#fields of sunflowers

[personalrxa]

"but i'm a sunflower,

a little funny"

[euesworld]

"Come and sit with me, won't you?? Sit with me and tell me your deepest desires in life.."

Come and walk with me through the garden of my heart where the fields of sunflowers go on forever and the sun is warm with love - eUë

[avery-suzanne-blog]

day 34: the day ended with meandering through fields of sunflowers. meaning it ended wonderfully

[euesworld]

"Oh goddess of love.. make my heart your throne, with a spear of sunshine and running through the fields of flowers that litter my soul."

She was a fierce warrior princess - eUë

[momoksha]

fields of sunflowers ~ mini videooo II🌻🎶🎸✨

[momoksha]

fields of sunflowers🌻 mini videooo~☀️🎶😸

[momoksha]

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

That's me singing / writing 'Fields Of Sunflowers' when I was 15.. during school summer holidays~☀️🏫😸

‘Fields Of Sunflowers (Demo from 2015)’ is now on some more music streaming sites!! hehe~😸🎶

thank you for listening!!🌱

For the art i used~ watercolours and pen🎨🍃

[letters-to-the-grave]

First Day

Dear mum

Today I started my first day of a job that I was weirdly excited for. It’s really easy and I don’t do much, but its graveyard and pretty good pay. The first person I worked with was a really nice woman who finished crocheting a hat about 2-3 hours into the shift and it made me think of you.

I had so much anxiety leading up to starting but it was better then I expected. It helped that earlier in the day I had talked to aunt D. My lease is up soon and because my rents going up it it’s been stressing me out so much. But I talked to her about it and she said the rent over there is the cheapest in the state and she’s okay with me living with her for a bit until I can find a place and manage to survive on my own without having to kill myself working two jobs.

I’m sad that it means leaving some of my friends I’m really close with, but I think this will be really good for me. Getting away from my sperm donor, farther then just a different house but to the whole other side of the state, will be so good for me. I’ll be close to Nana and that will be really stressful but it will be worth getting away from him.

I’m going to miss the little ones so fucking much it already hurts and I still have two and a half months until I move. I’ve decided that I’m not going to tell them until after I’ve moved. I’m going to try and see them on her birthday since she’s almost two already?!?! {Where in tf did two years go??} Then once I’m moved and at aunties I’m going to tell them so they can’t make me feel like shit about it or tell me that I can’t do it because they don’t believe that I can do anything.

Aunt F is not doing good, I don’t know if you can feel it or not but she’s going to be seeing you soon. They say she doesn’t have long. They’re not sure she’s going to make it to great grandmas birthday in two months. I got to see her though over New Years. She thought the last time she saw me was when you were still alive. She kept thinking that I was Aunt D’s daughter, so we think that she thought she was you. She’s so happy though for how much pain she’s in. She still brings a smile to everyone’s face as soon as she speaks. The entire time she was asking us not to leave and to stay with her longer. It was so hard to leave knowing that might have been the last time I’d ever see or speak to her. I’m going to miss her so much, I regret not spending enough time with her over the years. I didn’t know how to have relationships with the people in my family cause the one with sperm donor and his ex’s were always so fucking hard, I’m still not sure but I’m getting better.

I’ve been seeing grandma and papa more since they’re only an hour away now which has been so nice. I love having a relationship with them after years of only talking to them for like 2 minutes every couple years. I even spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with them. It was so weird spending the holidays with family that didn’t make me hate myself for just existing, it was so fucking nice.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written to you but hopefully this will give the motivation to do it more to help work out issues and to feel like I’m keeping you updated. I know I don’t do it enough and normally only when I’m really really upset and don’t know where to turn. Now it’s time to get in the habit of telling you whenever I have a lot of emotions about things and not just the really negative/depressed ones.

I love you so much and I hope you’re doing good and flying high in fields of Sunflowers.

P.S. If you see Aunt F before I talk to her again tell her how much I love her and am happy she’s no longer in so much pain.