still not self-diagnosing but it really does mean the world to me that throughout the show shane is never forced to fundamentally change. like obviously they both grow so so much over the course of their relationship, but from the beginning ilya is shown as genuinely delighting in the little idiosyncrasies that make shane shane. He grins when shane folds his clothes and he's excited to offer shane ginger ale and he is so gentle and respectful of shane being inexperienced and awkward and earnest. and instead of all of this being painted as an obstacle to overcome, it just serves to endear shane to him more. like. idk. no matter how much i try i'm never going to be charismatic. i'm never going to know the exact right words to say. I'm always going to be stilted and neurotic and a little bit naive and I think so much of life and the way we see autism depicted in media is about learning to smooth those things over to try to make yourself more palatable. and so much of the conflict in their relationship stems from miscommunication, but it's always mutual miscommunication; they both have to learn to speak each other's language and it's never painted as one-sided or a burden or something for shane alone to fix. shane is never less of a person or embarrassing or inconvenient or anything other than someone ilya loves. and the idea that you can not only be loved despite those things, but because of them, wholly, fully, by someone who is by all accounts cool and suave and all the things you've tried and failed to be -- it just feels so incredibly healing. ilya genuinely falls for shane the way he is. why am i crying
