#finite

[la-casa-di-yari]

……🍷🌙

[sakiroll]

been a while since i drew her,,

[thirdity]

Like a kind of melancholy mirage, the other withdraws into infinity and I wear myself out trying to get there.

Roland Barthes, A Lover's Discourse

[stoicmike]

Truth is finite -- bullshit is infinite. -- Michael Lipsey

[howifeltabouthim]

Enough is enough with Dexter Fleming? No, not yet. She'd not had enough. At one point she would. She could see that. There was no way it would not end, but it was not yet. She had not had enough of him yet.

Susan Minot, from Why I Don't Write and Other Stories

[theonlypterydactyl]

Catra, the realistic abused child

Shadow Weaver gives Catra her view of the world and Catra becomes an outlet for her shame and self-hate. Love is weakness and weakness isn't allowed. Love is finite.

When Adora leaves Catra's sense of safety is shattered. Adora was the person who protected her and gave her value. If Adora is gone what value does Catra have? So, Catra has to prove herself. If she never needed Adora her betrayal can't hurt.

Catra's story is about protecting the little girl who didn't know the cruelness of the world, who was innocent. She does everything to protect her, even if that means pushing everyone away. So, she's cold and cruel to Scorpio who wants to give her the closeness she needs. But, Catra is a walking paradox, she craves connection, but closeness is a precursor to pain.

Adora is begging her to come with her, and Catra doesn't. It would've saved a lot of time and pain, but going with Adora means that she would have to accept the word of two complete strangers. Adora chose the two strangers over her. When Catra sees that She-Ra is Adora this proves to her how meaningless Catra is and how great Adora is.

To Catra familiarity and power mean safety. If she's at the top no one can hurt her. So, she takes on Shadow Weaver's role to feel safe. But, it stops working. She is tortured by Horak and sent to the Crimson Waste to die.

In the Crimson Waste Catra changes. Just a short amount of time away from the place where she's been abused and traumatized she's nicer towards Scorpia and more playful. When she captures Adora and finds out that Shadow Weaver went to Brightmoon, to Adora. Adora is greater than Catra even if she defected. She's still the golden child.

She has tunnel vision. There is only one thing that will match the amount of pain that she is feeling. She pulls the lever, knowing full well that everything will change.

Everything is how is should be. Adora is Force Captain and Catra isn't in charge. Shadow Weaver is kind. But, no matter how much Catra tried to make her stay, Adora was bound to leave anyway. With nothing left to lose she lets herself and the world burn.

Catra comes back to her addictive patterns full force. It's easier to hide from the pain that to confront it. Her treatment of Scorpia is reflected in if love comes to easily it isn't worth something.

In Corridors we see Catra and Adora as children. Adora is friends with Lonnie. Catra thinks that Adora is going to leave her and be with Lonnie all the time, because to her love is finite. Catra loses value to Adora because there is this other person she has to compete with and Catra isn’t deserving of love. She goes and talks with Glimmer and they start talking about Adora. Catra realizes that maybe Adora didn’t leave for power and glory, maybe she loves Glimmer, and maybe, just maybe, she loved Catra as well. Maybe it’s too late, but Catra gains this new clarity and wants to do one good thing in her life. She saves Glimmer and expects to die at the hands of Horde Prime and she’s okay with it. There is nothing left for her. The only person who cared about her was Adora and she left for bigger and better things and better connections.

Adora comes back for her. Catra has two options, accept Adora’s forgiveness or be dumped on a planet and die. But, her forgiveness is what cuts through. Adora is the only person who has seen both her pain and the person beneath it, so if Adora can forgive her maybe Catra is forgivable?

The addictive cycles are far from broken. She’s actively trying to be a better person. But, she falls back on old patterns when she is scared. It is easier to accept hate than it is to accept love that can be taken away. To Catra love is finite.

But, she stands up to Shadow Weaver for her and Adora. But, Adora is manipulated by Shadow Weaver takes the Failsafe and sacrifices herself. Catra is trying to protect Adora from her own self destructive behaviors, but it doesn’t work. Adora still is determined to sacrifice herself for the sake of Etheria.

She's scared and and runs away. She can't watch Adora sacrifice herself. Catra asks Adora what she wants, maybe just maybe she wants her, but that would be too far fetched, right?

At the Heart of Etheria, Catra goes back for Adora. She stays by her side as she is willing to give up her life for everyone on Etheria. Without expecting any reciprocation, Catra tells Adora that she is loved.

Catra’s story is realistic childhood abuse and trauma. It isn’t romanticized with these vulnerable, meek victims. Her story is messy and violent and ugly, as it should be. But, the solution is just as simple as it sounds. Change. Trauma brain relies on patterns and predictability. In Corridors, Catra is looking down two hallways. A light one and a dark one. The light could be symbolized by Horde Prime’s “light”. He enlightens these worlds and makes them better. This “light” is what strips them of their identity. The light is what strips Catra of her identity. The dark corridor could represent the choice of the unknown, the change that the unknown will bring, or the dark where Catra would hide in order to get away from everything, the dark where Adora willingly sat with her. This change is what led her to breaking the cycle of a trauma mindset and allowed her to accept Adora’s forgiveness. Catra’s character arc isn’t one of linear growth, it rises and it falls because she’s human. Unlearning the familiar cycles is hard and you’re going to fall back on them because familiarity is safety, but acknowledging and pushing past those lows is what leads towards a better tomorrow.

(my own interpretations backed up five by five takes)

[thesuccubitch]

I can see it in your eyes. He keeps looking at me. Tell me, what have you done?