Secondary Trauma Recovery
I think one of the hardest things about trauma is after you do your recovering and amend your worldview, at some point in the future, people you love are going to be hurt by the world in a similar way. And while you understand and can be empathetic, there’s always that small tiny kernel of guilt that you couldn’t protect them, after all you went through and learned and discovered, you couldn’t stop it from hurting them too.
You can’t hide people from the world, and you accept that about yourself after traumatic experiences. Recovery is hard, mentally, physically, any kind of trauma, but then when you have to accept that you can’t hide people you love from the world, that you can’t protect them or bear the burden for them, that requires its own recovery time. You probably knew it was coming, you knew it from your experiences, but there’s that moment of confirmation, and it sucks.
So, going through this a few times, here is what I can offer anyone experiencing this residual traumatic moment years or decades later: remember, if you had one, the moment someone genuinely understood an actual part of what you were going through. Maybe they got to the feelings a different way, but the vulnerable moment they acknowledged the new fear you felt or didn’t wince at the sight of your pain. Be that person for the one you love. That is a kind of protection. Being a safe place for them to panic is far more valuable than trying to stop their emotion or hide them from the beautiful parts of the world.
Shit happens, and it sucks. I am sorry [sorrowed] at your suffering, and I hope strength and wisdom for you. I hope you remember there is beauty even in a suffering world, and I hope we can all be the kind of people who remind each other of that.
