trying to chat to him about something he'd stopped listening to. He nodded and said, "Right, yeah, of course," and tried to look like a busy dad who probably needed to go soon. But he vaguely knew one of them, Terry something, and he couldn't quite bring himself to just be rude to someone who knew all the people he knew.
"Dad," Sammy whined, tugging at Liam's shorts. "I want to go to the water."
"I know," said Liam. "Sorry." He really was going to have to excuse himself and just walk away in the middle of someone's sentence, he decided, only that was when his brain started actually listening to Terry Whoever and his friend.
"—So we're stuck, right? We were supposed to start filming this week, but the guy's got a drug problem, and I swear to god we've been through everyone who's ever auditioned for anything in the past six months. There's no one halfway decent. Either they're great with kids and lousy on camera or they're great on camera and can't stand kids." Terry leaned down and smiled awkwardly at Sammy, who recoiled and hid behind Liam's legs instead. "This little guy would be great for it, wouldn't he, Colin? Just adorable. If you ever wanted to get him into television."
"I don't think so," said Liam. "Sorry, you're looking for a presenter for a kids' programme?"
"Someone to cheer the kids up so they don't cry on camera, smile and keep things going. A Dermot O’Leary for toddlers," said Terry. "And finding him has been a nightmare."
Liam felt a little jolt. "I know someone who'd be absolutely perfect," he said, and then wished he hadn't but… Well. He did know someone perfect for that.
Terry and his friend, Colin, both looked at him curiously.
Liam got a funny kind of sinking dread in his stomach, because he was absolutely one-hundred-percent right about this, but it was horrible to be so right. "I've got a… A friend, he's great with kids, great with cameras, exactly what you're looking for. He'd be brilliant."
"Great, give us his number," said Terry.
Liam really, really didn't want to. He was a terrible person. "I haven't got it on me," he lied. Why had he said anything if he was just going to turn around and change his mind? Now he was going to feel guilty either way. "Give me yours and I'll have him call you, he's got clips…" Hadn't Harry said something about Louis doing things on camera or on youtube somewhere? "I'll find them and send them to you." Unless I don't, Liam added silently to himself.
"That'd be fantastic, Liam. You're a good lad," said Colin, clapping him on the back. Liam tried to smile but it felt a bit awkward.
Sammy slapped Liam's legs. "Can we go?" he asked crossly.
"We don't hit," said Liam, but he was glad of an excuse to leave. "Sorry, he's impatient. It was nice talking to you."
"Have your friend call us!" said Terry. "We're absolutely desperate."
Liam waved and let Sammy drag him outside to the beach, where Zayn was already lying on a chair with his ridiculous sunglasses on and a fancy looking alcoholic drink in one hand.
"Let's go in the water!" Sammy shouted. Liam caught his hand before he could run off.
"Not without suncream on," Liam said, and then had to hold Sammy still with one hand while trying to smear suncream on him with the other.
Zayn pushed his sunglasses up into his hair. "You okay? You look a bit cross."
"I'm fine, I'm…" Liam took a deep breath. "I'm not fine, I think I've just said something really stupid and screwed things up."
"What things?" Zayn asked. "Holiday things?"
Liam shook his head. Sammy tried to push him off and run into the water, and he was slippery and ended up falling in to the sand, which stuck to him all over. "Fine!" said Liam. "Go! Rinse yourself off." Sammy cheered and ran over to the waves, then immediately stopped before he actually got wet. His favorite game since they'd got there was to stand as close as he could to where the waves were rolling in and then race away from them up the beach, and then back out toward them when they receded. At least he wasn't likely to drown that way, since he refused to go in the water without Liam.
"Liam?"
"I just… I think I've just accidentally found a really good job for Louis," said Liam.
Zayn frowned. "He's got a really good job."
"No, I mean a job he'd actually love. I know, he likes playing with Sammy, but his whole CV is radio shows and a couple of adverts, and he was at a drama school for a while… Sammy! Leave that alone, it's dirty, oh for god's sake." Sammy had found a discarded trainer someone had left buried in the sand and was checking it for crabs.
"He's fine," said Zayn. "Okay, now explain why that's screwing things up. That sounds fantastic."
"But… I don't actually want him to get a better job," said Liam. He felt awful saying it, guilty and miserable, but it was the truth. He squinted against the sun for a minute. "I don't want him to be unhappy, but I want him to stay with us."
"So don't tell him," Zayn shrugged.
"But I've got to tell him," Liam argued. "That would be horrible and selfish."
"You've earned some selfishness," Zayn said, not sounding especially bothered.
Liam glared. "I'll throw sand on you."
Zayn put a protective hand over his hair. "Okay, so tell him. Then he'll quit and the two of you can have all the sex you haven't been having this whole time."
"Well, that's selfish too, then!"
Zayn groaned. "I give up, Liam. What do you want?"
"I mean… I don’t need him for sex, I need him for Sammy," said Liam. Sammy had settled down to build a pile of sand into… a larger pile of sand, as near as Liam could tell.
"You need him for sex, don't kid yourself," said Zayn. "And to be honest, I don't buy that you need him just for Sammy. You've been here three days, yeah? And you miss him?"
"It's easier when there's someone else around to look after things."
Zayn shook his head. "No, I mean… Would the holiday be easier with him here, or more fun with him here? Do you miss having him around to take Sammy to the pool so you can have a lie-in, or do you miss having him around so the two of you can sit on the beach throwing sand at each other and making fun of how ridiculous the tourists look? Would you be more relaxed right now if he were here to rub suncream on your shoulders? Would you like me to take Sammy for the afternoon so the two of you could go up to the suite and—"
"Shut up," said Liam, which was kind of a giveaway. Zayn grinned.
"I thought so," Zayn said. He looked awfully smug. "Tell him about the job."
"But… But what if he gets it and he leaves?" Liam asked. He hadn't meant to sound quite so worried and small about it. "How am I going to find someone else? It was impossible to find him."
Zayn patted Liam's shoulder. "You're going to tell him anyway. You're not very good at being selfish, honestly."
"Daddy!" Sammy shouted, waving. "Come and help me build a sand castle!"
"You're going to call him," said Zayn.
Liam shook his head and then shrugged, because yeah. He probably was going to call. And then Louis was going to go away and there would be another missing person in Liam's life, and in Sammy's and… "Eventually," said Liam. "I can think about it for a little while first, can't I?"
Zayn shrugged. "Go and help Sammy build a sand castle," he said. "I'm going to sit in the shade and drink."
"Sometimes I think you have the very best plans," said Liam, and Zayn grinned.
—
It took Liam two days to actually brace himself to make the phone call, and when he did it was short and painful. Sammy and Zayn had gone shopping for presents to bring home for people, and Liam was alone in the hotel room, feeling a bit sunburnt and a lot nervous.
"Hi!" said Louis cheerfully. "I haven't trashed your house."
"Hi," Liam said, fidgeting a little. "Good. That's… Listen, you need to call someone, his name is Terry, he's going to tell you to call someone who works at Sky."
"Are you doing an interview or something over there?" Louis asked. "Hang on, I'll write this down."
Liam closed his eyes for a second. "No," he said. "Not for me, for you. They need someone to work on a children's programme and… I got Harry to send them a couple of videos of you, and they love you and they want to meet with you as soon as you can."
There was a really long silence.
"And – And you have to go and talk to them, okay?" Liam said. He was rambling a bit, speaking too quickly. "It's perfect, it's absolutely perfect, and you'd be so good at it, so you have to go and –"
"I've got a job," said Louis.
"Well… Well, then, I'll fire you," said Liam, and then winced. "Not really, because things don't always work out even when they're perfect. But you keep saying you've failed at all this stuff like you've just given up, and I really think you need to try, even if it ends up being rubbish. Okay? I just… You're so amazing, Louis, honestly, and this will be really amazing, too."
Louis wasn't saying anything and it was incredibly unnerving.
"Just call them and talk to them, and go in and see them, okay? Maybe you'll hate it, I don't know, but I think you—"
"Okay," said Louis.
Liam blew out a long, relieved breath. "Really?"
"You sound like you're having a heart attack, so… Yeah. Okay. I'll go and talk to them."
"Fantastic," said Liam. It wasn't fantastic, though, because they were going to love Louis and steal him away, and Liam was going to be absolutely crushed. It was amazing how he could feel successful and miserable at the same time. "That's great. I need to go, Sammy and Zayn are probably spending a million pounds on sombreros, but… Call them. It's perfect."
Louis laughed a little. "Tell Sammy I said hi," he said, and then he hung up.
Okay. Well, Liam had done the right thing, even though he felt a bit ill over it. He was going to need to call people and get the nanny agency to start sending him things again, because the odds of Harry having another perfect friend were slim. Louis hadn't sounded at all certain, but Liam knew, he absolutely knew, that it was going to end up going perfectly and Louis would get hired away to do something he was going to love.
Liam was determined to be happy about it, on Louis's behalf. It was just… It was a bit awful to think about, so maybe it was better if he didn't. He sat down on the couch for a minute and took a couple of deep breaths until he had absolutely convinced himself he'd done the only possible thing, and then he went downstairs to find Zayn and Sammy.
—
Liam didn’t spend the rest of his holiday moping, but only because he had become the sort of person who could grit his teeth and force himself to have fun. Louis didn't call back. Liam didn't call him either again, in fairness. He thought about calling Harry, just to check and see if he'd heard anything, but Harry would have just laughed at him so he didn't do that, either.
He managed not to completely flip out until they were properly on their way home in a car from the airport. "But what if he's already moved all his things out?" Liam said. "What if he's already left? I'm going to be insanely busy this week, I can't actually manage my schedule and Sammy."
"What if they didn't hire him?" Zayn replied. "You're exhausting, I just got back from a holiday. I shouldn't be tired again already."
"You're always tired," said Liam. Zayn shrugged.
They dropped Zayn off at his flat and he hugged Sammy and reminded him that his new favorite toy was the cuddly dolphin Zayn had bought him. "If Harry asks, you tell him I'm your godfather," said Zayn. Sammy looked vaguely confused but he nodded.
And then they were on their way back to their house, and Liam couldn't stop worrying. He was twitchy enough that Sammy said, "Daddy, stop it, I'm trying to nap."
"Sorry," said Liam, but he couldn't really help it. Every time he sat still or looked out the window at the London traffic he started to fret all over again.
The car pulled up and Liam was still thanking the driver and trying to get their suitcases out of the back when Sammy yelled, "Louis!" and went running up the drive. Liam's heart did a funny little lurch at that, but he didn't look up, because the suitcases were heavy and also if Louis was there to say he was leaving, Liam didn't really want to hear it. Sammy was chattering excitedly about sharks and squids and dolphins, none of which he'd seen except as toys.
"Did you bring me a souvenir?" Louis asked, when Sammy paused for breath.
"Daddy!" Sammy shouted. "Daddy, what have we got for Louis?"
Liam had to look up at that, and probably everything he had for Louis was written all over his face, although he tried to cover it with a shrug and a smile. "A sombrero and cuddly squid, I think," he said. "We'll have to unpack and check."
"And we got Niall a beer mug with his name painted on," said Sammy. "And we got Lisa a scarf. And I got stung by a jellyfish!"
Louis looked concerned, so Liam said, "No, he didn't. He stubbed his toe on a rock and Zayn decided it was a jellyfish and wouldn't let anyone swim for the rest of the day."
"It was a huge purple jellyfish," said Sammy certainly.
"It was a rock," Liam sighed, but no one was listening; Sammy was explaining how he'd nearly died because of the jellyfish. Zayn was a terrible influence.
Louis helped Sammy bring in his suitcase, even though Sammy was absolutely insistent he could do it himself. Liam brought all the actual bags along after them. He felt like someone had stretched all his nerves out on a rack and was tightening them slowly; the longer Louis didn't say anything, the more Liam couldn't say anything at all.
"Why don't you go and unpack?" Louis said to Sammy. "You like sorting all your clothes out."
"I do," said Sammy, and that was definitely Liam's influence. He dragged his bag into his room.
"He'll probably fall asleep on the floor," Liam said. "It's been a really long day and he was just napping in the car. He woke up because he was excited to see you."
That was a bit of an awkward confession. Louis wasn't smiling. Louis always smiled; it was horribly unnerving.
"I need some water," said Liam, going into the kitchen.
Louis followed him. "Was it a good holiday?"
"It was nice, lots of sun, lots of places for Sammy to run around. I've started teaching him to swim. Zayn nearly had a heart attack." Liam poured himself a glass of water because it was something to do and it meant he could avoid looking at Louis, who was definitely, definitely there to say that he had a new job and was leaving. Liam could feel it.
"Good," said Louis. "So. Hey. Can I ask you something?"
Liam closed his eyes, just for a second, before he pasted on a smile and nodded. He turned around and leaned against the work surface and tried to look really interested and cheerful.
Louis, according to his face, was not particularly fooled. But then, he looked a bit nervous as well. If he was quitting there was no need to look so worried; Liam knew he was leaving. Liam said, "It's okay, it's fine—"
"No," said Louis, "it's not. Let me… Okay, here's what I think happened, and you tell me if this is right, okay? So first, I kissed you."
Liam was unaccountably embarrassed and looked at the drops of water collecting on the outside of his glass rather than Louis. "Mmm," he said noncommittally.
"And I thought you enjoyed it," Louis said, as if he were plowing through a particularly painful speech, "but you said we shouldn't do that again. So then you went away to get some space for a while and not be around me at all—"
"Hang on," Liam said.
Louis held up a hand to stop him. "And then," Louis said, grimly determined, "you fired me and found me another job. True?"
"No!" Liam protested. "I mean… Well, yes, all of those things happened, but you make it sound sinister."
"So what I've been thinking," said Louis, "is that you are just too nice a guy to let anyone down easily. You went and found me another job so you wouldn't have to feel terrible about letting me go, and not wanting to date me. Am I close?"
Liam was so honestly shocked that he didn't say anything for a minute, and that seemed to confirm Louis's ideas. "Okay," said Louis with a sigh. "I thought so."
"No, wait," said Liam. "You're all wrong! I swear that's not at all what happened. I liked kissing you! I just can't do it while you work for me. And I didn't really mean to fire you; I just wanted you to go to the interview. I've been so upset thinking about you not being here, I almost didn't tell you about the other job, but then I had to, because it was perfect for you. And you're so wonderful and talented but sometimes it seems like you don't know that, and I want everyoneto know that! I'm sure they loved you, they must have. I just wish I could also keep you here with us—"
Louis had been at least a few steps away, but then suddenly he wasn't. He was pressed right up against Liam, and he had both his hands on Liam's face, cupping his jaw, tilting his head down and kissing him. Liam made a little startled noise because Louis had knocked him into the counter, and the water he'd been holding spilled, but really Liam didn't care about the water at all. He grabbed the back of Louis's shirt and tangled his fingers in it, pulling him closer, kissing him with the sort of last-ditch desperation that made his whole body feel like it was on fire. Anywhere he wasn't pressed against Louis he felt bereft, anything that didn't feel like him was wrong.
"Okay," said Louis, pulling back a tiny bit. Liam couldn't stop himself from following Louis's mouth with his own, leaning into him and kissing him again. Louis smiled and laughed against his mouth and Liam was going to keep that moment inside his heart forever as the best and most perfect moment he'd ever had. "Hey," said Louis, pulling back again. "That's okay, then. So we can do this, now?"
"Can we?" Liam asked. He felt breathless and giddy and desperate.
"Well, I've got a new job," said Louis, grinning. "Although it doesn't start for a few days."
"Oh my god, I knew it!" Liam said. "I knew they'd love you!" He pulled Louis into a proper hug for a minute, and felt Louis relax a little, squeezing him back. "And there, see, that's something you haven't failed at, so I don't want to hear that ever again."
"That's one thing," said Louis. "But I think the fact that you gave them my name and then Harry called them didn't hurt."
"Two things," said Liam, smiling at him a little shyly. "I can think of two things you haven't failed at."
Louis laughed. "I don't understand you, or how you can be the way you are."
Liam pulled back a little, frowning at him. "What does that mean?"
"You're just really unusual," said Louis. "In a good way, I mean, but sometimes it's like… I don't entirely believe you're real." He laughed again. "Harry used to say that, and I didn't get what he meant, but now I do, I think."
"Well, I'm really happy for you," said Liam. His throat hurt a little bit, thinking about Louis not being around all day, every day. "That's great, it's—"
"Why do you look like you're trying not to cry?" Louis asked. He put his arms around Liam's neck and leaned in, kissing his jaw and then the side of his mouth. "You're meant to look pleased that I'm kissing you now. It's not immoral anymore."
"I am, but…" Liam closed his eyes for a minute and just enjoyed having Louis pressed up against him. It was going to be really difficult to ever move his hands off Louis's hips again and let him step away. "But you've got a new job, and I'm just… It's selfish, I guess. I liked having you here."
Louis laughed. Liam liked being kissed while Louis laughed, it was all the best parts of having Louis around in one moment. "Why would I leave?"
"Well… I mean. If you don't work for me, it would be a bit shit to ask you to stay and look after Sammy."
"And what if I still want to?" Louis asked. "I like him. I like you. Anyway, all my things are here."
Liam laughed, trying not to go hysterical with relief. "You don't mind not getting paid for it anymore?"
Louis was standing between Liam's legs and he rocked his hips forward a little bit, kissing his way up toward Liam's ear. "I'm sure you'll think of a way to compensate me for my hard work."
Liam meant to laugh at that, but he couldn't do that and also breathe while Louis had his mouth right there. "You won't be here all day with him any more, though."
"Stop arguing against me with logic, Liam, I hate that," said Louis, biting him on the neck. Liam tilted his head and let him bite. "I suppose you will need someone for a couple of months until Sammy starts school. And every now and then when we go out and do things without him. Proper dates. Oh god, Liam, can I take you on a proper date?"
"What," said Liam, "like, right now?"
"Tonight," said Louis, and kissed him again. Liam was having a really hard time not just grinning like a fool, and he'd worked his hands into Louis's back pockets, despite how tight his jeans were. "Why not?"
"I can't tonight," Liam said. "My nanny's just quit."
Louis bit him again. Liam burst out laughing.
—
Nothing really changed except—
"Daddy!" Sammy shouted. "I'm hungry, and the clock says six and I'm up andyou're not."
Liam tried to drag himself to some kind of awareness, but it was spectacularly difficult. He'd always been a morning person but Sammy seemed to be waking up earlier and earlier. He blinked at Sammy, who was frowning next to the bed.
"Breakfast," Liam mumbled. "Go and get yourself something in the fridge."
"Daddy," said Sammy disapprovingly. "I'm not allowed to make toast by myself."
Liam rolled over, buried his face in his pillow, and counted down from three before he took a deep breath and looked up. "Okay," he said. "Right. Breakfast."
"Louis, get up," said Sammy demandingly. Louis moaned loudly and pulled the duvet over his head. Sammy giggled. "Everyone has to get up, we're going shopping today! I'm getting my bag today. Daaaaaddy."
Oh, right, that explained why Sammy was up so early and so excitedly. "I'm up!" said Liam, sitting up. "You get up, too." He elbowed Louis in the side.
"I don't have to be up for another hour," Louis complained. "You make the breakfasts around here. Sammy and I could still be asleep."
Sammy groaned. "I want everyone to get up," he said, and he looked like he was actually getting upset.
Liam grabbed him and pulled him up on the bed. "I'll make a fry up," he said. "You're in charge of getting Louis out of bed." He gave Sammy a loud kiss on the cheek.
Sammy started trying to pull the duvet off Louis while Louis rolled around and shrieked. Sammy giggled and jumped on him. Liam was just spectacularly grateful that Sammy hadn't noticed anything especially weird when Louis and then Louis's things had migrated into Liam's room. There had been one morning when he'd frowned at everyone and said, "But that's Daddy's room, you're only allowed in here if you've had a bad dream," but he hadn't seemed upset beyond that. Eventually Liam was going to have to tell him something. In the meantime Sammy threw a fit when he had to stay with a babysitter who wasn't Louis, so they were both trying to schedule their days so that didn't have to happen much.
Liam made tea because he wasn't awake enough to turn the hob on without injuring himself somehow. "Tea," Louis moaned, wandering into the kitchen. He had the duvet on like a toga. "Sammy's getting dressed. I'm sure I was never that excited to wake up."
"I don't know if you've heard," Liam said, handing him a cup of tea, "but he's starting school next week. And today we're buying him a bag with Spider-man on it."
"No," said Louis, "I haven't heard that a hundred times a day for the last month." He took a long drink of tea and made a slightly ecstatic face.
"At least he's excited," said Liam a little bleakly. He couldn't quite work up to excited for Sammy to be gone all day.
Louis said, "If you start crying before you actually drop him off at school, I'm going to take pictures and post them to twitter so the entire internet can make fun of you."
"Hey," Liam protested, and Louis kissed him. He tasted of tea, which was better than his normal morning breath. "In fairness to me, I'm going on tour and I'm going to be away for weeks and neither of you can come. He's got school and you've got your big successful job. So I'm allowed to get upset."
"Three weeks," said Louis. "And you're seeing us two weekends, you big baby."
"I don't want to go," Liam mumbled into Louis's shoulder. Louis managed to hug him and drink his tea at the same time, which was quite a feat. Liam snorted a little laugh to himself.
"What?" Louis asked, hooking his fingers in the waistband of Liam's tracksuit bottoms.
"Just," said Liam, smiling a little. "You kept telling me you were bad at things, and you're so good at so many things, really."
"Shut up," said Louis, pinching Liam's hip and trying to stifle a grin. "Unless you want to see some other things I'm good at."
"Is breakfast ready? I want to go shopping!" Sammy shouted from his room.
"The shops aren't open yet!" Liam shouted back. He elbowed Louis to get Louis's hand from creeping any further under the waistband of his jogging bottoms. "God, he gets so excited over everything—"
Louis laughed. "I wonder where he gets that from. Make us some breakfast before he explodes."
"Who's going to make breakfast while I'm gone?" Liam asked. He finished his tea a little too quickly and burned his mouth, and then started collecting food from the fridge. "And who's going to tidy up? And who's going to do the washing up? And who's going to—"
"It'll be fine, and you're going to have fun with Harry and his band, so stop it," said Louis firmly. "I can tidy, I just don't like to. I promise your son won't die when a towering heap of rubbish falls on him, okay?"
"You say that, but I've seen your car," Liam grumbled.
"Daddy!" said Sammy, running out. "I'm going to wear the jacket Zayn got me."
"It's August," said Liam. "Why on earth do you want to wear a leather jacket? Actually, a better question is what on earth was Zayn thinking? Go and put a shirt on under it, anyway." Sammy groaned and ran back into his room.
"He was trying to compete with that signed Man U football shirt that Harry got him," said Louis. "You should let them fight over who gets him a Spider-man bag. You'd end up with one signed by Stan Lee."
Liam sighed a little. "You encourage them to be ridiculous."
"I think it's hilarious," Louis shrugged. "This afternoon I'm taking Sammy to the park. One of his friends is having a football birthday party, and Sammy's going to wear that and be the coolest four year old on earth."
"I don't want him to be cool, I want him to be happy and well-adjusted and normal and—" Liam started, and then had to stop because Louis kissed him again. "I'm going to burn the bacon," Liam scolded him.
Louis wrapped his arms around Liam's waist, and Liam was slightly worried the duvet was going to fall off and Louis would end up getting burned with bacon grease somewhere he wouldn't enjoy. "He's fine," said Louis, "and I'm here if you need to be reminded that everything is okay."
Liam didn't know what to say to that, because Louis was ridiculous and wonderful and anyway Liam really was going to ruin breakfast if he didn't pay attention. "Go and put some clothes on," he said. "You've got a wardrobe fitting this morning for the show, so you can look pretty for all your fans."
"So I'd save everyone time if I showed up naked," Louis pointed out in his most reasonable voice.
"Harry always says that, too, and it never works," said Liam.
"Daddy!" Sammy shouted, running in again. His shirt was on inside-out. "Is breakfast ready, I'm starving. I'm going to die."
"He gets that from you," said Liam, and Louis laughed.
Louis leaned forward so he could whisper right in Liam's ear. "The worst part of him getting up at the crack of dawn is we can't ever manage morning sex."
Liam bit his lip. "Well, when he's at school I imagine we'll have mornings where we're both home and he's not, so…"
"Cheeky," said Louis approvingly.
"Go and get dressed," Liam repeated. "We're going to eat like real people, with everyone at the table, and plates, and serviettes, and proper conversation instead of you just shoveling food into your mouths and running away. We're going to have a proper family breakfast."
"And then my Spider-man bag," said Sammy loudly.
"Before Spider-man we have to put our shirts on the right way, I'm afraid," said Louis. He picked Sammy up and flipped him upside down, carrying him back toward the bedrooms. "That's so weird, I didn't know Spider-man could fly!"
Sammy said, "I'm not flying, you're holding me," with his most disapproving giggle.
So really, Liam thought, everything was exactly the same, only somehow much, much better.
When world famous singers Liam Payne and Zayn Malik both nominated for 5 grammys against each other, a feud breaks out between them online until the award show
Original link:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/4725821
---
@HOT95W: Grammy noms are out! Guess which two artist have been nominated head-to-head in FIVE categories.
@MusicNowNews: The competition between two hot new artists heats up. Who do you think will win?
@LiamPayne: Can’t believe I’ve been nominated for ANY grammys, let alone FIVE of them!
@LiamPayne: There are no words to describe this moment. All I can say is that I hope I beat Zayn Malik.
@Zayn: Sounds like someone’s scared they’ll lose @liampayne
@LiamPayne: An overabundance of tattoos doesn’t make you scary@zayn
Liam Payne and Zayn Malik have been battling it out in the charts ever since their debut albums were released on the same day back in September. Some have speculated that the two started fostering a private feud when their albums were released and constantly competing for number one. However, that feud officially became public when grammy nominees were announced last month. The singers are nominated head to head in 5 categories and have called war on each other to see who will bring home the awards.
@LiamPayne: Happy Birthday, @zayn! Don’t want it to be a shut out so don’t forget to wish for a couple grammys.
@zayn: Letting this guy blow out the candles and he says we’re not allowed to talk about what we wished for
When Liam arrived at the red carpet, most of the media outlets that stopped him asked about his feud with Zayn. Liam avoided the topic and only spoke about enjoying his first time at the grammys and how shocked he was to even be here as a nominee. “Looking around I still can’t fathom that my musical heroes are here too. We’ll see if I win anything. Maybe the people who voted will know my likelihood of passing out before making it to the stage and tried to spare me.”
A camera was directly in front of the seats Liam and Zayn were assigned to. They were seated next to each other in the front row, directly in the middle of everything. Their rivalry got brought up within the first minute of the show by the host.
“I see that Liam Payne and Zayn Malik are sitting next to each other. I don’t know who thought that would be a good idea. Can you guys promise me that you won’t trip the other if they win anything?” They both laughed and Liam gave the host a thumbs up while Zayn mouthed ‘no promises.’
The program started and the first few awards started getting announced. There were a couple of performances and Liam and Zayn were really enjoying the show.
When the first category they were both nominated for was announced, there was a camera on both their faces as Zayn’s name was called. Liam smiled and clapped as Zayn took to the stage to start his speech.
“Sorry, Liam,” Zayn said although he brought his hand up to block his lips from Liam’s view and mouthed ‘not really’ for the audience in attendance and at home. Zayn listed off all the people he could remember that were involved with the music video that had won him “Best Music Video.”
He took his last few seconds before they’d cut him off to say, “Last but not least, I’d like to thank the love of my life. They were the inspiration behind my entire album and this video wouldn’t have been what it was without them.”
Zayn had just returned from interviews and photos that were taken backstage when they announced the winner of Best Record of the Year.
“We’re even now, Malik,” Liam said from the stage holding the statue in his hand. “I just want to thank everyone who gave me a chance and listened to this record. I was scared to let it out into the world at first, but my partner in crime convinced me to shake of my fears and insecurities so I really owe this to him. Everyone’s support with this has been more than I could dream of.” Liam went on to thank a few more people from his label and team for their help with the song and getting others behind it.
Liam and Zayn were having the night of their lives. They were even on wins and on top of the world. When Best Song of the Year was announced, Liam jokingly booed as Zayn walked to the stage. There was a camera in Liam’s face so people would be able to tell that Liam wasn’t doing it with real malice, but with blithe.
Zayn chuckled as he climbed the steps to retrieve his award. “Shut it, Payno,” he laughed. “What would your mother say?” He graciously thanked everyone involved with the song before he started getting a little flustered.
“To be honest, I can’t believe I’m in this room right now, let alone on this stage. Music is such a personal thing and to know that other people connect to the music we’ve created and care about it on the same level that I do is the biggest high I could ever feel.”
Liam stood up and applauded after Zayn’s speech and gave Zayn a hug and a pat on the back when the cameras were off and Zayn had returned to his seat.
Neither one of them won for Album of the Year, it went to a more established musician who they both looked up to and were inspired by growing up. They hadn’t even hoped to win that award anyway. However, the last category they were both nominated for was Best New Artist and Liam just knew that it was going to go to Zayn.
That’s why when Liam’s name was called he didn’t register it at first. Zayn elbowed him in the arm lightly to get his attention. That brought Liam back to the present although he was still in shock as he took to the stage. He was sure this was just a dream or that the sleepless night he’d had because of his nerves were causing him to hallucinate.
“Wow, I don’t actually believe my name’s attached to this. It has been such a good year for new music and new artists. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to even be nominated with. It’s crazy because this time last year my fiance and I were practically living out of our car but I promised him that this would be our year. Thanks for sticking with me, babe! I wouldn’t be here without you.”
After the show, reporters outside were going crazy to talk to Liam and Zayn about their wins and their speeches. “Liam!” One reporter shouted. “We’ve known you were engaged since before your album came out, but no one knew that your fiance was a man. What made you decide to come out tonight?”
“I’ve always been out,” Liam smiled. “No one’s asked about my fiance because I like to keep the focus on my music. The only thing I’ve ever actually hidden about him is his name because we didn’t want public attention on our relationship to distract from the music.”
Zayn came up beside Liam and pulled him into a big hug. The reporter reached out and pulled him into the interview, “How’s it feel to have a couple of Grammy’s to your name now even though you lost a few to Liam?”
“It feels amazing, I’m honestly shocked I won anything. As for Liam, I love this guy so I was completely rooting for him. If I’m going to lose to someone, I want it to be him.”
“Even though he booed your Best Song win?” Liam moved to open his mouth and say something but Zayn laughed and put a hand on his chest, holding him back.
“Before this gets out of hand, let’s make it very clear that Liam was only joking and that I know he was only joking. He knew I was nervous and he was trying to make me laugh. This entire rivalry the media has exploited has been one big joke between us. We’ve both been freaking out about this and about being nominated at all and messing with each other has been our way to deal with it.”
“Just a joke? Even though you called him out onstage tonight?”
“Yes, I went for the cheap laugh. Granted, his mom would be very mad if he'd been booing me for real. She knows it was a joke though, Karen’s a lovely woman. Love her like my own mom. She’ll probably watch this interview actually,” Zayn said as Liam nodded and they both waved to the camera with huge smiles.
“You two must be very close then?” The reporter asked.
“Yeah,” Liam answered. “We’ve been best friends for years. We’ve always thrived with friendly competition. That’s why we released our albums at the same time. We’re really poud of each other. We’re each other’s biggest fans.”
They continued on down the press line until they were both standing in front of a sea of photographers taking pictures of them holding their trophies. Flashes were illuminating their skin and leaving spots in their vision.
Liam leaned over and whispered, “I told you it was going to be our year.”
“That you did,” Zayn said as he put his two grammys in one arm before reaching for Liam’s hand. Liam did the same as the flashes got even brighter and more intense. Zayn leaned over and placed a kiss on Liam’s cheek without care for the first time since they started their professional journey.
“Let’s get out of here,” Liam said as they walked away hand in hand ready to take on the world together for everyone to see.
Liam is the popstar and Zayn is his uni boyfriend who likes to embarrass him when he comes off tour by waiting with all the other fangirls with homemade signs.
Original link:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/1242361
---
Five months, sixteen days, fourteen hours and eleven minutes.
That’s how long Zayn’s been waiting for Liam to come back home. To come back to him and hold him close, maybe lift him in their air and spin around in slow motion. To pull him close and promise to never let go again, whispering sweet words that he had said a million times over calls but saying it again just because he could. To cuddle together on his pullout couch, eating Chinese food and watching Disney movies (because Liam says they’re the greatest movies to exist, and he’s never been wrong before).
To be fair, Liam had left five months, sixteen days, fourteen hours and twelve minutes ago. But Zayn had missed him the moment he had left. That moment where Liam opened the door to Zayn’s apartment, looking back at him with those puppy eyes that he adored before shutting the door behind him. He wanted to reach for him and pull him back into his apartment, refusing to let go until Liam’s management caved and canceled the American part of his tour.
However, Zayn had a heart and didn’t want to disappoint Liam’s fans (or be threatened, because lets be honest, they are both psychotic and adorable). So with a long hug with a few kisses in-between, they both finally said goodbye. Liam had driven off to the airport where he would meet with security and have them escort him onto his private plane that would take him all the way to New York. He’d spend a few days there and then start traveling the U.S.A for five months, performing in the biggest cities.
And it wasn’t like Liam hadn’t asked him to come with him. Out of everyone, he was the one to bring it up the most, to promise Zayn he wouldn’t spend a single dollar and they wouldn’t have to separate. His parents absolutely loved Liam to death, so it wasn’t like they’d ever tell him no. But Zayn had his principles (and stubbornness, Liam would add) and told Liam he wouldn’t go. Liam was constantly spoiling him with unnecessary gifts, minus the art tools he would bring him because those were actually pretty decent. His lover still insisted on having Zayn move into his luxurious mansion in Wolverhampton where he could just pitch in for rent from time to time to feel like he was doing something.
But he said no like the good person he was, so now he had to wait over five months for Liam to finally come back home.
He arrived at the airport Liam would arrive in about an hour before his flight. Parking his car was nearly impossible since a lot of fans were already starting to arrive. Word of where Liam’s plane would land had spread faster than a wild fire, so it would be nearly impossible for him to be the first to see Liam. However, the security workers of both Liam and the airport helped direct the cars around the fans so nobody would get hurt. He had to park on the fourth floor since the parking place was beginning to get packed.
He looked in the passenger seat where a small poster board laid, smiling to himself and grabbing it. He folded it in half carefully, making sure the creases wouldn’t make it hard to read. Once he figured it was good enough, he got out of his car, the voices of fans echoing loudly against the concrete walls. Most of the people around him were teenage girls, some heading to the elevators and stairs, while some were still hanging out by their cars. He followed the rush of people down the stair case, climbing down the four flights in the large crowd.
The entire walk to the actual airport itself took nearly twenty minutes due to the amount of people. He laughed at the people who had no clue on what was going on, wondering if the airport was holding some convention for crazy teen girls.
He did end up finding some space in one of the Starbucks they had. Though he was more of a tea person, so he decided to just wait inside there until Paul would text him that the plane had finally landed (Liam thought it was weird that he and Paul had each other’s numbers, but he just shrugged it off with a smile).
While waiting, he looked out of the clear windows of the Starbucks, watching as fans with Liam Payne merchandise walk by. All of them hoping to just get a glance at his boyfriend. He felt bad every time he and Liam would go out for a date, always nodding encouragingly whenever someone came up for a picture and autograph.
He got the text that Liam’s plane would be landing soon about ten minutes later from Paul, who said to meet him at Terminal One so he could be moved to the front. He smiled and walked out of Starbucks, his poster clutched tightly to in his arms, a bounce in his step. Finally, after five months of pure torture, he would finally be able to see his Liam again. Though stalking him through Twitter and Tumblr were nice, it wasn’t as great as actually being in his arms.
On his way to Paul, he was actually stopped by a few fans himself. All sweet to the core, asking him if he was ready to finally see Liam and what they would do when they were alone (that last one was asked by a girl only twelve and it scared him to think that she actually knew about all that). A few asked for pictures and he smiled for them all, nodding his head and answering politely when they asked a question.
“Are you excited?”
“Of course!”
“Do you guys call each other a lot?”
“Once a day, sometimes twice.”
“Can you tell Liam we love him?”
“He already knows that but I’ll pass along the message.”
There were a lot of camera flashes (from both fans and paparazzi) taking photos that would probably be all over the world in a little less than an hour. Probably with a heart warming article showing how their two year romance was still just as strong. He’d managed to find Paul in the Terminal which was beginning to become a little crowded, who smiled and helped him to where Liam would enter. He had taken a first class flight back home instead of his jet so he would be entering from where everyone else usually would instead of the back entrance.
It was more crowded at the entrance to this flight, packed tightly with security, who had forced any people here just for Liam behind lines. More fans were starting to pile in, some chanting Liam’s name and singing some of the lyrics to his songs.
Most of Liam’s personal security already knew Zayn so it didn’t take a lot of convincing to let him through. He was able to stay with them, a few feet in front of the enormous amount of fans behind the lines that had been set up. They were all holding walkie talkies, communicating with other security members around the entire airport.
“His flight just landed a few minutes ago. They’re just letting the people on the flight know that there’s going to be a crowd when getting off.” He nodded at what Paul said, unfolding his poster and looking down at it with an excited smile. Paul looked down at the poster and let out a loud laugh, clapping him on the shoulder with an amused smile.
“He’s been asking about you nonstop. Making sure you didn’t have trouble with any of the fans.” He shook his head at Liam’s protectiveness with a loving smile, hugging his poster to his chest. He was tapping his feet against the carpeted floor, buzzing with pure energy. He looked behind him to where the fans were, all holding posters and photos of Liam, welcoming him back home.
He gestured towards them and Paul nodded, understanding what he was thinking. He made his way over to them (almost all screamed even louder when ‘Liam Payne’s freaking boyfriend” was walking towards them). He smiled as some took photos and waited alongside them, showing them the poster he had made, earning him a good amount of coos from the crowd. He had complimented them on theirs, about to go into a conversation with a group of girls on why his boyfriend was so perfect, when the screaming intensified.
The flashes of cameras grew brighter and closer, the fans trying to get past the lines and security. He had to jump away a few feet to stay away from the chaos, looking around for his boyfriend, his best friend, his everything. The doors had just opened to his flight, shocked passengers being escorted away from the fans and to their destinations.
But they weren’t Liam.
Impatiently bouncing on his feet and biting his bottom lip, he gripped his poster tightly in his hands as he counted the seconds for Liam to finally get off his damn flight and just kiss him already.
And then he finally came out the doors.
His hair swept up in a small quiff, his face clean and fresh of facial hair. His dark brown eyes were lit up with joy as he waved to the fans around him and smiling towards the cameras, though he was looking for something (specifically someone). His clothes were a little bit wrinkled from shuffling anxiously in his seat, one of his shoes still untied because he always forgets to double knot the laces. He was now nearly spinning in circles, trying to see where his boyfriend would be. He had promised to meet him at the airport.
What if the traffic was too bad?
Or maybe one of his “fans” had told Zayn that he wasn’t right for Liam and that he should leave.
Maybe after five months of not being able to even hold hands, Zayn found someone who would be there for him.
But all these thoughts immediately disappeared when he saw his Zayn standing in front of the crowd of fans, a white poster with Liam in bold, blue letters and a red heart drawn underneath the ‘M’. He could feel his heart pick up speed as Zayn’s beautiful brown eyes met his, a smile forming on his lips with his tongue squeezing between his teeth.
And it was sort of like everything disappeared. Suddenly he wasn’t at the airport anymore with fans screaming his name, paparazzi shoving to get a good photo of him. He wasn’t being surrounded by hundreds of screaming fans, security trying to keep them in place. He wasn’t tired from his long flight or the American part of the tour that had him out almost every day.
It was just him and Zayn after five months, sixteen days, fourteen hours and eleven minutes.
He was already moving before he really thought about it, his mind just focused on his lover less than twenty feet away. Zayn smiled widely, catching on with his idea and already moving forward. And with each step they both took, they went faster and faster, closer and closer. He could hear his heart pounding against his ribcage, threatening to burst at any given moment. His arms were shaking already, itching to just grab onto Zayn and hold him tightly and just never let go, never let him be a minute away ever again.
With their last steps they were practically running now, realizing that this was finally happening, that they were finally going to be able to do the things they’ve been dying to do for over five months. They finally crashed into each others arms, Liam’s making it’s way around Zayn’s waist and pulling him off of the ground. Spinning in a tight circle like in those movies they would make fun of on movie nights, they spun together, each with a tight grip on the other. Zayn had his face buried in the crook of his neck, laughing almost hysterically as he held Liam close to him.
He knew he wouldn’t be able to hold Zayn up for forever, though he wished he could. Slowly coming to a stop, he held Zayn to himself and let him stand on his own. However, Zayn didn’t loosen his grip, his lips near his ear as he spoke over the roar of the fans.
“I missed you so much, don’t ever leave again.” And he just laughed and nodded along to the words Zayn said, adding in “I love you” every chance he could get. Zayn had one hand coming through his hair, the other pushing the back of his head so their foreheads were touching, so they could only see each other’s eyes.
“I can’t believe this is actually happening. It’s been-“
“Five months, I know. I’ve been counting the every minute, love.” Zayn smiled brightly, leaning forward a few inches to have their lips meet after so long. Liam’s were just as soft as he remembered, tasting like the minty gum he had been chewing nervously the whole flight. Zayn sighed happily and finally stepped back. He was eager to welcome Liam back in many other ways, but he felt that that was something for only them to see (and he really didn’t want to scar the fans, he couldn’t be held responsible for that).
Liam smiled lovingly down at him, reaching at his hand and grasping Zayn’s tightly. He pulled him closer until Zayn was placed perfectly under his right arm, his head leaning against his chest slightly. Zayn smiled up at him and placed his free hand on Liam’s heart, his silent way of saying that he loved him back with just as much passion.
He didn’t stay too long at the airport since he wanted to spend time with Zayn, watch a few movies and cuddle together on his pullout couch. He wanted to get him a better one, a better apartment really since Zayn felt that moving into his home would make him feel too spoiled. But Zayn had told him several times that he would never allow him a cuddle again if he ever got rid of something as simple as a chair for his art room.
He looked down at Zayn and noticed he had his poster tucked under his left arm, and he pulled it out to see better. He blushed at the poster but smiled nonetheless, kissing the top of Zayn’s head and earning a giggle from his boyfriend.
“Was the poster really necessary?” Zayn nodded his head, pointing to the heart and saying how one day he’d teach Liam how to draw a proper poster (since according to Zayn, he was a horrible artist and was a disgrace to every artist known to mankind). He couldn’t really hear over the screams of his fans or orders that security yelled left and right, but he just nodded his head whenever Zayn looked up at him with fascinated eyes.
He had originally planned to smother Zayn with love and affection on the car ride home, but the moment he sat down on the suede seats, he was out like a light. Zayn smiled softly and let Liam rest his head on his lap, running his hands through his hair as one of Liam’s many drivers drove them to his home. Paul would get someone to bring Liam some of his luggage since they’d most likely spend a few days together, just the two of them.
And sure, he was looking forward to being with Liam when he was actually awake, but he had a lot of time for that. He’s waited over five months, he’s pretty sure he can wait a few more hours.
