Sometimes you don’t even want to explain what’s wrong anymore. You just wish someone would notice. That they would see the tiredness in your voice, the way you have gone quieter, the small changes you didn’t point out. You wish someone would pause and ask, gently, “Are you okay?” and actually mean it.
It’s exhausting always being the one who has to speak up. Always having to package your pain into words, especially when you are already drained. A part of you just wants to be understood without having to fight to be seen. To be cared for without asking. To feel like someone is paying enough attention to notice that you are not okay.
When that doesn’t happen, it can make you feel invisible. Like you are standing in plain sight, hurting, and somehow no one picks up on it. You start wondering if your pain is too quiet, or if you have gotten too good at hiding it. And then you feel even lonelier for wanting someone to notice.
There’s nothing wrong with wishing for that. It doesn’t make you needy or childish. It just means you want to feel cared for in a gentle, instinctive way. You want someone to hold space for you without you having to ask for it.
If you are feeling this right now, I hope you can be soft with yourself. Your pain deserves to be seen, even if it hasn’t been noticed yet. And the fact that you are longing for that kind of care says how deeply you value connection.
You deserve someone who notices the quiet changes. Someone who sees when you are not okay, even when you don’t say it. Until then, please remember that your hurt is real, even if it’s unseen. You don’t have to prove it for it to matter. 🤍
This challenge is something I made based off the 30k November challenge. I plan on writing one short story per day every day of November, and since I know I'll probably blow past the 30k mark, I changed the name.
The door to the hotel room opened as Link stepped through with one of his friends and co-workers, Anna. Their laughter echoed in the large suite as the both of them dumped their belongings onto one of the tables and sat on the couch. As they both settled in, pulling their phones out and checking their influencer accounts, Link looked up and studied her face for a moment.
“He didn’t like… touch you inappropriately, right?” he asked.
Anna looked up and shook her head, “No, he wasn’t handsy at least.”
That made him feel better. While Anna was a model just like him, she was more of the ‘girl next door’, Plain Jane type. He felt awful for even thinking that, but she was beautiful in that way. Meanwhile, he was considered the very definition of ‘pretty boy’, with his blond hair and baby blue eyes and perfect skin.
He stretched out and sank into the couch, letting the silence settle between them. They always shared a room when they were going to be shooting in the same city. It was a way to keep themselves safe, and also not to get too lonely while away from their respective hometowns. One of his tattooed hands reached up to brush through his golden locks as he checked his messages.
He had thousands of DMs from creepy men wanting to get to know him. They were all purely based on the pictures he posted, and the music he shared. That same disjointed feeling settled into him.
wow ur hot let’s hook up
hey baby
why don’t you come to my flat?
such a pretty face deserves to be-
He didn’t finish reading that particular message. By now, his blocked section in his settings held almost the same number of followers he had, which were approaching a million. Even without his influencer status, people tended to recognize him because he had modeled for several large and popular clothing store brands. His face was in every city.
He only became more popular when he started modeling for makeup brands. He was always used as a testament to how well a foundation could provide coverage, given his heavily tattooed body. Link reached up to fiddle with one of his Dahlia piercings, sighing.
“What’s up, buttercup?” Anna glanced at him over her phone.
“Nothing, just… god, I am so tired of all these jerks in my DMs trying to hit on me,” he frowned.
“Any good ones?” she snickered softly.
He rolled his eyes, “Oh, just the usual. ‘You’re hot’, ‘let’s hook up’, ‘I know what that pretty face can be used for’.”
Anna faked a gag, “How do you handle it?” she asked.
“Block,” he snorted. “Instantly. Then just move on from it, I guess.”
“Yeah, but it’s gotta be eating away at you,” she said this in a thoughtless way, her eyes returning to her own phone. “I don’t even get nearly as many messages as you.”
Link clenched his jaw a bit. While he liked rooming with Anna, she… had a tendency to be catty like that. He suddenly wasn’t in the mood to sit in the shared space with her anymore, “I’m gonna shower and probably head down to the lounge. See what’s up.”
“Cool. Call me if you need help or something. I’ll be up for a few hours yet,” she waved him off.
Link walked to his room and closed the door, leaning against it. He tossed his phone on the dresser and headed to his bathroom, turning on the water in the large walk-in shower. Steam filled the room as he slowly undressed. He looked at himself in the mirror, leaning in close to examine his face.
Still perfect.
S t i l l p r e t t y.
With a scowl, he turned away and walked into the shower, wincing at first for how hot the water was, but then he relaxed. Twenty minutes later, he was out and putting on a new set of clothes. A pair of well-fitted dark blue jeans, a black mesh shirt, and a teal plaid flannel buttoned up halfway. He dug through his little bag of jewelry, pulling out a silver chain to wear around his neck. He also put on some rings; they helped if he had to defend himself from any ‘touchers’.
He walked back to the bathroom and combed out his hair, leaving it to air dry. Once he was finished, he put his boots back on, grabbed the switchblade he always carried, and made sure he had his phone and wallet. He left the hotel suite and headed down to the lounge where there was a bar and people to mingle with if he was so inclined.
It was busy, of course. It was Friday night at an expensive resort hotel after all. He waded through throngs of bodies pressing close to each other, the sound of music thumping against his sensitive eardrums. He located the bar and moved to an emptier side of it, sitting on the stool and leaning forward with his arms on the bar top.
It didn’t take long before the bartender came around, asking him what he’d like to drink. “Whiskey and ginger ale,” he said. He was feeling a little more down than usual tonight.
As the bartender moved away to make his drink, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Pulling it out, he saw notifications for several new DMs. His full lips pursed together before he scoffed quietly and shoved the device back into his pocket. He wasn’t in the mood.
Once his drink was in front of him, he wrapped his slender hands around the glass, looking at the amber liquid inside. He took a slow drink, feeling the burn and fizz from the carbonation slide down his throat. His eyes were downcast as he tried not to focus on that disjointed feeling again.
Feeling like the whole world only saw him as eye candy. Someone spoiled with good looks and money to do whatever he wanted with. Someone who had no personality aside from pretty.
When all of it was far from the truth. So far he sometimes wondered what it would be like to reveal everything to the public. How he had been left on his father’s doorstep as a newborn and never knew his mother.
How his father had trained him in the art of combat using knives of different shapes and sizes. Crafting him into the perfect little killer he wanted him to be.
And how, after all that training, his father had abandoned him as well at fourteen. Leaving Lincoln Hayes to struggle to survive and to channel that training in order to get what he wanted and take care of himself.
He scoffed again, shaking his head, and took a larger drink this time.
“Oof, bad night, love?”
The familiar voice made him sit up straight and turn around with wide eyes. Behind him was a tall man with broad shoulders and dark hair that curled down around his neck. He had a hint of stubble on his face and kind brown eyes. “Ray,” he blinked. “What are you doing here?”
The man chuckled and walked forward to take a seat next to him, intentionally brushing his shoulder against the blond’s. “In town on business,” he said simply. “I know you like this chain of hotels, so I thought I’d stop by, see if you were here.”
“Oh…” Link turned back to looking down at the glass in his hands.
Ray was an affluent businessman who owned a chain of niche boutiques meant for the wealthy. They’d met when Ray hired Link for a modeling gig and became close during and after the shoot. They weren’t exactly a couple, but they weren’t… not a couple, either. It confused Link, but he didn’t want to trouble the older man with labels and questions.
He didn’t want to be that person.
Ray’s arm wrapped around Link, his hand rubbing the spot between his shoulder blades where he knew Link carried a lot of his stress. “Talk to me, love,” he said in that gentle but rumbling tone of his. “What’s going on?”
“I just… I don’t know. I’m wondering if modeling is even worth it anymore,” he admitted quietly.
“Why do you feel that way?” his friend—lover?—asked.
Link took another drink of his whiskey, thinking about it. “I feel like anyone who meets me just sees the ‘model’ and not ‘me’,” he stated, “and it… I don’t know. I sound like a child, but it hurts my feelings, you know? I’m not just a model…”
“You’re so much more than that,” Ray finished for him. He pulled the younger man against his side in a half-embrace, brushing his fingers through those soft golden tresses. “It’s not my place to say whether or not you should continue your work, but if you’re not finding joy in it anymore… then maybe it’s time for you to take a step back and re-evaluate what you want from yourself and out of life.”
He took in Ray’s words, his head resting against his shoulder, grateful for the comfort and attention he was giving him. If there was anyone in the world that he missed most when he was traveling to modeling jobs, it was Ray. The older man was always there for him when he was around, and not just in a physical way.
“… Thanks,” he murmured, “you always just show up and know what to say.”
“It helps when you always post about what city you’ll be working in,” Ray chuckled again, and the sound made Link close his eyes and wish he could wrap himself up in it.
“Stalker,” he mumbled.
Ray continued stroking his hair, a soft look on his face with a hint of amusement. “Only for you, love,” he murmured, turning to kiss the top of his head sweetly. “Would you like to come up to my room? Spend tonight with me.”
Link pulled away and looked at him, studying his face for a few seconds. “Are you just going to leave again in the morning like last time?” he knew he sounded like a spoiled brat, but he couldn’t help the way he wanted Ray to stay. Even if it was only temporary.
Ray moved his hand to pinch his cheek playfully, “Are you missing me that much?”
“Sugar, I miss you the moment you start walking away,” Link pouted, turning his face away.
“Hm,” Ray hummed, dropping his hand. He tilted his head, looking over Link’s sour expression. “Why don’t you leave with me? Accompany me on some business trips. Take a little break from all this. While you’re away, you can think more about what you want to do.”
Link looked at him in shock, his blue eyes widening. “Y-you mean that? Y-you want me… with you?” his tone was almost whisper-soft.
Ray smiled at him, nodded. “Guess I’ve been missing you just as much, love,” he reached for Link’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
Link had to bite the inside of his lip to keep it from trembling. He looked away as his eyes became watery and gave a little nod, “… Yeah. I would love to join you.”
“Then it’s settled. We’ll collect your things from your room in the morning,” Ray got off the stool and gently pulled Link to his feet. “Come on, let’s get comfortable and watch a movie or something. Just relax tonight, okay?”
Link stepped closer, hugging Ray around the waist and nuzzling his face into his shoulder. The man always knew just what he needed. “Okay.”
Welcome to my channel! I hope you all enjoyed this intuitive Pick-A-Card reading! Make sure you come back and comment down below on how your month is going! ...
✨New Pick a Card✨ This one is for those who feel unseen by the people you care most about or your community at large. I see you, I love you 💕
“We don’t actually fear death; we fear that no one will notice our absence”
-bones
This is how I feel about moving all the time. I was here for almost 2 years. In a few months will people even think of me? Or will I fade out of their lives, a random passing memory, then eventually never thought of again?
Me: Mitski tends to mess me up and ‘Your Best American Girl’ just sounds like something that will destroy me... but I think I am in the head space to listen to it
*Proceeds to sob on my dorm room floor* Ah..a.. . well played...
