Merlin may have been immortal, but he knew he was currently a dead man walking. Leon, or Godric as he had come to call himself, had been behaving like an utter flobberworm, and Merlin may have desired to turn him into a flobberworm a bit too intensely, because one moment, the redhead was talking his ear off, and the next, there was a plop, and Merlin nearly stepped on his friend.
So, he had to leave. He didn’t quite care what the students would say about it, Merlin was a survivor above all and he refused to stay at Hogwarts and face Leon’s wrath when he could simply not.
And that, Ladies and Gentle Wixen, is how the rumors of Salazar and Godric’s hatred for each other began.
After a disheartening start to 2025, I figured there was no better time to unleash some crack.
Based on some extraordinarily lovely friends in the fandom, these characters are part of my Hogwarts Legacy crack-fic, Her and the Hoop. In it, Solomon Sallow is the captain of the basketball team, the Feldcroft Flobberworms. You can read Part 1 here and here. Part 2 was so long that I had to split it into parts. Those will be published soon. ✨
Please note that these are NOT accurate portrayals of any person, MC, or celebrity. This is a crack Au! While I try to capture the essence of Aura, Banshee, and Sloane Sallow (HL MC), this story is filtered through the deranged and unhinged lens of Solomon Ballthazar Sallow. It is also a friendly reminder to be as silly as your goose-heart desires.✨
🏀 Solomon Ballthazar Sallow: God’s greatest gift to women and the sport of basketball. Captain of the Feldcroft Flobberworms. The very sun itself.
✨ Banshee: Star player, tender-hammed calf haver, and teammate of Solomon on the Feldcroft Flobberworms. @2centniffler
🏀 Aura the Wild Woman: Comes from a Land Down Under. Pisces rising. Captain of the opposing team, the Darwin Dugbogs. Her life motto is: “fuck your balls”. @morelikeravenbore
✨Referee Siobhan, aka Sloane Sallow, and @sloanesallow ‘s MC, who I’ve plucked from her canon story and thrust into this crack-au. Referee of the championship game of the century. Wants to go home (for good reason). @sloanesallow
🏀 Tubercular Chamberpot: Solomon has either refused to learn his real name, or can’t spell it. He barged into this au; I had no choice in the matter—identity and origins to be revealed.
Flobberworms are apparently edible and Flobberworm fritters are sometimes served for lunch at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, much to the dismay of the student body.
