So I've been working on a little something - a post-s5 Steve-centric series, where I write about Steve through the eyes of everyone else (full of my personal headcanons and stuff). Basically my appreciation of Steve mixed with character studies. The first chapter is already over 15k words but IT'S SO HARD TO FINISH WHEN IT'S JUST ME AND MY HEAD so I'm posting an excerpt from the story to see what the public thinks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Title: Love What's Left of You
Series: Are We Out of the Woods yet?
Wordcount: 15,700 and counting
Relationships: Dustin Henderson & Steve Harrington
Something swirled in him again, something ugly and scarily familiar, and he shuddered, trying his hardest to push it down. But instead of getting rid of it, he pushed it right into the underlying fear, fear that it would all disappear, that the illusion would shatter and he'd come to himself in a world without his friends in it, without his family, without Steve, all gone just like Eddie, just like El, and his chest tightened.
He didn't deserve the comfort. But by God, he needed it. He needed it so desperately that he was ready to claw his way through, because 'you die, I die' still rang in his head, and Steve's eyes were still sad, and he was drowning without him, and they needed each other, so he couldn't let himself get lost again, he couldn't break his promise even more, he couldn't deal with a world without Steve in it-
"Hey, hey, Dustin, breathe. Look at me, bud, you need to breathe. It's okay, you're safe."
His eyes snapped up, wide and scared, and Steve was here, hand gripping his shoulder, warm and reassuring, and Dustin leaned into it without even realising what he was doing. He put a hand on his friend's wrist, fingers tightening over his pulse, focusing on it for a moment. It was strong and steady. The kind of steady that allowed the teen to breathe out slowly, almost calmly.
"Can I- I mean-" he stuttered out, voice way shakier and smaller than he'd planned. "I know it's been a long time and I haven't, like, been the nicest, but-"
"Of course you're stuck in a room with me, Henderson, don't you think I'm letting you out of my sight in the nearest future."
The words were charged with something more than just simple 'we could've died so I need to know you're here'. It was like Steve knew. Just as he knew exactly what the teen wanted to say without the need to finish the question. But for once Dustin was glad that he did. Relief washed through him as he nodded, looking down at the glass somehow still in his hand. They stood there for a moment in silence. There was so much to be said, to the point of coming up empty.
Steve's hand squeezed his shoulder.
"C'mon, let's try to get some rest. We've earned this."
"I don't know if I can sleep," he admitted quietly. He really did feel like a little kid again, giving up on the tough act he'd been trying to keep up for the last months. In this second, with bruises on his face pulsing lightly, with his brother right there, so close that the familiar smell seemed to envelop him whole, he felt more fragile than ever. Steve was not that much older, not much better off, not any less scared. But he was still there, firm and steady, still his big brother, the one he could've lost twice in the last 48 hours.
"That's okay. We can just lay down and see where it goes."
Dustin nodded at that and wordlessly followed Steve upstairs, fingers still wrapped around his wrist. They didn't need to say anything more. Neither of them commented when they both paused next to each open door to make sure everyone was okay, or when they turned on a night lamp, or when they climbed into bed and Dustin hesitated for a moment before deciding that fuck it, they'd been through life and death situations, no one had the right to judge them, especially not that nasty voice in the back of his head, and cuddled into his best friend, placing his head right above his heart.
They hadn't cuddled in forever. They used to back when Dustin was smaller, during movie nights or after nightmares. Dustin would always fall asleep on Steve at some point, and more often than not he'd wake up to an arm wrapped around him loosely, sometimes laying right on top of the steadily moving chest. He didn't realise how much he missed this. How much he missed the arm wrapped around his shoulders, fingers combing through his messy hair.
He could've lost it. If Jonathan had been even a millisecond too late-
He stopped the thought, focusing back on the heartbeat against his cheek. Slow and steady.
"This is my new favourite sound," he mumbled before he managed to stop himself. He could almost feel Steve's eyebrows scrunching in confusion, but honestly he was too tired to even be embarrassed about the slipped confession.
He heard the slight break in the pattern of Steve's heartbeat and smiled. He wanted to stay here. It was safe. Calm. Peaceful. He nuzzled more into the familiar chest.
"I'm not going anywhere, bud."
Dustin's eyes closed for a moment, the darkness immediately filling with the red glow, with Steve tumbling down the platform, hanging off the edge. The worst part was that he hadn't even been playing a hero. It had been bad luck. A fucking accident. At the very end of all of this it could've been a stupid accident that would've taken Steve Harrington from him, and he couldn't handle the thought.
"I thought that was it," he mumbled, voice low, trying his hardest to focus on the steady thumping of his best friend's heart. "On the tower."
The arms holding him tightened slightly, cheek resting on his head. Familiar. Safe.
"Yeah, me too. And then in the Abyss-"
He shuddered at the memory of the claw coming down on him, of the cold certainty that he was about to die. He snuggled more into his brother and Steve responded in kind.
"I know," he whispered, but even that came out shaky and almost pathetic.
"We're still here. We're here. I've got you now."
Dustin nodded in acknowledgement, unable to say anything more. But they didn't really need to. They never had.
So much went unspoken between them.
The memory of Steve's shocked face flashed in front of his eyes and something clenched in his chest.
"You know I love you, right?"
There was a slight pause at the words and they hung between them, hesitant and anxious. They'd never said it. Yeah, of course, a joking 'love you too' following one flipping the other off wasn't an unusual occurrence, but they had never actually said it seriously. And even that was cut short after Eddie died. Just as they'd never said out loud that they were best friends. That they were brothers. And after the last eighteen months it felt more than necessary to be voiced.
Because Steve had looked so goddamn shocked on that stairwell, so dumbfounded that the memory still made Dustin feel sick. Sick with the thought that Steve might've simply not known how fucking loved he was. How important he was.
"I know I said stuff," he continued, unable to take the silence any longer. "Bad stuff. And did shitty stuff too. But I didn't mean it. I didn't-" he could feel his eyes begin to water but he didn't bother with stopping it. "I don't think you're stupid, and I don't think you're fake, and I don't- okay, yeah, you can be an asshole, but so can I, you know, and it doesn't really matter because it's us and I love you and I realised I've never actually said it and I need you to know."
"I do. I know," came Steve's soft voice, shaking slightly on the edges. "I know. I love you too."
Something both warmed his chest and squeezed it painfully. Of course he did. And of course he would just let the past go and forget all about the shit thrown his way. He still loved Nancy after she broke his heart. He'd never admitted how much that hurt but Dustin was smart. He knew. Steve still loved his parents, even though they'd basically abandoned him, if their constant absence and Steve's off-hand comments were anything to go by. He loved the Party despite them dragging him into more and more trouble. And apparently he still loved Dustin, even though he'd been too lost in his own shit to care for anything or anyone. Too messed up in his fear to see that it had been only making things worse.
Anyone Steve Harrington loved was the luckiest person in the world.
And the most terrified too. Because there was nothing Steve wouldn't do to protect those he loved.
"I can't lose you," he whispered, pressing himself even closer to his best friend. The hand in his hair stopped the lazy strokes, instead cradling his head in that brotherly, protective way, and Dustin melted into the affection, into lips pressed to the top of his head, into arms holding him firmly in place, safe from he world.
"You won't. It's not so easy to get rid of me, Henderson."
He couldn't help but chuckle at that. God, he hoped that would be true, even though Steve had proven it countless of times, coming back from the most impossible situations. It couldn't quite register in his head yet that they were safe. There still was that lingering thought that he would realistically lose Steve one day, because nothing lasted forever. There still could be an instance of his best friend not getting up anymore. And it terrified him. But he did it best to push it down, focusing on the steady heartbeat under his cheek instead.
They were far from healed. So so far from even resembling what they used to be. Maybe they never would be those people again. But for tonight it was enough. For tonight, they were alive and they had each other. For tonight, they were alright.
Losing people hurt. No matter how much he'd push them away. So he might as well love them now, while they're still here. Starting with his brother. And this time he would do it right.
