signs as things my gf has said
aries: "you think nick jonas jokes? if he did they'd call him nick jokeness“
taurus: "it's time to heat up pot pie and drink cider and write fic o'clock, bitches"
gemini: "that was a fun game. i did not like it"
cancer: “hold on i’m making an insta post about how sad i am”
leo: “it’s like jungle juice, but it’s just jungle”
virgo: [sees a diy youtuber she hates] "oh that's the tape triangle-ass bitch"
libra: "if opossums weren’t meant to be friends how come god gave them such good little hands!!!"
scorpio: "everyone is against me, INCLUDING ME!"
sagittarius: "mark my worms"
capricorn: "oh i’ll eat mnemonic devices for breakfast"
aquarius: "i am NOT heartless. i have SEVERAL hearts”
pisces: "i don’t know if i’m high or what, but nougat is twisting my world into a heart shape right now"